Question for Moms of Autistic Children

Hi there! I too have no children with autism however had the opportunity to meet some very special little ones that are autistic. First of all I hate the word "retarded". I grew up with a brother that has downsyndrome and people often used this word to describe him. Austim is many things but I would not say that it is fair to use the term "tragedy or retarded" when dicussing children that have autism. I believe each case is different and each child is different. I personally would be offended if someone were to use these terms when discribing a child with autism.

Hi A., autism and retardation are NOT the same thing at all. Some kids may have autism AND retardation, but they are two seperate diagnosis. Whoever said that is retarded! and ignorant.

I am not an expert on autism either, but one of my best friends has a son with autism, and he is SCARY smart. Autism has to do with how these kids interpret social cues and interact with other people, and in that respect they can seem pretty clueless--because they are. On the other hand, many of them excel in fields of learning which do not depend on things like the ability to infer meanings from facial expressions or the ability to create dazzling metaphors. I caught my friend's son reading a book at the pool once--it was Stephen Hawking's "A Brief History of Time." I think he was 14 at the time. He'll never be a great actor or poet, but someday he just might win the Nobel Prize in physics.

I heard it once said that Autism was genius focused inwards. Most functioning autistic children are EXTREMELY intelligent, particularly in math or art. They just tend to miss out on the subtleties of life. Sarcasm is a waste of time and energy on them ... they don't get it (although it can be fun to play with them with it ... I'm a bad mom I know). And their maturity level can be a little behind their chronological age, again due to that not getting the subtleties.

Mental retardation however is something very different. It's usually noted by a stopping point (for lack of a better word) of what they can ever actually learn. Their brains simply won't absorb it.

NEITHER is a TRAGEDY. They are simply facts of life and many times those people who have been challenged with these conditions have something most "normal" people don't. And that's a MUCH larger capacity for UNCONDITIONAL love. So tragedy ... NO. Challenge ... absolutely.

It looks like the previous responders have high functioning Autistic children. That's great! My stepdaughter is very low functioning. She will never live by herself. She will never enjoy the thrill of dating or falling in love or marriage. She will never go anywhere by herself - she will always need supervision. She might hold a job through the specialized school she attends, but it will be a highly supervised, low interest job. She is 20 years old and she has rarely offered any expressive language. She can respond to certain things, but mostly, we don't know what goes on in her mind.

That, my friends, is a tragedy. Not only for those who love her, but for HER! My husband cries at times knowing that he can't enjoy a closer relationship with her. Now, they have a wonderful relationship, and she loves coming to visit Daddy... she stays with us for 2 months in the summer, and holidays.

As far as using the term Retarded... yes, that term has been bastardized and the true meaning has been lost. It now refers, even clinically, to a different sort of challenge, like other posters have said, but it generally is not used. Certainly not for Autistic folks.

As far as the tragedy... there are so many levels of Autism, and of course, we love our children (or step children) without bounds, but it can still be tragic.

Hi "moms" -

I felt compelled to respond to this post as I have a special needs child. She was 'classified' originally as 'developmentally delayed/other health impaired'...then as years went by, was re classified as 'mentally retarded/other health impaired'. Now I have received notice that the 'new' label will be 'intellectual disability'...geesh!

In any case, I see her as a challenge...YES. As a tragedy...NEVER. And...most certainly a BLESSING. Not for what SHE can...or cannot do, but the stengths and creativity and joy she has BROUGHT TO ME...and certainly all those around her.

As a now almost 13 year old, with very few words, she has taught lessons in kindness, compassion, endurance, patience and a tenacious will to live.

She will always need supervision. She will never date. She will never marry.

BUT...she is a very happy child...and in her short years on the planet...SHE has taught ME far more than any of my degrees, life experiences OR her other 6 siblings combined. She continues to teach...

My fondest hope is that I will be around to continue to learn...For me...not being here WOULD be the 'tragedy'...

michele/cat

I know you already have a ton of responses and have already put an update, but I thought I would give one more personal story that might help. My daughter has Asperberger's, which is on the high functioning end of autism. Children on the high functioning side of autism most often have above average IQs, when tested. Being around other kids with autism, not on the high functioning side, I feel that they would test for high IQs, if we only had a test that they could relate to. My daughter is much like some of the other children talked about - she absorbs every detail around her all day long, and then remembers it FOREVER! She is truly amazing, and I think the tragedy is that I can't live in her world and she is forced to live in mine. Her world is beautiful, organized, focused, and fun. If we could sit down and look at things from our children's perspectives - whether they have "developemental delays" or are "normal" (using these terms loosely!) - we would find so much more than we imagined.

Well, mental retardation is something that has been redefined over the years, and if you go back as little as 20 years ago, most severely autistic children were diagnosed as mentally retarded, so if this person is from an older generation, it would seem accurate for them.
However, autism is a spectrum, with varying degrees of severity, and it is not a concrete thing. My best friend's daughter had severe problems as a young child and there was concern that she would need care for the rest of her life. As an adolescent, with proper care, she became much more socially apt and capable and is now in normal classes, and functions as a normal teenager (including doing the chores, etc). Also, many autistic people will be happy to inform you that they simply view the world differently from you, but that's about it. I know the common perception of autism is "Rain Man" but that's only one type of many.
So to answer your question - autism is not a tragedy. It is difficult, it is tiring, it can be very sad. But it's not mental retardation, and it's not as concrete as mental retardation.

No not at all , my son is high functioning and is very smart & this is often the case , autistic kids tend to excel in a certain area , for eg they can be excellent at art or advanced reading. Some of them may not be very social , this is not because they are backward or retarded it's because they don't pick up on social cues the same as other people.

Hi I'm not a Mom of Autisim but I have a cusin and have worked with Autisim for over 6 years. They are not the same and earliest intervention is better. I'm sorry you feel miss leaded and hope all goes well!

WOW, NO, that is completely incorrect and whomever made those statements is totally ignorant. One should try to educate themselves about an issue before ever making such incorrect statements.
Sure, it is a "tragedy" as any other childhood illness or disease or handicap is. But autistic children are not retarded and there are many forms and degrees of autism.

NO! My son is very high funcitoning and very smart... just delayed. It is very hard for people who do not know kids "on the spectrum" to understnad that austism is different for every AS child. Some kids are very autistic and can barely function, speak etc. (think Rainman) and some are mildly autistic and seem more quirky than disabled. In our case DS is more "delayed" than disabled. For example, he is 16 and should be in 10/11th grade and would be flunking. We home school so I am able to keep his work at more of an 8th grade level. He makes A's in everything... real A's not MOM A's... but we are working at his level. So is that "retarded"?, I don't think so... but it is delayed. Experts say Autistic/Asperger kids, kids on the spectrum, on average are about 2/3 their chornological age. I watch DS grow everyday as any parent of any child. In my opinion truly "mental reardation" describes a person who has low intelligence without the capablility to grow past that initial IQ.

Hope this helps a little. And guess what, Adult Autism is all around us it is not a new thing though perhaps more prevalent now or myabe it is just recognized and diagnosed more... that is another debate!

NO IT IS NOT! Sorry....the comment you heard is super offensive to me. i am in no way upset with you, just who ever said it. My daughter is Autistic. She has Pervasive Developmental Disorder-Not otherwise Specified. Basically she is all over the spectrum. Some describe Autism as a rainbow because there are several different degrees of it. My daughter has mild Autism according to her school and doctor. She is in a special education program and probably will be for a few years maybe more. Autism is a neurological disorder and no one knows what causes it. Most Autistic kids have issues with talking and communication. That is one of the reasons why they get so upset, they want to talk but get frustrated and can't. They are in no way retarded though. Some feel that the "tragedy" is that the child can't communicate. About 25% of Autistic kids do have seizures as well. Autism is a very controversial issue. I don't think of it as a disease. I think of it as a challenge that my daughter can and will get through. I get looks when I say my daughter is on Prozac to control her OCD, Anxiety, and temper. My advice to you is to tell that person to google Autism and actually read up before she offends a parent of an Autistic child. Autism is a puzzle and we don't know what causes it, there are theories though and that's another conversation. If you have any questions, feel free to message me!

Oh my---please get more informed quickly!
Autism is not equivalent to mental retardation but had been incorrrectly labeled as similar for many years until about 1950.

Even the most severely affected children who may also have a compoenent of MR, can be taught to learn many things, but the problem is often that they can not expressively communicate. It is my feeling after working with even the most severe that they understand sensory input around them, and speech, and therefore anything said within their hearing, and people should be especially careful; just because they appear immersed in their own world or rocking and can not speak in response, they seem to understand and become upset by any unkind conversation.
Autistic children can be affected at various levels, thus the term "spectrum disorder" has been applied to describe the mildest form (high functioning aspergers) all the way to severe autism. This is a syndrome of developmental problems which are largely evident in the communication realm, lack of perception and empathy towards others and a lack of understanding of social cues in groups. A description from an association is helpful: "Autism is a lifelong developmental disability. It is a neurological disorder, which presents itself in a variety of symptoms that affect individuals differently. Autism knows no racial, ethnic, or social boundaries. People with autism typically have difficulties with communication, sensory input, and appropriate behaviors, as well as deficits in social understanding. The incidence of autism is increasing. Autism currently affects 1 in 150 children nationwide." And for a final example of this not being anything like mental retardation in especially its milder forms, my son attended schools with no accomodations, and although he struggled terribly with bullies and not understanding the actions or intent of others, he tested into highly regarded private highschools, was able to interview for admittance, entered and did well, graduated with honors and is now away living alone in a college dorm! He will be prey all his life for those who recognize he does not understand nuance and intent of others, but will be well-educated and find his way. Children with autism deserve more understanding and especially a watchful eye from other adults in their lives when they are young (i.e. teachers, parents of friends). Peers can be their biggest problem in school situations. I hope this helps. Other writers may provide you with good books. I will stop with this casual description.

NO! Autism is NOT the same as mental retardation. I am currently taking a class and for my research paper, I chose the topic Autism. I have doen quite a bit of research and it all says that Autism is not mental retardation. I suggest that you talk to some qualified doctors and therphists and also do some research of your own.

Absolutely NOT! There are a lot of functioning Austistic children. There are many different "degrees" of Autism. My suggestion would be to go online & do a little research. Just Google "Autism".

NO! That is not true at all. I would have taken great offense at this statement had I been present. There are varying degrees of autism-which is why you may here the term Autism Spectrum Disorder. There are many children that are on the spectrum and none of them are retarted(I have ALWAYS HATED that word personally-it is a hateful label for people that are not 'normal' in ignorant eyes, but I digress). In reality, most people on the spectrum are highly intelligent. Their brains do not develop as a typical childs would affecting social interactions and communication. Some may have senory issues and repetative behaviors as well.
You may know many children that are or could be on the Autism spectrum and don't know it. They may be labeled as rude, spoiled by other people and parents. They may not make eye contact when speaking or being spoken to, they may misunderstand a situation during a playdate or on the playground because they don't understand social clues and non verbal communication. They tantrum in public for no reason. But they are not retarted. They are smart, sweet, funny and lovable. Next time you hear someone call an autistic child/adult retarded, please stand up for child/adults with ASD everywhere by letting them know the facts and that they are being judgemental and insensitive.

:)

I also have a daughter with autism. All the others have said it and I agree that autism is NOT retardation. I like what one post said "Tragedy...NO, Challenge...Absolutely". That;s exactly what it is. The movie Rainman is one my favorites. I never knew that Rainman was autistic until I had an autistic child of my own and Yes, it's a challenge at times. Retardation is like a person whose mind can only get to a certain learning point and stops. Their body keeps growing, but their mind does not. Autism children keep growing in both and learn to function in society. It is just as much a challenge for them as it is for those helping them.

Just to keep everyone up to date, retardation has been (or in some places is still in the process) eliminated as a label. Now cognitive or intellectual disability is used instead.

It is not the same at all. Autism is a developmental issue usually associated with language and social skills. Children with Asperger's Syndrome, which is a varient of autism, usually have a higher than average IQ and are brilliant. What they lack are social skills and miss many of the nonverbal cues. Those rules are only noticed when broken. They are anything but retarded unless you want to apply the term "socially retarded".

My 13 yo son is in public charter school, on the honor roll and is very curious about many things. In math, science and computers he is, for the most part, way beyond me. Autism is very complicated and has many levels and challenges. My friends son will never be able to live by himself because he has a set of challenges that influence how he makes decisions, my son may eventually live on his own and get married because his challenges are social, emotional and some physical. Autistics in general can be mildly or severly challenged in one area, but blow your min away in others. My son does geometry and algebra in his head, he'ws already solved the problem and I am still putting the numbers in the calculator.
I am not sure who said that, but they are grossly misinformed, or have a very limited exposure to autistics.
Visit this website for more information: http://www.aaccasa.org/index.html

A.:

Hello! I'm not a mother of an autistic child, but I can tell you that the few autistic children I have met are FAR from "retarded" in fact, I think they are soooo fricking intelligent that their brains actually shut out the rest of the world because no one around them is intelligent enough to handle conversations with them.

From what I have observed, autistic children are busy soaking up every single detail in their world. EVERY SINGLE DETAIL. It's like they absorb every detail around them.

What is the tragedy is that people judge without knowing squat. That's the tragedy. It's sad that we have so many ignorant people in this world that they do not stop before they talk or stop to use their God-given brain before they utter a word. People like that, in my opinion, feel entitled to things that they have not earned and feel that most people are beneath them. When in reality, it is they who are beneath others.

I would step up and say something to a person speaking like that. People in glass houses and all.

For me it is more of a tragedy that people think this way. I am a school psychologist and also have a nephew with autism. These children are NOT retarded in the sense that they are delayed mentally; however they can be delayed in other ways such as social skills and speech. When evaluated using a nonverbal test these kids tend to score high in intelligence because they are "in their head" so much. They are VERY observant and if given the right supports can make great gains in their abilities. Autistic children are amazing and surprise you in what they do observe and can be very adept in areas that they are interested in (i.e., they love cars and memorize/recall all there is to know about cars).

Children who are truly mentally retarded are unable to make significant gains in their abilities even with supports. Sure they can make small gains, but they will never be able to function as high as their peers in many areas.

Don't let anyone tell you that an autistic child is "retarded" it is simply untrue and the sign of an uneducated, ignorant person. I think it's great that you've asked this and put it out there so people can learn that.

i dont know any autistic children but, at best it would
classify as advanced social ackwardness.and i would think
that the best way to deal with it would be to be actively
encourage the child to socialize with other people or animals not playstations or computers.problems is, by the time that a autism dianosis is reached, the child might be in their teens already. autism is not technically mental retardation. but because, there are plenty of medications for it, but no cure, doctors are reluctant to reach that conclusion. now, autistic children do occasionally become violent ( as i discovered the hard way, thanks to an autistic neighbor who decided that i was his girlfriend )
but, a restraining order and a threatened assualt and
battery lawsuit brought the boys parents out of the land of denial plus it didnt hurt that i carried a baseball bat
with me every time i stepped outside after he decided to
crack two of my ribs and punch me in the face.his parents
suddenly decided to pay attention to what he was doing
but the bottom line is that it is all about the parents
paying attention to the childs behaviour, if the child
starts acting strangely than dont ignore it, take the time to find out why
K. h.

I'm not a mom of kids with autism, but I am an ABA therapist and can definitely say ASD & MR are two completely different things. It is possible for someone to have characteristics of/have multiple diagnosis, but to say someone is "retarded" just doesn't fit the bill. And personally I don't think autism is a tragedy its just a different way of life/seeing things. The tragedy comes in when families aren't given the right info, crappy services, or can't afford services at all. I've seen many of my kids/past clients lead typical lives and others who cannot, but who's to say what typical/"normal" is anyway!!! :) Good luck w/ your info mama I'd leave to hear your opinion!

Not the same at all.