Son Is Missing His Dad

I know it might hurt but have you considered letting him live with his dad? Boys need a strong male role model in their lives and perhap if you x husband is a good man you might consider it? I would really try to get more visits set up for him..and dad should step up and maybe come out for the weekends once a month or so. Good luck to you and your son

I have a 10 year old and have the same problems many times. We live in Oregon and he lives in Oklahoma. First of all you need to remember that these feelings are normal as are your feelings of guilt in this area. However, you also need to remember that although you are the resident parent and are with your son the most, he still has 2 parents. i suggest talking to your ex and asking him to reassure your son that even though you are miles apart he will still be there for your son. Dad can do a lot to help in the feelings department just my letting him know that he misses, loves, and would take the hurt away if possible. Try setting up weekly or daily phone calls to make the distance feel less.If you like contact me and we can arrange for our kids to talk and maybe my son can help yours. B.

I just want to say you are a great mom. Way to go for putting your sons needs before yours. Kids do need their dad. My kids saw their dad for the first time in 2 1/2 years (dads choice not to be around) and they were so happy to see him even though he has missed everything by not being around. Does dad want to see your son on a reg. basis? If he does, I think regular visist would help him. Also, does dad call him? Do they e mail? I think all of those would help him feel better if he got to at least talk to him everyday. Good luck, and I think you are a very selfless person, your son will see that one day and I'm sure he already knows.

I think you need to get a close relationship with him as soon as he somes back and make sure it stays close. however close yuo think you are it may not be enough. Let him pick the music in the car when you go out. bring him shopping with you. let him pick his favorets at the grocery store. Make sure you keep at it. when boys are teens they have a hard time talking to there mom if the relationship is not an open one. think of all the things "embarrasing" that have heppend to you and tell him one every week or so that will make him feel that he can trust you with his embarassing moments in life. You'll want to be all ears for him from an embarasing forst kiss down to a rejection from a girl. help him plan special occasions for the girls he likes by asking him if there is someone he'd like to get a valentines gift for and helping him chose the right thing. If the father is not in the home you are his mom and dad when you are around so this means if you are a girly girl type you'll have to let down the guard and show him your masculen side. take him to do guy things that he likes. make sure his time is spent doing good things instead of him drifting off to habg out with the wrong crouds for attention form a "man". If he is already doing this give him more chores in the house. If you have a garage, let him take it over with guy stuff to do. have him build you things. Boys are happy if they are doing something especially with there hands so maby getting him tools would be a good idea if you think he is responsible enough and ask him for a shelf for that bare wall or a spice rack. maybe a napkin holder. it will take up his time and it will keep his mind off dad because mom has stepped up and taken the place for him temporarally. you know what I mean? If that does'nt help I'd check the library for books on this. they have all sorts of ideas online.

I think that you are already doing a good job sending your son out there when he gets back maybe you can start helping him plan his next trip. don't try to replace dad (it doesn't sound like you are)summers are great send him out for a couple of months when he is out of school. and just really keep open communications with your ex maybe you can go to colorado on you vacation so that your son can see his dad and you will be close to maybe you can even try moving closer to dad if that is at all possible(i know that can be tough) its just the toughest when one parent moves so far away that I believe is the hardest part about divorce for kids is when their parents live so far away that both aren't accessable at any time.

this is all from personal experiance when I was a kid we saw our dad only in the summer and it was tough so these are just what I think would have made things easier for us.

I guess my first question is...Why is he not seeing his Father on a regular visitation basis? Such as Every other Christmas, Easter, Spring Break, etc. It is very important that he be able to know when he is going to be able to see his Dad. The Dad needs to step up to this responsibility. It should not be all up to you.

I have 6 children. I have a 13 year old too. The best thing I feel you can do is to make sure you keep him on a short rope without letting him know he is on a short rope. Have parties at your own house so you can get to know his friends. Ask him if he wants to invite a friend over often...for dinner or whatever. Take trips to the coast and have him take a friend.

Teenagers start to seek out the wrong kind of influences when they are sad and feel abandoned. They get real angry inside even though they are only showing sadness on the outside...if that. If you allow him freedom to go elsewhere, you have no idea what influences he is putting himself around. BUT...DO NOT LET HIM KNOW THAT YOU ARE MONITORING HIM OR HIS FRIENDS. Just GET INVOLVED in his life.

At this age and older, it is normal for them to want to break apart from family and want to 'hang' with their friends. So, if you have the friends a part of your life too, this will make it all the more closer for you and he to discuss any issues as they might come up.

Make life fun. You will be taking the back seat as far as your "friendship" with your son because he will be wanting friends more. He loves you!!! Just stay in the picture though.

I sure hope this helps! It is really important for you to not be the one to always get him to his Dad. If his Dad wanted to see him, he'd make the effort himself. This may hurt your son, but that is just a road that has been chosen for him by the decisions made. Sometimes you can't always cushion the obvious.

Take care!

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. It is always hard to see our kids be upset about anything, especially something like this. Could it be arranged for him to see his dad more? Maybe a few times a year? Maybe dad could even fly to visit him for a weekend every so often and stay in a hotel or something?

As far as how to act when he comes back, the only thing that I would be worried about is that he may have some anger issues over feeling like he is being "taken away " from his dad again. Just reassure him that you will do everything you can to make sure they can see each other. Please keep us posted on this when he gets back.

Y.,

My son had always missed his dad but his dad choose to not be apart of his life at times. In which I never said a word regarding his fathers behavior. Now he's 18 getting ready to go into the Navy on Jan 4th of 2007. All he wanted was a summer with him then go in. His father couldn't do that he was busy messing his life up with booze. Yes his father is an acholic. But with that said, my son has tried to be a part of his life and everytime he counted on him. He was disappointed.I left it up to them both to deal with their relationship due to the fact I was told not to interfer. All Im suppose to do is be there when he needed me to talk to or just give him all the love he needs. Believe me its been rough all these years. But all I could do is give him my love and understanding and my sorrys.
We never recieved child support and he had to do without sometimes, but not once did I complain about his dad not helping us or being there.
If his father doesnt comfort him during this time, then its just up to you to comfort him and love him the best way you know how. Thats all we can do.