What Would You Do??? - Chicago,IL

You have to always remember that first she is your client not your friend. Once the children are out of your care you can be friends until then she is not a friend first. Her main concern is her child which is how it should be. After your conversation she became concerned about her child's well being. She also became concerned enough to tell other parents about your conversation. It was up to the other parents to cometo you or pull their children out of a possibly bad environment. As parents it is not always easy but we always try to put the safety of our children first. We pulled our daughter off of a sport team right before State competition because her coach was having personel problems and we felt it was not a safe environment for our daughter. It was not easy but if something would have happened we would have felt terrible. You say your husband is not around the children but what if he is home sick or goes into work late. You also say you come between him and spanking your children. This is not some place I would have my children no matter how slim the chance is that they are being expose to your husband's issues. Our children are too precious to take a chance with. Instead of being mad at this other parent try to put yourself in her shoes.

Wow, I am so sorry that you are going through all of this, both personally and professionally.

You asked, "What would you do?" so I am going to give an honest answer and I apologize in advance if it seems harsh or unfair to you, as your husband's issues are not yours.

However, since you do provide services in your home, to which your husband is either present or has access during the work day, I would have to take that into consideration. If I was a parent who uses your services, and I was told that you shared with another mom that something very negative was going on in the home (even after work hours), I would be concerned for your safety and well-being. But, if it was brought to my attention that someone in the home has issues with anger management, even if they were not supposed to have regular contact with my child, I would withdraw my child. It is a matter of safety. I could not comfortably leave my child in a home in which I didn't fully trust all adults present.

I am sure that you are an excellent care-giver and that the children in your care are happy and well cared for. That is not in question. But, you did share with a client that something negative was happening in the home, potentially in the presence of their child (or the after-effects left you unsettled during the workday) and that this person lives in your home.

You can't take back what was shared, so I would suggest that you solicit a new batch of children. However, if those parents ask to speak with former clients, that would most likely come up again and limit their enrollment.

Is working outside of the home as a Developmental Therapist an option? I know that you have two young children. Some sites offer on-site daycare for employees children. Email me if you need information regarding enrolling as a State EI DT provider.

Again, I am sorry. This is not a good situation and I wish you better days ahead.

This comes from a very caring person who only wishes you the best.
It is not that you cannot trust people- these people are your clients. You need to find different people to vent to.

Basically either the parent became uncomfortable having her child there or unsure of your abilities based on your choices.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion. She found your information distressing enough that she felt she needed to tell others. Right or wrong I cannot rule out the possibility that I might have done the same thing.

The initial mistake was yours- You can be mad at this client- but remember all the responses that you received in your other post. Most of them were pretty harsh. -That you were is a toxic situation ect.
You would not be the first person on my list for daycare. You are a professional. Make good choices in your life- fix your mistakes.
Many many many prayers

PS
Why did you marry someone with so much baggage? You can't fix him. Even if he does get fixed- There is a possibility you will be so damaged by then that he will move on. Sorry but it happened to a friend of mine.

Many many prayers.

Hi N..
Since you are asking what I would do, I am going to be honest. I would have pulled my kids too. In fact, whenever I read your posts about your husband, I always wonder why people do in home childcare with you. I am sure you are a wonderful provider, and I am sure the children are in no harm, but alot of your previous posts are pretty bad!

I agree with a PP. You need to try and stay more professional. Especially since these women will be references to future children coming to your home.

Good luck to you and I really hope your husband is willing to get help.