Evening/Bedtime Routines

You have let them cry. I began to let my boys put themselves to sleep at around 6 months. They would have a bottle and some rocking/singing time and we put them down while they were still a little awake. They are now 10, 8 and 5 and are very good sleepers. Children are manipulative and they have found something that works. Find a short routine that you all enjoy, put them in bed and insist they stay there. If they get up, don't talk, just put them back until they fall asleep. May be a rough couple of days, but they will get it. Then they can be free to find something else to try and control. Gotta love them.

Bedtime is always difficult. What we do is have a checklist of what needs to be done. If they start to get out of control I set a timer and tell them that have to have what is needed done by that time or things get taken away the next day. If they complete the list before bed time then they get to have a special treat the next day. And also, if they do get done in that amount of time you are asking be sure to praise them and tell them that did a great job. Kids love it when they know their parents are proud of something they have done. Good luck!

D.

Try to use this lesson and apply it towards getting your 19 month old into a routine now. If you have anymore kids, the best thing to do is get them into a routine from the very start.

It's something that you'll have to either decide you want to fix or decide that you're going to let it go. Because the process of fixing this is very hard. With my kids, I never let them fall asleep outside of their cribs, of course that wasn't the case for the first few months though. If my baby started falling asleep, I would sit them up to wake them slightly and then take them to their room and lay them in their crib. That way, they identified their crib with sleep. Because of doing this from the beginning, they learned that when I laid them down, it was time to sleep. Now, with my first, I didn't do this because I was never told to do it that way. So, I had the same issue as you. She was 15 months old and I had my second and realized that the rocking and walking her to sleep wasn't working anymore because I had the newborn too, and it seemed like while I was rocking my first, the newborn would cry and wake her up. So, I was forced to break her into a new routine. I started out by laying her down for her nap in her bed. She didn't like it one bit and would cry and cry. I let her cry though, and after 3 days she would go to sleep with either no crying or very little crying. Nighttime was a different story. It took her about 5 nights before she really got used to it. As a matter of fact, she would get so worked up that she would literally throw up. I would just wait until she went to sleep to go in and clean up. Since she was always standing while she was crying, she only threw up a little over the rail onto the floor. I know, it sounds horrible, and I hated it, but my pediatrician told me that "she had ME trained, and I had to take the control back". I realized he was right because after all, I was the parent and the one in control, not her, and I had to change things around so she realized that. I'll tell you what though, it's well worth to have stress free bedtimes for only 3-5 nights worth of work. People will say to not let them cry it out. They will say that it's damaging to their self esteem and all kinds of stuff. My daughter was so much happier though after she was in a routine. She was crabby before that, and very demanding also. Kids NEED structure. They NEED limits, and they especially need a schedule. Once I got her into a schedule, I was AMAZED at the difference in her throughout the day. She was in general just happier and less crabby. Now, she's 5 and has wonderful self esteem, is a wonderful sleeper, and respects me. At bedtime, my husband and I take turns putting our kids to sleep, and the whole process takes about 2 minutes. After that, they sleep all night from 8 until 7 or 7:30. I'm telling you, fix it now and enjoy quality time with your husband again after the kids go to bed!!!!!!

I agree that children clearly need structure and limits. In our family with three children, we also have a routine of jammies, brush teethe, tidy up the bedroom, and then I read three stories, say prayers, and then I sing a couple songs to them with the lights out. Sometimes my children try to push their limits and drag things out, dilly dally, get drinks, whatever they can to draw out the routine. When I notice the dragging out becoming a problem day after day, I start setting an egg timer. The rule is that when the egg timer goes off the lights are out. For them, this means they might not get stories and songs if they waste their time dilly dallying. I don't yell or get frustrated, I calmly say, "Oh, how sad for you. You didn't choose to have stories tonight. Maybe tomorrow we can use our time better so we can have stories." This usually solves the problem in one night and they are back to cooperating in no time. You might also try reading a book called "Love and Logic Magic from birth to 6 years." I would highly recommend it.

I am also a HUGE control freak .. so I know what you mean about getting them on the schedule and it being drawn out. I would first recommend possibly starting the routine earlier until they get used to it. What we do at home is I made a list of 3 - 4 things that need to be done before bed and bought sheet protectors for each list and their own color dry erase marker. This way they can cross everything off the list as they do it and you just wipe it clean and its ready for tomorrow. Now my children are all school age so they can read now, but when they couldn't I just took my time and found pictures on the internet (cartoony pictures) to show them what they had to do and wrote it also. So for brushing their teeth I had a picture of a squirrel with huge buck teeth holding a toothbrush. So they got to mark everything off as they did it which was exciting for them, and then they got something out the treasure box. I have learned that instant gratification for children gets them to keep doing it. At first, I started off with a "prize" every day (dollar stores are wonderful for this) ... now nothing they can play with because its bedtime, so it would be a sticker or a coupon for an extra story that night, whatever goes with what you do now ... and then at the end of the week it was a huge day on Saturday for them doing their bedtime routine all week long that we did something special together ... bigger and better .. for us it was a sundae from McD's! After a month or so, I started to let off a little bit on the prizes and verbally rewarded them but still giving one every few days. The prizes stopped for bedtime routines, and we started putting pencils and toy bugs or whatever in our treasure box and they got things for making their bed, or getting an A, or doing something nice for the other ... it was amazing some of the things they will do just for that little sticker or that really cool pencil. I do realize your babies are little still, but if you're creative it could work for you!

Good luck!!!!

At our house after dinner, we have bath and bed time. (B&B time we call it) We have baths, between my 5 yr and 2 yr, switching who goes first every other night. Then we brush teeth together, (singing ABC song...then we are done) my daughter picks out a story and she likes my husband to read it. We give everyone kisses. I tell my son its time to go to bed, he gets his blanket, he turns on his music box (ocean wonders aquarium) and climbs in his bed. My daughter has her story picked out and after that it's lights out!! Usually in bed by 8:30-9:00 the latest!!
Now my son is so used to it after dinner he starts taking his clothes off and heading for the tub!!! He also puts his dirty clothes in the hamper!!!
Hope this helps!!! Best of Luck!!!

Here's what I do with each of my boys. My 9yr old.- Has his shower at 7pm. Bed at 8pm. He gets to watch tv in his room for 1/2 an hour to unwind. Then sleep at 8:30pm. This works well for him. I think he just needs the unwind time.
My 17 month old- We change his diaper. Then we make a big production of waving goodnight to everyone in the house. Then it's off to bed. I turn on the aquarium for him. He did fuss for a bit when I got a little more strict about bedtime but it didn't last long. He just had to get the idea that it was bedtime. Most often now, he goes to bed without any problems. Every now and again he will start to fuss. This only lasts minutes and he's out for the night. Hope this helps you. Shannon
PS. Try announcing bedtime before it's time. Like saying 10 minutes til bedtime. That way they are more prepared and you don't just lay it on them out of the blue.

The only "routine" we have at bed time is going to bed at 9. My husband works swing shift, we go to church 30 miles from our home 2 days a week and if we ever have to go shopping that's 30 miles also. BUT when we're home by 9 it's always the same. I put my boys to bed. I let them watch TV for 30 minutes. If they are still awake (my 3 year old usually is)I turn on their "sleepy time" mix CD. Some nights take longer, but it's nice to have time to myself when 9 rolls around. We usually tell them when it's getting close to bed time so they know it's coming!