What to Do About Ex Not Paying His Child Support

Wow, there's really nothing you can do hear, especially if he's always been this way, then you knew that when you picked him for your childs father. Not trying to sound harsh, but this has been the reality that you probably thought would, or you could change once you married him. The best you can do is take his tax returns, whether big or small and accept that he's a bum and will probably always be, and just be more picky if you have anymore kiddos. Good luck!!

My husband is the custodial parent of his son and we do not get ANY child support from the childs mother. When He lived with her my husband paid through wage garnishment and $112 per week came out of his paycheck and went to her. She never used it for the child. When custody changed nearly 7 years ago she had been out of work and was strung out on drugs. My husband opted to not take the child support that the state wanted her to pay, it was $200 a month then, so she could get on her feet. She instead spiraled out of control. We did not let her see our son during that time. She is now straightened out and back on her feet with a job. We could get child support from her, but don't because it would cause more trouble then it is worth. She sees him every other weekend now and has since January. My husband was off for 4 months with a broken heel and she made no attempt to off help even though she knew we could truly use it.
If he is gonna pay he will, but if he is so hell bent on not paying then he will do everything he can not too. Does he keep his visits with your daughter or does he only see her when its good for him? If he is not consistent then I would just not make her available to him. We did that for safety's sake with our son and maybe you need to too. It seems he can take care of his own needs and has no concern for his daughters. The state won't help really, you will have to do it on your own. I have known women who with held the child until payments were being made and it made a difference. I hate to say it though, I would not expect him to change.
Prayers and wishes of good luck and fortune for you and your daughter.

Hi my best friends father does not pay his child support with his first son. They have taken his drivers license and cant get it back tell he starts making payments and pays them consistantly and she also stopped vistation rights. Of course it is not garunteed that it will accomplish anything but you will get his attetion

J.,

This is one of the most frustrating things a person can deal with! Especially if you need the money. I have been there, my kids are all grown now, but my ex-husband was ordered to pay child support and didn't, he lived out of state and I had his place of employment, social security number everything Kansas needed, but they couldn't collect it because he lived in Illinois which does not cooperate is what they told me! Well, needless to say at the time I needed the money and the state didn't want to help. By the time he moved back to Kansas he was in debt approximately 30,000 and Kansas then wanted to take 55% of his income to pay his child support, which meant he would not have been able to afford a cheap apartment! I talked with my husband and I erased ALL of his child support, he had enough issues to deal with in regards to his kids without having to worry about not having a place to live where they could come and see him. Yeah I know many thought I was nuts, but he is their father and although he owed them the responsibility of helping support them, he also needed to be a dad to them. I didn't need the money at that point and was able to say forget it. He did help out when he could and as he got on his feet again here he would take the kids shopping for school clothes and help buy them things all the time.

Many think that child support/visitation should relate, but they don't. I don't know what kind of person your ex is but you cared enough about him to have a child together, now you have to find a way to deal with him helping you support her. If the money comes from his parents who cares! And being friends with the grandparents is a win-win as they get to see their grandchild and your daughter gets to know them. I never once kept my kids from their grandparents, even though my ex didn't pay his child support and it was a good relationship for everyone. If I needed something for the kids, they were willing to help out whether it was a babysitter for the night or helping in other ways. So make that friendship and you will find help in many ways.

Mainly for your own sanity - just accept that at this point he is not going to help you and try to make the best of it. I know that is hard to do! If you need to talk or just vent you can email me! ____@____.com

Hang in there:)
L.

i really like the idea of getting in good with the grandparents...although not sure you want your daughter learning that kind of attitude (if i need help i'll just ask someone else for the money, daddy gets money from grandma and grandpa all the time...) but if you're that desperate for the money, do it. and ask for specific things (school clothes, shoes, whatever), grandparents like to buy presents for the kiddos. do what you have to, to provide for your daughter.

however, one more word of advice: if it's just a matter of principle and it's more about driving you nuts, rather than driving you to the poorhouse, i say let it go. if you don't really "need" the money, your daughter will learn more from how you handle this than she will benefit from you going crazy trying to get this money from her father. IF you don't need it. let it go. don't mention the money. don't hound him if/when he starts flaking on his visitations. sit back, take the high road, and let your daughter grow up seeing her father's true colors. the worst thing you could do for your daughter is badmouth her father or let your opinion of him color hers. if he wants to ruin this relationship, its all on him. trust me, i was the daughter in this situation. kids are smart, they see what's really going on. i know it's hard, like someone said it's one of the hardest things a person can have to deal with. but you'll get through it - we mommies always do!

Hi J.:

I am sorry for your frustration. I have not encountered this kind of situation so I do not have any advice to offer. I think you are doing the right thing by contacting the Child Support authorities and credit bureaus. Also keep a log on what he is spending money on because maybe it will be helpful in your case at some point. As frustrating as it is, just keep wearing him down.

I was interested in your statement, "I am a rep for a few different companies and also have my own e-store where I carry products from many different suppliers along with things that are used from my own collections." This is really interesting. How did you become a rep, What kind of suppliers, and what is your e-store? What kind of collections? I work at a typical 8-5 job so I am curious. Sounds like you have some independence in your career.

I also live in Missouri and have been dealing with the same problem. I have 3 children and my ex was not paying support. In order for CSE to go after him seriously, he had to go 6 consecutive months without paying or the amount had to be over 5,000. He qualified on both accounts--though he was good at paying on the 5th month. But he was behind over $10,000. I got fed up and tired of hearing I'll get the money to you..., and contacted CSE in the spring. They started the process of prosecuting him--they gave him a 3 month period to start making payments or be prosecuted. He managed to pay 2 of the months. We are still going through the system. And now he is wanting his support to be dropped to 150/month from 1050. He claims he isn't working or working very little. He works construction and I know he does "side jobs" for cash, but that can't be easilly traced--he knows that too. It is very frustrating!! And yes, he still has visitation---though it has to fit his busy schedule--if you are not working, how busy could you be. I told him and the lawyers that 150 is a joke--a slap in his children's faces--doesn't seem like he is thinking much of his children to even try that. This is ongoing--not sure how it will turn out. But, yes it is definitely frustrating. I would suggest keeping in touch with CSE and don't give up.