Cheating Husband and Two Small Kids. What to Do?

Please don't make yourself the bad guy here - counseling is "not enough for you"? You are perfectly justified to be angry and hurt and don't rush yourself to "get over it." He is fantastically lucky to have you because you might the one to save his marriage and family. So take a breath and don't pressure yourself.

Taking action may make you feel better. I would get your ducks in a row in terms of putting aside some money, seeing a lawyer, documenting his behavior. See a doctor and get tested for STDs and make sure yoiu are on birth control. See a therapist independently as well so you can deal with your feelings in a completely open way. You need to protect yourself, because right now, you can't trust him to look out for your best interests or those of your kids. Doing these things, while sad, will make you feel safe. From a position of security, yo will better be able to focus on forgiving him.

I hope that you and your husband can work it out, and deal with any problems in the marriage. But he needs to do ahell of a lot of work on himself and his integrity. He needs to earn back your trust. That won't happen overnight. I know you must jus twant to fix this and forget it because it is less painful. However, if you rush the process, you will always have doubts. Focus on yourself and your kids. Go to counseling, and let him work out his problems. GIve it time - this is a fresh wound. And don't let him rush you. He did this - no matter how bad the marriage, adultery is never a solution. Adultery is a weapon, and how dare he!! Good luck.

If he is still there, it is because he wants to be. I had this issue with my husbamd (he did it before we were married and I found out after) and the trust will never be back to 100%, but we both work VERY hard to make it work. You have to decide if you want to keep living like this or if you want to be happy. If you want to be happy, do you want to be happy WITH him? It really comes down to you at this point. I can tell you have put a lot of thought and work in to this, and being cheated on is the worst. But you need to figure out what you want and put all of your effort into that. If you WANT to be with him, you need to work on you in being able to forgive him. You need to tell him what you need him to do so you can start to build that trust back. He hurt you worse by cheating on you with your best friend, so that is a double whammy. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

I'm just going to tell you what I would do in your situation. I have two small children too, and as much as it would break my heart for them to lose their mom and dad in the same household, I would have to divorce my husband. We've had this conversation in the past, and for ME, I could forgive but never FORGET and that would be something I would think about and play over and over in my mind forever. I love my husband but if he cheated, it would be over. Period. No reason/excuse would allow me to stay married to him. This would not be easy for us because he keeps the kids with him Mon-Thurs while I work...but that would not matter because overall, I would have to be happy and I know that if someone cheated on me, I could not be happy with them ever. Just my two cents.

But you have committed to repairing your marriage. Give it time. Keep going to counseling. Go alone also. Surround yourself with a good network of family and friends. You have to remember that you not only lost your husband, your marriage, but you also lost a best friend. That is not something that can be healed easily. Not sure if it can ever be healed.

I pray that you will find happiness E. and I am sorry you are going through this!

I can honestly say... He wouldn't feel regret if he hadn't been caught. A regrettful man will be honest with his wife before he got caught.

What you have to ask yourself is if your love for him is enough for you to forgive him. If not, you and your children would be just fine.

Ask him if he is only staying out of regret,see what he has to say

It's not up to you to "repair" the marriage. He fouled it up--- let him fix it up. Tell him you're leaving unless he can figure out how to fix it, and then DO IT. Take your kids and go to your mother's, or a friend's, or to a motel, if you have to. If the man loves you and cares about his family, he will step up and try to make you feel more secure. If he doesn't, then it's just not worth wasting time and emotion, and dragging your kids through hell, even if you love him.

I have not walked in your shoes, but I wanted to say my thoughts are with you as you struggle through this difficult time. It sounds as if you are truly trying very hard. Don't blame yourself for any of this. Your husband is lucky to have a woman that is willing to even try after shattering your trust in him. Most would just walk away (I would). Good luck and God bless.

The first 2 sentences give me the impression that in the back of your mind you feel enough time as has lapsed and you shouldn't still be hurting and even angry. I think that you have to allow yourself to process what has happened without a timeframe attached to it. It's almost like on top of your hurt and anger, you're beating yourself up because now it's end of March and you're still not over it. Take the time you need for your heart to heal and then maybe you can contribute to the healing of the marriage. But I think you need to heal first.

I don't think is a one answer fix all for things like this. It really depends on each couple and each person needs and boundaries.
My mom's husband (for more almost 20 years) cheat on my mom, I was one of the few persons that I vote for her to forgive him (if she though that she could live with this skeleton in the closet).
Why? Because he is and has being a great men, and let me tell you that I use to hate him when they start dating. He doesn't drink, no hit, not he is a party men, he is very good dad and finacialy responsable, he treats my mom nice and makes her laugh, he soports her and spoil her when they can. They have go through very hard times and very poor times.
He make a mistake, a big one, one that destroy something that is so hard to fix: trust.
He work his butt of to get back to my mom.
I am not going to tell you that is all roses and candy now. That little feeling still there and it drives my mother crazy everytime something looks odd.
I hope time makes this better, but overall, they still love and need each other and they both are trying. My mom knows that if she can't stay with him that she is welcome at my home, and I never went there to scream at him because this was something between them (unless my mom would have ask me of course).
On the other side, my first husband cheat on me, and even if I didn't leave at that exact point (since I didn't have the money) I knew since day one I wasn't going to forgive him because
A) he is not worth it
B) I know myself, I would have never be able to look pass.
You know what, it wasn't hard AT ALL to take that decision, in fact, one of my best decisions of my life.
I really hope my husband now never cheats on me, because he is so darn good in every other aspect and I love him so much, I don't want to say "I would never forgive him" ....of course I say this to him all the time.
But between you and me, I am really hope never find myself in this situacion with him because I know it would be so hard to decide.