Strangers/Anyone Who Believe They Are Better Parents

I guess what I hear is that none of us like to feel judged. About anything....parenting, being a stay at home mom, being a working mom, having a big house, having a small house, eating only organic, loving fast food, and the list goes on. All we can do is learn from others who are loud with their opinions is not to do the same to others and to treat others kindly and think the best of them.

I have been to the park approximately 1 million times since I have had kids. lol. I have seen some monkey kids climbing up slides the wrong way, stradling monkey bars, doing other things that I would deem "dangerous". I have said things to those kids. Not rudely, mind you, but certainly with some concern. I have seen A LOT of children fall, that's what kids do, and have concusions, broken arms, and sprains. It is worrisome to some of us parents to see children climbing like your daughter does.
Your right, I would have no idea how good of a climber any child is, all I know is that I am seeing a child do something that looks dangerous. I know that sometimes moms or dads are busy with other children and may not see the monkey climbing!! So, I say something. usually along the lines of "oh honey, please be careful! if you fall you could really hurt yourself."
It sounded like, from your post, that you were upset more with his tone than with what he was saying. THAT is certainly something that makes me a bit crazy. But, I would hope that if a mama heard me telling her child to be careful that she would understand that it comes from caring, NOT thinking that the other mama isn't doing a good job.
L.

Dawn, I applaud you! I have two sons and then a daughter, I too let my kids play and climb when they were very young and did not have one incident of them falling, especially my second son (my monkey). Now today they do not have a fear of the unknown in life and have learned to take on new experiences. I still encourage them to do what is right for them. Be it a new career, travel or what have you. My kids are now 27, 24 and 22. I am one proud parent of all their accomplishments as well as their failures to which they learn more life lessons. There are so few parents like us and that is a shame. I encourage you to keep on the path of parenting that you have chosen. I wish you well.

There is a difference in letting children face their fears and being realistic and keeping them safe. Accidents happen no matter how able you are. I think these types of climbing events are safest in a setting where there are safety mats incase of a fall, not a playground. Look up playground accidents, and how unsafe some playgrounds can be. And, I don't know what that has to do with your child throwing sand!!

Sorry - a 4 year old shouldn't be climbing a 7.5" PUBLIC structure! As a city employee, if she had fallen, the City would be held liable - and I'd bet my life they'd be sued! Just my opinion.

All I can say is Go Rory!!!

My mom learned to swim before she could walk. They lived near the ocean(their house was literally on the beach), so my grandparents insisted she learned early, they were terrified of her drowning. They went on a trip and stayed in a hotel with a pool that had a high diving board. My mother was apparently about 18 months old. My grandfather would climb up on the board with my mom and let her stand on his hand and jump. People saw this and called the police. They reported a man trying to drown a baby. They got to the point where he was hand cuffed. Apparently, my grandmother came out in time to sort it all out.

My husband is a kayak fisherman. And my son is his constant companion. My son is almost 5. They NEVER take their life vests off. My son can swim. They are extremely safe when they venture out. I still have friends and neighbors that gasp at the idea or suck through their teeth at the thought.

I don't think it's a case of parents thinking they do the job better than anyone. It's like you said, their knowledge of the situation is limited. They only see part of the story and infer the rest from what they know about kids, what their experiences are. And when someone thinks a kid is in danger, they react. They want to correct the behavior, save the child from imminent danger.

I parent a little like you...let them try it. I have never taken offense to someone thinking they are protecting my kid. My response is usually "Thanks so much, but I think they're ok!" It takes a village and I am often glad to have the extra set of eyes. This guy sounds like he was worked up over the sand thrower - and that kid may have been interfering with his enjoyment of the park. It sounds like he could have chosen a better way to talk to people. I don't think it was necessarily an attack on your parenting. He was frustrated, and he apologized. I imagine it was also part of the reason he left.

Don't feel bad, we had a similar experience at a mall play area where a parent told my son "yyou are a bad boy" when there was a scuffle over who got to sit in a toy car. My husband was there watching, and he wasn't sure what to do, he ended up takour boy and leaving. He told me about it later and I was FURIOUS. There is a difference between gently redirecting someone's child and just being a jerk.

sounds like she is quite a star!

but as a parent, this kind of scares me. there should be a line between letting her face her fears and express independence, and keeping her safe.

i'm not questioning you, you obviously know your daughter better than anyone else, and she has done fine under your watch. but it just seems scary >.<

I can sooooo empathize. My own little monkey girl is 20 months and climbs everything. Today we were on a play area at a park and she played with a girl about twice her age. There have been a few falls, but nothing more than bumps and bruises at the beginning. She needs to learn how to get herself out of whatever situation she gets herself into. As parents, we are supposed to do as you have said...encourage independant children who will grow up into productive members of society. I applaud you and your forgiving the mouthy man. It does nothing for him, but says a lot about you and only makes you the better person. Your daughter is lucky to have you for a mom.~K.

Okay, your post is quite lengthy but do I understand correctly that your kid is the one who was caught throwing sand in the playground when this guy spoke up? And, if so, I assume that this guy is upset because your daughter is throwing sand at or near the other kids (not very good playground ettiquite). Is that correct? If so, why are you talking about your child's climbing skills???

It's awesome that you are taking great pride in your daughter's climbing ability but why are you condoning her sand throwing? Maybe I am missing some part of the story here but I think that if your daughter is throwing sand, then you should step in and tell her that she shouldn't do that. This guy doesn't sound like he's upset because your daughter is a "mountain goat"; he's upset because you are allowing your daughter to throw sand when his child is near. Even if your daughter is able to climb Mt. Everest on her hands, she shouldn't be throwing sand in the playground, especially when there are other kids around. Praise the climbing if you want but correct the sand throwing. You can't always be your daughter's biggest cheerleader.

Sorry to be so harsh but just something about how dismissive you are about this guy's desire to be able to take his kids to a safe sand throwing-free park is unsettling to me. Just my own opinion.

ADDED: I noticed your "So What Happened" and modified request. Thanks for the clarification about which kid was throwing sand.

Go Rory, I love seeing kids, well act like kids. I encourage my kids to climb, run, jump etc. If they fall I accept the responsibility & would never dream of suing .

However I have been vocal at a child if I see them throwing sand (even if it's not at my kid) at another child. I personally don't care if the parent gets upset with me for saying something.

Rory sounds like my 17 year old daughter, Delta's, little sister! We named Delta "monkey" when she was about 2 as well. Let's see, at 18 months, we had already found her one morning bright and early, sitting on top of our refrigerator with chocolate crumbs all over her face and a big grin, having pushed a chair over to the counter, opened the cabinets and used the shelves inside them as a ladder to get to her perch so she could eat ALL the cookies in the cookie jar. At 2 years old, we were on vacation in the San Juan Islands in northern Washington. There was a resort we were staying at that was right on the coastline of Orcas Island. There was a very thin pebble beach, with a 15 foot sea wall of big basalt boulders surrounding a large grassy flat lawn area near the lodge. We were on that lawn, Delta right next to me, when I dropped her little hand for a moment to pick up someone's frisbee, throw it back to them, and turn to say something to the person next to me about it. A woman called out--"Does anyone know who that baby belongs to?"--and I turned around just in time to see Delta going down over the edge, climbing down those huge boulders that were twice as big as she was! She was halfway down by the time I could run over to her--so I ran down a little boat ramp to the beach and encouraged her to feel with her feet before she put them down. She was fine.

When she was 4, I was in my kitchen, with Delta playing outside. I could hear her giggling and talking to herself, but a very strong wind came up. It got quiet for a few minutes and then, just as I went to investigate, I heard a loud squeal--I couldn't tell if it was fear or glee. I ran out to see her in the very top of our maple tree--probably 25 feet in the air--hanging onto the trunk and standing on branches that could support a 4 year old but that I could never get onto without breaking them--Absolutely delighted and shrieking with laughter as the tree swayed in the wind. All I could do was avoid panicking and letting anything in my voice scare her.

I again just stood very calmly, called to her to climb down carefully (being careful NOT to say things like "don't fall" or "don't hurt yourself" because that is the last thing I wanted to plant in her mind at that moment), helped her know when her foot was about to get to a branch, and stayed right underneath her in case she did fall. She didn't. She was fine and exhilerated.

I finally realized Delta needed gymnastics training. She loved it and I felt much better with all the padding and helpful equipment. Perhaps Rory would like something like this?

But I also have had more than my share of doubtful, even fearful, parents try to tell my daughter that "she might hurt herself". She's 17 and no major injuries yet.

Your child sounds wonderfully fun and energetic, and applause to you for letting her be so. i would tell that man as nicely but as stern as possiable that your child is always in your view and if you and only you feel that she is out of line than you and only you will correct her. And i would also say that the attention that he is paying you child will only distract him from his own.

I've never had that happen but I applaud your ability to let your child explore like that. I too have a monkey and I try to let him do what he wants without me hovering but sometimes I do "spot" him in case he falls. I wish I could let him learn on his own...too much of a nervous Nelly. Keep it up!

Its important to forgive people, when you hold on to hatred, disgust, anger, bitterness, it just festers and destroys YOU. Forgiving does not mean you approve of their behavior or allow them to continue to hurt you. However it means you've chosen to be the bigger person, let it go, and set up appropriate boundaries to it doesn't continue to happen.

Now, I think this is more about you then this rude guy. Your stinging because he attacked your parenting skills. So what?! You're going to go through the next few years seeing parents freak out over your daughter's climbing skills. It doesn't mean YOU are a bad parent, they just don't know the whole story. They're being good parents because they are watching out for a kid that looks too small for those heights. Would you want people to ignore other children on a playground? No, its in all of our best interest to look out for each other. Now as you stand there and shout encouragements to your kid, most parents will not interfere because they see you're watching the child and engaged in their behavior. But some will still want to pull you aside for a lecture on safety. So what?! They're just over reacting and you can pleasantly inform them of your super climbing child and how proud you are of her accomplishments. Keeping your cool, a smile, and not letting it bug you will deflate most. And if not, ignore them.

I'm not trying to be mean, just saying to go into situations knowing people will react this way (because they're good parents), and be prepared to calmly deal with their criticism. You're a great parent, and have a special kid who will probably be a gymnast or rock climber. Remember everyone is picturing THEIR child when they see yours doing something that it would be risky for THEIR kid to do. Its a great opportunity to brag on that climber of yours! :) And rude people are just rude, just let it roll off you and don't hold a grudge.

Best wishes!

I am also the mom the will sit on the bench while my 3 yr old jumps, climbs and plays like the big kid. He just started preschool and said all sad to me the other day that the teachers wont let him climb the mountain. I just had to tell him that only 1st graders are allowed to do that. I have seen so many moms and dads hover over my child because they dont think Im paying attention when my son is doing something they wont let their 5 year old do. And then if he does fall they all go running while I stay where I am because I know he is ok. Then my son just gets up and goes on his way. This is the same park we have been going to since he was 3 months so he knows what he is doing. He also plays on the playground when there are 70 other big kids there when most other parents would just take their little ones and go. All the big kids know who my little one is and they all look out for him. I dont ask them to do it but after 3 years they just do. The other parents dont know this. When they do start to worry I just have to explain all of this to them. It is nice to sit back and enjoy watching your child play instead of being worried all the time. And just to let everyone know I know that things can happen at the park since each of my 2 older boys have had a broken leg from the park.

Parents butt in and say what they think based on their limited experience. I would have said something to the child throwing sand, like "Oh, please don't throw sand...I can get in your eyes and that really hurts!" but I would not publicly judge another parent on it. And yes, I may have said something if I saw Rory fall and didn't see an adult around to step in, but I also tend to let children explore and see the consequences. They learn so much that way.

I spent the first year over-reacting to things happening to my child, but decided to relax about it after that. I didn't want to be a hover parent or to step in and not let my child experience life.

Updated

Parents butt in and say what they think based on their limited experience. I would have said something to the child throwing sand, like "Oh, please don't throw sand...I can get in your eyes and that really hurts!" but I would not publicly judge another parent on it. And yes, I may have said something if I saw Rory fall and didn't see an adult around to step in, but I also tend to let children explore and see the consequences. They learn so much that way.

I spent the first year over-reacting to things happening to my child, but decided to relax about it after that. I didn't want to be a hover parent or to step in and not let my child experience life.

We parent differently I know many if could see how I parent ,would quietly disagree. I personally would not want to see any children get hurt. You don't see avid climbers at her age very often!
I have been in situtation at palygrounds where my children were not safe due to parents not watching their children. I and leave, but I will admit to stating to my children loud enough for others to hear that "slides are for going down not up". Simply because for safety and children should be taught to respect the equipment.
Trish

WOW! Someone has a future mountain climber on her hands! While I would completely FREAK if one of my kids climbed atop a playscape it's NONE of my business what someone else lets their kid do as long as it's not harming my child.

Now, if your little "mountain goat" was chucking rocks at other kids while up there and you didn't care I could see a problem. I'm willing to bet his kid saw Rory up there and wanted to try it too and he went crazy.

He should have just calmly let his child know that he would prefer it if THEY didn't try that. That's what I do when I see something that makes me nervous.

On the flip side...again, he has kids too and most parents would cringe at the thought of their child scaling a 7.5 food structure with no net! He probably just overreacted and was probably in disbelief that anyone would allow a 4 year old to be so bold.

I commend you for being able to allow her to explore her limits. I may not agree with her being on top of the play structure but I also haven't seen her flip out of her crib either :-)

Next time this happens (and I'm sure it will) just start a convo about how she has ALWAYS been this way. Explain that she always been part monkey and as been climbing since she was a baby. Explain that you know she can do it, and that it doesn't bother you because you are used to it. Then say that maybe you should move closer to the mountains so she can climb that instead of freaking out the other parents at the park! I would die laughing.

Good luck to you, happy climbing, and congrats to Rory for accomplishing her latest stunt!

You sound a bit angry, while you seem to have a child who is fearless which a little exceptional. So he had some concerns because his child may be more timid.

I encourage allowing my child to fall and get back up on her own, while many parents run, eww, and Ahh, however, many parents go running to pick her up. Once I tell them she is fine and they see my parenting style, they often back off.

When you encounter this, share her courageous climbs with them and let them know you support her strength and ability.

I think alot of people need to mind there own business and i see alot of parents butting into othere stuff. you are right each person raises there kids differently and now a days you can't discipline in public or someone calls on you or even if its a tap on the hand for no touching you get ridicules or people want to report right away. people need to mind there own.