Dead Beat Ex-husband and State of IL Seems to Think It's OK

hi E.,

I've responded to your post before. You are certainly in a difficult spot. I can definitely relate to some of what you are going through from my past. Good for you for working hard and supporting your little girl - your ex will likely never pay support, so you might have to let go of that notion.

The first thing I want to tell you is - do not depend on anyone in the Will County legal system to help you. I know this will sound strange to some who haven't been there - but I believe the system is corrupt, overburdened with ridiculous cases so that important ones like yours do not get the attention (or common sense) that is required. Also, DCFS is nobody you want to deal with in any way - if they get involved, they will ultimately blame YOU for allowing your daughter to see your ex.

If the house is still partly yours, go in and take pictures (you do not have to have his permission, you only have to tell him you are coming in for a few minutes - and then snap away). Get a different attorney, tell your new prospective attorney you need immediate results, show the pictures of your home - tell the attorney straight up how much you can spend, and what your expectations are - if he/she cannot promise to either get your husband evicted or get the house on the market within a certain number of days, go to someone else.

Problem is, even if you find another realtor and get your house listed the market is so crippled right now you are not likely to sell the place. There are so many people in foreclosures right now you might be better off to rent the place if you can - co you have much equity in it? You might be better off just walking away.

What are you waiting for as far as moving in with your boyfriend out of state? Will Cty is not going to protect your little girl, only you can - and should do that. Find out how you can legally take your daughter and move to your boyfriend's as soon as you can.

Sorry for the direct advice, just know that it's not going to turn out well unless you take different action.

hugs,

W.

E. ~
In the name of LOVE and SAFETY for your daughter...seek out LIFESPAN in Des Plains or Community Crisis Center in Elgin. Your daughter should be #1 priority right now!
You need to set up an Emergency order of protection from her father. He is a sick man. Explain to your daughter that she can see Daddy when he's better (supervised visits)
Get your daughter in Counseling STAT!
I would suggest DROPPING your attorney and letting one of the legal counselors LifeSpan or Community Crisis Center advise and represent you in court. MOVING out of state? Unless you have SOLE custody - You can't....Your EX can get you for kidnapping....then your sweet girl will really be stuck in the court system. Take Care of HOME stuff - quick claim him off the mortgage for property damage...WHEN YOU GO IN FOR PICTURES.....POLICE ESCORT PLEASE! E. - God is available 24-7...He is with you and your daughter...He's GOT YOUR BACK - now USE YOUR HEAD - NOT YOUR HORMONES to protect your daughter!!!

Illinois is probably one of the worst when it comes to mother's rights.....consider calling or emailing the domestic divisions of the law schools around Chicago. There's North Western, University of Chicago, Northern Illinois and another one or two downtown (can't think of the names right now). Ask or find your way through their websites, looking for the chair of family law. Then ask for recommendations of free resources available to you in Will County/Illinois and recommendations for outstanding attorneys that can practice in Will County. I found my attorney this way and he kicked butt - and I was facing an ex with unlimited financial resources. The first attorney I chose on my own was greedy and only out for the money. My brother, a physchologist, recommended the law school route and it really paid off. I borrowed money from family members for the retainer. I good lawyer is going to cost you, but really, it's worth every penny and every ounce of your time to protect your daughter's future.

No matter how great a lawyer you find, you will still have to manage him/her. You have to stay focussed on the goal, stay rationale and when you find the right lawyer, these issues will get resolved.

Hang tight. My thoughts are with you.

Hello I just read your story and i am going through the same thing with my daughters father He had a sexual thing going on with my 13 year old untill she reached 18 but refused to tell anyone even though i went to the police and dcfs and she would not tell anyone anything which made me look crazy untill the truth came out which totally destroyed my family. since then he has moved in with a girlfriend untill she couldn't take it anymore and kicked him out which he now lives with his dad. He has been fired from his job over a year ago and hasn't worked since and his child support is very behind 6000. plus. I went to the child support division on Indian trail in Aurora and am waiting for court date. I can't understand why the law ,courts, whatever are so lienent on these idiots when it comes to these dead beat dads. As far as your child going to see dad why not have her take pictures while she is there or let her call him and tell him she does not want to come over. Find a lawyer who will work with you. Mr. Cook in Aurora is a very good lawyer. Best wishes

I'm so sorry for you, my daughter went through this. Have you ever thought of calling the news or Oprah.

E., it's terrible that the court system has let another
dead beat dad beat the system. shame on his mother for
her part in this. It sounds like you are making the best
move for you and your daughter and moving to Iowa. It
sounds as though he is very lazy and a lack of any drive,
so I think that you may solve your visitation problems. If
anything, he'd probably have to meet you half way and stay
in a hotel. then she wouldnt be visiting in filth. The
depression thing is scary, with so many men (and women) going off the deep end and then media chalking it up to depression. I think you can have anyone commited against
their will for psych. care. maybe look into that. Good
luck to you and your daugher!! I hope you find the peace
and happiness that it sounds like you both need!! Maybe
a new attorney would be a good move too. There must be
someone out there who is willing to fight for what is
right? Good luck! L. T.

Hello E.,
Sorry about what you are going through. I will definately pray for you and the situation. Pray for your ex husband, take a deep breath, and continue to focus on your childs health and safety. Don't forget to enjoy everyday life and don't let all of the justified anger and frustration get in the way of you enjoying life with your child.
I would suggest setting up specific times when the ex can pick up your daughter for visitation. HE NEEDS TO PICK HER UP! IT IS HIS RESPONSIBILITY! Keep a journal/ log of everything. You seem to already be on top of things, good job. If he really is so far gone then he probably won't make it to pick your daughter up. And do not let him have others pick her up- like his mother- unless you have made plans with the grandmother to spend time with your daughter. And if he makes it to pick her up, then wonderful, show some kindness and say "Thank you for making it on time, that makes (your childs name) very happy."
What I do not understand is how he is still allowed to see your child after being a sex-offender, I would personally move out of state as far away as possible, move on with my life , raise my child, and be happy. I just don't understand how he is looked at as Ok - at the very least to be around any child, if he is a known sex offender. get a new Lawyer! AND IF YOU HAVE- TO MOVE TO ANOTHER COUNTY- if you feel Will county is not doing the right thing.
At the same time HEAL- sometimes when we are so angry and hurt and feel so unappreciated it is hard to let that go and be kind, even to the person who has hurt us. Let it go, it will only hurt you. You need a clear head to fight the battle of keeping your child safe.
Make sure you have a time when your daughter comes back home that you sit down and ask her how everything went, stay positive, make sure the line of communication is wide open ans make sure she knows she can tell you everything- no secrets allowed between the both of you, smile and be positive.
I have never been divorced, but my parents were. Some of the things my Mother did was taught us about the Lord, Love, Forgiveness, Consistency, and really always had communication with us.
I am really sorry about what you are going through, it does not seem safe for your child nor is it healthy for either of you.