I'm trying to figure out what to do next. Little back ground: husband had an affair for about 2 years with a much younger thing. He got caught, called it off and then a year & half got caught again with the same thing. He left our house and got an apt. We were working through things, so I thought and then he was with her again over the holidays. He says they are just friends. Long story short....he says he still loves me very much and wants to be my husband but he doesn't want to have sex with me. He wants to have sex alot just not with me. I know I'm an idiot for loving him and wanting to keep my family together. We have a son who is 7 years old.
And please not to be rude....don't tell me God will heal all things and when one door closes another opens. This has been going on for years and God has not helped.
The holidays are over and I'm filing for divorce. My husband chose his girlfriend over me and our son. He still spends time with his son, when it doesn't interfere with his girlfriend. I don't allow him to visit with his son while he is around his girlfriend. I want to thank you all for your words of advice or wisdom. I know it is still a long road ahead but I'm closing this chapter. My son and I are much better off.
Ouch!!! The big question is do you want to stay married to him? If so maybe therapy can help. I would think this is a big blow to you, but I strongly feel that when he cheats it has nothing to do with you, it's something in him
Hi T.,
First off, I am so sorry that you are having to go through all this. Especially through all the holidays! I think right now the thing that you need to focus on is Christmas for your son. He is definitely old enough to know what is going on and this may be his last one with both of you together. I have to say, I admire you for trying to make it work this long. I was in marriage where I found out my ex was cheating. We split and got back together for our son who was 2 at the time, to try and keep our family together. After we got back together, I just couldn't do it anymore. On Christmas Day I told him the first part of January I was moving out.
I know you want to stay a family for your son, but you need to be strong so your son can see what a strong woman you are! He already has formed an opinion of his dad, believe me. He may not show it, but he has. I would definitely encourage counseling, one way or another for him. He needs a neutral ground that he can let his feelings out and not feel like he's going to hurt or make anyone mad. Even a school counselor might help start things off.
I think you know what you need to do, and just because your jacka$$ of a husband said that to you does not mean there isn't someone out there perfect for you. And the saying "if a person cheats once, they'll do it again", is very true. If he keeps going back to her, he's not going to stop. He wants the best of both worlds, and it doesn't work that way.
If you ever need to talk, send me a note! Good luck and I hope you and your son have a great Christmas and a happy road ahead of you!
I'm so sorry to hear what u are going thru. He is having his cake & eating it too. U need to buck up & move on. That is showing ur son that it is ok to disrespect woman, & that he doesn't have to be a faithful man. The cycle will continue if u don't stand up for u & ur son! It's not going to be easy.....
& I'm not being rude, but I don't think. God has answered ur prayers cuz ur asking for the wrong thing. I will pray for strength & courage for u & ur son.
T.,
I am so sorry you are going through this, but that is not right at all. Your husband's actions are not healthy for you or your son. That is not a role model I would want my child to have. I think you need to call it off and realize that with time, your wounds will heal.
One thing you mentioned is that God has not helped for years, but you have not made the effort to walk away and start your life without your husband. Biblically, there are few justifications for divorce, but your husband is wrong. Please don't blame God for his actions. I think you may need to move on and counseling to get you through it.
N.
Hi Tawyna,
I have not read through all of the posts so I am sorry if I am repeating what others posted. You seem like a strong woman who does not need to be treated the way you are. Your husband cannot have what he considers the best of both worlds and think it is okay with you. You are the only person that matters and not the woman he is having the affair with. Even if they are not having sex now it seems that he is cheating on you emotionally and maybe even financially. I really would consider a divorce since it seems like the trust has been broken. Has your husband stated why he wants to stay married? Is he wanting to stay married to avoid having to pay child support and alimony? You really need to move on and hopefully in time find someone who loves you 100% and commits himself to you only since you and your son deserve that.
T.,
I hate to be negative, but it really doesn’t sound to me like he wants to or will ever make an effort to change. The statement that you made about him wanting to have lots of sex but just not with you is appalling to me. I understand that you are trying to do the right thing for you and your family but I would have to think that your self esteem must be crumbling… I know mine would. I personally cannot image sleeping next to a man that “claims” he loves me but refuses something so basic that shows love, and wondering how much love he shows another woman!
I certainly cannot tell you what is best but I would also consider your 7 year old son. Kids are SO smart, he sees what is going on and the lack of affection. He may even know that there is another woman. How will this affect how he treats women in his future?
I wish you the best of luck!
E.
Hey T. Sorry to hear what is going on. I Know that you want to keep your family together but really your son is old enough to realize what is going on and you want to set a good example for your son not to do what his father is doing because it isnt ok. I think you need to finally think about YOURSELF and your happiness. I rather my kids come from a broken home then live in a broke home. There are ways to get counseling for your child to understand and also to help you deal with every thing that is going on. I honestly think why stand for some one only wanting you for what they want. Take control of your life and make a change for the better and to make you happy. If he keeps doing this which he has for a long time he most likely isnt going to change. Most men dont realize what they have until they fully lose it. I think you need to make a big decision. I think you'll be alot happier and go find someone new who will love you completely as a person and like and love you for who you are. Good luck hope this helps...
I would say move on. He is not going to change and you can do better. In addition, it is sad that he is such a bad role model for your son. Find your inner ROAR and move on to a happier place in your life. My sister has just gone through something similar, but he fathered a child in the deal. 2 years later she is getting a divorce and moving on with her life. Good luck and I hope you find the answers you need in heart and do the best for you and your son.
A few thoughts: He is not worth working it out. He has gone back 2 times and will again. I would have no trust in him, nor trust him in saying they are just friends. And he wants to be a husband because there is a safe place for him after he goes and has sex with the other one. If she is demanding a divorce, that is his crutch, that he is married and has a child. He says he loves you? What a way to prove it...have an affair more than once, and to say no interest in sex with you. He is getting it from the other woman, or a different one. Also, why would you want to be intimate with him, he has more than likely not used protection and could give you a disease.
How can there be trust? He blew it 2 times for sure and 1 more big possibility. Therapy will not mend the fence.
He more than likely is cheating on the one you know about. You don't need that as a role model for your son.
He moved out? Is he still out? Change the locks, get everything in order. I mean everything that has his name...get it off. I would not trust him with the bank account. Car, house, utilities, insurances, bank accounts, school,...I mean everything into your name. Now. No trust left in him, to not hurt you further financially, credibility. New account if he has direct deposit, and take your funds out of it.
Then start the paperwork for divorce. Tell your son's teacher what is going, so there can be a monitoring of changes in his behavior.
Has he visited to see his son? Or taken him to his apartment? How does he explain that he has his own place, not living with his family? Tell your parents and even the
in-laws *if on friendly terms*.
I am sorry you are having to deal with this.
Taking care of your son and yourself is your priority. Dealing with that will help you heal. *I hope this is not in your rude area*
It is time to get out. He wants his cake and eat it too and you deserve someone who adores you and wants sex with you. Seems to men sex is the most important thing on earth so why would you want to share a man? He will leave you evenually. Take Care and God Bless G. W
