Prenup? - Richmond,VA

For me, personally, a pre-nup suggests that one doesn't expect the marriage to last...that the divorce is planned before the marriage ever begins. IF there is that much talk about the end before the beginning ever starts, I wouldn't marry the person. I realize that divorce happens and sometimes necessary but for me, marriage is sacred and meant to last til death do they part. I would never sign one.

I am against prenups for the very reason that if people enter a marriage leaving the door open to divorce, they may as well not get married in the first place.

I didn't sign one, but I would of and had no problem doing so. Suzy Orman, who I personally don't really like, did make a good point: Don't you want to settle those issues while you are in love, instead of waiting until you hate each other. I don't think a pre-nup automatically means you think your marriage isn't going to last, I don't know of anyone that goes into marriage thinking they are going to get a divorce. However, the nations divorce rate is over 50%, so play the odds. You can't make any child support arrangements in a pre-nup, so you don't have to worry about your kids getting screwed, just you. As a SAHM, and I knew when we got married that I was going to be a SAHM, it would of been nice to have provisions set out as to what would happen if we got a divorce as far as my support. I wouldn't want to be taken care of forever, but I definitely would of needed help until I found a job. Too many couples don't talk about money and other issues before they get married. My husband and I discussed a pre-nup as as a result discussed many other issues that are extremely important, that we may not of discussed otherwise. BTW, I love my husband, we've been married for 5 years, have no plans for a divorce and are actually planning our 2nd child.

I would bet my bottom dollar that those that say I would never sign a prenup are younger or have only been married once. Life gets more complicated when you have assets, more so when you feel your assets belong to your kids.

In my case I fought like crazy for this house, it belongs to my kids not someone I would marry. In our case Troy paid in equal equity so the home was removed from my kids trust. He has a ton of assets that were earned before our marriage, I we ever divorced I have no right to them. Actually in divorce I have no right to them either but things get blurry when you are angry and there are attorneys involved. Much easier to figure this stuff out before you get married and you still love each other.

I don't think a prenup would have changed how awful our divorce was just because there were no real assets going into it. Just a couple trusts that got all muddled up in the works anyway.

I guess what I am saying is listen you young whipper snappers you will understand when you are older!!!

Heck my dad said if he gets remarried, my mom passed away a couple months ago, he will get a prenup to make sure we inherit what we deserve as children. The law would give everything to the wife to do with as she pleased even though they are my dads assets, ya know?

Since you said that you have kids, was there a prior marriage? If you have anything from that prior marriage - then Yes, you want a pre-nup or to make sure that your will is in place to account for this. The issue is if you die or divorce during this marriage to make sure that anything from your prior relationship goes to your kids. For example, do you have a wedding / engagement ring from prior relationship that you would want to go to child from prior relationship? Let me know if you have any questions - I work as a financial planner and deal with these issues all the time. C.

No. Never signed a pre-nup and would never have signed a pre-nup. It seems the movie stars and "The Donald" seem to use the pre nup as a tool to easily get out of a marriage without severe damage to their financial accounts. I would like to think most people enter marriage for love not finance.

we didn't think about it, because we were both poor as church mice when we got married. but i think that anyone with some assets would be wise to do it. i don't think it's planning for divorce, it's covering all contingencies.
i don't plan to end up in a coma either, but have a DNR just in case.
khairete
S.

In a perfect world, I don't think there would really be a need for a prenup, but we all know that the world is far from perfect! You really never know what the future will bring, so if there are assets of any significance, then yes, I do think it's a practical idea. But with that being said, it still goes against the grain of the romantic in me!

OO I want to know this too!!

Uh....no I didn't. I think pre-nups are more the "norm" when there are businesses, large sums of cash, many homes, etc. involved......IMO.

Prenuptial agreements are for people who have assets before they marry and wish to protect them - and I think they are a good idea.
As far as I know, most prenups do not last forever. Many are there for the first 10, 15, or 20 years of the marriage and once the marriage has stood the test of time, the prenup has run it's course and becomes null and void.
If you're in it for the long haul a prenup doesn't mean much so it's nothing to be scared of.
My husband and I started out with nothing - there were no assets.
Everything we have we've earned during the course of our married life together. A prenup in our case would have made no sense.

You know, I've been thinking about this since the second you posted it. And I can't decide WHAT I feel about prenups. In fact, the more responses I read (and they ALL make perfect sense) the harder it is to decide!

So Rache, what are YOUR thoughts on prenups? Don't think you need them because at THIS time you don't have much of monetary value? But what will happen when you DO (and you WILL)?

I did not have a prenup with my 1st marriage, never even thought about it. And still on the fence about whether I'll even HAVE a second marriage. I honestly cannot decide which side I'm on! I see both points of view perfectly, and yes on some levels I DISAGREE with both points of view, sigh.

I wonder is my head gonna start spinning around?! Don't you have an easier question today?! tehehe

:)

I don't think that getting a prenup means you are planning for you marriage to fail. Just that you realize that we are all human, we change and unfortunately sometimes we grow apart. I never considered getting one simply because we had nothing to our names. :)

I will take a different view here. As an older woman, I see where these things came about.

Many marriages at the turn of the last century were more so "business" arrangements through family and friends. As such each side brought certain things to the wedding table (jewelry/money, a business or a title) and to make that the items owned prior to the marriage would be returned should something happen.

Fast forward there are states in the United States are joint community property states which means both own everything. There are also states that don't state that you own everything. Here is where a lot of the things get cloudy. Anything purchased or acquired during the marriage is jointly owned so this is where a lot of the fighting comes into play. Yes the children of the marriage should be protected and money possibly put into trusts so that there is something for them at age 18 or 22.

The main thing that comes to my mind is the medical student who marries while in college, sets up a practice, becomes successful and divorces the first wife for a second. So protect yourself at all costs even if you don't have anything right now but you do accumulate "stuff" as you live together.

Again communication is the way to go especially when you are calm.

The other S.

PS No one wants to think of divorce but it does happen. We don't live in a fairy tale setting - it's call the real world which throws all kinds of curve balls at you.

Prenups are fine - why wouldn't you settle some matters while you two are getting along rather than wait until you hate each other and have to fight about it? Reality is different than "this magical world" many women live in. My crystal ball has been in the repair shop for many years and I just never went and picked it up. It never worked right to begin with.

JUST MAKE SURE YOU PERSONALLY GET AN ATTORNEY TO REVIEW IF BEFORE SIGNING. Get your own attorney that is separate from his attorney. Each party should have an unbiased attorney review for only that party's best interest.

My parents bought us a house and put it under my name. They had us both sign a pre-nup that if there should be a divorce for any reason, the house was not to be split between us, but to stay just mine alone.

Nice for myself and children - to have a paid off house with a very low 'rent' to my parents if things should go south in my marriage. I wish more Moms and kids had this safety net.

To me a pre-nup is simply stating I'm guessing we won't work out.

However, in cases where there is a ton of money or assets involved - businesses, homes, a billion or two $$$$ - then - okay- I get that...this just ensures that a business won't go belly up or trusts won't get dissolved then they are important should things go bad - really bad!!!

But for the common person with minimal assets - nope - not necessary.

I told my husband that I would sign a prenup if he wanted me to. I brought it up, not him. He was married before and got screwed in the divorce (b/c he fought for nothing other than his son). He has custody of his son from that marriage and I wanted to make it clear that I would never take anything away from his son. I was also moving into the house he owned (home to his son) and didn't want him to have to worry that I would ever take that from him or his son. It's not that he had tons of assets to protect; again it was about me setting forth the precedent that I would not take anything from him that would also harm his son. BTW, he refused the prenup. But, as other posters have said, it created a good atmosphere which led to a lot of important conversations about finances, insurance, custody, life, death, injury and general expectations. All that being said, I did insist that he take out an insurance policy with me as the sole beneficiary (b/c his 2 policies at the time went to his son and the ex - court ordered to cover the remainder of his alimony - ugh). I also insisted on being added to the mortgage and all bank accounts once we were married. I feel that these actions protected him, his son and me (and now our son) and in no way belittled our commitment. We have been happily married for 5 years this Friday!