I am very lucky to have the luxury of being able to stay at home with my twins. However, lately, I feel as though I may loose my mind!! I know that they are in their terrible two's- but my God!!! They are into everything, my house is out of control messy, and it is next to impossible to go anywhere! My little boy is not so little anymore, and everytime we leave the house these days, he refuses to cooperate! Full blown temper tantrum everytime. He does the whole backbend thing and it is breaking my back. His sister is very good about behaving (for the most part), and I feel bad that he gets so much attention. Now, when we are home...As far as dinner or any other choirs around the house, they really both want my undivided attention ALL the time! If not then I am met by screaming and whining. Have any other Moms been through this with twins? How did you deal with this behavior? Also how did you get it through to your husbands why the house is a disaster?
Thank you to everyone with your advise. I talked at length with a mom of twins today, and I have a new strategy. Wish me luck! Also, something that I did not mention and I should have. Jackson has some really bad allergy/ asthma/eczema problems. But now- with 7 (yes 7) different meds. He is FINALLY getting better. I know he feels cruddy most of the time.... poor little guy. So he not "bad" he is just feeling awful. That is very hard to deal with every day. Sometimes I forget. Anyway, thanks to you all!!
Well, I can't say I can feel you rpain because I only have one little boy like that (turns 3 in July) but I DO feel your pain. .... and to get it through to your husband...
leave it.. leave the house a total disaster one day... and when he comes home shocked at what the house looks like... just say to him... YOu know how you wonder what I do all day -- and when he says, "yes", just say "today I didn't do it" and leave it at that! :)
P.,
I wish I had some advice for you... But know that you aren't alone! I have twin boys that will turn 3 in Aug. I have gotten to where I am so tired of fighting them... I have read the books, listened to Supernanny - all desperate attempts that don't work. My mother has bought me every book at the bookstore!
I guess my parents were right - "Paybacks are HELL!"
I get less sleep now than I did when they were newborns because neither of them sleep through the night anymore - why, I have no idea?? We started keeping them up late and wearing them out outside, and that doesn't even work. I love them dearly and the husband most of the time - when he's not complaining about "having to help around the house". We are both self-employed, work from home, and our only saving grace is that the boys go to preschool during the day.
I'm with you 100% - if you find the magic solution, PLEASE pass it on!
L.:)
P., I have twins also, boys that are about to be 23 months old this month, so I'm just behind you. I guess with my boys I have always been pretty strict. I do not mess with them when they are having a tantrum, I just walk away and sometimes go love on the other one. Sometimes, I put them in the time out spot and leave them to calm down. If they even try to fight me about doing something I take them by the hand and force them to go or do whatever it is. My philosophy is "I'm the boss, you may not like what I say but you still have to do it, fight or no fight". I don't know your specific situation but I would just suggest that you really "have a backbone". It seems like most of the parents who are struggeling on SuperNanny wouldn't have near the problems they did if they had that backbone. When it comes to the house, set firm boundaries about what they can and can't get into. Several people have commented that they can't believe I didn't really change my house when the boys started moving around. Again, I felt it was more important that they learn to leave things alone that I say are off limits. When it comes to cleaning, just remind yourself that it is ok to not play with your kids for a little while while you do what you need to do. Send them off to go play with toys and if they come back around, speak to them but don't stop to play. The wonderful thing about twins as you know is they always have a playmate. My boys are very good about going to the play room and engaging each other while I clean and straighten. Some days I don't have to do it very long, other days it is necessary that they play alone a little more while I get necessary chores done. I know it's tough having two at once, some days I just want to rip every piece of hair off my head but I remember that I can't lose it, four other people in this house need me to keep it together for their well being and happiness Hang in there!
I highly recommend "Parenting with Love and Logic" though it will likely work best when they are 3. Until then, I know a lot of moms on here and several friends recommend Happiest Toddler on the Block. It has a DVD that you can get. You've got to set firm boundaries to re-gain control, use as few words as possible and repeat yourself often. It's hard establishing the boundaries (lots of screaming), but you have to outlast them. Once you've done it, you will reap the rewards.
One thing to work on is some break time for you. They probably already take an afternoon nap, but they would also benefit from a morning break. Put them somewhere to be alone for about half an hour in the middle of the morning, then you take that time to recharge your batteries, etc. They'll scream and throw a fit at first, but once you establish it, you shouldn't have much problem.
Also, get rid of some toys! I got so sick of my house being a wreck that I got large rubbermaid storage bins and started storing a lot of toys in the garage. Every couple months I rotate the toys around -- put some in the garage and drag "old" ones out.
A little structure may be just the thing you need. If you set aside 30 minutes to be with them, maybe you can have 45min-1 hour to go clean the kitchen and change the laundry. Then stop and do another activity etc. This age really relies on predictability, so maybe a more set schedule would work. For example, if they learn that after breakfast and getting dressed for the day, mom will be playing blocks, or other small manipulative toys, with us for 30 minutes, then maybe you can let them watch a 30 min show while you clean up from breakfast. Also, keep toys put away that are only used when you say...it makes things seem alot more attractive. Let them play play doh, or paint, everyday if they want. That is my best bet for some uniterrupted time! Maybe once you get that in control, you could even schedule times that you leave the house, but do remember that being hungry or tired really throws them at this age, even more than it does my littler ones. At around 4 it chages again, and they learn to go with the flow. Set yourself up to do things that you dont mind leaving, as you may have to the first few times, and if the boy is being more of the problem that the girl, he will stay with daddy while the girls go out for some fun. This is a rough age no matter how well you parent, but I really believe that a little scheduling, and a lot of discipline for you and them, will go a long way. Good luck!! ~A.~
P., I've been where your at...It does it better this will pass and when you look back your gonna think how in the world did I get thru?My twins who like yours are boy/girl are now 7yrs. old.And I remember the times we had together good and bad.But one thing I did have to learn and still do whether my husband liked it then or even now is that the housework is ALWAYS going to be there, there's always going to dirty clothes, there's going to be dirty dishes, etc. But what's not going to be there is the twins being young. Enjoy them while there young.Don't sweat the small stuff.They'll out grow this phase.And if your husband doesn't like how the ouse when he gets home well then you can tell him to do it himself if he wants it clean that bad.
