I have a neighbor in her late 20's with downs who will be having heart surgery this week, so this is kind of on my mind. She lives with her parenents and they pretty much care for her all the time. ok so that was what reminded me of this.
I worked with a woman once who's sister was a mentally challenged adult also living iwth the parents, who were older. My co-workers parents in conjunction with her sisters doctors,, elected to have the sister's tubes tied.
so i wondered, is this common? and how do people feel about mentally challenged people bearing chlldren? It's probably not a great idea, right but does it happen?
again, I understand this is a sensitive subject, so please be kind to me and each other, I"m just looking to understand this a little more, and obviously it is very very personal, and not something i would go up and ask my neighbor about.
I have severely developmentally disabled child , so severe that I probably won't have to make this decision. If he were less challenged , I would definitely choose a vasectomy , for him. Every situation is different & everyone needs to make the decision based on their beliefs & what's right for their family.
Hi lillym-
One of my daughters is developmentally disabled. She was a preemie with congenital heart defects/lung issues. She spent first three years of her life in hospital.
Anyway, against ALL odds, she is alive and has shed all of the 'technology' that kept her alive those first years.
She is 15...yet remains the size (and developmental age) of a 5 year old. Puberty has not 'hit' her yet. I worry about menstruation...she has a fear of blood...and although I was preparing her for this some years ago (when her twin got her period)...shannon never got hers.
I have considered the pill for her to 'lighten' her flow...if and when she menstruates. ANY SURGERY for her is risky because of her heart issues...so I will have to weigh this issue very carefully. It is strange and surreal though...because I feel so lucky...and blessed...to have had her here this many years that I would be challenged to even consider these things for her.
I will 'apply' for guardianship in the next years...and I do not imagine she will ever be in a group home setting. She will live with me...and if something happens to me...she will live (probably on a rotating schedule) with her sibs. Truth be told...they will FIGHT to have her with them...lol...(hence a rotating schedule of some kind)
I know some parents with 'higher functioning' kids have opted for a surgical route.
I also know of one 15 year old, in the self contained SPED class...now in foster care, who has a baby 7 months old.
It is a hard decision...and one that each family with a 'special' kiddo comes to terms with in their own way.
Best Luck!
michele/cat
It depends on each individual situation. Your neighbors probably want to spare their daughter the trauma of a pregnancy and so I think they are probably acting in her best interest, not just trying to prevent her from having a baby because she is disabled.
You know what? So many times people post controversial stuff just to throw their opinion around under guise of "trying to understand". I don't get that vibe from you at all. Kudos to you for being sensitive and for truly trying to understand something that you are not experiencing first hand. I completely respect that!
From what I understand, the family can elect to have their developmentally disabled child 'sterilized' up until the child reaches the age of 18. This is a very controversial issue. Here's one article:
http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/104/2/337.full
I personally have no stake in this issue. That said, I am now a great-aunt; I have a nephew who has profound Aspergers and who has a now one year old son whom he and his girlfriend are pretty incapable of caring for. I am glad I am not in the position of having to make this sort of decision.
I think that if one of my children were severely developmentally disabled, to the point that they couldn't care for themselves or live independently, I would not want to be in the position of raising their future children as well. Maybe there are folks who wouldn't mind having an infant in the house while also caring for a severely disabled adult, though. We all have different levels of assistance we're able to give to loved ones. For me personally, I would probably choose sterilization.
Many years ago I worked as a hairdresser. One of my regular customers was a woman who was developmentally delayed (don't remember if she had other health issues or not). She was forever going to be the mental age of an 11 year old. Her parents had her tubes tied when she was 16.
Some friends of my mom had a daughter with downs syndrome, they also had their daughters tubes tied at 16.
Do I disagree with these parents? No I don't. Neither of these women could care for themselves without supervision and help. They would never have been able to care for a child. And had I had a child with a severe disability ... one that said "they'll never be able to care for themselves" .. I would probably do the same thing.
I don't think it's a "right" to have children ... I think it's a privilege. and if you can't or WON'T care for them then you should not have them at all.
kudos to you for addressing this situation. It's a very sensitive subject, & I would hate to be in the position of having to make the choice.
our daughter was born with multiple heart/lung defects. If she had survived her 2nd day of heart surgery, she would have required additional surgery every few years. Would we have been in a position to make that choice for our daughter? I don't know....& I would hate to do so.
With those additional surgeries, meds, & stress on her body....would pregnancy even be an option for her? Again, don't know. Now you've got me wondering.
Again, thanks....a very good subject. I think my answer would be: the choice should be based on the individual involved. :)
There is a huge difference between mental retardation, down syndrome, autism, and many other mental handicaps. Would I ever force my son who is autistic, on the severe end in some areas, to be sterilized? Never in a million years. I do not support forced sterilization of mentally handicapped people. I do not support it for any type disability. I am not stating that two people who are incapable of caring for their own basic needs should be encouraged to have children but who am I, or who is another to take away that right?
There are too many factors and varying situations with this topic and I am not going to judge someone who might have ever had to make this decision for a family member or charge as it were. (Sorry, my brain is blocked and I couldn't think of the correct term I wanted to use, please no one take offense. I have a traumatic brain injury and sometimes my thought process goes blank.)
I had a cousin who was the typical "golden girl" in high school in the 1970s - popular, smart, pretty, cheerleader, etc. Then during her senior year, she started having mental health issues. By the time she was 18, she was in a mental hospital. Her relationship with her parents was not good, and they did not have any legal say over her treatment or her life after that, or that's what we were told. Next, she was living in an assisted living situation. She became pregnant, and was actually married to the father, another resident there. Neither was capable of raising a child. My cousin's older sister adopted the baby girl and raised her. None of our family EVER met this girl or were even told her name. I'm not sure if the family was embarrassed or what, but I certainly wanted to accept her into the family as another cousin but wasn't given that chance.
I am not aware of what is legally possible and not, but once a person is over 18, things get complicated as far as who is the legal guardian and what they can decide for the person.
I don't know what a doctor's supposed to do about a family asking to have a retarded family member spayed/neutered. I would assume it would be a grown person that was already deemed "disabled" according to federal govt, and the person that collects their check for them would be a person "by law" allowed to make decisions as harsh as sterilization.
Wouldnt want to be that person with that particular responsibility.
But, I do believe that people that are too retarded to raise children in a normal fashion should not raise kids of their own. I see how it works here where I manage, I have many "disabled" people living here and raising kids that they cannot control. I havent seen any of it lead to good in the last 6 years.
Have you seen the "Monica & David" documentary?
