Sandbox Etiquette at Public Playgrounds

Whoa. Back it up.
I seriously can't believe someone would ask you to leave a toy.
Or that there are parents who wouldn't share the toys they do have.
That seems really, really, really odd to me.
Maybe there is need, after all, for Sandbox Police!

Boy, you've had some bad experiences. I would definitely let other kids play with extra toys we had and when we left I would collect it all. If other parents don't stop their kid from hitting mine, then I tell them no hitting and then I would move my child away. I can hardly believe another parent said to just let them keep playing with it. I personally would try to get it from the child myself probably even if they're balking.

I can't believe that moms actually ask that you leave the toy behind!!! That is insane!

With getting the toy back I would go with the immature, passive aggressive approach. I would send my kid over to rip it from their hand. Only after all mature ideas had been exhausted as you listed.

Okay I am joking a bit, though actually my kids used to do the collection on their own and they just didn't see why they couldn't take their toys back when the kid wouldn't give them up. I always apologized as we were walking to the car. What I mean by collecting is they had a minute to collect all their stuff so they really didn't have time for gentle negotiations.

This is why I ended up with a sandbox in my back yard. :-/

Okay fine I am a bad mom but not as bad as those that would try to backhandedly steal a kids toy.

Oh I just thought of something. If parents could just make your kids leave their toys that they shared with other kids wouldn't that teach your kids not to share in the first place?

When we take extra toys be it to the sandbox or beach, we share. I can believe people say their child hasn't finished playing can you leave it there - I mean really some parents have no sense! Whether it costs $1 or $10 come on - we were nice enough to let them play with it, why make us feel like the bad guy because we are going home, and would like our toys back! If we are using someone elses toy at the park and I see it looks like they are packing up to go, I make the first move and return it. Unless I only have one toy I would share what we do have, also if I had an expensive toy I may not let another child play with it - more than likely I wouldn't take it in the first place. I find that some parents do not share the toys - each to their own. I usually give sand toys a quick rinse to get the sand out when I get home I don't see a problem with sharing with "strangers". Your last paragraph - yes you would think these are common sense unspoken "rules" at a sandbox, then again, you don't need to pass a test to become a parent!!

"well so and so is really enjoying the toy can you leave it here for us to play with and we will leave it here so you to collect the next time you come."

Response:
"No, but you can buy your own at ____"

What? They don't give the toy back??! And ask you to leave it??!

All of this is preposterous behavior. Of course people should share and give toys back and not throw sand etc...Remind me to never go to a sandbox! We have one at a farm restaurant near us with COOL trucks in it that belong to the establishment and usually there are no other kids when we go. Perfect. :)

I can't believe parents actually ask you to leave your toys behind? REALLY????
I remember asking a similar question last year and getting torn apart! My experience was that I took my then 2 yr old to a public park where there was a sandbox and a couple kids that were in there had TONS of toys scattered around. Now of course my little guy didn't know they were theirs. So he'd pick something up and these kids would snatch it out of his hands and yell at him! No these are ours!!! They were probably 7&10. I tried saying nicely to them, he just wants to play, I will watch him and make sure nothing happens to your toys. And they said "No, they're ours!" I was floored. Their mom was on the other side of the park sipping a starbucks and rambling on the phone. I eventually had to leave. I was angry and heartbroken seeing my little guy get treated so poorly.
my opinion is that you don't bring all kinds of sand toys to a public sand box if you don't want to allow other kids to play with them. They are KIDS! So I think what you do is great, and I would do and have done the same thing. Some parents are just nuts! They want to go to the park and not have to watch their kids, or deal with any issues. We tend to stay home alot for that reason :)

Yes! Parents really DO ask you to leave toys behind so as not to cause their precious bundles a moment of displeasure! I've had this happen at playgrounds, beaches and even a bouncy place! These are the idiot parents who are raising the kids with a tremendous sense if entitlement (you can tell idiocy of this nature gets me worked up). I believe the first few times I must have looked at them like they had sprouted horns and said, surprised, "Sorry, but we're leaving and if the toy gets left here, it will be stolen or thrown away." The secomd time I did sweep down and take the toy as I said, "Sorry sweetie, but maybe we'll see you here another time." The last few times I've just gathered my two and swwoped in "en masse" proclaiming, "Gather up your toys because we're leaving." That actually seems to work well except for with the very smallest kids who don't understand.

As far as the sharing to begin with -I have always operated on the rule that if my child wants to take more than one toy, then he must be willing to share or else I will keep the toys.They're good at sharing, but we all want our toys back when it's time to go home!

We share pool toy all the time, no one's ever asked that, one parent said I thought they just belonged to the pool (nope, thats why our name's on em) NO has ever been rude enough to say can you leave them here....
Dare you to say "OH, you're one of THOSE parents, who cant ever say no to their kids, and doesnt teach them what it means to share! How FASCINATING to meet you"

Wow! In our house, we have a "if you bring it, you must share it rule". If he doesn't want to share it, we don't take it. When it's time to leave, we just collect our things and go. I've never had a parent ask if they could just leave it there so I oculd pick it up later. What? No. I would say, "No. I'm really not comfortable just leaving things out overnight. We'd be happy to share next time we're here."

Who lets their kid poo in the sandbox? It's not a litter box? Ew.

What you said sounds totally reasonable. I can't believe that parents would actually ask you to leave your toy there to get it next time--like there's a chance it would still be there! If they say that I would just say, "That's not an option, so can you please get it from your child." Then if they say no again, then I think it's fine for you to take it from the child. When we've brought sand toys to share we haven't had that many problems, sounds like you have some crazy parents in your area???

Wow, I am suprised about the asking you to leave the toy and come back later!~ I would be like---excuse me, but we were nice enough to share--....I think your ettiquette is just fine. I usually bring toys to share as well and if my child is not using them we are happy to share. The only thing I add is that at about 5 min before we are leaving the sandbox, I make an announcement to everyone in the box and say that we are leaving in five minutes if you are playing with one of our toys, we will be coming around to collect them when the five minutes is up. We write our names on the items too. GL

M

I think you are totally right. The playground near me has a lot of toys already in the sand box so we never bring any but if we did, I think it's thoughtful to bring extras, sensible to label them, and totally expected that you would take your belongings with you when you leave.

I have a small day care and I when we go to the park I don't let the kids play in the sandbox.......why??? Because that sandbox is just one huge kitty litter box. Unlike the dogs in our dogs in our town, the cats are allowed to roam free. Their owners just open the door and let them out. Where do they go to the bathroom......the flower beds and sandboxes......
I have a enclosed sandbox under my swingset that I let the kids play in. As far as a dog in the sandbox....dogs don't use a litterbox to go to the bathroom.

Wow, you have had some bad experiences! If we bring sand toys, I do share them. BUT, I usually bring disposable things that I don't care if they get left - like plastic cool whip containers, yogurt containers, plastic spoons, plastic cake toppers, etc. That way, sharing isn't an issue, and it doesn't matter if we lose them. When we do bring real sand toys, we still share, and I do ask for items back. I do the same thing, collect up the unused ones, making comments outloud that we are leaving and packing up all of the sand toys (so the kids AND parents can hear). The older kids usually give them back, or my kids ask for them back. If necessary, I will tell a child those are our toys and we are leaving, so they need to give it back to me. It usually works. I would not be mad at one of my kids if they took it out of someone's hand that wouldn't give it back, as someone else posted!

As for the other issues, I am not shy to mention something to a parent - if the parent is right there. Otherwise I will talk to a child - nicely and politely. Throwing sand is a common one for small children, they don't understand it can hurt someone and it looks cool to throw it. If the parent says nothing, I just say to the child "please keep the sand in the sandbox, when you throw it, the sand can get in someone's eyes and that hurts" or something like that. The parent usually notices then, apologizes for saying nothing, and thanks me for taking care of it. We usually have good luck at the park, with kids and parents. If a bad situation comes up, I am not afraid to say something that will help keep my child safe and healthy.

S. (mom of 3 and daycare provider for 23 yrs)

Sharing-
This depends on who it is. I've gone places where I know the kids won't give the toys back (and the parents are barely paying attention and couldn't care less) so I refuse to let my children share. I've also gone places where the parents have raised their children properly and I don't mind letting my kids share!

Giving the toy back-
I guess that again relates into my answer for sharing. I actually don't even ask the parent for the toy- I ask the child. Now, if they're littlier, I would say "we're leaving a in few minutes, I'm going to give you a couple minutes to finish up, but then we need our toy back. We hope to be back on ___ and you can play with it again then". That has worked better than asking parents! If I continue to have the problem with not getting toys back, then obviously this is an area where I don't bring toys to share anymore!

You would think the other rules are common sense... I'm not sure why it's called common sense when it doesn't seem to be all that common! ;)

For someone to ask you to leave it behind, in my opinion, is rude. Unless you know them and they will see you later or you are used to sharing with that family I would say no too. It's great to share with others but then they need to give back and give thanks. I try to teach my kids that. Saying thank you is a big thing, as is returning items that are not yours.

I will often prep the child in advance, or even mid-play if I wasn't there during the initial hand over "Honey, just so you know, we're going to go home soon so we'll need that back soon. I'll let you know." or "Sure you can borrow the shovel. But if we leave before you do, we'll need them back, so don't be surprised." And always say it so the parent can hear since you are essentially saying it to the parent. If the parents don't helpyou out, you can always offer to sell it to them! Good luck. And be strong! It's your stuff!

What you need to do is add some "fakes" to your collection. Bring stuff like old plastic Cool Whip containers, Crystal Light contaners--junk that normally gets tossed in the recycling bin. Give THOSE to the ones that didn't plan ahead. Not the kid's fault but then you can leave the stuff behind without any of the "we're going" drama.

Did you ever hear the expression "You can't buy common sense?" Although you may follow ettiquite there are plenty of parents that don't seem to care and will let their chidren do what ever they want. My frustration stems from parents not watching their kids and since you are watching yours, you become the other childs' babysitter. I won't even bring toys whereever we are going now for the same reason. The kids are playing with our toys and the parents are oblivious that they are your toys not theirs. If a parent asked me to give them their toy back I would give it back hands down.
I work in a afterschool camp and we have this group of parents that will sit on thier behinds while thier litte ones terrorize the playground and don't follow the rules. I've had to go to those parents who are sitting there gabbing and tell them thier kid has fallen or run off the playground. Peoples' lettting their children do whatever they want withougt consequense gets me. For me I am right there playing with my child. I have had to go up to the parents and inform them of their child's behavior.

This post explains all the reasons why I do not bring sand toys im not willing to leave behind at the public sandbox. Not that it is so ridiculous to ask for them back, but because of the response you get from parents when you ask for them back. People are nuts, and they look at you like a crazy person for wanting your toys you were sharing back. My son wanted to bring his small toy tractor onto the playground with him. I normally tell him no, because if he or I lose track of it, it will most likely never be seen again. This time I said ok, because there were only a few kids there and I figured we'd just keep an eye on it. Well, he left it somewhere and I didnt see, and next thing you know some kids are throwing it all around, and sliding it down slides, etc. Well my son threw a fit, because we were getting ready to leave and wanted his tractor. So i had to be the parent that had to explain to the kids that this item was our from home and we were leaving and would like it back. I was pleasantly surprised when the kids gave no fuss, and handed it right over. BUT, i still think its an unnecessary pain in the neck to bring a massive amount of toys to the playground, even if your intentions are good. Why not narrow it down to like 3 toys you bring, so that way you are less likely to have to go hunting, but can also share with a few kids close by to where you are playing?

Some parents are just wing-nuts.
Now, I fully understand that little kids don't always understand the concept of sharing and being shared with. But, you'd think a playground or sandbox would be the perfect place for parents to teach those things.
"This isn't your toy, honey, it's time to give it back and say thank you for letting you play".
Asking you to leave the toy? Come on!

Just have a bag for the toys and go to each kid and ask them to put the toy in the bag. "Maybe we'll see you next time!"
As far as what to say to the other parents....
"We're leaving. Now. And our toys are going with us. That's the way this is going to go."
It's not rude, just a matter of fact.
I had one mom tell me that she didn't want my kids sharing with her little boy because he thought they were being given to him and he freaked when it was time to give them back. She knew that about him and was trying to work on it.
If my kids were playing with someone else's toy and it was time for the kid to go, it was time for the toy to go with a "thank you for sharing".
That's just how I did it.

Thankfully, I never dealt with peeing or pooping in the sandbox. Dogs in the sandbox? Nope. I wouldn't be thrilled with that either.

Just my opinion.

There's a park near us with a sandbox (not many have them around here) and it's famous as the park where parents bring old toys to die...Oh, sorry, I mean, parents bring toys there and leave them to become part of the permanent collection of sandbox toys. These tend to be older items but the idea is that they "live" in that sandbox and don't go home with anyone. Word is that it works really well and there are tons of toys including little toy earth movers and construction things as well as buckets and spades.

While it doesn't solve the issue of parents being phenomenally dense and rude by telling you to leave your own kid's toys behind, establishing a communal set of sandbox toys at a place you go regularly could help. Then there are plenty for all, and maybe they could be marked "Keep in Park Sandbox." Sure, some nitwit parent is going to let little Joey take home a toy that belongs to the sandbox, and sure, it's not your job to fill the box with toys personally. But it's an idea to get started. I am not sure how the tradition of the sandbox toys got started at this park, but it's been happening for years.

The one down side -- it seems to get REALLY full of used plastic toys there and I'm not sure who ever comes along and culls through them to throw out really old and/or broken or unsafe ones. But I'd bet some parents who are regular users there take that on themselves.

Okay I am gonna be one of those mean moms but I have a bucket of pool toys and a bucket of sand toys that I bring for my kids when we go to these places. I would share but I don't necessarily encourage my kids to do so. What I mean is that I keep the bucket by where I am and my kids get one or two things and switch them out of the bucket. Our name is on all our toys but when kids get a hold of them the we loose our things. I think that parents don't want to hear their kids cry so they let them keep the toy instead of returning them or leaving them in the sand/pool. Some of those toys are pricey and I want them back. Now if some kid asked to play with something I of course say yes but too often I see my son ask for his toy back and the kid says no (with his mom right there) and I have to intervene.