Why Does This Still Bug Me?

What a bitter pill of a woman! And she sounds far too ignorant to run anything other than an in-home, unlicensed daycare. Some people are great at it, and some people are like this. She sounds like one of those people that know it all and get bitter that their brilliance isn't recognized-I'd have told her, really? And to think this whole time I was feeling sorry for you! Followed by "and guess who I won't be paying to watch my kid, genius?" Yeah, I can be a creep sometime!

Personally, this would bug me because SOMEone out there didn't recognize how amazing and wonderful my child is. ^_^ Of course not everyone is going to appreciate our children for the amazing, special people that they are, but I think especially when they're little, this eats at us. Plus, now you know that this woman doesn't know how wrong she was, and you have no real way to tell her! That's always annoying, too.

Try to get over it by feeling superior. She was wrong, she didn't know what she was talking about, and even though she'll never know it, you do. Focus on how amazing your baby is, and how dumb she must have been to think otherwise, and you'll get over it eventually. Good luck.

Although I'm sure she thought she was doing the "right thing", know that she was NOT a trained child behaviorist. I'm sure you have had your share of unwanted advise, I'd just chalk this one in there too.

I have 5 children, my oldest is almost 17 and my youngest is 3 months. I've heard just about everything. One person will have complaints about my kids and a minute later another person will think that my children are the smartest most adorable things on the planet. I even had someone say that they can tell that my daughter has down syndrome because he works with down syndrome kids. My husband was furious. My daughter is totally fine. It is totally normal to feel that way about this comment. I'm a pretty mild mannered person and I can be forgiving and let things slide.....but when it comes to my children, the grizzly in me will come out so fiercely, that it even surprises me! LOL

it would bug me, she sounds kind of passive aggressive if you ask me.You know your son better than anyone, go with your gut.

Your reaction is normal. She was very rude and it would have bothered me too. I don't why so many people love to tell others what might be wrong with their kids....it's very annoying!

Could it possibly be that you felt(feel even subconsciously)that some of what she said may have merit? There is no harm in having your child checked out if anything than to put your mind at ease and most likely this issue to rest. The state will do evaluations for free.

Think of it this way--by wasting any time letting her be a blip on your radar, you're giving her some power in your life. She sounds like the kind of woman who doesn't deserve power in your life. Forget her!

She was wrong, your son is fine! She had no qualifications, to say that, That's how you let it go! Tell yourself, she was wrong and my son is doing great. I think she hit a nerve with you, because of the difficulties you seen with your in-laws children. Just realize, that her opinion doesn't matter and walk away from any thoughts of her. Why waste time on someone who made such a false snap judgment. It's not worth it!!

My oldest started daycare back in June. She was super quiet (still hardly talks) and was kinda to herself. The lady didnt want to say anything bc I worked there but thought my oldest had a learning disability (which she doesnt). I asked her to watch her one weekend bc I didnt know she thought this and she said it was fine. When I came to pick her up the lady looked at me and appoligized saying everything she had thought. I understood how she felt but it did annoy me. My baby is potty training her but will not tell her teacher she has to go potty and I was so upset. I asked a few others who worked there what they thought and it was all the same. I was mad and told them she has so many vocab words and her doc says she is SUPER advanced they all appoligized. My point is kids will act diffrent for other people bc they dont know them and people (being jerks, uneducated or just people) will try to diognos it theirselves. All the teachers are seeing her change she was just diffrent there and I understood. I let it go and have found that its hard to but the best thing for my kids. Be greatful that she didnt last and that your son is now with people who can be there for him more and tell you how wonderful he is!

Just like us giving our personal advice, that appears to be what both of his day care providers are doing. Neither are trained in assessing and diagnosing developmental issues, just expressing concerns based upon their experiences.

I would have been bugged that the first person said something in the manner she did, but I'm guessing it was done out of constructive concern vs. malice.

Have you spoken with your pediatrician about it? They are best trained to be able to detect nuances that may be on the autism spectrum or to be able to reassure you that he's completely fine based upon the thousands of children in their practices they see each day. I'd recommend starting there to give yourself peace of mind and to prepare yourself for the possibility of more evaluation/assessment.

Good luck! Chances are, he's fine, but it's better to know for sure than have the lingering doubt in the back of your mind.

It's quite common for personality clashes to happen between some providers and some children. Quite a few of my daycare kids have been kicked out of previous daycares and did fine with me. I've also had some real gnarly kids that I could not get a long very well with. When they went elsewhere they were fine.

Think about it. Not everyone becomes great friends. Some people just con't care for one another. As adults and professionals, we can care about all children. But that doesn't mean they will care about us or listen to us or obey us. I don't think most people understand this and the world today is conditioned to put a label on every child that doesn't conform to their standards.

She was a little ignorant. Why hold onto your angst? Just be glad that you aren't with her anymore.

Completely normal. Time heals all wounds, give it time to pass. It hurts when someone says or does something negative to our children. Our first reaction is to get defensive and protective, then we get angry because we look back at the situation and think we should have been more assertive in protecting our child, that's a mother's job. I get that way too, so you are not alone on this one. I think that this daycare that you chose with this lady was not the right fit and your son wasn't comfortable there, so he was acting out. It's a good thing that you are no longer using her, consider your son lucky to be out of that situation and into a more positive atmosphere where he is comfortable and able to flourish with positive reinforcement.

M.

Think of it like this---she is like one of those people who ask a woman when the baby is due without knowing for sure if the woman is pregnant or not.
Clueless and suffering from foot-in-mouth disease.

I would guess that your son was probably quiet and unresponsive in her group because he was uncomfortable and it was all new to him, and maybe he just didn't like her! But I would also guess that it never even occurred to her that a child might not like her or that she might be wrong about something.
The fact that she used a percentage is ridiculous.
No one can judge a child who hasn't lived with that child...but from the outside it is easy for people to judge.
We had a school psychologist say similar things to us about one of ours, based on one observation. The behavior she described would have made me think autism too, if I heard it about a kid I didn't know, but what she saw was just a reaction to a stressful situation on that day, and is completely unlike his usual behavior.
Your daycare provider was arrogant and out of line and should not have made assumptions or thrown her opinions out without more info. She should have made some careful inquiries to you, like "Does he do this at home?" to establish if what she saw was typical of him or only happening in her care.
Just keep in mind that some parents experience denial and early intervention is the key to success. So IF she actually knew what she was talking about, which she DIDN'T, she would have been doing your son a favor to alert you to it... too bad she was so clueless and upset you for no reason at all.

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