Well My Divorce Went Final

I've been there. It's perfectly normal. A part of your life has closed so it's normal to mourn it. It doesn't matter how bad the marriage was or how much you can't stand him. He was a huge part of your life and you devoted many years to him. It's only natural to feel a sense of loss and go through the steps of grieving. It'll get better with time. Just move on knowing that your divorce was most definitely what was best for all of you. Don't go back and second guess yourself or wonder what you could have done differently. That'll just make it worse. Just look ahead to your new life. Grieve your old life and allow yourself to be sad for a couple of weeks and then move on. It's perfectly natural. Good luck to you and congrats on this new phase in your life!!

Because it was the death of that relationship. You need to grieve for this relationship like you would grieve for anything that died.

Totally understandable and normal. I'm sure you'll feel better soon.

Good Luck!

I was married for 15 years and it hurt so bad when I got divorced. I am the one who wanted it. I think we all get into the comfort zone of being married and find it difficult to get into a different comfort zone. When your daughter moves in things will be different. Do not jump into another relationship!! You will see clearly soon. Accept the fact that you ARE going to make it better. I sleep in a single bed, raise my two boys, support my daughter in college, and work with special needs children who pull my heartstrings everyday. Things are in constant upheaval, but I can be myself and be my best.

A divorce, is a type of "grieving." It is a loss of something that constituted a large part of your life.

My Mom, when my Dad passed away, attended a grief support group... but she said that MANY of the participants, were people who were going through a divorce, or had been recently divorced. Its a normal feeling to have...

good luck to you and to your joyous feelings of your daughter coming to be with you.
All the best,
Susan

I would HIGHLY encourage you get into a divorce recovery group. I started one in january and it's been VERY helpful. it deals with everything you're going through and it's nice to have people around you who are in the same boat.

I do mine in Plano off of Legacy and the Tollway, but they are all over. Find a location that is close to you and check it out. You don't have to commit to the whole thing. just go when you can. If you have school aged kiddos, they have a program for kids too. So helpful when childcare is provided!

http://www.divorcecare.com/

We are only human and deep down we all want the good in relationships. It is sad and makes us mad when things don't turn out the way we planned.

Just remember that we can plan for good, but all relationship takes two.

Hang in there the feelings will work themselves out.

I am sure you are just having your final wish of things being better. You will get through it and time will help that feeling. Keep busy.

Things are tough at first, but it will get better every week! Just the feeling of relief the first time you stretch out in your own bed, in your own place alone is huge. Just be strong and move on with your life. Remember what is important- your MARRIAGE failed, and that is sad. It's natural to feel some sadness and regret about it when you began it with such love and high hopes.

But- it takes two people to make a marriage work and you could not carry that whole load yourself. So think about the things that are a success- you are a good person, a good mother. Just because your marriage failed, it does not mean you've failed anything else.

Be sad, have your regret- and let it go. Choose not to take the emotional baggage from your marriage ahead into your new life with you. Everything will get better and better, you'll see! Good luck!

I agree with Jenny. You've been attached to this man for 15 years so no matter how bad it was, you've dedicated your life to him for that amount of time and whenever a part of you is gone, it's a loss. So it's a natural process that most people go through. There's really no time frame for when those sad feelings will end but just know that you did the right thing especially if the marriage was unproductive. Good luck on your future. Try not to spend too much time thinking about what was and think about what is about to be.

hi
although NOT divorced myself. I do think sadness due to a breakup, whether spousal , friends or even quitting a job can have many levels to it. a sadness over what could have been? people spend a lot of time and energy on what could have been... which leaves you in the past, constantly re-running emotions thru your head trying to figure out what went wrong.... I think it's important to validate your feelings of sadness, but it's just as important to keep the reality of things straight too. You said you fought a lot and cussed a lot..... that must be nice to be away from, right? try and focus on what positive things you have going on now in your life (like your daughter moving in with you) additionally, when you find yourself running back in time into the WHAT IFs.... then take some deep breaths.,... and try and get centered on the here and now... those faraway thoughts of shoulda, woulda , coulda will only cause your more anxiety and pain.. this is a new time in your life, try and embrace it completely..... in a way, although very scary, it might be the best time of your life... if you allow it..
If you feel more sadness and perhaps anxiety over this, there's a great book called, Dance of Fear.. in it, the authors talks a lot about anxiety and how it can lead to other things like anger , sadness and so forth.. it's a good read and might help get your thru would could be an anxious time..
best of luck to you

When I got divorce a long time ago, it felt like a death to me. Long to to figure out just when it all went wrong. I had been with my ex since I was 16 years old. It was a rough road.

you got used to him. and its now final. do yourself a favor and have a divorce party. Celebrate freedom and no fighting. It will also make you feel better. I was married for 14 yrs when I got divorced then I started realizing hey I can paint the walls pink I can go anywhere without having to answer to anyone If I don't like an item I can get rid of it. I don't have to comprimise.

bieng mad and hurt is just part of the healing. I had that for at least 5 yrs. NOw I realize hes not my headache any more. In my case that is the biggest blessing of all. I did martial arts dance class, went dancing on fridays, did bible study on mondays. I had a blast but if you don't keep yourself busy depression will over run you. The more physical you are the less depressed you will be. Hold your chin up and enjoy the freedom. if you need to you can send me a private message.

I'm in a marraige where there is lot's of yelling cussing & blaming it all point's to me.How did you finally decide you had enough & filed for a divoce.I have thought aboput so many times but can't cross the bridge in fear of losing my kids to him.I'm a sahm so my income is his income.I have nothing reserved from past because I was 19 when we meet & became pregnant @ 23 we have been together for 10 yrs seems like alot but I would rather it not be 25 & finally spilt if this continues.
As for your question you are hurt because that was the man you loved he has disappointed you & your family.It is normal to cry feel angry hurt frustrated that is the healing process.If it becomes out of control I wouldn't say run to your dr for medication but take some time off & be with your daughter.Good Luck to you!!I applaud your bravery

You're grieving over a loss. Allow yourself that time to grieve so you can move on. Hang in there, allow yourself to feel the emotions. You will get through this! Good luck to you!

Hi J.,

I think what you are feeling is very normal. I was divorced from my first husband 23 years ago and although I was completely over the marriage I felt a sense of failure, disappointment, and sadness. Not for him just for the fact that I had not intended to be a single mother, I intended to be married for the rest of my life. Give yourself time these feelings will pass and fortunately you have your daughter with you to help. My son was my lifesaver, I didn't have time to dwell on the negative just move forward. Allow yourself to feel the loss you need to have those feelings in order to move on ready to start your new life. There is a better life out there. I met my husband and remarried a few years later. We have been married 20 years and have a daughter together. Our blended family has worked and I found the companion I deserved. Learn from your first marriage and when you do start dating be selective. I always felt I would never bring anyone into my life or my son's life unless they could improve it. I was not about to take on any more nonsense. I knew I would rather be alone then to put up with another man's bull$$$$. You will get there just give yourself time. Good luck and enjoy your time with your daughter!!