Cry It Out?

I did this with my daughter at a year and it was horrible. I would try calming them so they are nice and relaxed before putting them in bed. I did this with my son and it worked great. No crying or anything. He does have a stuffed elephant that he cuddles to sleep with. I put my son in there awake and he is fine. I do play music (Mozart) for him to listen to which may help.

Six months is a little young to let him cry it out, still needing you to help him soothe himself, if you're coming from an attachment theory perspective.

A half year old? Okay, one can either say he's got you and hubby under good control and he's learning that if he cries it'll get to you.

I doubt it at this age. Go in and stay with him till he falls asleep. Sing, read, get a Fisher Price in-crib activity center or something that he'll just about be lulled to sleep by watching. when he's concentrating on something else you can quietly sneak out, not necessary to close the door straight away. Wait till it's quiet and then close the door.

It breaks my heart that moms try to teach their baby something when all they need is THEM. It is your duty to nuture your child and the reason crying it out is so difficult is because our mommy instinct knows it's wrong! How can a woman let her child cry like that?They need you.They cry for a reason. They simply don't know!

Unbelievable. I mean the responses below. I know that every viewpoint on subjects differ but I never would have guessed that so many people just toss their kids in cribs and left. I guess to me it's different because we wished for a child for 6 1/2 years and went through all kinds of infertility treatments. I researched and read about babies and child psychology the entire time so I was ready come time. When I hear about people putting their kids in cribs and letting them cry it out, it reminds me of night crating of pets...throw them in something they can't get out of and be done for the next 8 hours/night. I just can't do it. Your child is too little to have "wants". Until 2 years of age they will only have "needs". Be this physical, emotional, or whatever. I have 2 children now, 1 years old and 4 years old. We have always met or exceeded their needs and I am constantly being told how happy bubbly they are. You don't see frowning, whining, crying, etc. They know that mom and dad will always be there if they need them, they are very outgoing, confident and social children. Did I mention that they both go to sleep without a fight? We have a routine (not a schedule). We do baths, snuggle into the rocking chair for stories and then off to bed. Sometimes I may rock them to sleep, but seriously...Rocking takes maybe 10 minutes and they go to sleep happy and I go about my thing. Better than the alternative of them screaming and making me sick to my stomach. They will be big kids and not need you before you know it. Take the opportunity now to enjoy them while they want to. If all else fails, maybe read some books on it yourself, but from what I have seen the days of CIO are long behind us. Better things have evolved since our parents raised us. Babywise methods are NOT endorsed by the American Association of Pediatrics and there are numerous articles against it online if you google it. "Ferberizing" and Dr.Dobson is old method- try for Dr. Sears or Harvey Karp. Helpful Links below....
Good luck with your new son! My two boys have been the complete joy of my life.
C.

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/t051200.asp#T051205
LETTING BABY "CRY-IT-OUT" YES, NO!
If only my baby could talk instead of cry I would know what she wants," said Janet, a new mother of a fussy baby. "Your baby can talk," we advised. "The key is for you to learn how to listen. When you learn the special language of your baby's cry, you will be able to respond sensitively. Here are some listening tips that will help you discover what your baby is trying to say when he cries.

The cry is not just a sound; it's a signal – designed for the survival of the baby and development of the parents. By not responding to the cry, babies and parents lose. Here's why. In the early months of life, babies cannot verbalize their needs. To fill in the gap until the child is able to "speak our language," babies have a unique language called "crying." Baby senses a need, such as hunger for food or the need to be comforted when upset, and this need triggers a sound we call a cry. Baby does not ponder in his little mind, "It's 3:00 a.m. and I think I'll wake up mommy for a little snack." No! That faulty reasoning is placing an adult interpretation on a tiny infant. Also, babies do not have the mental acuity to figure out why a parent would respond to their cries at three in the afternoon, but not at three in the morning. The newborn who cries is saying: "I need something; something is not right here. Please make it right."

At the top of the list of unhelpful advice – one that every new parent is bound to hear – is "Let your baby cry-it-out." To see how unwise and unhelpful is this advice, let's analyze each word in this mother-baby connection- interfering phrase.

"Let your baby." Some third-party advisor who has no biological connection to your baby, no knowledge or investment in your baby, and isn't even there at 3:00 a.m. when your baby cries, has the nerve to pontificate to you how to respond to your baby's cries.

The cry is a marvelous design. Consider what might happen if the infant didn't cry. He's hungry, but doesn't awaken ("He sleeps through the night," brags the parent of a sleep-trained baby). He hurts, but doesn't let anyone know. The result of this lack of communication is known, ultimately, as "failure to thrive." "Thriving" means not only getting bigger, but growing to your full potential emotionally, physically, and intellectually.

"Cry…" Not only is the cry a wonderful design for babies; it is a useful divine design for parents, especially the mother. When a mother hears her baby cry, the blood flow to her breasts increases, accompanied by the biological urge to "pick up and nurse" her baby. ("Nurse" means comforting, not just breastfeeding.) As an added biological perk, the maternal hormones released when baby nurses relax the mother, so she gives a less tense and more nurturing response to her infant's needs. These biological changes – part of the design of the mother-baby communication network – explain why it's easy for someone else to advise you to let your baby cry, but difficult for you to do. That counterproductive advice is not biologically correct.

"It…" Consider what exactly is the "it" in "cry-it-out": an annoying habit? Unlikely, since babies don't enjoy crying. And, contrary to popular thought, crying is not "good for baby's lungs." That belief is not physiologically correct. The "it" is an emotional or physical need. Something is not right and the only way baby has of telling us this is to cry, pleading with us to make it right. Early on, consider baby's cry as signaling a need – communication rather than manipulation.

Parent tip: Babies cry to communicate – not manipulate
"Out" What actually goes "out" of a baby, parents, and the relationship when a baby is left to cry-it-out? Since the cry is a baby's language, a communication tool, a baby has two choices if no one listens. Either he can cry louder, harder, and produce a more disturbing signal or he can clam up and become a "good baby" (meaning "quiet"). If no one listens, he will become a very discouraged baby. He'll learn the one thing you don't want him to: that he can't communicate.

Baby loses trust in the signal value of his cry – and perhaps baby also loses trust in the responsiveness of his caregivers. Not only does something vital go "out" of baby, an important ingredient in the parent- child relationship goes "out" of parents: sensitivity. When you respond intuitively to your infant's needs, as you practice this cue- response listening skill hundreds of times in the early months, baby learns to cue better (the cries take on a less disturbing and more communicative quality as baby learns to "talk better"). On the flip side of the mother-infant communication, you learn to read your infant's cries and respond appropriately (meaning when to say "yes" and when to say "no," and how fast). In time you learn the ultimate in crying sensitivity: to read baby's body language and respond to her pre-cry signals so baby doesn't always have to cry to communicate her needs.

What happens if you "harden your heart," view the cry as a control rather than a communication tool and turn a deaf ear to baby's cries? When you go against your basic biology, you desensitize yourself to your baby's signals and your instinctive responses. Eventually, the cry doesn't bother you. You lose trust in your baby's signals, and you lose trust in your ability to understand baby's primitive language. A distance develops between you and your baby and you run the risk of becoming what pediatricians refer to as a doctor-tell-me-what-to-do. You listen to a book instead of your baby. So, not listening and responding sensitively to baby's cries is a lose-lose situation: Baby loses trust in caregivers and caregivers lose trust in their own sensitivity.

Mother loses trust in herself. To illustrate how a mother can weaken her God- given sensitivity when she lets herself be less discerning about parenting advice; a sensitive veteran mother recently shared this story with us:

"I went to visit my friend who just had a baby. While we were talking, her three-week-old started crying in another room. The baby kept crying, harder and louder. I was getting increasingly driven to go comfort the baby. Her baby's cries didn't bother her, but they bothered me. My breasts almost started to leak milk! Yet, my friend seemed oblivious to her baby's signals. Finally, I couldn't stand it anymore and I said, 'It's okay, go attend to your baby. We can talk later.' Matter-of-factly she replied, 'No, it's not time yet for his feeding.' Incredulous, I asked, 'Mary, where on earth did you get that harmful advice?' 'From a baby-training class at church,' she proudly insisted. 'I want my baby to learn I'm in control, not him.'"

This novice mother, wanting to do the best for her baby and believing she was being a good mother, had allowed herself to succumb to uncredentialed prophets of bad parenting advice and was losing her God-given sensitivity to her baby. She was starting her parenting career with a distance developing between her and her baby. The pair was becoming disconnected.

Back to top4 WAYS TO TEACH YOUR BABY TO CRY BETTER
Here are some time-tested listening tips that can help you decode the meaning of your baby's cries, respond nurturantly, and gradually create a communication relationship so that baby doesn't always have to cry to communicate:

1. View your baby's cries as a communication rather than a manipulation tool. Think of your baby's cries as a signal to be listened to and interpreted rather than click into a fear of spoiling or fear of being controlled mindset.

2. Better early than late. New parents may be led to believe that the more they delay their response to baby's cries, the less baby will cry. While this may be true of some easy, mellow babies (they become apathetic), infants with persistent personalities will only cry harder and in a more disturbing way. Learn to read your baby's pre-cry signals: anxious facial expressions, arms flailing, excited breathing, etc. Responding to these pick-me-up signals teaches baby that he doesn't have to cry to get attended to. Again, forget the fear of spoiling. Studies have shown that babies whose cries are promptly attended to actually learn to cry less as older infants and toddlers.

3. Respond appropriately. You don't have to pick up a seven-month-old baby as quickly as a seven-day-old baby. In the early weeks of cue-response rehearsals, respond intuitively and quickly to each cry. As you and your baby become better communicators, you – and only you – will know whether a cry is a "red alert come now" cry or one that merits a more delayed response.

Learn that magic cry-response word appropriately, which implies balance – knowing when to say "yes" and when to say "no." In fact, you will naturally start off as a "yes mom," then intuitively become appropriately a "yes and no" mom. When in doubt, say "yes." It's much easier to fix over-responding – you just back off a bit. It's more difficult to repair the distrust that stems from under-responding and becoming disconnected.

4. Try the Caribbean approach. A system we have developed to model calmness to a baby is one we dubbed the Caribbean attitude: "No problem, mon!" Imagine your seven-month-old baby playing at your feet and you're on the phone. Baby starts to fuss and give pick-me-up gestures. Instead of dropping the phone and anxiously scooping up fussing baby, put on your happy face, caringly acknowledge baby and make voice contact, "It's okay, Molly…" In this way, your body language is reflecting, "No problem, baby; no need to fuss." Another favorite phrase in the Caribbean is "don't worry, be happy." By your body language, convey to your baby – be happy, not fussy.

Back to topTHE SHUTDOWN SYNDROME
Throughout our 30 years of working with parents and babies, we have grown to appreciate the correlation between how well children thrive (emotionally and physically) and the style of parenting they receive.

"You're spoiling that baby!" First-time parents Linda and Norm brought their four-month-old high-need baby, Heather, into my office for consultation because Heather had stopped growing. Heather had previously been a happy baby, thriving on a full dose of attachment parenting. She was carried many hours a day in a baby sling, her cries were given a prompt and nurturant response, she was breastfed on cue, and she was literally in physical touch with one of her parents most of the day. The whole family was thriving and this style of parenting was working for them. Well-meaning friends convinced these parents that they were spoiling their baby, that she was manipulating them, and that Heather would grow up to be a clingy, dependent child.

Parents lost trust. Like many first-time parents, Norm and Linda lost confidence in what they were doing and yielded to the peer pressure of adopting a more restrained and distant style of parenting. They let Heather cry herself to sleep, scheduled her feedings, and for fear of spoiling, they didn't carry her as much. Over the next two months Heather went from being happy and interactive to sad and withdrawn. Her weight leveled off, and she went from the top of the growth chart to the bottom. Heather was no longer thriving, and neither were her parents.

Baby lost trust. After two months of no growth, Heather was labeled by her doctor "failure to thrive" and was about to undergo an extensive medical exam. When the parents consulted me, I diagnosed the shutdown syndrome. I explained that Heather had been thriving because of their responsive style of parenting. Because of their parenting, Heather had trusted that her needs would be met and her overall physiology had been organized. In thinking they were doing the best for their infant, these parents let themselves be persuaded into another style of parenting. They unknowingly pulled the attachment plug on Heather, and the connection that had caused her to thrive was gone. A sort of baby depression resulted, and her physiologic systems slowed down. I advised the parents to return to their previous high-touch, attachment style of parenting—to carry her a lot, breastfeed on cue, and respond sensitively to her cries by day and night. Within a month Heather was again thriving.

Babies thrive when nurtured. We believe every baby has a critical level of need for touch and nurturing in order to thrive. (Thriving means not just getting bigger, but growing to one's potential, physically and emotionally.) We believe that babies have the ability to teach their parents what level of parenting they need. It's up to the parents to listen, and it's up to professionals to support the parents' confidence and not undermine it by advising a more distant style of parenting, such as "let your baby cry-it-out" or "you've got to put him down more." Only the baby knows his or her level of need; and the parents are the ones that are best able to read their baby's language.

Babies who are "trained" not to express their needs may appear to be docile, compliant, or "good" babies. Yet, these babies could be depressed babies who are shutting down the expression of their needs. They may become children who don't speak up to get their needs met and eventually become the highest-need adults.

I believe the "cry it out" method is cruel and unusual punishment. Infants just want their mom and need their mom for comfort. I always looked at as they need you at night just as much as during the day. Adults don't sleep alone, why would an infant have to go to a dark room, away from everyone and go it alone? I always felt that leaving a crying infant was only teaching the baby that you are not always there for them. They are crying for a reason, they have no other way to communicate. We did "on demand" co-sleeping. It's much better to bring the baby in bed with you than be up so many times a night, be sleep deprived and then crabby the next day. It worked for us...it doesn't work for everyone.
If you don't want to do co-sleeping, I would try to get him to sleep and then put him in bed. Our #3 always woke up after hitting those cold sheets. I took to a heating pad under the sheet. I turned it on for a few minutes while doing the bedtime nursing, turned it off and put her in bed. It worked great. (just make sure to turn it off) Through the years of having 3 toddlers (we had 3 in 4 1/2 years) they were all back and forth from their bed to ours...then I started putting all three of them in one big bed and they slept like 3 S. kittens all snuggled in together. Have parience...this will pass.
Don't worry what other people say about how you handle this. It sounds like you might consider co-sleeping but are afraid of what others may say to you...don't tell them. It's your bedroom, your son, your sleep...your family. Do what your gut tells you...love on that little guy!

I worked with disturbed children professionally and have 17 grandkids. I've studied a lot about kids, and I believe, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that it is terrifying and emotionally damaging to let babies and small children cry it out. They have needs that are overwhelming and no way to meet them. Their only means of communicating them is to cry. It is our job to listen and act to meet their needs and to reassure and comfort. It isn't easy or convenient but it's what we sign on to do when we become parents. Their emotional needs are as important as the physical needs we can more readily put a label on. 6 months old babies need a whole lot of loving care on their own timetables, which may change daily. Babies have no sense of time or where a parent is when they're not in their sight. Some cultures keep their babies attached to them until they can get around on their own. This baby hasn't even been out of the womb as long as he was in it. He needs almost constant touch and verbal soothing in addition to feeding, changing etc. It's a huge job but it pays off beautifully not only in this generation but in the generations to come. Please follow your instincts to pick up that crying baby. Your heart knows it's what you should do so don't let anyone tell you otherwise. It makes no sense to think an infant should be independent. They are just a S. bundle of needs! You are blessed!

Hi Jennifer
I didn't let my daughter cry it out. Personally I don't believe in it.(I've read they stop crying when they give up on you. And that it can effect how well they connect with people the rest of there lives.) On top of that we were doing construction on our house the first 2 years of my daughters life, she didn't have a room till her 1st birthday. And she has a sensitive gag reflex and would vomit if left to cry.
Co sleeping worked out much better for us. However she's 5 and still in my bed. She won't want to for much longer. So I treasure our mornings wakening up nose to nose grinning good morning. Makes for a happy day at our house.
:) A. H

Hi Jennifer.
We do not let our daughter CIO. She has never been a good sleeper. Some kids are, some kids aren't. You can not force them to be something they are not. My daughter is very active. She is now 14 months old and will typically wake one time during a 12 hour night sleep cycle. I think this is pretty good.

I will say, now at 14 months if she won't settle down, I give her 3 chances, then put her in her bed. I will let her cry for about 10 minutes, then go back in. By this time she knows it really IS time for bed and she will settle down. This happens maybe once every 2 weeks.

Now, when she was younger, we never did this. My reasons are the following:

Those proponents of the CIO method claim that you do it so your child learns to self-soothe. In my opinion, and the opinion of many sociologists (I know this because my sister is getting her Masters in Child Development) the question to be raised is what tools are you offering your child to self soothe? Just letting them lie in the bed and cry is not giving them any tools to learn to calm themselves down. It's like telling someone to paint a picture and not teaching them what they can use to make the picture.

However, what it DOES teach is that mommy and daddy are NOT going to be there for me and so I just have to sort myself out.

I have a question for you ... do YOU like to cry yourself to sleep? I know I don't. So, why would my daughter?

Instead, we started a very specific bedtime routine. We follow it every night. It isn't EXACTLY the same every night... but the general things are the same. Once it is time to go to her room... typically within 15 mintues she is either asleep or calm enough I can put her in her bed and she settles down and goes right to sleep on her own.

Many sociologist believe babies do not begin to 'manipulate' as some call it until they are about a year old. They believe that even at 6 months babies are very basic people. They cry when they need something... diaper changed, need to check in with mom and dad to make sure they are there, are cold, hot, hungry, bored ... whatever. So, we as parents need to determine what that need is and meet it.

CIO does not do anything to determine what the need of your child is and then meet that need. In my opinion, babies can not TELL us what is wrong. So, until a child can tell you I am hungry, I am thirsty, I am wet, I am soiled, I am bored, I am scared, I am hot, I am cold... whatever.... then just letting them cry is doing nothing to actually parent.

Is it inconvenient? Sure. It can be. But my daughter is more important then convenience for me.

Here's a story.... this past summer my daughter went through a period where she slept TERRIBLY. She didn't like to go down to sleep, wouldn't stay asleep, woke up many times during the night and wanted to eat every time. I was exauhsted. My mother tried to tell me I just needed to let her cry and she would eventually get it and be fine. I told her we don't do that. She responded "well, you're just going to have to deal with her waking up for a very long time then"

Well, a few weeks later my daughter was scheduled for her 12 month check up. At that appointment we found out she grew 1.5 iches in TWO MONTHS! She WAS starving in the night! So, it was a good thing I DIDN'T let her CIO. She NEEDED the food. She was uncomfortable from all that growing!!! My Certified Nurse Midwife told me she read an article aboout a research project some docs did to determine how kids grow... either incrementally or all at once. They found in most cases kids would LITERALLY grow overnight, substantially. If that kind of growth is going on, that HAS to be uncomfortable to some degree... not to mention the hunger that goes along with burning all those calories growing!

Once the growth spurt was over, my daughter stopped waking up so much and is now only waking up one, maybe 2 times in a 12 hour sleep cycle.

So, that's what we do and the reasons behind it. I just try to keep in mind my daughter is not there to inconvenience me... but she can not fend for herself. She is a person, with feelings, thoughts, desires, and needs...but doesn't always know how to meet them. I need to help her learn to meet those needs on her own and make good choices.

You alone know your baby/child the best, and like any piece of parenting advice, should craft it to how you believe your child will best respond to it.

Do some children respond to CIO with alarming success and then go on to become children who play with others and have successful relationships as adults? Of course.

Do some children respond to CIO with hours of crying and somewhat less success? Of course.

I say give it the college try. And if it all goes horribly (beyond the normal twinges of guilt associated with allowing your child to cry a bit by themselves), then go back to the pediatrician for Plan B.

Good luck and don't beat yourself up...

Hi Jennifer,
My husband and I did this with our son beginning at 5 months and, yes it is VERY hard, but SO WELL WORTH IT! He's now 2 and when it's time to go to bed he may cry a minute (occasionally) but most bedtimes he knows that it's time to go to bed and either goes to sleep right away or talks for a little while. It took a little while. I did a little reading on the subject as we were attempting to do this, and we found that what worked for us was this: once we put him into bed, we kept him there - I would go in every 20 minutes (starting at a shorter time 10 minutes and working up to 20) for a minute only, tell him it was OK and it was time to go to sleep, rub his back tell him that I loved him and walk out, never picking him up. It was a tough week or two. But it was worth it. I wish that I would remember who the book was, that suggested this, it's similar to the "Ferber Method" but it included the going back in to tell them it was all right..I think it was Sleeping Through the Night, by Jodi A. Mindell I got it at our library. Good luck!

Jennifer,

The method I used was from the book "On Becoming Babywise" by Gary Ezzo. There are times when you do allow your baby to cry it out, but you have to know what you are doing and why your baby cries. It is a great book that explains how to do it and my baby slept through the nights at 12 weeks of age. I don't recommend blindly letting your baby cry it out, but I do recommend this book which helps organize your baby's metabolism and sleep cycles and you will love the routine. There is a lot of conflicting advice even about Babywise because it isn't for everyone depending on your parenting style. I recommend reading the book and deciding if it is right for you... but it works! My daughter is 10 months old and she takes 2 two hour naps a day and sleeps 11-12 hours at night with very little crying if at all.
Best of luck!

K.

I am an extremely proud mother of twin boys who just turned 1 a week ago :) They came two months early and were in the hospital for 6 weeks. Due to that, their feeding routine was down, they were used to sleeping in daylight or nightlight, and thru all the noises 24/7 from all the other monitors around them...plus the other babies crying and having issues, etc...

I assumed my boys should share a room since they shared a womb and thought they would always want to be close. Needless to say, they cannot share the same room as each wakes up at different times during the night and wakes the other up and then they play off eachother. I have finally, FINALLY, taken to the crying out method. At night they both go down pretty quickly (but boy is a screamer and could wake a dog 100 miles away). I realized once I put them down for nap or night, if they did cry, it was only for minutes. It would start out 20-45 minutes in the middle of the night for one of our boys, but he just wanted company...granted I did not start this until my boys were about 10 months. Now, that baby will only/if cry/scream for 5 -10 minutes at night and before a nap. Both boys fight sleep but before I put them down I hold them close, turn on music for one, the ocean wonders aquarium for the other, and kiss them and hum. Then I put them down (it sucks now that they are able to stand up in their crib and look at you as you leave :( ) But after several minutes or several minutes, they sleep and so sound and hard. They wake up playing, cooing, cuddling, and just loving! I tried for 7 years (with fertility shots before finally undergoing IVF and being successful) to get prego, am an only child with an extremely happy upbringing, and want more, more, more kids!! I would NEVER do anything that would make my child unhappy, or hurt them mentally or physically. I guess long story short, try crying it out, I mean really try. I turn off the monitors for the first 15 minutes because those are usually the toughest. You may want to wait until your baby is older but if you are willing, give it try, and really try. You have to at least try for a week, maybe during nap time, maybe once during bedtime, etc.

Good luck and blessings on your little one!!

I agree with the other "naysayers" - it's horrible. Cruel and Unusual Punishment. At 6 months old, your son is crying because he needs something - mainly YOU. Are you asking this question because you're looking to try it, or were you only curious? If you're thinking about doing it yourself, I would suggest alternative methods, primarily developing a night/nap time schedule that works for all of you. Good luck!

NO WAY.. I think its evil.. Babies need that time, it makes them more secure and trust more easily as adults.. Also proven that "crying it out" makes kids have a harder time with relationships as they get older.. Could you imagine being so new to the world and mommy just leaving you in a room to cry your eyes out - maybe scarred and just not knowing the when your mommy leaves the room that she didn't fall off the face of the earth? I wouldn't wish that on anyone.. I never let my 4 yr old cry it out. They are only little once, treasure it.. Before we know it they won't want us sleeping with them and heck we WILL want to-lol.. Love that baby up as much as you can, it really makes for a very loving child too! :) Good luck in what YOU choose :)

I do not. In my opinion a baby cries because it has a need. Perhaps its just a need for comfort but still a need. Its interesting that you can get in trouble for not meeting your childs food needs but there is no concern for not meeting your childs emotional needs.

(you asked for an opinion lol thats mine!!)

Hi Jennifer

I dont beleive in that method due to firmly beleiving in attachment parenting. I think that it is most important to respond to our children with empathy and put their needs first. Sometimes I am tired due to using other methods especially when my DD was younger but I just want to ensure that my daughter never feels abandoned or that her needs are not being met. In my opinion not that people who use CIO are engage in the latter. This is just what works for my family..

Absolutely not!
We tried it when our son was an infant and it backfired. He became completely terrified of his crib and would scream to the point of choking and gagging.
He has a very calm & sensitive personality and this method just didn't work for him.
I decided I would never try this again, even with my future children.

The "cry-it-out" method gets flack because people who don't know anything about it think it means you chuck your kid in the crib and let them cry for hours on end until they pass out. In truth, it is nothing more than an alternate feeding method. I can tell you my son has been sleeping through the night since he was 6 weeks old (now almost one year) and has never ONCE woken up in the middle of the night. Good for naptime too because you are confident when you lay them down, they will sleep. Even if they don't want to sleep for some odd reason that day, they will be quiet and restful because they KNOW it is time for that. Barring teething and sickness of course. They know it is their quiet time and mommy will come back, but not because they cry, when it is time. The book I used was called On Becoming Babywise- good luck! (To all the naysayers I say you may want to read the book before you form an opinion instead of reacting emotionally.)

Jennifer,
I have two kids. With our first, chloe- I would let her cry for about 15 to 20 minutes before I would go in there. Mind you if she didn't get herself too worked up, other wise I would get her sooner. I think it works good. That way they know who is boss. She still tests the waters and she is almost 2 years old. I let her cry it out because most of the time she is so over tried she is fighting it. And with our second child I plan on doing it again. But it all depends on if you can handle listening to them cry. Its hard at first but they (the kids) also realize that your not playing games with them either. After a couple times of letting them cry they just don't do it any more. I don't think it took to long for Chloe to just go to bed normal without crying.
I hope this helps. Only you know your child best and what will work for them, but I would recommed it to any one. Please let me know how it turns out.
Good luck!
J.

It's not really as cut and dry as that. There are many different ways of CIO, whether a mom wants to think she's using it or not. Personally speaking, I think closing the door and never going back in is mean. However, I do believe in teaching children how to calm down and let themselves sleep. You can tell the difference btwn crying and fussing and you can comfort your child a million different ways w/o actually picking them up and 'starting over'. We have always comforted our babies, snuggled up the blanket, replace the paci, rub their back, etc...and we get complimented on how well our babies sleep all the time. Now Im not saying Ive got all the answers because that is what worked for us and our boys. I have studied sleep, and there are so many reasons that good sleep is important, and IMO, that includes teaching babies how to go to sleep from the start. I think 6 mo is a fine age...but trust your mommy instincts...they will lead you in the right direction!

~L.

My kids R 11 & 13 yo, and I NEVER let them cry it out. IMO it is cruel. A baby's cry is communication for a need to be met which in turn creates bonding between parent and child that molds their being.

Jennifer I feel for you. I went through the samething, but I waited until my baby was 2yrs old and started putting her down by herself which was one of the biggest mistakes for waiting so long. All the crying only lasted about 1 week and that was everynight of crying :(, but she got the point. It'll be alright and worth it trust me.

Hi Jennifer,
I have read some of the other responses and if you let your child cry it will not hurt them in any way. I have let both my boys cry it out and they know that mom will always be there for them but when its bedtime it's bedtime. If you do want to let him cry don't go back in. It will teach him that if he crys long enough that you will come and get him. Then if you try it again he will cry even longer. We have a really good bedtime routine that enovolves books, baths, brushing teeth, hugs and kisses and then bed. This is your decision and whatever you chose will be right for your son. Good luck.
Chris

I had friends that used the method when their lo was 3 months old. I thought to myself that I just couldn't ever do it. However when my daughter was 7-8 months old, we finally let her CIO. Her sleeping habits had become worse and worse. She wasn't going to sleep at night and wasn't staying asleep. She was up 3-5 times a night and each time she wanted to be nursed back to sleep. I was working full-time and couldn't function with the lack of sleep that I was getting. I read Jodi Mindell's book Sleeping Through the Night recommmended by my dr. I read a couple others also, but I think that was the most helpful. The CIO method teaches babies to put themselves to sleep. I didn't go straight by the book, but I followed most of the suggestions. The first 2-3 nights were not fun (first night broke my heart), but gradually she got better. Once she started falling asleep on her own, she started sleeping through the night because she could put herself back to sleep, and I no longer needed to be the human paci. She also finally started taking good naps during the day. Before using CIO, she was the queen of the 45 minute nap.

I'm not saying this method is for everyone, but her sleeping was getting worse dispite trying other suggestions from non-CIO methods. It worked for us. Sometimes she'll still fuss (she's 17 months) if she doesn't want to go down, especially if she's overtired. Usually we put her in her crib and she'll play in there for 10-15 minutes and goes to sleep.

Good luck. It is a hard choice, but do what works for you!

http://www.babycenter.com/0_baby-sleep-training-cry-it-ou...

Check out this link.... my pediatrician recommended it at my son's year appointment. It is a 3 night commitment but they just short of guarantee it will work. This way you are still letting the baby know you are there while not "starting over" each time.

I have to vote for crying it out... My 19 month old was sick a couple of months ago and we let him sleep in our bed for a night and then spent the next couple of nights going in to comfort him because he was still coughing and such. He had been an awesome sleeper since 9 weeks old, but because of this illness, he realized that sleeping in Mommy and Daddy's bed was a cool thing and he liked my attention in the middle of the night. After he was 100% well, we tried everything to get him to sleep through the night again and the only thing that was working was letting him sleep in our bed. Well, I didn't agree with that. To me, our bed is OUR place. So, our only other choice was to let him cry it out. He needed to realize that he could get back to sleep on his own and that I would be there for him in the morning. It took a few nights to accomplish the feat, but each night the crying got a little shorter, and now we are all happlily sleeping all night long again! I know that many people don't agree in letting your child cry it out, but unless you want to continue to get up multiple times every night, it is the best way... and it doesn't hurt your child. He just needs to learn a new routine, and you obviously can't reason with a 6 month old. Good luck!

Hi,

I know how you are feeling. I felt the same way and it took me a lot of sleepless nights getting up with my twins before I was convinved to try the cry it out method, we waited till they were almost a year. It was hard to do, but it was so worth it. It was only hard the first two nights and then my kids did great and have done so ever since. I know it is hard to listen to your baby cry, but it won't be for long and you are teaching him such a valuable lesson on how to soothe himself to sleep. I know many parents who did not do the cry it out method and are still dealing with sleepless nights 4- 5 years later because their kids did not learn how to fall back to sleep on their own. The kids are still waking them up in the middle of the night, and they and their children are still sleep deprived. It is taking a toll on their lives, their relationship with their child and their marriages. I would suggest you also read The Ferber Method book (I believe that is the right book). It is written by the man who created the "cry it out" method and it is very well written, very compassionate and lays out the importance of this technique not only for you and your child now, but in the future. It is what convince me to try it and I have been grateful ever since. It gives you guideline as to when to start as well, you may feel you want to wait until your baby is a little older, or try it now. My husband and I wished we had gone through the process much sooner, though.

Good luck!
C.

Jennifer,
I have almost 1 year old and at 6 months he was running me ragged! Rocking to sleep, waking in the middle of the night to "eat"....it was a never ending cycle. I talked to his doctor and she told me to stop "going in there all the time". Now I am not saying as one put it "night crating pets", but at 6 months your child has the cognitive skills to understand that for every action there is a reaction. Breaking it down, if I cry; mommy will come. Now, as a mother you have learned the honest to goodness cries your child has...hungry, angry, tired etc. Tune in when your child is crying and read what he's telling you. It will take a few nights and probably a few tears from mom, but both of you will be better off for it. Creating a bedtime routine that is simple works wonders. Rocking can be a crucial part of it. That is what my husband and I did. We read 1 or 2 stories, rocked until he was drowsy, said our "nighty nights" and put him to bed while he was still awake, but falling asleep. Now, almost 6 months later, he likes to cuddle, but cries to be put in his bed when he's tired. He doesnt like to be rocked to sleep. Now each child is different and so is each parenting style. So take what others and I have said, pick out the parts you want and use them...and if they dont work, try another way. No one has the "right" answer when if comes to this kind of stuff. If there was a right way to put a baby to sleep it'd be in the Bible...LOL and if its there I havent seen it.
Blessings to you and your family. You'll figure it out.

It worked for us and I'm so glad we did it. We only let her cry it out when it was pure protesting to going to sleep. Of course we'd make sure she was fed, comfortable, changed, not sick or anything, not in pain, etc... and we'd only let her cry up to a half hour before going in, but that happened I think 2x. We got a timer so we could really see how much time is passing, otherwise 2 minutes felt like an hour! The training period only took a week or so. And now it's the best feeling to be able to put her to sleep awake, eyes still open, knowing she'll go to sleep without a peep and 98% of the time will sleep through till the morning. She's learned to self soothe and that is fabulous for us all.

We started when she was 3 months and she's now almost 21 months. I think if you are going to do it, you should sooner than later because your little man is very smart and already knows what to expect of you.

I have a good friend with an almost 3 year old who still wakes regularly, and a 15 month old who does the same. She doesn't choose to do the cry it out method. Everyone's sleep is effected. Personally I think I'd go nuts and not be a very pleasant mommy if I were in her shoes. It all depends on your parenting style though. Keep in mind that there are some grey options that aren't exactly one extreme or the other. I read: Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Weissbluth

With my first child I didnt do it. I coulndt bear it, thinking it was neglectful. So i held him trough all of hisnaps and he ended up in our bed almost every nite and still does now at 5. WIth our second, I knew it couldnt happen again and I couldnt hold him during naps becuase my other needed me. So at about 7/8 months I did the cry it out method. It worked like a charm. He is the best sleeper and when it comes to nap and bed time....we go in his room turn on his music, rock for 10 minutes and I put him in his crib. He never cries, just goes to bed. I cant beleive how easy it is! He is now 18 months old and loves his bed! Sometimes I go in to get him in the morning and he isnt ready to get out of bed yet, so I give him 5 and go back. I say do it. It was so worth it. It was one of the hardest things to dO (FOR ME), so if you need or advice or support on how to do it let me know.

We always let our girls cry it out. We always believed that the parent had to set the expectation of what sleep time was about. If we wanted the child to wake up expecting us to be holding them, then we held the child until she was sleep. If we wanted the child to expect to wake up alone, then she needed to fall asleep alone. We never believed in co-sleeping, and wanted them to be able to sleep by themselves - so they had to fall asleep on their own. Now, don't get me wrong, I did check on them every few minutes, reassured her that she was okay, but that was it. They are now 3 & 5 and very good, healthy sleepers.

Hi Jennifer,

My daughter was always a great sleeper. Then after going through a tough cold she didn't want to go to sleep on her own (because of all the extra love I gave her when she was sick). So after making sure she wasn't teething or anythign else wasn't bothering her we did the cry it out method. What I did was go through our bedtime routine, wait till she was really drowsy and put her in her crib. Of course she woke up instantly. I blew her a kiss and said mama's just down the hall and walked out. after crying for 3 minutes I walked in, rubbed her tummy and forehead and soothed her till she was calm. Blew kiss...down the hall....left for 5 min of crying. This goes on for a long time and the first night of it is really tough. But it teaches them that you are there and you will always be there for them when they need you.

Needless to say she sleeps like a bear and we've had to re-do this method after other colds, but it barely took any effort.

All in all, you have to do what you feel is right in your heart. The text book cry it out method does seem cruel but I think alot of moms just use it as a guideline and make there own method up.

Good luck

N.

We did not do it until my daughter was 14 months old. I think before that they need their parents when they wake up. We did it at 14 months because she was waking up every hour all night and getting up at 5:30am, I could not function any more, so we did our night time routine then laid her down, we did go in every 3 min to comfort her, and yes I did pick her up and rock her, but I would lay her back down still awake but sleepy. It took less than 1 1/2 hours and she was out, we saw a huge difference in her sleep the next day and it only took about 15 min that night, by the 3 rd night there was no crying, but if she wakes up at night I go to her and see what is wrong, comfort her, and put her back to bed.

I did it with our first and cried outside her room. After a couple of nights we were all happier including her. With my 2nd I didn't want to go through this again... but after 18 months enough is enough. She slept through the night the first night we did this. With my 3rd I never had to do anything...
It's hard but if sleeping will make you a better mom because you are well rested, go for it!

It is horrible at first, but if you do it consistently your son won't cry anymore. We did it will all four of our kids and would recommend doing it.

Good luck!

We did the Ferber method at almost 5 months old and after 2 nights my son slept through the night. Hope it works for you!

Do you have a bedtime routine such as maybe reading a book or a warm bath and then a bottle? If not, I would suggest establishing one. Once you have one, and then you put your child to sleep for the night and you place him/her in the crib and they start to cry....guess what it's bed time. Best advice I could give is to stand your ground on that one. Our son is 4 now and we NEVER have a problem with bed time because we used to do that. After a week or so, he knew he wasn't getting what he wanted. It makes life more peaceful for you and your husband and eventually your child because he/she is getting enough sleep. So in a nutshell, yes cry it out. Every 10 minutes or so, if he/she is still crying go in there and let them know thats it's bed time and all that good stuff. They are getting it at 6 months I feel.

Now as far as in the middle of the night stuff I have mixed feelings. We did let david cry it out a few times. We would do the whole 10 minute rule and then if he was still crying, go in there and see if he's wet or starving. Most of the time he just went back to sleep.

Jennifer,

The only advise I can offer you is to go by your instinct. If you think it's mean then don't if you think it is a way of him learning to adjust to circumstances then do it.

I didn't do the cry it out because it wasn't right for me or my daughter. But it was right for my sister and her children.

Always go with your instinct, L.

I think that parents have to go with their instincts on things. To me crying it out doesn't feel right... so we haven't done that. My son takes less than 15 minutes normally to go to sleep and we've never done cry it out. He's established his own routine that we didn't force on him.. he has naturally established that. He has no problem going to sleep and now at 21 months ASKS to go night night. If you want ideas from both avenues.. check out Dr. Sears website about sleeping.

We did and it worked really quickly.

The MAIN reason for doing so was to establish a routine of both naps and bedtime. Babies NEED routines and with busy schedules playing around with sleeping times was not an option.

We started doing this at 5 months old. Before that I didn't have the emotional strength to let her cry - as she'd had an early weight gaining problem I was always worried she needed something I was ignoring, as we didn't notice how underweight she was until she was 10 oz. less then birth weight. So the Mommy guilt kicked in big time. But at 5 months I was able to say, she's ok, she just wants attention and is fighting sleep. Ever since doing this she's been the best sleeping baby I've ever met. She still naps about 4 hours each day and sleeps from 7-8p until 6-7a. She's almost 21 months old. I will definitely do this again, though I'd not recommend it for anyone with a child under 3 months old. And do it when YOU are ready, if you're being pressured by husband or friends/family it is very emotionally traumatizing to hear a crying child and not respond. Its honestly harder on the parent then the child. :)

Best wishes, hope this was helpful.

It worked for us!! To transition our daughter from our room to her crib the first night she started to cry and I waited about 5 min went in and rubbed her tummy and said it's okay etc.....don't pick them up, or then it starts all over.
Then I left....let her cry for 7 min, when back in did the same thing rubbed her tummy and said it was okay I love you etc. Left....then 10 min...went back in....then 15 min.....after that she was asleep. I only had to do that for 2-3 nights and since then she has been a GREAT sleeper!!

It really is a best way....it is hard, but they are safe in their crib and they will thank you for it ....and you will be thankful you did it!

Good luck!
S. :)

Jennifer,

I have let both my kids cry it out. It is the only way babies can use the excess energy that they have before going to sleep. My youngest son is 9 weeks old and he has a 10-15 minute cry pattern before he goes to sleep. He has learned the art of self soothing and how to go to sleep without sleep props (pacifier, nursing to sleep, rocking to sleep). My oldest child will be 3 in December and is a well adjusted secure little boy. He goes to sleep without any issues. J.

Ok I have two girls, my oldest is 3 and my youngest is 1. I was never really totally against CIO but let me just say I tried it with my oldest. She since a baby would never sleep in a crib and therefor ended up co-sleeping with us. I did at one time in desperation let her CIO...she cried for 2 1/2 hours until I said forget it. I tried one more time and she cried even harder and louder...and now 3 years later she is sleeping in her toddler bed next to ours.

My youngest took to the crib and slept pretty well. We finally got her past her one night waking...but just over a month ago she started to fight going to sleep. We would rock her put her to bed and she'd wake up crying. At first we would go get her and rock her back to sleep and after a couple times she would stay. But soon we decided to let her just CIO...otherwise this would just happen nightly. So we rocked her put her in the crib and she would cry when set down and eventually go to sleep. Well I soon decided what was the point of rocking her. So now we just put her in the crib to CIO. But at the most she only ever cried for 20-30 minutes. And now about 2 weeks later she cries at the most a couple minutes. Sat night she didn't even cry at all. So I think for some kids it works and some it doesn't.

Trust your instinct on this.

For the most part, I am against the "cry it out" method. Babies need comfort. Routine can be established without a bunch of crying. I had my kids so that I could show them what love is. Imposing a rigid sleep training that would be stressful on both me and baby doesn't fit into that for us.

That being said, some babies DO need to "fuss to sleep". There is a huge difference between that and the trauma of making a baby "cry it out".

So, if you do have a baby that needs to cry a bit to get to sleep, there is nothing wrong with that. But if you don't feel right about letting the baby cry/scream for longer than a few minutes, than you need to listen to your instict and do what feels right. Either way, your baby WILL figure out how to get to sleep on his/her own at some point. Some babies just take longer (but that's OK, because it is SO NICE to rock baby to sleep every night).

Please don't let this little baby cry it out! At 6 months old this baby has been looking to you for all his needs. I think it is cruel at this age to ignore a crying child. It will destroy his sense of security and that is so important to establish right now. He needs to know you will be there no matter what.
Maybe when he is older you can try it but I never needed to. I would put my daughter to bed after reading a story and would sit in the room for a few minutes at night. It developed her confidence and now she goes to bed easily. They are only small such a short amount of time it is worth taking the few minutes to connect at the end of the day. Now sometimes our best conversations happen before bed at night. We are very close and she knows she can count on me to always be there. The bottom line is, that was what I wanted to communicate to her. Mom will always be there for you when you need her.