I Want You to Want Me

When I went though this - at first I thought it was because he was depressed. Then I found out he was having an affair, year later. I do not want to alarm you but it could be that. One of my male friends told me - if he isn't getting it from you he is getting it somewhere else. I hope this isn't the case for you but think about it.

My husband experienced this. He went to his doctor and his testosterone level was at the very bottom of the chart. His pituitary is non-functioning (due to some medical stuff I won't go into). He is now on all sorts of meds and is getting back to himself :)
Have your husband go in for a complete physical.

How old is your hubby? What sort of schedule does he keep?

Any changes recently in his regular routine?

There is a physiological answer to this: Low testosterone. Easily diagnosed and easily treated.

There are numerous causes, but the big ones have to do with lack of physical exercise and being overwieght. Obesity increases estrogen levels and decreases testosterone levels, which equals wussy men who don't want to get laid. Sigh.

To be on the other end of the spectrum I have no drive while my husband would take it every day of the week. Yes I do it out of a sense of obligation I guess, but it sounds so bad to say it like that. I do it to fill his love tank (based on the 7 languages of love) so im still doing a loving act because I love him dearly and I dont want anyone else. I just dont want sex. I also have quit the butt grabing and sporadic kissing and other acts of intimacy because he thinks it will lead to other things and gets upset when it doesnt. I dont know if this is how you are but if it is that is why he isnt doing it anymore. If not then I dont know why but that is why i quit the extra seconds of kissing. I dont know a quick fix to my sex drive so i cant answer his. Actually I do my love tank isn't full, my husband knows how to fill it and just doesnt but i still manage 2-3 days a week to fill his. Do you know what your husbands love language is? Is it being met?

I have to tell you about a client of mine. I am an Arbonne consultant and this one lady's husband had the normal sex drive. She purchase Arbonne's Prolief Balancing cream since studies by Dr. John Lee, MD show it helps increase the sex drive in both men and women but she got it for him to prevent prostate cancer. He refused to use it because he thought it was for women. He started using it and didn't tell his wife (my client) and out of no where he was after her (to have sex) all the time. She said what in the world is going on with you he told her he had been using the cream. Everyone laughs when I use this as an example at a party but it isn't a laughing matter. PM me if you would like more info. It is all natural and can also be used as a natural lubricant to put back that "wow" why did I wait so long feeling for both hubs and wife.

only natural after long marrage how many years but first state with a medical check up could be several reasons check it out

You have to remember that a man peaks in his late teens. Women peak in their mid-30's.

That's all intimacy I think.
I couldn't have handled my husband at his peak! ☺

Hi Lori,

How long have you two been married? After a baby arrives, things usually change. You have to work at "it" more. By the time we had had three kids, our sex life was almost dead. For years we'd make love MAYBE twice a
year. So my suggestion to you would be to WORK at it. My daughter and her husband have weekly date nights. Hire a sitter, go out...just enjoy each other.
You could read up on it...get some movies, books, toys...have the conversation to get the issue out in the open and then work on it together.
Good luck and good times!
"Grams"
from the Pocono Mts. of PA

You have a young baby, right? It could be that he sees you mostly in "mommy mode" these days -- which could be unsexy to him, or maybe he feels like your attention has shifted to the baby rather than on him. Maybe he is still adapting to his role as a dad and he's having trouble shifting gears?

Maybe do a date night where you get a sitter? He could just need some extra attention to get in the mood.

The problem may be physical. Definitely leave no stone unturned in that department. Only you know your husband but I can tell you what works on most men. Stroke his ego. Genuinely compliment him. Praise him for the great things he does for you and the family. Whisper in his ear about the things you respect about him. Tell friends and family over the phone when he is in earshot. Tell people on the street when you are out together.

What things do you do that get to him? Does he have a favorite scent he loves to smell on you? Does he like you to wear heals or short shorts or a feminine dress? Men are visual. Are you stimulating his visual appetite?

Don't talk much to him about this because the nagging mom isn't what he wants or needs to hear. I have several things I can do or say to my husband to get his motor going and I do often and frequently. We've know each other for over 20 years and have been married for only almost 2. That's a long time for the same man to still want and desire you and you must know your man and study him long enough to know how to get him going and keep him going providing there is nothing wrong with him physically.

my Husband has been like that as well.
he says he just doesnt have the "drive" like he used to. he just turned 31,
Ive tried talking to him about it BUT it just bugs him, thank you for asking this, i am looking forward to what other moms respond to you.

Don't know. I have the opposite problem. After years of not being the intimate (except when initiating sex), I got use to him not being and now he is trying to be and I no longer want it. It's a problem either way to be sure.