# Of Years Between Children

My brother and I are 4 1/2 years apart with me being the oldest. While my son and daughter are almost exactly 5 years apart - 8 days.

Me and my brother get along great and always have. He is the "little" brother but protects me like a "big" brother.

My 2 children also get along quite well with very little fighting...but they do have their days.

By the time my oldest daughter was 2 I was ready to have another one, but everyone is different. We started trying when she was 2 1/2 and I got pregnant right away so they are 3 years 1 month apart. I love the 3 yr age gap, my oldest was out of diapers by the time my second one came. My second and third one are 20 months apart. My sister and I are 3 yrs 10 months apart so basically 4 yrs apart, and it was great. We always played well together as kids, and we have always been close. You will know when you are ready.

My first two almost exactly 2 years apart. It is perfect for us, (though hard in the beginning) but they are best friends. My 3rd child came 4 1/2 years later.

I did not feel ready to have a second child, but like you, knew we wanted one and so we just went ahead and did it! ;) It was scary! I think most moms probably feel like you. It's hard to mix up perfection, right?! ;) Anyway, my kids are 2 years and I week apart. I really didn't mean to have them with their birthdays so close, I was hoping for a month or two, but oh well!

I think there are pros and cons to each age difference. There are many times where I want to bang my head against the wall b/c my kids are nuts and are often both in some sort of "stage", but then again, they play together so well, love each other so much and still generally have the same basic interests so it's easy to travel and entertain them with the same things.

My brother and I are 5 years apart and we did not really share much of our childhood. Of course we have similar memories, but really he was a lot older than me and being different sexes we had different interests, etc. BUT, I know my mom was happy that he was older and more independent by the time I came along. Plus, he was out of high school when I started and would have been out of college before I started too (he didn't finish so he was out a lot sooner!!), which is a major help in the pocket book department.

So I guess you have to do what you think is right. Whatever works for you is right but I warn you, you may never feel ready! ;)

Mine are 3 years apart which I love. 4 is probably similar. The only thing I warn you is that you sound like you are getting more comfortable as a family right now...and that continues as your son gets older and starts to do things on his own. I admit t was hard to pull the trigger to decide it was time when we were so comfortable the way things were and introducing a newborn to the mix that requires a lot of attention and time again. But wouldn't change it for the world now! :)

3 years apart was wonderful for my husband and I. We had a girl first and 3 yrs 1 month later a little boy. My daughter was potty trained for almost a year when my son was born and she seemed mature enough to enjoy playing by herself while I nursed the baby. Then we were blessed 20 months later with another surprise little boy due to failure of our contraception. It was so much harder having 2 little ones less than 2 yrs apart. Don't let others pressure you. When you and your husband feel it's time, then plan your second. Personal experience has taught me that having 3-4 years between children makes the baby toddler stage so much more enjoyable. There's nothing more frustrating that having two little babies crying at once, 2 diapers needing changed, and there's only one of you to care for or comfort them. Enjoy your boy now.... there's really no hurry unless of course you are pushing 40. Nurse Midwife Mom

My kids are just shy of 3 years apart. I though conceiving would take a few months or might have waited a bit longer (I was 37 with the second one). 3 years is a good age spacing and it is fine now with kids 3 and 6. I think 3.5 years might have been easier at first. Having a baby and a toddler is a lot of work! I'm 4 years, 8 months older than my sister and it was okay. As it happened she was born the same week I started Kindergarten and it contributed to a lot of sibling rivalry early on. Also almost 5 years was a big developmental gap when we were little. In my opinion 3.5 to 4 years is a good spacing. Less than 3 years or more than 5 can have their own down sides. I'm sure you will get plenty of different opinions though. Plus personality plays a big role too.

I waited 3 1/2 years got pregnant when my son was 2 1/2 years old. One lady told me a brother or sister is the best present you could give your son and she was so right. Before i had my second my son would have to play with me ( he didn't like playing on his own) Now he has a built in playmate and they have a ball together. Its double the joy your not stealing time away from you son your giving him more joy by sharing it with his new sibling. Its also an important part of learning to share and compromise with others. Theres nothing better that giving your son a sibling. There is no right time to have a child and i never had a time where i said now is the right time it just has to happen on its own to much thought is not going to help. After having a baby the first three months are always difficult with sleep but it works out once the baby is four months. Also i found the age gap good because my son was potty trained and starting pre-k so i had a little time with the baby one on one.
Good luck to you it will be a blessing whenever it happens!

Oh gosh, about 100 years would be perfect for me!! I have an only daughter (first year in college) and that is just perfect. Isn't it crazy that people ask when you are going to have the next one..even when you just birthed the previous one???

You will know when the right time is!! For me, the "right" time was always about 18 months after the last baby but nature had other plans, and so my kids are 4, 2, 4 and 12 years apart!!! All spans have worked out!

I have 3 kids all roughly 3 years apart. As far as me getting that "ready" feeling, nope, never. I apparently wasn't in tune with my gut enough but I wasn't against trying when the topic came up. Everyone knows that with each new child you bring into this world the love only multiplies, it never divides. If you feel like 4 years is good because that is what you grew up with, then so be it, don't let anyone else change your mind if you feel comfortable doing it that way. I grew up in a family where all the kids were 2 years apart and assumed I was going to do the same until I couldn't get pregnant the second time for several months and then suffered a miscarriage. So, by default, my kids had no choice but to be 3 years apart and I found I liked it a lot:)

I have 2 brothers. They are 4 and 6 years younger than me.
We are all good friends now...but growing up they were best buddies.
My DD is 4.5 years older than her brother.
My son is almost 2, and #3 is fast on her way...IDK.
It's not what I wanted-wanted them closer together (had trouble conceiving #2 and #3 was a bit of a whoops). But it works well for us.
I don't know that I ever felt ready...so when you feel remotely comfortable...I'd go for it.
I put it in God's hands and he has orchestrated things well. :)

My boys are 4 years and 1 month apart :)

It works for us. We had 4 years with our oldest son and he was at an age that he was extremely helpful when the little one was born. He was out of diapers, he was playing on his own, he was in pre-school and he was old enough that he didn't resent the baby.

They are now almost 8 and 4 and are just starting to fight over things, but not often. The oldest really looks after his little brother and the little one adores his big brother. We love the age gap.

EDIT: My husband and his brother are a year and 2 weeks apart and my sister and I are 2.5 years apart with a brother in between. We were both the youngest and lived in the shadows of our older siblings. We felt a larger age gap might help us to not do that with our own.

I have two children and they are exactly 2 years apart to the day...they have the same birthday. I started feeling ready to try for number 2 when my first was about 9 months old. We always knew that we wanted two. I was already in my 30's when number 1 was born, so I think that influenced our decision to try again sooner. It was really hard at first, but now I think the age difference is perfect.

I think the idea behind the 4 years is that by the time baby#2 comes, baby#1 is done being a baby or has less need for M.'s 100% attention. My daughter will have just turned 6 and started Kinder when baby#2 comes around, I think this suits us best because this way she's at school and I can give all day to my newborn with out making my very "go-go" daughter feel left out. I loved being 100% my daughter, now she doesn't need me so much and will be doing her own thing most days, so time for baby#2. :) Good luck.

Sorry...mine are 9 years apart...same birthday!!! lol

1) I did feel ready to have a 2nd child when I was ready.

2) my kids are 4 years apart. It is GREAT.
Older child is a girl. 2nd child is a boy.

3) but I did not "plan" for my kids to be 4 years apart. It just so happened and I felt ready to have another and it just turned out that my kids are 4 years apart.

4) An eldest child, does not have to "share" his/her parents. But as a parent with more than 1 kid, you have to (this is what I did), spend conscious time, with your Eldest. I spent, my entire pregnancy with my 2nd child, on my Eldest... so that, she would adapt well to having a sibling, once he came home from the hospital. And then after my 2nd child was born, I spent a lot of time on my Eldest... so she would still feel she had a place... in the family and in my heart. She in no way, felt like a 2nd fiddle.

Yes! My kids are intentionally four years apart. It's been a great spacing! I enjoyed not chasing a toddler when pregnant or when I had a baby, having a more independent child when the second one came along. There wasn't any real sibling rivalry because they were at different stages. They were never in the same school so there was no running back and forth on curriculum night or parent teacher conference night to different classes. I was done paying for the first kid's braces before the second kid needed his. I'll only have one in college at a time! I love this spacing and if I'd had a third child, I would have done four years again.
Don't be pressured by other people. It seems like everyone believes in the two-year plan, for everything - if you've been dating for two years, it's when are you going to get engaged? If you're married two years and no pregnancy, people ask when you're going to have a baby. If you have a baby and the baby turns two, people ask when you'll have another. When I got that question when my daughter was two, I'd ask the other person if they ever paid fulltime daycare for two kids.
Good luck!

mine are 2 years apart from 1 and 2. Then 13 months between 2 and 3. Nope never had a plan and wish I had spaced them more, but then again I started late and needed the baby making done early.

My sister had her sons 10 years apart. and a girl 1 year after the 2nd boy. So thats strange for her.

I agree...its your decision and y'all be the judge
Now.......
There's no way in this wonderful world could I have handled two little ones! My kids are 10.5 years apart! My son is nearly 16 and my daughter just turned 5. For me it is perfect. Im a finished having kids and I get to enjoy my son growing in to a man as he is a freshman and my baby is just starting! I get to be room mom again and help with parties and volunteer, im just so excited! I basically started over but it is fun for me to experience all the things individually for each of them, no competition! That's my 2 cents! Have a great weekend!

My son will be 2 years and 2 months old when our baby girl is born. No, we didn't feel "ready" as we did before trying for our first, but I sort of felt like being busy with one child would prevent me from ever feeling "ready." We decided that a two year gap was what we wanted so that our kids were close in age and interest (for family outings, etc.) and also we are a little anxious to get those challenging "baby years" over with in one big swoop rather than reverting back to nap times, etc. \

But, it is different for every family!!

My sister & i are 5 years apart, but my older brothers are 12 & 14 years older than me.

I have a 16(almost 17) year old daughter & will be ttc #2 in the fall, so they will be about 18 years apart, lol. If I conceive right away.

Don't let anyone pressure you into having kids! I knew when I was ready for a second. I thought I was going to want them 2.5-3 years apart, and when that time rolled around, I felt ready. I've actually heard that 4 years is the perfect time to introduce a sibling -- that children are the most developmentally ready. You also are in the pre-school age, so if you send the older one to preschool, you can get a little alone time with the new one.

A lot of my friends are having babies much closer together. I am NOT interested in that. In the back of my mind, I also worried what if I had trouble conceiving? But I had no trouble conceiving #1, and I didn't with #2 either. I always reminded myself, "Starting to try before you're ready in case you'll have difficulty doesn't increase the likelihood of having a child when you want, it just increases the likelihood of having one BEFORE you want!"

Mine are 2 yrs and 5 months apart. I love them being close in age. They are 18 & 20 and great friends. My sister and I are 4 years apart, and I couldn't stand her, until she was about 16. We just didn't have anything in common.

Honestly, I would start trying bc you could have a harder time or miscarry. I don't mean to be Debbie Downer but it happened to me. Good luck!

Mine are 7.5 years apart. I was ready when my older daughter was 3. It took that long to get to number 2!

Infact I joined mamapedia because I was ttc.

I have read that spacing has really nothing to do with siblings being "close". It can go either way so it doesn't really matter.

I love that both my girls have gotten lots of infancy attention.

to me 4 years is way to far. Me and my sister are 4 years apart. It was to much of a gap. especially as we got older, liek I was 10 and she was 6, I was 14 and she was 10, nobody wants their little sibling by that much always tagging along. But then again, my kids are 13 months apart, I didnt plan it like that, but I wouldnt change it. BUT now I am pregnant and My kids will be almost 4 and 5, so I will have a gap, And I cant have any more on account of hubby got snipped, so I dont know. I know she will be super spoiled, she wont have to always have to share like the older 2.

My sister and I are 4 years apart we are very different kinds of people and aren't close at all. I'm a college graduate she's a high school drop out. My sister has 14 children the first 5 were raised by me, her and our mom. Of the first 5 none of them are particularly close with each other. Her oldest is 24 while her youngest will be 1 year old in May.

My sister knows she can count on me if she ever needs me. I know I can count on her if I ever really needed her. We don't talk every day or see each other monthly and after our mom died last year I see her even less and hear from her even less than ever before. We did work together to bury her even though my sister had no money to contribute, I let her make decisions so she could feel a part of everything. It was very good and Mom would have been pleased.

With a 4 year gap between children you run the risk of having one in high school and the other in college. I kind of like the stair steps of her first 5. They were all raised together. They just have different skills, thoughts on life, and talents which makes them not particularly close but they all will reach out to each other on birthdays and holidays and hang out on occassions until they piss each other off and then go back to their life. They all like way too much drama in their life than I do.

Do what you think is good for you and your family. My story doesn't have to be yours. My father is mentally ill and I believe my sister has inherited his mental illness.

It is so much easier having the kids closer together. It is less stress and there is much less arguing and fighting.

One thing I always had issues with is small toys. A 3 year old can totally play with Lego's, Hot Wheels Cars, marbles, etc. But if that child has a tiny sibling those toys are not allowed unless the child is locked in their bedroom. Having the kids closer together made it much easier that way. Plus their bedtimes are together and they can readily hand their clothes down for the right season and not have to store them for several years.....

I just think the closer together the better.

I have 2 daughters. I was 30 when i got married, so i wanted kids sooner rather than later. I had problems having my older daughter, she was born when i was 34. I wanted to have my kids closer together, but it wasn't in the cards. 2 miscarriages & 4 years later my younger daughter was born.

I love it. I had time with my little one while her sister is in school. I really like the age difference now.

Do what is best for you & your family & understand sometimes planning doesn't work that well & you might have a larger time between them. But don't worry, it is all good.