Overwhelmed and Very Worried

Updated on November 04, 2008
S.T. asks from Humble, TX
4 answers

Hello all,

I am in the process of divorcing and moving to Tomball/Cypress area with my son who is almost 2 1/2. He is a sweet boy, very loving and very attached to both mommy and daddy. He is not going to understand why he does not have daddy anymore and I have no ideas about how to help him transition through this tough situation, especially since I am also in a state of confusion about it myself. Daddy decided he needed space and time to do what he likes to do and that marriage was not for him. I won't even go into my feelings about that! My focus is on trying to keep my angel calm and at peace. He is still sleeping in a crib. Should I leave him in it? I was just about to move him to a toddler bed, but the timing just doesn't seem right. I also stopped pushing on the potty training, since we are about to change so many things. He will be going to a new school, moving into a new place and missing daddy all at the same time. I pray that daddy visits him like he should, but this selfish phase may win out, so I can't plan for his help in getting my son settled down. I am trying to avoid future discipline and behavior problems. Right now my son is very well behaved and cooperative. He has started to act out a bit since this divorce thing started, so I know it could get out of control when we actually move.

Thanks! Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

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D.B.

answers from Houston on

Keep your anxious moments to yourself, and do not lay your emotions or fears on your child. If you are peaceful, calm, secure, and confident as a parent, he will also be those attributes. Children have emotional radar! In your area there are classes for divorcing parents called Adults Relating to Kids (ARK), through the Cypress Creek Community Center. You will be required to attend a class like this, and I recommend it for ongoing support, communication skills, and a parenting style that will give you and your child security and peace. ###-###-####.

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J.H.

answers from Houston on

Hang in there! Be strong and don't be afraid to show emotions in front of your little guy. Crying is OK that is natural and he needs to know it is ok. Hang in there...maybe the selfish thing will pass and things can get back to normal.....hang in there! Keep things as normal as possible for your little guy. Like you said, don't try new things for a while until you can tell he is adjusted some. If he acts out...that is normal! If it goes on and on I will get him into a play group of counseling to help him work through his issues. Hang in there!

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T.I.

answers from Houston on

Hi S.,

Wow, you are a really strong and admirable person! My heart goes out to you in this difficult time. I will lift you and your family up in my prayers. What a precious little boy you have. The only advice I have is to keep on keeping on. You seem really grounded in your walk with God and you're right on target with your concern for your son. Just go with your instincts. Even though my husband and I are together, things are not always rosy. Having both mom and dad around doesn't make everything perfect- there's still the transition phases that catch everyone off guard- how to potty train, ween off the bottle or pacifiers, how to teach them to sleep alone. The main thing is to stay focused and balanced. Be honest about where daddy is, don't try to pretend daddy is still at home. But don't allow bitterness to seep in either. God is in control and has you and your son right in the palm of his loving hands. God bless you. ~T.

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C.S.

answers from Houston on

The healthiest children in a divorce are those with a stable custodial parent--get some counseling for you either from a church or other source. We separated before my daughter's 2nd birthday; the counselor advised me that the 2 of us should sit down with her and explain to her what was happening. We both loved her, etc. Her father did the Peter Pan thing and could not be counted on for his visitation either. I relied on faith, family, and friends, as well as counseling. I also read many books, but this was 1980, so I'm sure there are many newer books now. When my daughter was 7, she also began counseling. She had counseling periodically, especially when her father died when she was 13. She's now a 30 year old lawyer; finding a man she could trust enough to marry was a bit of an issue, but God provided a wonderful guy. They have now been married 4 years.
Leave him in the crib and wait on the potty training, but talk with the pediatrician for the last word on that.

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