I Invited Only 1 of the Twins to the Party Bc Its a "All Boy" Party.

Nope not rude at all. I have boy/girl twins and they usually weren't invited to parties together as a unit. I would have never asked anyone to invite the second twin. Twins are not a unit. They are individuals who have separate likes, interests, and friends. Tell you male friend that he is really off the mark on this one and move on to planning a great boys party.

No, not an issue, just because they are twins does not mean they have to do everything together. She likely does things without him as well.

No it was not rude. Just because they are twins does not mean that they get to do everything together. Just as with non-twin siblings, sometimes one gets to do things the other doesn't.

What was seriously rude was for your male friend to say what he did. It's none of his business. WHY are you letting his rudeness bother you?

An all-boy party is fine. An all-girl party is fine. A coed party is fine. Your friend with the twins obviously understands that.

Stop telling your male friend your business. He thinks he gets to act like a churlish aunt to you...

of course it wasn't. don't consult your friends about this sort of thing. the kids are fine, the mother's fine, your decision is fine.
your kid. your party planning. your rules.
khairete
S.

Your son wanted boys. Nothing else to talk about. Just because they are twins means they do EVERYTHING together. They are two kids not one. Hope your son has a blast.

You have to set parameters. If we don't set parameters then we end up with huge, expensive, unmanageable parties. My son is doing only boys who are in his class and who he regularly plays with outside of school. His church friends, soccer friends, school only friends, choir friends and girl friends will be left out, but I can't invite everyone.

Your child chose whom he wanted at his party. The End. It wasn't rude it just was what it was. It was an all boys party with one exception. No hurt feelings and if the girl twin did have hurt feelings it's for her mom to deal with.

Every person has some disappointments in life. It's how we deal with them that matters but disappointments will happen.

Your male friend needed to honor the wishes of the person who was doing the inviting and let it be what your son wanted his party to be.

Please don't feel bad. What if your son felt bad about having an additional girl there. He chose boys why can't he have what he wants for his get together without appologies?

No need to feel bad. No need to change the plan. No hurt feelings.

I think it's ok. As kids get older, they make their own friends. Even twins make separate groups of friends, especially with boy/girl twins. You should not have to invite both just because they are twins. Medieval Times is expensive and your guest list is limited. Allow your son to choose the guest list and don't worry about it. I am sure the mom of the twins understands that they don't always have to do everything together. She may even enjoy the chance to spend 1-1 time with the one who isn't invited.

ETA: I disagree with the posters who said that it isn't an all boy party because you invited his cousin, who happens to be a girl. I think that family can be included regardless of any other parameters you have set. You don't have to invite a girl friend simply because you invited a girl family member.

No it wasn't rude. There ARE all boy parties. It is a fact that they're separate people and will have separate lives. It's only healthy that they do different things sometimes.

I was with you until you revealed the "all boy party" isn't an all boy party. Rude? I don't know if I'd go that far, maybe inconsiderate and petty considering the circumstances. I know you attempted to do right, but an afterthought invite is just awkward for the recipient. It's prob a no harm done situation, but I'd be a little more thoughtful with organizing the guest list next time :)

You had me right up to the cousin. Nope, sorry, if you invite a girl it is not an all boy party. I do not believe that sibs have to be invited, especially this crazy all the kids must come that aren't even the same age or friends. If this really was a all boy party I would say it wasn't rude but what is going to happen when the brother comes home and tells his sister, there was a girl! there? He will, because that is what sibs do. The mom said no big deal because that is what polite people do. There will be a kerfuffle at her house because of the decision.

I don't think that anyone has to invite anyone they don't want to but you are the one who claimed it was an all boy party when it isn't.

I just want to add, as a mom of four, if this happened I would work through it. I mean what else can you do. I just wanted to know the kids will make a deal out of it because that is what sibs do

Not rude. It's your son's party. HE should decide who to invite. Siblings, even twins, are not a package deal all the time. They will develop their own individual friendships. I'm not sure I would make a point of the boy/girl party, just invite whatever kids your son wants to invite. Likely he's closer to the boy twin. I'm sure there will come a time the girl twin will be invited to parties her sibling will not be. Kids have to learn to deal with this. No one gets invited to every party.

You did the right thing. Your son wanted an all boy party. So no girls are invited -- end of story.

As others have stated that are not joined at the hip. It is better for the twins to learn this now than later in life. There will be times that the twins will want to do things separately from each other.

Tell your male friend to back off and leave this one alone. It would be rude to have an only girl there while all the themes are for boys and she does not enjoy the party and sits on the sideline. Life if full of what ifs and should haves but it is not fair and it is not equal.

Enjoy the party and report back to us.

the other S.

Siblings do not always need to be a set. If your son would rather invite the boy twin vs the girl twin, then invite just the one kid. I'm sure as they get older there will be more and more instances where it's "just the girls" or "just the boys" or they have different sets of friends. Would you feel bad if they were not twins? Would you feel bad if your friend hadn't said anything? I don't think you did anything wrong.

Nope. Not rude. And the post-invite reaching out to the mom covers the bases in case she was offended. Next time you see her, you might even have a brief (brief! don't drag it out and keep it alive any longer than necessary) conversation with her about how it felt kind of awkward, but it was only for boys and then he wanted his cousin and blah blah blah...

She sounds like she was fine with it and not offended. Probably she has been expecting this at some point already (and if not, she should). Even if they were the same gender, they are not the same person. And eventually, they will have friends they do not share, and their own actual lives... they are twins, not conjoined twins. They do not have to do every activity together. It's ok to be independent people. I'm sure their mom is aware of that.

It's fine. Not rude at all.

(I am curious though... how old are the kids? If they are under age 6, then it might not matter so much to be "all boys"... as they get older though, that sort of thing does become more of an issue.)

Perhaps one of the most disturbing moms I ever knew insisted on absolute equality between her two children. They weren't twins, but were etremely close in age (born just 11 months apart). When one had a birthday, she provided an entire birthday cake, presents and fanfare for the other, so one wouldn't feel "left out". If one was invited somewhere, she wouldn't permit that child to attend unless the other was invited. She calculated Christmas gifts to the penny, so that one's gifts wouldn't total $103.46 and the other would only total $102.89. This continued even through elementary school age. It was exhausting (for her and her husband and all their friends).

After the age of 2 or 3, when kids begin to make their own friends, I feel it's ok to invite friends who may differ from the other sibling's friends. I think your friend's mom is really smart - she's realizing that her children are different genders, have different personalities, have different friends, and are developing differently. She's not locking them into little boxes, and she's realizing that at this age, her children are developing different friendships and interests. Who knows how they'll grow up? They may be completely the opposite of what she expected, or what society "expects", but good for her for not pigeon-holing them and expecting absolute equal treatment. That eliminates creativity, personality and one's unique talents and gifts.

Invite your son's pals and support your friend in her support of her daughter.

My children are not twins but 13 months apart so people treat them as twins. They are not a set!! They are separate people with likes and interests and should dress differently and be treated like individuals. This goes for all siblings, but especially twins.

Not rude. Imo, this can still be considered an "all boy" party because the female guest is family.

My daughter is friends with one girl in a set of all girl triplets.

When they were younger 5 or 6ish and we were inviting the whole class. I always invited all three.

I had a talk with their mom and she said she realizes that as they grow up they will have different friends and get invited to different events without each other they are not a "set" they are individuals.

So this year my daughter invited five friends out for her birthday. Only one triplet was invited. Mom brought her and picked her up. No big deal.

They are individuals not a set. Invite the boy and don't worry about it.

Nope, not rude. As a mom of twins I know that there will come a time when one of my boys is invited somewhere and the other is not, and it will be a good learning experience for both because they will learn that we don't always get everything. And all boy party or not doesn't matter, it could have been a mixed gender party and it still wouldn't have been rude. Its not your party, its your son's party, and he should be able to invite the people he wants to invite.

It's an all boys party and she shouldn't be invited. I wouldn't give this a second thought. Don't feel bad. Even though they are twins they are still individuals and have different friends. They should not be treated as a package deal. Girlie can't come. Oh well!

Not rude at all. I would expect that even twins will develop separate sets of friends over time. Might there be some disappointment? Sure, but that happens with all siblings (happened in my house just last week when older was invited to a friend's house and younger was not invited), and it's part of learning that not everyone gets invited to everything.

Ack! More birthday party drama! Listen, your son wants a boys party, it's his birthday-- boys party it is.

If anyone chooses to hold onto that with bad feelings, that's really their problem. My son isn't invited to everything his dear friend (girl) does, partly because he's a boy and she sometimes wants to do 'just girls' things. We don't make an issue out of it because it's not.

It sounds like the mom is okay with it. No worries.

Since you are the host, you can invite or not invite anyone you want. If the mom likes her twins to do everything together then she can decline the invitation for her son which I think would be terribly wrong.

Twins or not, kids have their own friends .... Your child wants only boys, so be it.. I also don't get these days when even if not a twin, a parent seems to think it's ok to invite all the kids simply because one of their kids was invited. (not saying the other mom was like that) but the guy who told you you were rude..
When I was growing.. if you got an invite, that is the one and only person who went. no one was offended because we knew there were going to be more parties down the road. plus, it's the parents who worry more about this stuff than the kids. When the male twin comes over, his sister can play with other friends at her house.. I don't see how you were/are rude..

Twins are individual people who just happened to be born at the same time.
All siblings need breaks from each other.
There's nothing wrong with inviting just one.

No, you are allowed to invite only the boy.

I don't think it's rude. I think as people grow older they realize who they are friends with and want that person, not everyone. Twins are hard because they so often do things together, but my daughter was friends with a boy/girl twin set and rarely invited the boy along for anything. My sons actually liked to play with his younger brothers too, so it normally worked out one was left out.

Most parents of twins also find it very important for them to be individual people and know they won't have the same friends always growing up, especially with a gender difference. Even if they were the same - it wouldn't work that way. You were NOT rude to only invite the boy, it was VERY generous of you to then invite the girl, and the mom was exactly right to take advantage of one-on-one time with her daughter.

My son has a good friend that is a twin and we used to always invite both, it was actually the mother that finally told me that it was not necessary, that in fact she felt it was important for them to understand that they can have different friends and lives.

This is understandable. Since my daughter was 11 months, we've had some friends with kids the same ages as my oldest two. When my oldest daughters friend turned 6, she had a girls only party, and my son, for the first time in his whole life, wasn't invited. He understood. It was fine.

For twins, I think you invite the twin you are friends with. I agree with everyone - they are not joined at the hip. When they are very little, it is easier to invite both - but as they get older and kids can understand better, I think it's fine you invited one and not the other.

One of my sons once had all his buds to a party - but had 2 girl friends. So he invited them. I just made sure they were both coming (so one girl wouldn't feel funny by herself) and had some girl stuff for them to do. That was his choice though - he was very close to these 2 girls.

It's your son's choice (and your final say). If it's to be all boys - then that's fine. So I don't think you owed anyone an explanation (your co-worker should keep opinions to himself). I think reaching out to the mom was very considerate.

Good luck and have fun at party!

As a rule, I think it's ok to invite one sibline (even a twin) and not the other; however, you said you typically invite both and you are close friends (so it's not just about the classmates). The fact that the female cousin is coming makes it NOT all males so if "all males" was the reason not to invite the twin it was wrong. If he wanted to only invite the one twin, that's ok.

I don't think it was rude.

She's your friend.

When someone is a friend this would have come up in several conversations. Like

"Hey, kiddo is asking me about having a party at that Medieval place but he wants only boys to come, how would female twin kiddo feel about that. We sure don't want her to feel left out so why don't we do an all girls day starting at Clair's and ending with XXXXX".

"Hi, I have an idea! Kiddo wants an only boy party this year at that Medieval place. What do you think I should do? This is the first year we'd be splitting the kids up and I feel really sad about this. Is it okay to let him do this? I keep thinking about how (your female twin kiddo) is going to feel and I want to tell him no. This is hard! How would you handle this?"

By talking to her well before about the situation, which is what we do with friends, gives her the chance to prepare her girl and give you feedback. You can always say no to your kiddo. Truth is, you're paying for it and understand the hurt and pain behind a rejection. Even though that's not what it is the girl will likely feel rejected and left out.

I think everyone going and then splitting up would be good. IF IF IF the mom is okay with that. I mean, she doesn't want her girl to be the only one not included. Or just her and her cousin.

It's a tough one, I hope it works out.

BTW, how old is he?

If he's getting 7 or 8 it's time for the kids to have separate parties. I think 1st grade is it as far as boy girl parties. After that you're going to see more and more of them just wanting a few close friends and not the whole class or joint parties.