Good Advice Please

This is what I think. Have you both talked about what happened that got you both to where you are? Are you married? Have you both seen FireProof? Marriage is a huge commitment, but you didn't say you two were married. If you are and if you seen the movie, then you would know what I am saying about doing a LoveDare on him. If you and him aren't married and he doesn't want to work it out and you are unhappy, then you two would need to separate, perhaps after Christmas. Your son will pick up on it and you don't want him unhappy either. So, talk with your son's father and see what happened originally for both of you to be where you two are. I would love to see you two work it out and find out what has caused you two to be where you are. If you don't want to or he doesn't, you may then separate, but don't worry, it sounds to me he will pay child support because he loves his son and he'll want visitation rights and he should have it too. As long as you two don't fight while together or apart, your child will be okay. You as a mother will be entitled to a lot of help out there and remember, those helps are there to help families and mothers with children to get over the hump (finances) and in the meantime while getting help, you can better yourself in area of work and stuff. Until you are able to take care of him and you without help from those places (food stamps, WIC (up to 5 years of age) then you can get off those things. Food pantry from church and other locations are great sources of help too so even if you get a job and do well, you can still get food pantry from churches. There are church around that are doing that all year round. I would love to hear that you worked it out for your son's sake, but it's up to you and your son's father and your son's happiness.

Hi D., I am not sure where the problem is. You don't live with this man, and while you say that you are a "couple," it sounds more like you have sex. That doesn't make you a couple. How can you "leave" when you are not living with him? It sounds like there really is no relationship, it's all just for show. If he does not love you, and is still generous is supporting his son, then I'm not sure why that would change if you were not in a "relationship" any longer. You would both probably be happier if you declared an end to your relationship, which really is already over - if you don't love each other, then there is no relationship and you need to discuss the upbringing and support of your son while you are each free to move on to other relationships. Why would his support of his son change if you stopped having sex with him?

Try and save alittle $ on your own But if you aint happy kids are not either seek legal advise get out and live you deserve to be happY!

Hi D., I can not tell you to leave your son's father but I will tell you the following, your son is going to learn about relationships by watching you and his father. Is the relationship you have one you want him to learn from? If not you should leave. There are always options, I was 17 when I got pregnant by my boyfriend. We got married and I stayed with him for a few months because I found out that he was not the person that I knew from dates. I gave birth and when my daughter was 8 months old I went into the Air Force so that I would have insurance and be able to take care of her. She is now 29 and I have never regretted my decision. I eventually married a wonderful man when she was 6 who adopted her and she adores him. Enough about me. I don't know why you can't go for child support, but if he loves his son as he says there shouldn't be a problem there, he should want to support him. If it is because you can't afford an attorney I know that in Florida there are lawyers appointed by the court for the child to get support so I am sure they must have that up hereYou deserve to be loved for yourself and your son deserves to grow up with a happy mother. Good luck with whatever you decide to do and if you decide to stay with him try and find a way to be happy with him for your sons sake and your own.

D.--What a difficult time you are going through. Think of all options you have, and maybe brainstorm options with a trusted friend--this person may come up with ideas you haven't. Maybe there is a way you can leave and still keep your head above water financially. Also, ask yourself if you really want to continue having a sexual relationship with this man. IF not, then don't give in. You have been crying and worrying for too long--look forward at where you want to be and find a way to get there. And pray too--that works wonders. I wish you the best of good fortune.

Try legal mediation. Get a child support "plan" which you both agree to in place so you can not be manipulated by your son's father. You don't have to be married to get child support, and if this man doesn't want to marry you, then this agreement will free you both up to get on with your own lives without disturbing the relationships with the child. I believe the best gift you can give your child is to be a happy and healthy adult; YOU are the one they are looking to for every clue on how to grow up to be a happy and healthy adult! Give him a positive role model.

You will have to make up your own mind if you want out of the intimate aspect of this relationship (you will still have to talk about things relating to your son). If you are clear on what makes you unhappy about how things are now you could try talking with him and see if he is willing to work with you to improve the relationship. If not see if you can at least be able to talk civilly and cooperate about things relating to your son. I don't know how to say this delicately but if he is sleeping around take steps to protect yourself from STD's (condoms or whatever else you need).

Clearly if you are happy in a relationship or not is an emotional decision...but what you need to do to leave is figure out the practical steps to take. Before you make up your mind or reveal your next move to him get some information. You can start by finding out what you might be likely to get in terms of child support and custody arrangements (maybe a lawyer in that area will do a consultation?). Also, if you know you will take a financial hit are there steps you can take to prepare for it? Do you need to get more education or job training to support yourself better (if so make a plan)? Can you save a little of cut expenses temporarily? Does it make sense to wait until you son can go to Kindergarten so childcare expenses are less? Just figure out as much as you can.

Hope you find a solution that leaves you happier than you are now, even if it takes some time. Good luck.

Hi D.,
For stay or go, I can't say. But if yo decide to stay, there's a book called the 5 languages of love. It's really popular, easy to find, easy to read. Basically it shows you how tomake the care you can give most effective for the other person to receive -- and so it can make your son's father feel better in his life; and if he is on board with it (like reading it together?) then your life together, whether you stay together for each other or for your son, a better life. It's written for married couples, so you'd have to agree not to put pressure on each other -- just use it as a guide for making everyone in the household feel more cared about. If you stay, it might be worth it to take a look at the book; and if you could get him to read it (set up a time to have coffee each week to go over a chapter) it might help both of you to be at least better friends. Good luck in your situation.

I would say, if you aren't happy being with him, then leave him. Don't stay in a relationship for a child. As your son will pick up on it, and you don't want to be with someone you don't love.

I am not sure why you say you can't go to court for child support. That's what friend of the court is for. If the fathering is telling you by leaving him, he won't pay, then that is not a good situation at all. that's blackmail and controlling.

Even if you have to risk not having some child support for a few months and having little money, it sounds like it might be better for you, and your son.

I would say go to friend of the court, and ask them about child support payment and how that works. Even though my husband was with his ex when their son was born, she still went and filed to get child support out of him.

you have to think about what's best for you and your son.

Did you try to talk to your son's father and try to worked out with different people?I mean move on stead take him to court?because either way you too are having different bills to pay and if bought are not happy there is nothing what you can do,my husband has a daughter and he tried to worked out with her for many times and nothing and finally he moved on and now we are married,I would risk and leave if he loves his son he will pay child support for him without complain,life is not easy and never will be but sometimes we have to risk and see what happens,good luck

Sometimes the best advice comes from within ourselves. It's okay to hear what others suggest. However, listening takes practice. For example, we both wear size 9 shoes, yet mines fit most differently from yours. Therefore, we can't wear each others shoes even though they are the very same size and width. Have you ever listened/practiced another's advice and failed, only to be called a name by the giver? I hope not, in essence what i am saying is listen to your inner wisdom. Dial heaven if necessary and you will be granted an answer. Your highest good awaits you with regards to what to do or not. I hope this helps.