Good Resources for Kids Whose Parents Are Divorcing

I am actually teaching a class this summer about families and assigned my students chapter 5 in S. Coontz's book "The way we really are." It examines what affects divorce has on children, but from a well researched perspective--it might give you some good ideas about the things that are the most important for children during a divorce--for instance--being able to stay in the same school district--it also it good for parents to understand how important their ability to cope with a divorce in a healthy way is on their children.

My kids were too young to read when Daddy left; probably I should have found books to read to them but I didn't (and I don't think Daddy did either). I relied on translating the bits and pieces about 'how kids react to divorce' from the grownup books I was trying to force myself to read to help deal with a situation I didn't even want to admit existed : P.

THANK YOU, from the kids(!), that you don't let your emotions about the divorce show. My family and friends put up an astounding and courageous effort and did not demonize my kids' father despite them seeing no justification to avoid doing so--except that I insisted.

Instead of books, I ended up waiting out the situation a little--since our family was so young (6,4,2,and pregnant), there was only one little girl in the oldest's class who was also a child with separated parents, but the sad truth is divorce continues to hover around 50% and gradually we are adding family friends who are also divorced/separated, which gives the kids a sense of normality.

Hopefully the parents step up to the responsibility plate and keep the process focused on "what is best for the kids." That helped our separation be of relatively little (still enormous of course) impact to the kids. People often comment, even without knowing that they have separated parents, how happy the kids are ... so we did ok. It can be done alright.

(I cried almost nonstop for a year and a half, whenever the kids weren't looking and occasionally when they were. It can still turn out alright.)

Check out my friend Hillary Hyde's excellent web site: www.gooddivorcebooks.com - excellent, quality books and resources for children and families in transition. I wish this site had existed when I went through my own divorce 7 years ago. ~D.

I have not seen the other responss but sometimes public libraries have parent resource centers. these books could help them the librarian could point you in the direction for books for the children
Paula

There are lots of good books for kids about divorce. Libraries often have many of them. You could read some to the kids and that might give them the opportunity to talk more about what the books bring up for them. I agree it is wonderful that they are opening up to you. It would be ideal if you could also spend some time with each of them separately as well as all together. I actually think it could be helpful for you to acknowledge your feelings to them, as long as you can do so in a way that doesn't make one of their parents the bad guy. That could help them to feel more okay about expressing the mix of feelings that they are probably having. (And they can probably sense that you are having feelings anyway). It might help for you to get some counseling as well, if your anger and desire to blame one of their parents is strong. It may be helpful for you to realize that, since the marriage isn't working, everyone will be better off once the divorce is over and things have changed. It is of course important for the kids to be reassured that it is most definitely not their fault, as they tend to think that it must be. Hopefully they will be able to maintain good relationships with both of their parents after the divorce. There may be groups in your area for kids whose parents are divorcing, and/or they could go for some counseling sessions. They will probably go through many different feelings and stages during the transition. It is so good that you are there for them!