Another Parent Question Mom

To me it's the nature/nurture element. We are all born with a certain personality that's hard-coded and then we have life experiences that affect us. When you can get a better picture of your grandparents - their personality & style, and then your mom's childhood and life experiences it helps you to see the full picture of who your mom is.

My mom was born to European immigrants in 1930. She had a serioius virus that affected her eyes (that she got from her dad due to carelessness in his life before he was married - long story) and spent much of her childhood vision impaired, traveling to doctors and spending time in hospitals. He childhood was in the Depression, her teen years were during WW2, she married an alcoholic, etc.... All of that made her the stubborn, spoiled, headstrong woman she is. It also enabled her to survive ANYTHING and to be an amazing example of resiliance and fortitude.

My MIL's mother was nastry & crazy (so I'm told) and her dad was a drinker who would do anythign to keep the peace - but was a happy drunk. My MIL suffered from depression, her husband became a cop and she spent month in a psych hospital after she had twins (my husband and his brother).

Knowing what went on in their lives makes it soooo much easier for me to understand them and identify what's "personal" and what's not. Most of it isn't personal - it's just people responding to triggers from their own life.

Good luck - it's often most difficult to deal with those closest to you. My mom is now dying of Ovarian cancer at age 82 and I now look back to those times that she infuriated me and I responded badly, etc. I am so much more patient now knowing that she's in her final days and I'll live with every word I say for the rest of my life... If only we lived this way about all the people we love!

i like the myers briggs best. have you ever tried to take it and answer it the way you think your mom would??

I would just talk to your mom and mention that you took this amazing personality test. Go on and on about how accurate it seemed for you and ask if she'd like to take it...for fun. :-)

Then you'll know. :-)

In my experience, that knowledge is limited in its usefulness.
I am a Christian and horoscopes aren't on my radar.
I started out life a very meek, pliant, Citizenship Award type of child.
My experiences with very stubborn, strong willed people has sharpened my edges to the point I don't even favor that child!

I bet that's your mom. I wanted to change my mom, too, but that never happened. She did mellow late in life. She was a very anxious person, she would call around to find me if I were later than she thought I out to be and I was 40! I finally just accepted it and delt with it. Those are quirks, learned ways of reacting over a period of time to inner forces (anxiety) and outer circumstances.

She didn't like to make me frustrated when she did it but she could not change. Meds helped the anxiety in her later In life but , you know what?
I actually MISSED the quirkiness! It certainly made life less boring! It makes for some funny memories, too, lol!

I suggest that a personality test only goes so far. Instead of focusing on where she fits on the Meyers-Briggs, I'd talk with her and let her know that you want to learn how to talk with her so that she doesn't get upset. Then listen to her and how she wants to be talked with.

When she does react negatively to what you've said, think thru what happened. I suggest that, if you're sensitive to her feelings you can figure out what went wrong and gradually alter your approach.