I was 15 weeks pregnant and i had a miscarriage. now i feel completely awful. I wish i would have died sometimes. i dont know if im over reacting, but i feel like i could just cry and cry and cry, but it wouldnt make me feel any better. I just want to know what i did wrong. i tried so hard to change myself once i found out. i was so happy. now i just hurt. all over. my body, my mind, i just dont know how to handle it. my boyfriend is upset, buti know and he knows he doesnt understand, i saw the baby. it was hanging from me in the emergency room bathroom. it was the most aweful thing thats ever happend to me. i feel like i just want to go to sleep forever. i hate this. i just wish i knew how to deal with it.
I want to thank you all so much for your words of support. Im not being h*** o* my boyfriend at all, i know he's hurt, he was very excited. The night after we got back from the hospital we just sat and held eachother and cried, ive never seen him cry like that. i know he's hurt about it. ive started a journal...so i can get my feelings out. I knew I had to find a way to get my feelings out when my boyfriend started hiding my pain killers because he was afraid i would hurt myself., i never really had any support from any one in my family so i dont have many people to talk to. But ive been feeling a little better...I only started crying 3 times today. I feel a little bad, im so sorry for everyone else who has gone through this. I never really understood when i would hear about women that this had happened too, but now i so do. And im so sorry for everyone. I couldnt imagine going through mulitiple miscarriages, i might loose it. But thank you all so much. it made me feel better reading these responses.
You did NOTHING, NOTHING wrong. You need some counseling to let you know that you are loved and that you did NOT ONE THING WRONG. Please go to counseling - it will do you a world of good - it did me. If you would like a name of a counselor I would be happy to supply a couple.
N.
I am so sorry for your loss. You lost a baby and you have every right to grieve. Please get help - get counseling, join a support group. You need to feel safe talking about your miscarriage and your grief and you need to be able to process your experience. Here are a few resources:
http://www.angelfire.com/emo/miscarriage/
http://www.nationalshare.org/http://www.obgyn.net/women/w...
Please reach out to someone and your boyfriend may not be the best choice. He has his own processing to do and may not be able to help even though he wants to. Hugs and prayers, C.
you have to grieve its part of the healing process. you didnt do anything wrong it just happens and its nothing you could have changed. you will hate pregnant women for a while you will want your baby back. this is normal. you can have a normal pregnancy after a miscarriage I did. you handle it in the way that makes you feel better minus drinking and drugs. mine was due to a uti. I didnt know I had it. get a thorough check before trying again. I didnt have to see my baby like you did so that will make it harder. this will pass let yourself cry and grieve do what you have ot to make it easier. which it will never be easy but you will learn to adjust. It took me about 6 months. you will always wonder what they would have been like looked like and all that stuff christmas will be hard. dont beat yourself up over something you couldnt control. my prayers and thoughts are iwth you. I found a miscarriage forum after mine it helped alot.
I am so sorry to hear about your miscarriage and that you are feeling this way. I think that if you were to talk to your doctor about why you may have had the miscarriage, he would tell you that it was because the baby just didn't have what it takes to thrive and go full-term so please stop blaming yourself.
I'm sure that there are a lot hormones that are running through you right now that may not be helping you right now. You may want to talk to your doctor about this and maybe there is a medication that he can prescribed that will help you not feel as sensitive as you have been feeling.
Lastly, I know a lot of women who have had miscarriages that go on to deliver healthy babies later on. A miscarriage is not a ending to your dreams of becoming a mother, it's just one step in the process. If you can change your frame of mind from one where you have suffered such a great loss (and no one can deny that something like that does hurt) to a knowing that you are capable of getting pregnant and having healthy happy children, it should help you a lot.
I am worried about you though. Please talk to your doctor candidly about how you are feeling and also a female counselor. Also, finding a support group for women who have suffered miscarriages may help. You don't have to feel this lousy or take on this heavy emotional burden alone. I promise you that there is a light at the end of the tunnel for you and this miscarriage is just one very rough bump on the road of your life. Please reach out your hand and get some help from those who can help you.
Sending lots and lots of prayers your way.
I'm really sorry you experienced this. A good friend of mine had a late-stage miscarriage and it's a hard thing to get through. Please call your doctor or a counseling phone line. See if you can get a referral for a counselor/psychologist/therapist. It would help you a lot to talk to someone about your feelings. Your hormones are also all over the place right now. You may benefit from taking an anti-depressant -even for a short time. I wish you luck and I really hope you'll get some help.
I'm so sorry you lost your baby. I recently had a miscarriage as well and I know how hard it is. One of the things I tell myself and I know it is based in science is that babies self abort most often because there is something genetically wrong with it and it wouldn't survive to birth or much after. When we get pregnant, we instantly create an entire life for that child in our minds, and when that is cut short, we loose not only the child but all the hopes, dreams and plans we had for the child. Be gentle with yourself, it was nothing you did or didn't do to loose that child. It sounds like you might benefit from some counseling with someone who specializes in grief. If you belong to a church, that might be a good place to start especially if you don't have insurance that will pay for counseling. If the depression continues for more than a month or two you should consider starting an antidepressant. there might also be groups at your local hospital for women who have lost a child, you can call and ask them or search on the internet. Good luck to you and hang in there.
I am so, so sorry, T.. It is so hard to lose your baby. Time will help decrease the pain a bit, but you will always know and miss your sweet babe, the dreams you had for its future, all the hopes of tomorrow. Have you named your baby? You might consider doing that. Something like Hope or another attribute that reminds you of your baby might be a nice name. No, your boyfriend probably doesn't understand in the same way that you do, but they still feel the grief. They don't often know how to express it though. Don't be too h*** o* him about it. He is probably unsure how to help comfort you. I wish I could give you a hug. I am so sorry.
First, you did nothing wrong. NOTHING. Miscarriages happen, very often. It is a very sad reality, but they happen to sooo many woman, with no explanation. Please reach out to your Dr. Talk to them about it and see what they can do. Find a support group in your area. Talk with your family. Spend time with them, your friends...anyone that will give you support. You really need support right now. You need someone who knows what you're going through, who made it through. Someone who can help you manage.
Maybe, there is a group near you with this organization. They are wonderful and can offer you so much support:
You should be in one or both of therapy with a counselor who is knowledgeable in this type of thing or in a support group of women who have lost babies. You have had a trauma both to your body and to your emotional health. Please take care of yourself by getting into some kind of talking therapeutic situation Perhaps both you and your boyfriend
could get into a couples support group . . . he could understand you better and his being there with you might be helpful in your healing.
You did nothing wrong. Give yourself time to heal physically and emotionally. I felt the same way after my miscarriage. I had gone on a kiddie ride at an amusement park and that night started bleeding. I felt guilty, sad and empty for a long time. Then I started talking to moms I know and almost EVERY one of them had one or two miscarriages. It was so much more common than I knew. I still felt sad, but that fact helped a bit. Even my OB's wife had 3 miscarriages and 3 healthy babies! Just give yourself time to cry and grieve and then hopefully, try again. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Talk to someone! Whatever happened was not your fault! If you're really contemplating suicide, please please please call the suicide hotline. 1-800-273-8255
It's absolutely normal to feel horrible right now, something terrible happened to you. But it's not worth dying over.
Grief counseling should be available through your local hospital
Your feelings make all the sense in the world. You lost a baby. You lost dreams. You lost possibility. I wish I had the magic answers for you to make you not hurt anymore, but all I can say is you make sense. One of the things that makes it hard at 15 weeks is you were past the major miscarriage risk time. You had arrived safely in the second trimester. I've been there. I know it is horrid now. Be gentle on yourself. Sometimes bad things happen for absolutely no reason.
T.,
I am so sorry for your loss. Like many women posting, I too have suffered a few miscarriages, and while I can't understand every circumstance in your life, I do know your pain. I've been there and yes, it's horrible. The pain of the physical loss is compounded by the emotional pain of this death, and death can be a very difficult event for couples to navigate, through no fault of either partner.
You asked how to deal with this. What helped me was to let each day be it's own, to do it one day at a time, and not to expect myself to feel anything other than what I was authentically feeling. I found, for myself, that it was a while before being out in public didn't feel otherworldly, like there was some weird disconnect between the daily life of the world and those around me (at the grocery store, or restaurant, friends who talk about other things...), and my own private world inside myself where I grieved fiercely.
Like many have said, men and women have very different ways of coping with miscarriage. There's a good book called "Unspeakable Losses" that deals with pregnancy loss and which I found very, very consoling and helpful. Pregnancy is never an isolated event, emotionally. We have a lot wrapped up in our hopes for our new baby, and when we lose a pregnancy, we grieve so much more than the child we had loved; we also grieve the loss of those future moments, the loss of repairing our lives through our new families---this shouldn't be diminished or ignored.
I hope that you will have friends and loved ones to support you during this time. People will say all sorts of wrong things: know that they come from a place of concern and a desire to make you feel better. This was one time in my life that I had to do a lot of forgiving because people still aren't comfortable with saying "I'm sorry" and leaving it at that, because there's really nothing more that anyone can say.
Like another poster suggested, if you find this grief is overwhelming, get some support. A therapist specializing in pregnancy loss can really help for us, and they give us a chance to speak openly and find clarity in what we want from here forward. I also suggest this because sometimes, this sort of loss is too much for some of our friends to absorb/support, and therapists are okay with listening to us grieve openly for an hour. So please, find a safe person to talk with about this when you are ready.
I'll be thinking of you. Please take good care of yourself.
I am so very sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
I am so so sorry for your loss. How long ago did this happen. You need
to talk to someone. Do you have family support. Please get some help.
I will say a prayer for you tonight.
Dear Teresa, my heart goes out to you SO much. I just lost a baby boy in Sept at 15 weeks as well. I know how much it hurts and how it just makes no sence sometimes. I also wondered what did I do wrong, but I had done my best to do everything right. I advise you to do something to remember your baby like name him or her and write him or her a letter, make a scrapbook or anything that will help you hold onto him or her. He or she will always be a part of you and it is NORMAL to greive him or her. You should get greif counseling and possibly medication or natural supplements to help you cope. Sounds like on top of greif you could be dealing with post partum depression. (very normal.) Find a support group or people to help you and find ways to get out or take a walk when you can. Be kind to yourself as you heal and greive. If you ever need a friend pls dont hesitate to email me at ____@____.com.
I know that the baby we lost is in heaven with The Lord. I believe your baby is too. I pray with my heart that God will comfort you and help you T.. I am so sorry hon. Sending you hugs and prayers of comfort,
M.
Miscarriage is not your fault, never your fault! You poor thing, I really feel for you. Your body is still pulsing with hormones and you've just suffered a terrible loss so crying and feeling so horrible are completely normal, not an overreaction at all. Can you speak to your family doctor and get some grief counselling? Or try at the hospital post-partum clinics as they usually have lots of grief programs. Please don't blame yourself, though - you did nothing wrong. My thoughts are with you.
I am so sorry for your loss. I'm sure there were so many people looking forward to meeting the baby as well.....
It's okay to be sad, mad, or whatever you are feeling. But TALK to someone. Don't bottle it up inside. Miscarriage is something that is not understood yet but so many go through it. My husband and I have suffered through 4 miscarriages. Each one heartbreaking. Especially once you are close to the 12 week mark and feel "safe". I've had 2 during that time. And those were completely devastating. If you wan to cry, then CRY! Spend a day on the couch and CRY. Just know that you are not alone. All those that were excited with you are missing your baby too! Talk to them and share your pain with them.
And you are right. It's not the same for the father. My husband grieved as well but he admitted that I took it much harder. I had been carrying that baby and it was more "real" to me than to him........ But he did his best to support me even while suffering himself. Tell your boyfriend what's going on with you. Let him hold you. Let him comfort you. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG!
Talk to your pastor. If you don't have one, find one!
i had lost one too hun, it's HARD i was 5 months when i miscarried, was even told i could know if boy or girl....i had already picked a name for either or, and just couldn't know, would've been worse.
i did not see my baby, i can't imagine that! bless your heart, you're not the only one out there who's experiencing this...the way i dealt with mine, is i shut down completely, it's only talked about when i talk about it. thankfully my husband can relate, he lost one too, ex wife had preclampsia, and said nothing about pain til it was too late, baby drowned in mother's blood. We don't know if his older daughter knows about her sister, and is buried in the UK, we want so badly to go visit her with his oldest daughter....but obviously that will be expensive, he hasn't been back since and feels guilty almost as if telling her that she had been forgotten. hopefully i can make his long over due visit happen for him :(
i'm giving you a hug cause that's all i know to do
I am sorry for your loss. Life is very difficult. A good way to deal with this is to take a look around you and try to notice if other people are sad or hurting. Think of some random act of kindness that you can do for someone else. It could be a very small thing like a smile, a kind word, a compliment, or a favor.
It is okay to be sad for awhile. Please don't sink into self-pity; it is very addicting. Reach out to others who are in pain. You are loved; share the love.
I know just how you feel. The second time this happened to me I just stopped talking. I isolated myself and saw no one except our goats and chickens. I sent my children to off with their father and stayed all by myself not speaking at all. After two weeks a friend came out to see me asking if I would come out and I felt healed enough to do so.
Loss of a baby that is already moving inside you and you feel the connection to the soul is a deep cut.
It's the soul you miss. Sometimes they come back to you in a subsequent pregnancy. Mine came as a grandchild many years later.
You are so not alone. I have been there myself, and I have to tell you that it does get easier. One day at a time. Have you said goodbye to the baby? Sometimes a ritual of some sort, a funeral, letter, or something of that sort helps with the closure. Let your tears wash away the pain. You will never forget, but the pain gets easier to bear with time. Take care of yourself, treat yourself, pamper yourself as you heal. Big hugs.
Professional help is probably the best thing you can do for yourself right now.
