Playground Etiquette

I definitely think all parents should be supervising their children at play areas. And if their kids are unruly, I wouldn't be afraid to tell them to knock it off if their parents won't. If there are park employees around, I would notify them, too.

However, it's not fair to expect that just because a child brings his favorite toy to a play area, it is fair game for all the kids there. It is a public place and people can bring what they want. It's up to other parents to teach their kids that they can't always have other people's things. Being a kid doesn't make you entitled to have what everyone else has. That's a lesson best learned early.

.....LF

I have to agree with the fact that children shouldn't be able to bring things to the park unless they intend to share these items with the other children there. I have 6 kids and we frequently go to the park and if they bring things they must share the items or they have to take them to the car. I would just try and talk with the parent of the unsharing child and hopefully they will understand

I have a very hard time with children who are playing with my children and are being mean, saying bad words or phrases, or are cant keep their hands to themselves and there is no parent around to correct them. Kids are kids and they are learning how to use good manners and sometimes that takes some kids longer than others. I understand that. Therefore it would be very helpful if their parents are involved. If they are not and we are experiencing these things, I simply tell the child that he/she can come back and play with us when they can be nicer. Or tell my children WE will come back and play in this area with this child when he/or she can play nicer... as far as toys go..... I dont think its fair to ask the kids to share their toys just because another child comes over and wants to play with them. I wouldnt share my laptop with another adult just because he/she wanted it......so I dont expect my kids to do that either. I have also found that, because of the lack of parent involvement, some of the children do not take care of the toys if shared and we have also had some toys "accidently walked off with" several times. SO this is how I handle the toy problem and it seems to work well... I let each of my kids pick a few toys that they want to take that they do not have to share unless they choose to. I then have a small bag of toys that I bring that are toys to be shared if others want to play. These are toys that wont cause a break down in our house if they get broken or taken. I think that it teaches my children its good to share but at the same time doesnt force them to give up things that are important to them. Just my opinion.

The whole toy issue, I have simply explained to my son that "those are some other child's special toys. The other child does not like to share his special toys, just like you don't like to share your special toys". I try to ignore the bad behavior of other children and use it as an example to say to my son that we do not behave like that and his mommy should be watching him better. I figure some children have no other place to play outdoors and that's why they bring toys to the park. We don't take toys to the park because we are there to play on the climbers and slides, not dig in the dirt. I remind him that we can dig in the dirt with his trucks at home. I'm not sure what your situation is, but just try to keep in mind that not everyone holds the same values as you do. To some parents, allowing their 4, 5, and 6 year olds run around like mad and push everyone out of the way is ok. If they come from a rough neighborhood or family they have to learn to stick up for themselves somehow. Not to say that I at all think it's right, but different values and beliefes lead to different behaviors in public. On that thought...You think the playground is bad...stay out of the Children's meuseum at Union Terminal...That will make you appericate even the worst children at the playground. I have never been so ready to take my son out of a place as I was there, and it wasn't even a busy day.

I agree its a bumpy deal with all the other children with unsafe manners. so i take note to the times the park is not as busy. My 4 yr old runs fast and is not shy to any other child. which leads her to be unsafe. so we go during slower times at the park so i can watch her better without worring about the other children.As for having to say things to other children be careful some mothers may get upset. so be positive when talking about safty to other children.hope ur time at the park is more enjoyable.
But i dont agree about sharing ur toys at the park. its so much fun to play in a sandbox with ur new dumptruck or kick around a ball. children go there to have fun. If it upsets ur child maybe bring some of his...?

now i disagree, it's not as though these children are bringing toys to your home to play with your child and then not sharing, jsut because all teh kids are at teh same park does not mean they are intrested in playing with every other child there, they may be more happy playing alone or they may be tehre to play with friends now if your child is specifically playing with another child and they are not sharing i see a problem but would you share a prize posession with a stranger that you for some reason may not like? kids are ppl to and jsut because it is nice to think they are young and therefor can all just get along that isn't the case. i have 4 kids and run a daycare so i deal with this a lot. as for the bad behavior if it is endangering your child you could very well say something to the parent if you are really in a position to question their parenting skills or you could jsut remove your child from the situation, most play grounds are big enough for several children to paly without interacting a great deal, and parents with older children do have a tendancy to think their children have just as much right to play as yours and that it should be your job to keep your younger child safe and not thiers. i don't mean to sound rude and i know i do but as frusterated as i get at the kids and moms that youa re escribing I get jsut as tired of the moms that yell at me if my kdis don't wish to play with thiers. hope if nothing else it gives you another way to look at this situation, again i know i sounded terrible but i really wasn't trying to offend you. good luck.

Hi L.,

I have a 2-year-old son, and going to the playground is great because he loves it (and it wears him out for a good nap! :-) However, I dread it most days because of the lack of supervision that other moms provide and because of the great amount of supervision that I have to provide to my son....as well as to the other kids. My biggest playground pet peeve is parents who allow their young toddlers to climb on the equipment that is not designed for them. It would be different if the parent was actually supervising their child and helping them on the equipment. I have caught several little ones falling off the equipment or have helped them get through a tunnel or down a slide. I'm always amazed when I see the parents just sitting down chatting it up with someone....or reading a book. I know I'm a super paranoid mom to begin with...but when I know my son is climbing on equipment that is high off the ground, believe me, I am watching him and a step behind him.

As for the bringing toys to the playground, I haven't really expected them to be shared with my son, but it would make life a lot easier for me! It is hard to explain to him, "That's not yours. Let's go swing instead!" I know if my son brought toys, I would encourage them to be shared. They have to learn someway, right?

I will be amazed if I make it through this playground season without getting in an agrument with another mom. Hope you can! :-)

L.,

Boy, did you hit a nerve with me! We live in Akron, and we regularly go to a nice park around 20 minutes or so from here. We went last week for a couple hours. While there, I caught 3 older boys attempting to get my 2 year old daughter and her friend to try something that very likely would have caused them to fall 12 feet. I was right there - the boys didn't see me but I was there and heard them. I reamed them big time. Two of them told me that their parents had deposited them at the park earlier that morning and would pick them up after work. These boys were 8 & 9 years old and on Spring Break from school. If leaving your kids like that isn't illegal, it should be.

One mom told me she didn't believe it, that the mom or dad was probably there but the kids didn't want me to talk to her/him. I got the distinct impression that this mom thought I was being way overprotective - which didn't bother me in the least.

When we left, I got a number for the parks and called to report it. Couldn't find anyone employees while we were there.

Yesterday we found a new park very near our home. It was blessedly DESERTED, and my daughter had a blast playing and climbing by herself. I got some great photos of her and the two of us had a peaceful couple of hours. Bliss!

S.

I too think parents should watch their own children. If they are not watching and they hurt some one then it makes more trouble. I watch mine to make sure he does not get hurt himself. On the other hand, I would not let him take any toys to a public playground. But as the same time, I don't think I would even want him to share with other kids in a public playground. You don't know them or know if any one is sick. Sure they sit on swings, but when you have a toy at home it is touched more, then to share with others you don't know. Keep the toys at home. I get upset when I am some where and I see parents not paying attention to their kids. But if you have to step in and tell other kids to be nice, maybe that will get their attention and realize they look like the bad kid.

I don't like to parent other peoples children, but I have been at the playground many times and had to tell children to play nice or even just to leave my child alone. That would be because so many parents go to the park and ignore what their child does. I think if you are nice about it, it is fine. If their parents don't like it, they need to start paying attention to their children.

I always tell my children, do not take anything to the playground that you don't want to share. When kids see a ball or sandpail and shovel they naturally want to use it. That's how kids are. They don't see a playground as a public place, it's one big playdate. If your son wants to play with something and that child doesn't want to share, I would just remind him that at your house you always share, but some kids don't, then try to distract him by running to the swings or slide. Good Luck!

I was relieved to see I'm not the only one who gets frustrated by less than attentive parents. I also feel like I'm labeled "the paranoid mom" like the mom who responded earlier. I got a kick out of that one! It's just I just know how quickly something can happen. The worst is when kids are climbing up tunnel slides - I always tell them slides are one-way "down only" - I've seen a kid get kicked in the face because he was climbing up and a boy was coming down - fast of course - and it was like he was kicked in the face. I tried to warn the kid going up but he didn't listen. Both moms were oblivious as to what happened, each one thinking it was the other kids fault.

It is toughest when you have a little one, and the bigger kids are just plowing over them - with no parent in sight. I have left many play-areas (especially at the mall) because of unruly and bullying kids without a parent even noticing whats happening (until someone gets hurt, and then they don't get the truth of what even happened).

Like a few of the other moms, I don't agree with the toy part. Although I wouldn't let my girls bring toys to the park with them....... when others do I see it as an opportunity to teach my girls that not everything belongs to them. Sharing is good and I require my girls to do so, but I don't think it should be expected of others, as that is setting them up for trouble later - it isn't realistic and they need to learn to just leave the "unsharing" kids to themselves (my daughter has already made the connection that kids who dont' share - don't get the joy of making new friends)

First off, congratulations on your upcoming baby! That's so exciting. Secondly, I've gotten used to telling other children to be nice. At first I was really aggravated, but then I got to thinking that it isn't fair for them to be tossed onto the playground so mom or dad can do their own thing (reading, talking on the cell phone, etc). It makes me feel bad for those kids. So I treat them like people and ask them to be nice, take turns, not push the other kids, etc. I've been really surprised to find that 95% of the time the children really respond and aim to please. They usually even show off then holler at me to watch. It makes it a lot easier to know you have the right to tell them to behave, and they probably need someone to tell them to behave!

Lastly, as far as other toys go . . . we've never brought any but I don't expect other little children to share with mine. They brought their own toys, and they have a right to, and to be able to play with them without being pestered by some little stranger they don't even know. I think the playground is probably a really fun place to bring little trucks and all too, so you could always pack your own.

Good luck, and know you're doing a good thing giving direction to little children who may not have any. : )

Welcome to the wourld of people that just don't get it, makes you wonder why some people have kids.

I agree with you on the fact the I think parents should supervise their children at the park. It is a huge pet peeve of mine. Mothers are sitting around while their kids are climbing up the slides (something I don't let my kids do bc then other kids can't use it) or just sitting on it so other kids can't use it. It really frustrates me!!! I haven't found the best way to solve that problem and quite honestly their probably isn't a solution. I can get a little mean myself and will make comments to my children (quite loudly so the other moms hear) that we are polite children and we don't climb up the slide bc it isn't fair to all the other little kids at the park who want to use that slide also. My husband hates when I act like that, but I really don't know what to do. I think if you try talking to the parent it won't do any good bc if they cared then they wouldn't let their kids do those things in the first place. You can't just leave every time it happens bc you are punishing your kids for someone elses bad behavior. As for bringing toys to the park I have to disagree with you. I am like you and would tell my children to share, but the toy is their personal property to do with as they please (unlike the play equipment owned by the park). You can't really tell someone what to do with their own things. Also I would explain to your son on the way to the park that other kids might have toys they don't want to share and I would consider bringing a toy of your sons ( that he doesn't know you brought) just in case their is someone who doesn't want to share then he will have a toy. If there are kids sharing toys then he will also have a toy to share himself. Sorry this is so long, but it really hits a sore spot w/ me. Good Luck!!

L.,

It is just fine to be the "mean Mom" who tells kids to stop bad behavior--I do it all the time. If they are doing something dangerous or going to hurt another child, I do not hesitate. Really, it is more important to be popular or teach the children to behave properly in public?

No, if another child brings a toy to the park, there is no expectation whatsoever that the child would be forced to share with everyone else. Just as some people bring lunch to the park, it does not mean they are somehow expected to feed everyone in the park.

Finally, don't let these normal social things "ruin" your day at the park with your son. Say what you have to that stops negative behavior, explain to your son that some people have toys that are not his and he should have no expectation of playing with, and then just enjoy your time.

Best wishes,
K.

I agree that the toys should stay at home. I teach preschool, and the rule of teh room is, don't bring toys from home because they could get lost, broken, stolen, and the others WILL want to share. And that means the toy's owner has a license to be the boss, and that does not mean good play.

I am another Mom that hates to correct other people's kids. But I will, especially if they are not being safe or are endangering my child. My favorite tactic is THE STARE...look at the offending child with a blank look and separate your teeth, but with your mouth closed. If possible, raise one eyebrow. The bad kids know they are being bad, and that just signals them that you know it too. Also I like to say really loudly, "Matthew, do not play by that boy in the red shirt. He is not being nice or safe." Sometimes the Moms get it, sometimes they don't. But maybe the kid hears me and knocks it off. I don't really care about political correctness or whatnot when it comes to safety for children. If the other Moms aren't going to keep their kid from climbing on top of the swingset, then I will.

I have no advice... I think until EVERY PARENT starts raising their child with dicipline and respect, there will be no answer.
Last fall when my son had just turned 2, we took him to a playground and another little boy violently pushed him off a piece of equipment. Luckily, I was standing right there, but the other parents were not paying attention. I couldn't help myself... I yelled at the other kid!!! He could have seriously injured my son! The parents of the other child did get up when their son did this, but they played it off like it was no big deal. I gave them a piece of my mind at that point too. They told their boy (who was about 3) to, "Say he was sorry." The boy laughed and tried to hit my son. The other parents did leave at that point, but as they were leaving, I heard them say, "Let's go get some ice cream." I was disgusted and still am a bit uneasy about letting my son play at a park.

Unfortunately we cannot change what other parents do and allow their children to do. I was in a situation about a week ago at a playground where the parents were off doing their own thing and allowed their child to do whatever he wanted. He pushed my 2 1/2 yr old son down the slide before he was ready, was throwing rocks, my son then started to and I stopped that immediately, then the other child decided to start throwing rocks at us, after politely asking the child to stop throwing the rocks and him continuing we ended up leaving. Now the mother of the other child was close enough and heard me asking her son to stop throwing the rocks but still did nothing. In situations like that, the adult thing to do is to remove yourself and child from the situation. I know it almost seems like punishment for your child for having to leave because of another child's actions but the only other option would be to confront the parent and given the nature of people these days, that could lead to a very bad situation.

I agree with you about the sharing toys. I always bring things for my girls and I to play with at the park...chalk, bubbles, a tea set...it's a great opportunity to teach sharing. If an object is causing issues I take it to the car as the other lady said. And yes I agree that some parents are "hands off" parenting to say the least. Heck I've seen parents taking naps on the benches at the park totally unaware of what is going on and really don't care to be apart of their kids play let alone teaching them through play. I too feel like the School Teacher or Nanny just simply because I'm willing to interact and expect good behavior or we don't play with you. My biggest playground pet peev is the slides...at every indoor place I have ever been at the rule I've learned was....slides and poles are for going down only...you do not climb up a slide or pole because someone could be coming down thus a crash of sorts. So many times my child is going down a slide while some other kids is struggling to come up. Once she at 2 year old she took this seven year old boy out at the knees and he head butted her on accident pretty good as he took the fall. If he had not been tring to climb up the slide it would not had happen and you know his parents didn't make him say he was sorry. He could have really hurt her landing on her like he did.