Help! My toddler is about the best sleeper anyone could ever wish for. Puts herself to sleep, back to sleep if she wakes, will wake and lay in bed singing, talking and playing until we get her, perfectly healthy sleeper. So what on earth did we do to screw up the 2nd born?! My ten month old couldn't be more opposite. She demands my physical attention to fall asleep (or anyone's but is noticeably more so with me). Screams her head off the second I approach her crib let alone have the nerve to put her down in it, most of the time I stick around for a bit, trying to run her back, etc. until she calms down... she does, but as soon as she feels I've left then the screaming begins. She cries so passionately that it is hard to let her cry it out, and I don't know the guidelines around how long to let them cry before comforting them. One main difference between the two girls is that the older one never learned to nurse, refused to do so and was bottle fed expressed milk and finally switched to formula. My 2nd born learned to nurse well and was exclusively breast fed either by nursing or expressed milk bottles until 6 months old. She definitely has a greater attachment and emotional neediness with me. But now she is almost 100% formula bottle fed and these issues continue. Does anyone know the bottom line on Ferberizing or if there's some other way of going about this?
There is nothing you did wrong. Different kids have different temperaments, different sleep habits and patterns and different needs.
You will need to do what works with your 2nd even though it may not be the same as what you did with the 1st.
But don't think you guys did something wrong or bad!
I don't think BF has anything to do with it. I BF my child, no bottles, no formula and didn't wean until 17mo and my DD sleeps just like your first child she's awesome and we don't have any attachment issues. I agree with McMama different children have different needs and you just need to figure out what's going to work best for your second child.
Each child/baby is different. It is not "you" screwing it up.
My first born was hard... very hard to put to sleep.
My 2nd born it was a breeze.
I just ALWAYS went by their cues and needs.
Because, each baby is different and with different personalities.
My firstborn would NOT go according to "methods" or sleep "training" that was for adults... I breastfed her too, so it was doubly hard. And she had a GINORMOUS appetite... sometimes feeding every 2 hours, thus cluster feeding. It is not easy.
By son, was more prone to "routine" and so things were easier with him.
All the best,
Susan
You have done nothing wrong. Some are just better sleepers. I think it's just a matter of trial and error. My daughter had a tought time around this age too. When younger she fell asleep nursing, loved to be held and never used a pacifier. So when I did wean her to the bottle she was fine - except putting her to bed. It seemed to take forever, but eventually she became pretty good at it. What did we do? We would go though the same routine every night - bottle, brush teeth, read books/sing in her room. Then lie her down and rub her back. I'd leave and come back every 10 minutes (seemed like an eternity) until she learned to put her self to sleep. She was great for about 1yr. Then we transferred her to a big girl bed, and she struggles... up to get us each night. I'm no expert, but my second has been soooo easy.... it's just who they are.
To get me through those nights when she "needs me", I just have decided to be there for her... enjoy this time as there will be days - not far off where she won't want me around like this, and I know she'll outgrow wanting to be held and cuddled way earlier than I want her to. Take a deep breath and take it one sleep deprived day at a time - you are doing a great job!
If you do want to go the Ferber route (which is what I think your question was), you go in after increasingly longer intervals. 1 minute, then 5 minutes, then 10 minutes, then 15, you get it. Speak in a calm voice, you can pat her back, but don't pick her up.
Ferber worked with our first (although we did it around 18 months, so she could understand what we were saying to her) and we didn't need it for our second. It really does work with most, but not all, kids, but you have to be willing to commit to a couple of weeks of unfun. It doesn't take most kids that long, but it can. It's bad the first night, worse the second, and better the third and beyond.
As far as CIO being cruel, I don't think it is. What I do think is unfair to a kid is to keep changing the rules on them. So you need to decide if you can tough it out through the passionate crying. If you can, I bet it will help your daughter sleep without you. If you can't, try another method, like co-sleeping. I always felt I was a better mom if I was reasonably rested, so more harm would come from years of exhaustion. Your choice.
Good luck. Sleep issues suck.
I agree, its not you and you didn't do anything wrong.
My oldest co-slept until she was 2 1/2 because she would not sleep in her crib. I read books and tried different sleep methods to no avail. My second was born and took to her crib day 1.
My girls are now 4 and 2 and they sleep together....I seriously think that my youngest replaced my husband and I. She gets the comfort of sleeping with her sister and we get our room/bed back.
Oh and I bottle fed both of mine....so I don't think BF is/was your problem. Like someone said, its the temperament of the kid.
