Do You Think There Is a "Peer Pressure" to Have Kids???

I don't know if there is a trend. But I get that question a lot- mostly from stay at home moms. I never get that question from any of my female coworkers with children. I think they understand the cost of childcare and the stress associated for women working outside the home. There is nothing wrong with spacing them out- my two brothers are 14 and 25 years older than me!

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Well, I read in the magazines that 3 kids is the new 2 kids and 4 kids is the new 3 kids family-- so I think there is a lot of pressure. My hubby and I only wanted two kids-- mostly because we married in our early 30s and I didn't want to have 3 kids under the age of 5--which is what we would have to do. So, it's a personal decision-- I have a boy (4) and a girl (2) and everyone still keeps asking me if we are having anymore.... the answer is still "No."--LOL

Mel

I think it's up to each family as to how large or spaced out their family is. I truly don't think people ask to be mean but for some reason, the fact that you have a uterus seems to make some feel entitled to ask the most personal questions!

I have 5 children and when I got pregnant with #4 or 5 I can't recall, I was SO freakin' tired of people asking me 'you do know what causes that don't you?" that the next time this sweet lady from church asked me I just looked her dead in the eye & said "Yes SEX and I LOVE IT" NO ONE asked me ever again!! LOL, it was great.

I think the answer someone gave about how blessed you are now and are just enjoying being the mommy to these 2 precious boys, was a good one. If you find yourself pregnant with another then the more the merrier, but if you don't, you have been truly blessed with your quiver full.

Enjoy those boys, I have 2 and I wouldn't trade them for anything!

It seems we never get away from peer pressure no matter how old we get. If you are happy and content with your family now, don't worry about what others say. And if they push the point, why not ask them the question of having more kids. Turning the question around works quite well. Or you can be frank, but polite and tell them how you feel and then change the subject.

I get the reverse, now that I'm an OLD lady (41). I've been called grandmother to my two youngest (got plenty of gray hair). I have 4 children and hardly anyone asks when I'll have another - they ask, "Aren't you done yet?" - LOL. If people at work who don't know me well ask if I have kids, they seem shocked when I say 4 and then amazed when I say my youngest just turned 1 year old last Christmas. I was 25 when I was pregnant with my first child. Looking back, I can't believe that I spread my children out across so many years. Anyway, they are MINE and I LOVE them to the bone!
By the way, the first 3 were boys and number 4 is the baby girl. How many times did I get asked when I'd try for a girl next time? If I only had a nickel for each - I'd be a millionaire!

I feel that same pressure from time to time. I go to mommies meetings at my church and other places. I am one of the only working ladies there, and most of them want large families (like 5+ kids). I am not saying it is bad to be a stay at home mom or want a large family, but its like because I work and only WANT 2 kids, that I'm somehow looked down on. Seriously, sometimes I leave and want to cry. It's like I'm not a good enough mom b/c my vision for my family doesn't meet up to some standard. My little boy is getting ready to turn one, and I'm asked all the time if I'm pregnant with #2. When they learn that I'll probably wait another 2.5 to 3 years to get pregnant again, its like I'm from another planet. I know that different moms have differing opinions about certain things, but why can't we all respect each other a little more? That's just what I feel.

I hear ya, I get that too. For a different take on it though, I sometimes feel like people ask me that b/c they don't have any other conversation? It may just be that ackward silence thing and they ask to make conversation. When it comes down to it, they really don't know me that well to ask anything else. It is kinda like the dating thing.... well when are you getting married...then you get married and ... well when you havin' kids.... So part of me thinks it is just that annoying question, not so much pressure.
Something to think about. :)

For whatever reason, people ask that. I'm not sure it's peer pressure, or just a habit to ask that question. When our son was 8 months, people asked us when we'd be working on #2. I haven't even decided if there would be a #2, for financial reasons. (though we've decided #2 would come around right before our son starts kindergarten). Now, I like kids to be close in age - my brother and I were 2 years apart, and I thought that was a fabulous difference - but again, it's what works for your lifestyle/finances, and for us, 3-4 years is more likely. But like you, I've also noticed many families having their kids 10 months to less than 2 years apart. I don't think I could do that at all! I want time to devote to each little one!

I think that a lot of people are waiting later and later in their lives to have children, so many try to "fit in" as many children as they can before it's "too late". But for those that may be younger, I'm not really sure why they try to rush it. I guess there are those babies that come as surprises! But as for the others...I don't know. I know that soon after my daughter was born, I thought I was ready for one, then I realized there was no way I could handle two babies, and I also wanted to give my body a rest from the pregnancy and birth too!

For a while it seemed like the trend was to have them three or more years apart, and now it seems to be more like 18 months, and I think the older mom thing probably has something to do with it. My first two are 18 months apart and the third is two years later, and I like them close. I got everything over at once. My brother's kids are six years apart, and I'd pull my hair out if I had to do preschool, jr. high and highschool twice. It's none of anyone's business how you space your kids.

As for your husband being done, well, mine was done after the first one, then after the second one, and then he actually came home one night and suggested the third one so I took him up on it really fast. He kept saying he was too old (he may have been right, at that.) But money issues are important, and teenagers are really expensive, so while you may want more kids, consider whether you're good at living frugally and limiting activities and vacations, etc., or whether you'll want your kids to be in every activity and to have tons of lessons and go to Disney every year. Neither answer is the right one for everyone, so you get to choose, with your husband, which is right for you.

Also, even when you're done, really done, you get that baby urge for years. I had to remind myself to stop and think, do I want another child, such as another 12 year old, or do I want another baby because I like to nurse and rock and cuddle. That part only lasts a tiny little time. What you have to think about is do you want to raise another person, not do you want to have another baby.