What Are My Rights?

S., the laws on child visitation and protection vary from state to state. And the outcomes will differ depending on the judge who applies the law to the facts in your case. I strongly suggest that you seek legal advice so you know exactly what your rights are. If you can't afford an attorney, there is a VA legal aid system available to you, here is their URL http://www.valegalaid.org/VA/index.cfm . But you definitely need to speak with an attorney, because the laws on custody and visitation are very tricky. Did an attorney handle your divorce? Maybe that attorney will help you with this and it won't cost you as much because they already know the situation.

What is always important in any legal case is to show documentation of the violations of the other party. So, you need to start documenting each and every time that your ex does not abide by the court order. Have your mother do the same. Write them down with the dates in a bound notebook. Keep this as a journal. That may not be admissible as evidence, but it may be able to be used to refresh your memory, so you can testify to dates and exact events. You also can document anything that he does that might be a danger to the child. Courts are usually protective of the welfare of the child, but what each sees as harmful varies. The three most important things to do for legal issues are document, document, document. But please check with attorney as to what your rights are. Only an attorney can tell you that, no one else can give you legal advice. And only an attorney knows how the courts usually rule.

I totally agree with Jessica, she gave you good advice as well.

You have a lot of rights. First you need a lawyer I know it's expensive but you do (look up the pro bono list for your area on-linehttp://www.vsb.org/site/pro_bono/resources-for-the-public/ ). Most importantly you need to keep a journal of alll these things he's doing with the visitations ( times dates what was said everything). The only thing you have to do right now is follow the existing court order you dont have to give him anything especially when it is dangerous for your child.
It sounds like the only reason he's interested now is because this is the one way he can get to you. By doing what he's doing he's controling your schedule messing with work and making you see him. the other thing you can do is have the court order changed so that it is supervised visitation and that he picks up and drops off your son to someone else (ie your Mom) so that you wont have to see him and he cant keep jerkin your chain. Maybe if you can get that done he will stop because you have taken him gettin to see you or mess up your schedule out of the equation. Have you gotten child support established yet? If not do so immediately thru your local agency you dont need a lawyer for that just the existing court order that shows you having custody with him having visitation. There are several things you can do you just have to get the ball rolling. Oh and you should be able to get the child support forms online so you can already have them filled out when you go to the office it will save alot of time there. If you need to talk hit me up here or at ____@____.com

Your situation sounds much like mine. My son's dad and I split just before my son turned 2. When we all lived together, my ex never spent any time with him....maybe 5 minutes a day. He had no idea how to care for a child at all....what to feed, when to nap, bathtime, bedtime....he never did any of it. After I left, he wanted him every weekend and one night a week. I thought I was doing the right thing, trying to let them have a relationship, etc....I never wanted to take my son away from his dad. However, things just weren't working out. He would come home filthy, starving, tired. Then I found out that dad and the new girlfriend were being investigated by DSS about reports of child neglect....not just my son, she has 2 kids as well, and a LONG history of neglecting them. She had her older one taken away for a year because she wasn't caring for her. Anyway.....once I found out about the DSS investigation, I told him he could only see him if the visits took place at his sister's house, they would just be for dinner, no overnights. Well, I thought I could trust his sister....but I thought wrong. On the second visit, they refused to give him back. They were supposed to bring him to the mall and meet me at 7:30.....and didn't show up. Wouldn't answer the phone. TERRIFIED me, lemme tell you. The police refused to help because there was no standing court order. I had to go to the judge and get him to sign paperwork ordering my son to be returned. It took 3 long, agonizing days. I didn't eat or sleep the entire time. Once I got him home my mind was made up that I was NOT letting him go back, no matter what. Luckily, his father hasn't called me since, it's been almost a month. If he does call, or tries to go to court and ask for visitation, I will fight for supervised visitation. You do not HAVE to let your son go, as long as you can prove that you felt he was not safe with his father. Document everything!! I kept a log for months of times, dates, and what happened.....every time he came home starving, etc....all documented. Take pictures. Whatever you do, no NOT allow more time. Go with the minimum that your court order allows him, and even at that....if you don't feel he's safe you have to go with your gut. Sorry to be so long winded, but I really do know what you're going though. If you ever need to talk, feel free to email me directly at ____@____.com

Best of luck!

I'm so sorry to hear about your struggle! I am not a lawyer, nor have I personally been through a situation like yours, but my cousin has. I know that in her situation, the biggest thing that gave her "more" rights over her ex was the fact that he was not paying child support. Does your ex pay child support? If not, then you don't have to grant him visitation at all. If he does pay child support, then I would go to court and ask to have supervised visits. That way if your ex insists that he is taking the proper care of your child, someone capable will be there to make sure. The bottom line is that either way, you should go to court to make sure the your child is protected from any intentional or unintentional harm.

No, you don't have to give him more time. If he is a danger to your son, he has no rights at all. You can take him to court for custody. It's best to do that so everyone is on the same page and knows what is going on. Good luck.

S., that sounds terrible:( Can you bring him to court? Maybe if you take it into your own hands you can get custody and have him pay you child support. Wish I could be more helpful, goodluck,

K.

You don't have to allow him any more time than the last court order. If the last time you went to court, the order was 2 hrs then that's all he gets. If he's not bringing him back, and you have to involve the police, then I would call the child's guardian ad litem (the lawyer the state probably appt. for the child, who doesn't respresent any of you). Also, if he can't provide a safe environment, the court can order that he has to have visatation at your house, which is what they did for me. If your son doesn't have an appt lawyer, I would call one yourself and if you can't afford it, look up legal aid. I hope this brief response helps, but if you have any more questions, please feel free to contact me ____@____.com son just turned 2 and I'm pretty much going through the same thing. Good Luck!!