Intimate Part of a Marriage

Updated on April 21, 2013
S.R. asks from Kansas City, MO
26 answers

hi mamas. i have always wanted to ask this question.
how many of you think that sex is very important in a marriage? i have several friends who have different opinions and wanted to see what some of the general population thought. This has nothing to do with my personal life, just a question i cant wait to hear the answers too!

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Wow! So many interesting responses! Thanks mamas for taking the time to answer my question! Have a great week everyone!

Featured Answers



answers from Dallas on

I believe it's an important PART of a marriage. If something happened to my husband and we couldn't have sex, I would not leave him. I did not marry him, just so we could have lots of sex. I married him, because I wanted to spend my life with him. I could stay in a marriage without sex easier then I could stay in a marriage without respect.

11 moms found this helpful


answers from Columbia on

Sex does not equate to intimacy. You can have sex without love or intimacy.

You can also be intimate without sex. I think that it's important to remember that in marriage. There might be some times where sex isn't possible...but you can still be intimate.

It is my opinion that the best sex is intimate, married, in-real-love sex. And I think that it is VERY important to have that in marriage as often as possible.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

I think it's a huge and important part of a relationship. But others may feel differently. My husband and I are on the same page. I think that's what matters the most.

4 moms found this helpful

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answers from Albany on

Well when *I* want it, sure sex is a VERY important part of marriage. When I don't, not so much!

Ah-haha, that's a joke of course!

Sex should be as important (or not) as both members of a marriage agree it is. There is no norm.


10 moms found this helpful


answers from Portland on

I agree that it's as important as it needs to be for the couple. There's lots of room for variation from one couple to the next, and at various times within a marriage. I've been married for 31 years, and have learned that sex can be important at times, not so much at others. Our commitment remains strong regardless.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Portland on

Without going into details, yes, having sex with a spouse is *one* important part of marriage.

That said, were something to happen which precluded intimacy, I'd still stay with my guy. Because it's only *one* important part... there are others. He's my best friend-- to me, that's THE most important part.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Anchorage on

Depends on the couple really. We have had times in our relationship were it was very important, and other times not so much. It is just one way to be intimate with each other.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from San Diego on

A relationship has to be more than "great sex". If that's all it is then it's not going to have any substance and not going to last. "Been there, Done that, got the t-shirt" LOL
It's nice and all but certainly not the most important part to me at all.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Philadelphia on

It's huge for M. but so are the things that make M. want it. As in being affectionate, enjoying eachothers company, laughing together, all of that is needed for it to be a huge part in the relationship. so for M. it is.
id like it daily he;d like it once or twice a week, were working on that issue all of the time

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Houston on

Sex is very important in a marriage where at least one of them wants to have sex.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Iowa City on

I think having roughly the same sex drive is important. Some of us like to have sex 5 times a week, others twice a month. It is important for both partners to feel satisfied.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

I agree with the ones that say it depends on the couple. Me and my husband are very close and love eachother greatly but because of physical limitations on my body it does not happen often but that does in no way mean we have a bad or troubled marrage. Granted he is very compationat and understands my limitations. But I have a friend that it's very important because if she does not weekly if not multiple times a week he thinks she's cheating on him which she would NEVER do. He's just insecure.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

I think it is as important as each couple needs it to be.

For us, it's a big part, both of us require that kind of intimacy to feel bonded to each other. We go through phases of course, when it's not a big deal and then when it is. We have been together 16+ years.

Everyone is different though and everyone has different opinions and needs.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Baton Rouge on

It's as important as the couple involved want it to be. For some, it's critical, for other's it's not.
Personally, I like sex, I like it a lot, and I like a lot of it. But if everything else is going to hell in a bucket, I can't get in the mood.
I've been with guys who have lower drives than I do, but because I loved the person, not just his parts, I didn't push him if he wasn't in the mood; I masturbated.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Wausau on

Sex and intimacy are two different things. A marriage needs intimacy to survive, but not necessarily sex itself. It really depends on the people and the circumstances.

Problems can arrive when people think that sex is the only way to connect. In reality, couples with a rocking sex life may not be connected intimately at all. It's like mistaking lust for love. They don't realize they have no foundation, so if the sex goes away so often does the marriage.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Knoxville on

If the intimacy is there, the sex is usually great and often, although some people have reasons that may limit this. As long as the intimacy is there anything can be worked through.
My brother gave me some words of wisdom when i was a teenager.
He said "Sex is the great multiplier" If you are not in love with someone, yet you have sex with them, each time you have sex it multiplies the unloving feelings you have until eventually you can not stand them. Conversely, if you love the person, then sex multiplies those feelings also. Your love grows each and every time you have sex.
It is so true!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Lansing on

Depends on the person and depends on the couple. I once read a marriage help book that said individuals feel love differently sometimes, specifically most men and women feel love differently. The key to a marriage is to find that thing that makes that person feel most loved and do that.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

my hubby and I are very well matched sexually. We've been married 14 years. We do it for each other. Meaning, that sexually we are just what the other one needs. When we were dating and first married, man were we at each other all the time. Now we were in our mid 30's, which puts us right at 50 now. My husband has had disfunction for several years and at times now, we don't have sex for nearly two months. He has finally been diagnosed with low testosterone and is on testosterone gell. It has really worked very well. Now... we LOVE sex together, but during those times where the equipment isn't working we are still very much together emotionally. Our love and closeness is NOT tied to sex. If he could never have sex again, we would miss it, but we would still be each other's number one person!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Boston on

Hugely important. It's the one need that for most couples, only the other spouse can meet. It's not fair when one person commits to the other for life and expects fidelity and then denies the other person fulfillment of a basic human need. Not tending to intimacy is like saying "I won't help you make dinner, but you can't eat anywhere else either."

Now granted the "for better or for worse" part of the vows is certainly real and there are times in a marriage when intimacy has to go on the back burner (illness, injury, exhaustion, stress, strife, physical distance, emotional distance etc.) and perhaps one spouse has to learn to be very patient and understanding for a while, but that shouldn't become the norm unless there's a very good reason for it (again...illness, injury etc.).

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

I can't imagine it not being a HUGE part of it. It's how we bond and connect.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

If both participants are capable: Immensely important, but not the most important part of a marriage. I was engaged to my husband 3.5 years before we got married. We are used to abstaining when we need to, which was great practice for us as an engaged couple, since we do the rhythm method for spacing our children as a married couple.

If either spouse has a physical ailment that prevents them from having sex: not important -- that's part of the "for better for worse, in sickness and in health" vows that must be remembered.

I have known plenty of couples where 1 spouse has no capability to have sex, yet they have solid marriages because they work more intensely on other areas of their marriage/family.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

I really like what J.B. said...I second her sentiments.

Also, I have found that communication is the key.

You need to say what you want..and also ask him what his needs are. Then find ways to meet each other's needs. This should be a conversation that is on going.

I find all too many of my friends are afraid to breech this subject with their husband. That just floors me!! You make babies with him, he has seen you give birth which is not the sexiest of occasions and yet you both can't talk about physical intimacy needs?

I also have found that women talk with eachother about sex but men don't talk to eachother about sex. It can be a lonely place for a man in this department if he has no one to talk to.

I also find that it is important for a wife to initiate with a husband...not have the husband always begging or hinting that he wants to be close. I initiate whether I am "in the mood" or whether I really just want to sit down and get lost in a good book. (which is often)

I try to keep track of our frequency and make sure we are together a few times a week. It isn't about "scheduling" is about not letting that part of our life get put on the back burner because of the laundry list of to do items. Laundry and dishes will always be there the next day. Events like Boston Marathon..and 9/11...and Texas explosion are example to me that my hubby just might not always be there.

I believe whole heartedly that physical intimacy whether it is a quickie or long lasting hot steamy,rip my clothes off sex is important throughout a marriage. It ebbs and flows in frequency...but should be more flowing than ebbing :)

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Minneapolis on

I think sex is very important in a healthy marriage. It is one thing that is completely sacred between the two of you. You can have other friends and interets, but its something that bonds you together. Although again, in a healthy marriage there is the intimacy that goes along with it.
Children, work, money and outside obligations all stress a relationship. The frequency of sex varies per couple, etc. but I do think its essential.
Now, is there was something medical that caused no sex, you could still have the intimacy.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Kansas City on

It's the glue that hold you together. It's bonding and feeling close in which it keeps you connected.
Interesting question.....

1 mom found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

For me and my hubby, it is an important part of our marriage. It brings us closer. It is something we share with each other exclusively. Yeah, for us, it's important.

I know there are some of this site who probably don't consider it vital in their marriages. We are all different; we all have different priorities. You will probably get answers all over the board!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Erie on

Intimacy is important, sex not so much. Each marriage is different.

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