Daughter Invited to Sleepover Party but Not My Son

Updated on January 23, 2014
E.P. asks from Tampa, FL
30 answers

Hello. My friend, Shari's 8-year-old daughter is having a sleepover party at the aquarium. It sounds really cool, but I'm hesitant about the whole thing.

I am not going to mention all my concerns but only one. In the past, all 3 of my kids (son- 7, daughter-8, son- 12) have been invited to her parties. This time, the card was only addressed to my daughter. Should I say anything? I am positive it's not a girl sleepover because she told her friend, Melissa and her twin boys about the party. I don't care about my 12 year old being invited. He is too old to hang out at a sleepover with a bunch of 8 year olds and younger. However, my 7 year old may feel very left out. He always is involved in our meetups with Shari and her 3 kids.

Is there a polite way to ask her if he's invited or should I leave it alone?

***A few people answered already but I forgot to mention this- Shari's brother owns the aquarium. I doubt he is charging her for the party.

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So What Happened?

Thank you! The majority rules. I agree now that I should not ask about him attending. Shari has told me in the past that her daughter has a lot of friends, so I understand better why my son wasn't invited.

Just to be clear- this is NOT a girl sleepover. I know that for a fact because twin boys will be attending.

Featured Answers

V.S.

answers from Reading on

I can't imagine a 12 year old boy wanting to go to an 8 year old girl's sleepover. The bottom line is the invite was for one child only and I would not question that. To do so would be rude.

9 moms found this helpful

C.O.

answers from Washington DC on

Sorry, but a 12 year old boy should NOT be at a sleepover for girls. Period. End of story.

Sorry, but neither should a 7 year old. The girls will most likely want to do make up and paint fingernails and toe nails...something a boy is typically NOT interested in.

I would NOT ask about it. I would tell my son that he can't be invited to each party and this one is just for the girls.

Leave it alone.

7 moms found this helpful

B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

Siblings don't group together forever.
He'll someday have parties to go to where his sister is not invited.
Leave it alone.

7 moms found this helpful

More Answers

T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

No don't ask. The invite was clearly sent to your daughter so take the hint. Just because both/all kids were invited in the past doesn't mean they always will be. Kids grow and have preferences about who they do and do not want at their parties, especially an overnight.
It's important for your son to learn that he won't get invited to every party his sister gets invited to, that's just life, and at seven he's plenty old enough to understand that.

14 moms found this helpful

J.S.

answers from Hartford on

It's not our job to make sure our childrens' feelings don't get hurt. It's our job to teach our children how to handle hurt feelings. :-)

You might consider what others have said and use the opportunity to have a special night with your boys, or let your boys each invite a friend to sleep over your house. Get a pizza, get a movie, and they'll have a blast.

11 moms found this helpful
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S.W.

answers from Amarillo on

It doesn't matter who owns what. The party invite is for your daughter. It is time that she have something for herself and not have her brothers (big or small) tag along. They are not a "unit" they are individuals. If you do insist that they go as one, they will be left out in the future. You know, word gets around.

Let your daughter enjoy her time away from the boys and have a great night. This is the time that you get to find out what makes your boys tick and enjoy them. Have a movie, popcorn, sleepover in your living room with them.

Life is too short to worry about this. As one person put it earlier, it is time for all to learn that you don't go to all things. Don't sweat the small stuff.

the other S.

PS Invite was for daughter so she goes. End of story.

11 moms found this helpful
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H.W.

answers from Portland on

The invitation was addressed to your daughter. As kids get older, things change. Better to get our kids used to it early on-- and teach them to be resilient about it-- than to angle for an inclusion based on your fear your son's feeling will be hurt, mainly because then you would be ignoring the feelings of the host family and their intentions.

I think the gracious thing to do is to let your daughter go the party and, if you like, have a popcorn/movie/sleepover date with your boys at home. If you have a hide-a-bed, pull that out, let the boys hang out in their pjs with you and watch something you know they will enjoy. You can be the Fun Mom on this one.

It doesn't matter what the reason was for only inviting your daughter... just accept that Shari's kids are growing up and Shari is doing well in allowing them to make their own choices about who comes to their events. We can't micromanage our children's lives forever, right?

11 moms found this helpful

T.F.

answers from Dallas on

No you don't ask. When an invitation is addressed to ONE person, it means that the ONE person listed on the invitation is invited.

Why would you not allow your daughter to go because your sons are not invited? That is not fair to your daughter. She deserves her own friends. She is growing up and maturing and needs her special friendships without having her brothers tag along. The children are growing up and relationships change.

Use the time to bond with your sons!

10 moms found this helpful

J.S.

answers from Richland on

Leave it alone. Why would your seven year old feel left out? I raised four kids, and never had all kids, or even a couple, invited to a party. The others never felt left out because they have friends too, friends that have parties, parties that their sibs aren't invited to.

8 moms found this helpful

E.A.

answers from Erie on

I really don't understand this "he'll be hurt if he's not invited" stuff. I never assumed any of my other kids were invited when one was invited to a party. They never assumed it either, therefore I didn't have hurt feelings to deal with in the first place. It's probably a good time to start talking to your kids about the fact that this is very likely to happen from now on, that they won't be invited to the same parties as they get older.

7 moms found this helpful
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J.B.

answers from Boston on

It doesn't matter whether or not there is a charge. Your son is not invited, which is totally normal for a girl's slumber party. Your daughter will have fun, your son will learn that siblings don't always get treated like a pair.

7 moms found this helpful
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S.B.

answers from Houston on

Maybe the birthday girl only wanted your daughter there. At 8, girls are maturing and changing faster than boys. Could be that she wants just girls. Regardless, your daughter was invited.

I'm sorry if your son will be hurt; however, this could be a teachable moment for him to understand that he won't be included in everything that his sister is.

Also, please allow your daughter to go. Just because your son wasn't invited, please don't punish your daughter. Your kids are individuals, not a set.

This actually sounds like a lot of fun. =)

6 moms found this helpful
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P.K.

answers from New York on

Birthday girl invites who she wants. Your daughter needs to have her I
Own friends. Let is go.

Updated

Birthday girl invites who she wants. Your daughter needs to have her I
Own friends. Let is go.

Updated

Birthday girl invites who she wants. Your daughter needs to have her I
Own friends. Let is go.

5 moms found this helpful
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I.O.

answers from McAllen on

You know that these twin boys are attending, but you do not know the circumstances under which they were invited to attend. Yes, leave it alone.

I only recently learned with my first birthday party (3yo) that people bring their other kids and place them right in the middle of the festivities, without asking the host if it's okay. This is not okay.

When I'm hosting, I invite the people I want to invite. How dare somebody question my guest list? Anybody bold enough to ask why they (their kids) weren't invited deserve to hear the answer, whatever that might be.

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J.C.

answers from Anchorage on

I recently had something similar happen. There is a boy both of my boys are friends with, but he is my older sons age. For the past year they have been doing sleep overs (only at the others boys house, he does not like to sleep away from his own home and we don't push him, he can stay when he feels comfortable) and it has always included both boys. All of a sudden they changed and said that only older son was invited. The first time my older son actually turned them down, he did not want to go without his brother. But he did end up going the next time alone, and although he was hurt, I explained to my younger son that sometimes things just work out like that, the the boy and my older son are the same age and all that. I know he is hurt, but in the end that is really part of growing up.

4 moms found this helpful
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J.J.

answers from Buffalo on

I've had plenty of people ask about siblings coming, so it's not uncommon. However, it sounds like just the daughter is invited.

4 moms found this helpful
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S.B.

answers from Dallas on

You mentioned that this is a sleepover at an aquarium. When I was a girl scout/boy scout leader we often scheduled these types of activities for the kids. they were fun and had an educational component to them too. We were required to supply adult chaperones for x kids per adult (depending on their guidelines). Sometimes they would host males in one room and females in another rooms. Perhaps if some boys are being invited, they have a limit of male chaperones available to help. That might be why he was not invited. Let you daughter go, and find something else fun for you or your husband to do with your sons that night!

4 moms found this helpful

A.C.

answers from Huntington on

I would leave it alone. I would use this time to figure out something fun to do with your boys, while your daughter attends the party.

Your friend may have a budget (on snacks, prizes, or whatever she is buying for the party), space issues therefore a limit on guests, or she might simply think your son is not the best match for a sleepover party. Whatever the reason is, I do not think it matters; children (and adults) need to learn that they will not be invited to every party. If your son asks why he was not invited, just say "We don't get to attend every party, but let's come up with something fun to do while sister is gone!" (That could be a movie night, baking cookies, making a fort, going bowling, or whatever).

FWIW we are super close friends with a family, and their son's bday party is this Friday, only my son was invited, and I totally get it. Why should they buy pizza, drinks, cake and admission for all my kids just because we know them? They invited the one child their son is closest to, and I made arrangements for my other 2 kids; one is going to Grandma's for a sleepover and the other is having a daddy-daughter date since I will need to attend the party (it is 45 min away).

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C.B.

answers from San Francisco on

I would leave it alone - it may be a space issue and they could only have so many. Also, you say she told Melissa and her twin boys about the party, but you don't exactly say she invited the boys to the party.

3 moms found this helpful
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R.M.

answers from Cumberland on

I wouldn't allow my daughter to attend a "sleepover" party where boys were invited-that is creepy beyond words.

No-if your son isn't invited, you cannot ask if he can come to the party. He's old enough to understand that boys do not go to parties specifically for girls; and you do not go anywhere you haven't been invited-and he should be taught not to feel bad about this situation.

3 moms found this helpful
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D..

answers from Miami on

I'm sure that there is a set number of people she can invite. She needs to include as many "families" as possible, so this time, only one in your family gets invited. I would not ask about this. Be happy one of your kids got such a cool invitation. If you ask, she may think twice about inviting any of them next year...

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O.O.

answers from Los Angeles on

I would assume only your daughter is invited.
Why ask?

3 moms found this helpful

S.G.

answers from Grand Forks on

When planning a birthday party there is usually a limited number of guests who can be invited. I leave it up to my child who they want to invite. They can't invite everyone, and some will be left out. I think that only the child on the invitation is invited, and to ask if the other child is invited will just put your friend in an uncomfortable position.

2 moms found this helpful
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G.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

I'm not sure I'd like to send my kiddo to a party that was a sleep over and both genders were going. Not that they'd let anything happen but boys do change the dynamics of a girls party.

I'd ask. The other boys might not have been invited either.

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C.S.

answers from Las Vegas on

Since you have 3 children, it will be a good day to do something special with him and for him.

2 moms found this helpful
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A.M.

answers from Washington DC on

We've gone to a party like that. It was expensive per guest and there was a strict adult-child ratio. Perhaps the mom can't afford to invite your son.

2 moms found this helpful
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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

It may simply be that your daughter is the closer friend to the girl hosting the party. Do something else with your son(s) instead.

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A.L.

answers from Las Vegas on

As kids get older, they usually only want THEIR friends and age group there.. I don't think I'd want my little brother tagging along.. Also, I think it gets to be too many kids to watch after a certain point..
You could just say, keeping the party all girls this time, huh?

1 mom found this helpful
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N.K.

answers from Miami on

As someone who was a little girl at one point in her life, my mother gave me the right to decide who I wanted to invite to my birthday party at around that age. She didn't know which kids were friendly to me and who was mean, and the last thing she'd want is to subject me to having a bully or someone I did not care for at my party, on my special day. That is probably what happened here, Shari's daughter feels closer to your daughter than to your other kids so she just invited her. There may also be space limitations as to how many guests are allowed, so they had to cut down the guest list to the closest friends of the girl while excluding others.

My sister is 8 years older than me and it never occurred to me to force my mom or the host to have me tag along for the parties. I understood my sister was invited and I wasn't and I'd go play with my own friends, watch movies, or stay home and play with toys. Kids get over things faster than you think, especially when they have something just as entertaining, if not more, which will easily make them forget. Why not have your sons do a movie night with friends, or have a sleepover for the youngest so he can hang with friends if you think he'll feel sad or bored otherwise? Just a thought.

1 mom found this helpful

R.X.

answers from Houston on

Wow, AKMom, I wish my siblings would respond the way your older son did for his brother. Pat yourself on the back. You have raised them to be close.

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