25 Years of (Not) Married It Is

Updated on July 19, 2012
C.W. asks from Union Hall, VA
13 answers

Today would have been 25 years married.

But it is not...because we are divorced.

Nevermind I have known him (and his family) since I was 13....(39 years all told).

There are no 'cards' for this...no sentiments to be shared...

Except...I ask you here...

How am I to mark this day?

I feel ambivilent...

yet sad...

Any help?

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answers from Honolulu on

Aw gosh, what a tentative sort of day huh?

Times like that, I like to be solitary, by myself.
If you are not like that, then perhaps be with a good friend.

Or, (I don't know if this is against the law or not), but get a balloon, and tie a note on it writing what you feel, and let it go into the wind and sky....

Cyber hug...

My late Dad, passed away and the date of that is coming up soon.... its hard.

9 moms found this helpful

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answers from Boca Raton on

The only thing that helps me is to just let myself have the feelings, and roll with it. Listen to a sad song on youtube and have a good cry.

Then I get back up, shake myself off, and acknowledge that God works all things for the good of those who love Him.

My life is sacred and I have a mission. Just because I (we) failed on one of those missions (and it's a big failure no doubt) it doesn't mean that I can't serve God. There is still alot of love and life left to give. There are many people you can help. There are many ways to serve. There are many moments still to cherish.

It's never about anything or anyone else . . . it's all about what you give.

Hold on an hang in there. <<hugs>>

8 moms found this helpful


answers from Portland on

I agree-- that would be a moment of ambivalence.

Try to celebrate how good your life is because you are not together, if you can.
Be glad for all of the drama your family missed out on because you did decide not to stick together. Be glad for the healthy changes you were able to make in your life. Celebrate the person you were able to become because of your journey. Cry if you want, laugh if you feel like it.

Maybe make a wish on a candle for your next year-- wish both of you well. Blow it out and do something caring for yourself.


7 moms found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

Happy UNanniversary.....write down all the good things, good times and smile about that.

THEN...write down all the bad things and remember why you are divorced.

I think many of us remember significant dates and it's OK so long as you don't dwel on it too long.


4 moms found this helpful


answers from Norfolk on

In my Mom's case, she curses her wedding date and celebrates her divorce date.
I guess you morn the loss of the dreams of a happy ideal marriage that never materialized.
And realize that THAT dream just could not come true with THAT particular mate and then look for a better one.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Austin on

Totally understandable..

But I bet you are way better off without him..

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Philadelphia on

=( i get it. i was with my ex since 14 and even if i know its healthy that we arent together and he knows too, we both get sad on these dates. we ussually email eachother. we mourn the dreams we once had...having a united family, not splitting tme with our daughter, the idea of a happy marriage, all of the memores we share, all of the memories we wont share and then at the end we say but we are glad we are healthy and happy now and living life instead of faking it.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Cumberland on

I've been on the other side-with the anger and the angst and the what was I thinking? You find this day to be sad for you-I think you're in a better place-it is tough to watch the milestones roll by-but just consider yourself hugged and loved for now!

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Tucson on

Going through divorce myself. My dad keeps telling me its similar to a loved ones death. You have to grieve and morn the loss of your loved one. Everyday will get a little easier and better. Distract yourself with something you love doing. Get a mani/pedi, new hair cut, massage to celebrate the new single you.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Norfolk on

Hi, Cat:

Yes, gried never takes a holiday. Broken dreams, regrets, they are there as
long as we live. Reflect on your past and change yourself for the future.
Good luck.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Seattle on


Wish I had better.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

I can understand the sad feeling. You had 7 kids with him. You could be in your golden years of being happy with a friend and companion. But you and/or he wouldn't bend/compromise.

I feel sad for you too. There is so much that you will miss out on because you aren't still married.

My MIL and FIL divorced because of things he wouldn't do for her and things she wouldn't do for him. They didn't have enough kindness and consideration, in essence, not enough love. They both became, "Its all about me" and lost the willingness to meet the other's needs that they had when they first married.

They decided to get remarried, but neither would change their behavior and their marriage failed a second and final time.

I hope you and your husband can get together, but if you and he aren't willing to change, nothing good will happen.

Good luck to you and yours.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Baton Rouge on

Why would you want to mark it? I don't treat my would-have-been anniversary dates differently than any other day.

1 mom found this helpful
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