Help Me Do My Little Diva's Hair

Updated on August 30, 2007
S.W. asks from Williamstown, NJ
13 answers

I have a 15 month old with gorgeous curly hair. She is mixed 1/2 black and 1/2 white, and I do not have problems keeping her curls shiny and bouncy and conditioned. But my husband's family seems to think that if her hair is not braided or pulled back in pigtail or a sculpted hairstyle of some sort, that I'm not taking care of her (mother-in-law has gone as far as to say "Oh, somebody finally combed your hair, Marley" when I do fix it.) I do like to have her hair done at times, even as much as I adore it's natural beauty, but I cannot for the life of me do it right. After struggling to keep her in my lap for more than 3 seconds for about an hour, I end up with a cute, but not perfect hairstyle, that within minutes(especially with the humidity of this summer) start to unwravel. The styles stays in, but the hair that is pulled back next to her head begins to curls up and look frizzy and unkempt. I think that this ends up looking worse than just keeping it natural. How can I keep her hair tight against her head, and how can I keep her in my lap long enough to do it? It doesn't seem to matter what toys I give her or if her brothers play with her, she just won't sit in my lap.

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So What Happened?

Sorry it has taken so long to respond. Than kyou everyone for your advice. I have foudn that using a little hair cholesterol on her hair when I am putting it up helps to keep the flyaways to a minimum without overloading her hair. I never use shampoo on her hair as most of them have alcohol in them, and I wash her hair with conditioner and then use Sunsilk in the pink bottle leave-in conditioner while her hair is still wet, that seems to work well, and I don't really care what my in-laws think anymore. None of them have ever offered to do her hair, just criticize, and when one, only one, of then ever attempted it, it came out looking worse than when I do her hair. So I'm happy with how beautiful she is.

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A.N.

answers from Philadelphia on

They have a lot of products on the market that will do this really well.
You can either put a deep conditioner in at the begining of her bath and keep it in until right before she gets out- Garneir Fruitisse leave in deep conditioner is great. The use a wide tooth comb when you comb it out.
Also, you could try a sculpting hair wax. The same company makes some great ones, plus got-2-b makes good ones. Again- wide tooth comb to brush out. The little girl I nanny for has the same hair that you are describing and unless I use a wide tooth comb it frizzes unbelievably bad!
Let me know how it works out!

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K.S.

answers from Philadelphia on

Please do not let your relatives stress you out about this. There are a lot of little tips and suggestions for you to try but just keep in mind that you and your daughter will find what works best for you along the way. It will take a bit of trial and error. My daughter is 26 months and we are always trying new things. The best advise that I heard and worked well for me was to give her whatever she wants (for the most part) to keep her happy. Sitting still at that age and especially sitting still to have someone tugging at your hair is not fun. Blue's Clues is interactive and fun. Sing-a-longs are good. My daughter also likes to play in her hair bag. I have a bag full of hair ties and barrettes and she helps picking out what she wants in her hair. I also found, with my daughter, that after bath time works best. Mornings are a nightmare to do her hair, so it is very rare that happens. The best product I have found to help with the edges is called Pink. You can find it in Walmart, Target, etc. I have the lotion and the spray. It won't matt her hair or weigh it down. The spray is even very useful for for the frizz in general when it's down. I wish you well! Take a deep breath and bond with your daughter.

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M.D.

answers from Philadelphia on

Hi S.! My name is M. and I'm a step mom to 2 biracial kids (black and white), one boy and girl, and my own 3 month old prince! Your in-laws will probably not consider her hair DONE until she resembles Alicia Keys on a regular basis...don't worry about them. Probably the only way to braid her hair is when she is sleeping, at this age. Cornrows are the style of hair which last a few days when done small enough and are extremely versatile. The "fuzzies" will always be there. As she gets older or for very special occassions, a touch of hair gel called "Jam" along her hair line will keep her styles looking fresh. Her natural curls are pretty enough to "get up and go". If you like, offer one of the relatives every now and then to "do" her hair!

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A.C.

answers from Reading on

my advice would be biolage hair serum rub it in your hands and start at the end of her hair after it is wet and work it up to the roots,this will help control the frizz,follow w/ tigi curls rocks it's awesome for keeping the curls together and it doesn't make hair hard,or greasy.never blow dry curling hair without a diffuser it will get frizzier, my 11 month old, I sit one my lap with the hair dryer w/ diffuser and just let it do it's thing,with curly hair if you brush it after it dries more frizz.

getting a 15 month old to sit still is impossible, and in order to smooth the hair you need heat which is hardly an option at such a small age.depending on how coarse her hair is pomade is great for keeping the frizzes under control to get her hair up,dove makes one I like, I would try styling it up wet after working the pomade through ends to root.

I suggest just using some light hair products for now. as for trimming it in the future, take her to a hairdresser that knows bi racial hair,it cuts much shorter then caucasian hair and you need sharp scissors to avoid more frizz. When she is older you could consider getting braids or twisties done around her hair line if it really bothers you but it does require the hair to be pulled taunt which will be rather uncomfortable for her.

It hard to understand that there is so much of a difference with white and black hair care they invests losts of time, and money for beautiful hair it's more then just hair for them, very few have the luxury of just washing it and letting it go.

Hope this helps have a great day.

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S.T.

answers from Philadelphia on

She is your child. Do as you see fit. If you like her hair down with the pretty curls. thats great. Family is a "great" thing. Isn't it???? www.livegreeneasy.com

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J.S.

answers from Philadelphia on

Hey S., Stop stressing!!! You do what you want to do to your little girls hair and don't listen to the fam. I'm in cosmetology school and have two children of my own (3 - girl and a 1 1/2 - boy) and a 17 yr old step daughter who lives with us. And my kids won't sit still no matter what. She is only 15 months and does not need her hair in all different kinds of styles! If you put a leave in conditioner and some anti-frizze product in her hair she should be just fine! Maybe get some cute bands for her but for the most part she is way too young to sit still and get her "hair done"! You are not alone but it will get better and easier. Just think there will come a day where she begs you to do her hair!!!!
J.

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M.M.

answers from Philadelphia on

Look you have your hands full. My daughter is 27 months with poker straight hair, but it is very thin. I can't get her to sit in my lap long enough to try to put a ponytail in her hair, and then when it is in she goes and takes it right out. It sounds like you need hairspray, but if you like her hair down and it saves you time and aggrevation then just leave it be. I always leave my daughter's hair down and make sure its combed because for her to go and just take it out its not worth it. And your mother-in-law needs to keep her opinions to herself. She wants her hair done so bad..let her do it herself when she sees her and you owe her no explanation AT ALL!!!!!!! Let her try to get her to sit long enough to make her looked all dolled up. And kids' hair is never going to look perfect. They always have to touch it or whatever as soon as its done so its gonna continue to look frizzy and "unkept" its just something you cannot control especially if they have that baby fine hair. If her hair looks fine down....do yourself a favor and leave it down! Ask her if she wants a ponytail or not...let her decide...most likely this will be easiest. I know if I ask my daughter she will sit until its done and if she says no then her hair stays down...its a win-win situation!

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K.R.

answers from Philadelphia on

It is difficult to keep that hairline smooth! My daughter is almost 7 and it still hasnt happened. She has beautiful curly brown hair. I tried when she was younger with braiding,twisting,ect and nothing has worked. We(she has started doing her own),have been just leaving down and puuting a hairband (it hides the hairline) or pull into a low ponytail. She is not fussy but hates anyone touching her hair. I put a quarter size amount of suave hair lotion in an orange tube and a bad of shine drop. Mixed hair is a special kind of hair. Looks gorgeous but is very hard to figure out. I have been trying for almost 7 years. Good luck and take care,
K.

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T.M.

answers from Philadelphia on

hi. for one, let me tell you that the fact that you are trying to do her hair is a commendation. However, i do not think it is fair that your inlaws judge you. One of my daughters is not mixed and i at times find it hard to keep her sides from frizzing up, so it is not a solitary problem. However, the one thing i do is i have to comb her hair on a daily basis so that it looks fairly neat, but a little bit of light gel or hair pomade(paul mitchell is nice) may help. I also can corn row if you want her hair done...as for keeping her still, well, she is still small, and that is not easy..My older girls are 4 and they still do not keep still. I used to comb their hair when they were younger after they fell asleep, or just have to learn to work with them...and at times...*which I hated doing* hold them down a little bit. It gets easier as she gets older...but at her age..even if you can get a nice little curly top pony tail and purposely kinda lightly comb some of the fine small curls on the sides, it should still look cute.
hope this helps.
T.

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C.C.

answers from Philadelphia on

If you like her hair natural nevermind what those busybodies say. It is mean and degrading to say things like that to you in front of your children. Do it your way and it will always be right!!

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S.M.

answers from Philadelphia on

My baby girl is bi-racial, black & white, with drop dead curly curls, thick & shiny. Bi-racial hair is different from black or white hair, it needs it's own particular care and style. My daughter is 2 1/2 yrs. When she was 1 yr. I used let her watch tv while I did her hair, and that bought me 15 minutes or so, but like you say, the style gets messed up by the middle of the day. Her hair doesn't hold thicker braids well unless I tie it w/bands. The best style seemed to be french braiding it from front to back, it seemed to stay in longest, was quick and easy to do and didn't break off the hair and leave frizz like the smaller braid styles. After all the fighting pleading and complaining between us about hair I finally said it's not worth it. We cut her hair short, and she and I are both very happy with it. She looks gorgeous, I have more time to play with her, when she's older she can have it long and appreciate it. Little ones are too busy learning and growing to have long hair!

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D.W.

answers from Philadelphia on

Hi. My name is D. and I have two daughter's. First of all, don't worry what the family is saying . I'm sure your a fine mother who takes care of her children well so right now hair is the least important thing on your mind. DON'T STRESS. My oldest daughter is mixed with white and black and she has the same problem with the edges being frizzy even if her hair is done.
I find that if you use some Elasta QP,( it's a tyoe of gel)
it will hold down her edges without leaving residue. As for her sitting still, my youngest daughter is 15 mon also. I find that if I tell her it's hair time and give her something in her hand or some food and turn on her favorite dvd or tv show it helps to make it alot easier. I also sing songs with her to make it alot much fun for the both of us. I hope it helps. Write back and let me know

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A.A.

answers from Philadelphia on

well have you ever thought of putting products in her hair. if you have then tell them to back the f*** off it is your kid. when they babbysit they can do what every to her hair but you don exactly have the time to spend on her fix something that is allready spo perfect. that is what i would say.... plus she might hate it later. i used to do my daughters hair everyday she hated it and now she is 4 1/2 and wont let me. if i do get to it comes right out.

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