Weekend Blues

Every new baby takes some adjusting. One thing I might suggest is letting the little girl help out with her brother. Kids at her age are very eager to help out and maybe she wouldnt mind sharing time with her brother if she was mommy's helper.

My grandma had 3 kids in 3 years and I asked her once when she slept. She said "I dont remember ever sleeping." She loved her babies but it was exhausting, and that's the part of parenting people dont share. :-)

You are doing wonderfully. I do not think there is a how to do it. You have a four month old. And a three year old. You are learning the paces of your own family. Do not hurry it along, enjoy it for what it is. I too wondered so many things like this and my children are so much older now. Grown. And I miss those moments that you talk about and wonder why I was so worried about being perfect. Just hug hug hug all of them and enjoy them. However it works out. Life is too short. Took a case of cancer to realize this. Hug them for me will you?

It is much harder with a baby and young child. I have 5 children and I've felt that way off and on. I only feel that way when I have a baby and toddler/preschooler. Try to get your weekend prepared during the week, so that you don't have to do much on the weekend. Get your shopping done, meals prepared, your laundry somewhat caught up etc. I think that once you get into the habit of doing this, your weekends might go smoother. Plan fun stuff for your family. Even if it's as simple as eating lunch outside etc. And remember, things may change drastically for you in the next year or so when your children are older. Good luck to you and congratulations!

I think you said it, just be patient. Forget the newspaper for a bit...if it is really that important, it will flash on your browser screen or you will hear it on TV as an interruption. Take the kids to a park and spread a blanket and enjoy them. Let your baby girl chase a ball while you toss it from the blanket and sit with your son. He will be grown quick and you will find yourself missing the snuggle time with him.

Before you know it, they will be enjoying each others company and you will have some free time.

I do remember being exhausted and running at random. It will ease up shortly.

I am going thru that feeling as we speak. I was hesitant even posting anything, but glad you were able to address the issue. Yes I feel drained on weekends, cause I work and I asked these moms before how to joggle between the two and not feel guilty focusing on one over the other. You might want to read their responses. It helped. I feel like I don't get a moment to myself - someone is always calling, dragging, screaming, tantruming, annoyed, cranky, want me to look at something - you get the picture - NEEDY, and there's no time to breathe, not even with hubby around - I am not giving any solutions just support. We will get thru this. Someone once told me, this phase too will pass. They do not stay the same tomorrow as today, so hold tight. My M. told me give the attention to who needs it most at the time and remember all your babies need to be fulfilled is your presence and touch apart from feeding, changing, etc. of course.

I decided not to read the other posts, but just to give you my answer. It sounds like you are dealing on the weekends with what I deal with on a daily basis as a home childcare provider. We have five children in our care, ranging in ages from six years old, and in Kindergarten, meaning we have the added issue of getting that child to and from school each day, down to a six month old baby, with two toddlers and a pre-schooler in between. Believe it or not, childcare providers don't have all the answers, and we do struggle with the same type of issues that parents struggle with!
What I find most helpful is to, as much as possible, think things out ahead of time. I spend a bit of time in the morning getting all the bottles and the cereal dish for the baby set up so that all I have to do when she's hungry is add the water to the powdered formula or the cereal dish and mix it. We have her on a fairly routine nap schedule so we know approximately when she'll be down and that is time when we can give the other children more attention... though one of us is always there for them while the other takes care of her needs. We have established a nap routine with the baby so that one of her naps is during the afternoon nap time when the other children are resting too. That usually gives us at least two hours of free time where all we have to do is keep an eye and ear out for a waking child, but can do other things that we want to do... sometimes we even take turns having a little nap ourselves.
I also try to have meals at least planned ahead, if not partially prepared ahead. Using a crock pot, or making oven meals is a great help, because you can put the food in, set it, and let it cook without too much attention until you are ready to eat. Pre-cut your own salads and put them in a zip-lock type bag until ready to eat... or purchase a pre-made salad. Keep meals as simple as you can so you don't feel you are stuck in the kitchen all the time.

We do take our kiddos out when we do errands or for 'field trips'. It isn't always easy getting five young ones ready and in their seats in the vehicle ... much less the getting in and out and back in at our destination... but we manage to do it by working together. I have a small bag packed with the necessities for the baby... diapers, wipes, gloves (since I'm a child care provider rather than a parent), extra change of clothing, bibs, diaper cream, a bottle of hand sanitizer for me, tissues... you get the idea. I also keep three extra diapers for each of the toddlers. When it's time to go, I simply pop the extra bottles and cereal dish that have already been prepared for the day into that bag, and once we have had each of the older ones go to the bathroom, we're ready to go. My husband takes the older ones to the van and gets them fastened in while I bring out the baby in her carseat along with the bag. We're still in a stage of perfecting this process, but it's working out fairly well.

If you have grandparents, other relatives, or just good friends nearby who could take your children for a few hours one day, by all means get some time for just you and your husband to be together without the children for a brief time to rejuvenate.

I don't think I mentioned this yet, so I need to say, do be sure you and your husband have communicated... and continue to communicate... mutual needs so that you can plan to work together with him giving you some time to do your things while he watches the children and you give him some time to do his things while you watch the children.

Your situation isn't going to be just like ours, but I'm giving you this as an incentive to look at your own situation and see what you can do to help make things a bit easier.

Having said all this, know that things are still going to happen that make you feel like your weekends are chaotic. But if you can eliminate that as much as possible, you'll be better able to handle the rough times when they do come.

I just want to add this little bit more information about us. We are grandparents, 64 and 69 years of age. Several of our daycare children are also our grandchildren, and we often find that we take them on weekends too.... sometimes because their parents have need of childcare while they are doing something, but also sometimes because we simply choose to spend more time with them and plan something special. I'm not telling you this to give you the idea that we're some sort of super grandparents, but to encourage you that you can find a way to enjoy your weekends with your two children as well without feeling bogged down all the time.

The best thing I did with my second child was get her used to sleeping on the go. She is almost 4 and will still sleep anywhere, anytime, anyhow! haha!

Anyway, this too shall pass. It's hard when you have such a young one since they take so many naps...once your son goes down to one nap a day, it should be a little easier.

Don't feel bad about "neglecting" your other child... they need to learn how to entertain themselves!

I, too, have the weekend blues but for different reasons. In my case, I expect a lot more help w/hubby home but don't really get it as I would like and I don't have any help during the week so I'm wiped out. But at least I can keep to my schedule during the week w/o interruption. In your case, maybe you can take Th/Fri to prepare for the weekend. I say take 2 days because something could come up on Friday to deter you from your preparation. Make meels ahead of time. Plan easy/quick breakfasts. If you can, go out to one meal that weekend. If that doesn't help w/the differing
nap schedules then don't go out to eat. Is there any time when both are down? If so, you rest. Leave the housework for whenever. If they are never down at the same time, see if your husband can solely watch the older one while you take a nap when your little one is down. I know this doesn't help you now but this stage will pass soon. Can you enlist the help of your 3 year old to get things you need for the baby so maybe you're feeling as though you're integrating them both? Like can you get mommy a burp cloth, blanket or pacifier or a bottle of water for mommy etc? Any chance you could have play time together on the living room floor where you play with your 3 yr old w/toys and have your infant on one of those floor mats w/the toys that hang over the mat? I hope you get some more good ideas from the other moms on this site. I'm sure you will. Hang in there!

You sound just like me! Except my husband isn't really there on weekends as he works at night. We found that sleep was the biggest key with our daughter. More sleep and she was better behaved. The baby has been neglected more, so has fewer needs (he's one, but he can sooth himself to sleep because from day one, he had to!)

It is a hard balance to find, but it does get easier. try to figure out if there is anything else in your daughter's routine that changes on the weekend. The less different it is, the better. Let her have "dates" with daddy and with you. Let her know these are "big girl" things.

Finally, find a way to do something for you. I have a 3 hr figure drawing date I go on with myself. I'm a better mom for it! I get to feel like my life is about me too and not about caring for others. If you are happy, everyone else will be happier.

S.

ok i don't have your problem. i have same age chidlren. for you, it will be hectic for a while since you have an infant. i suggest you pick either saturday or sunday to go out with your older child only, and allow husband to stay home with the infant. then next weekend (not next day), your husband takes the older child somewhere. yes, not much time for you and your husband together, but at least you haven't stayed home all weekend chasing schedules.
i promise it will get better, i say when the younger one is 3 and the older one is 6 (my math sucks right now), it will get easier. when he turns 3, he will probably be giving up naps altogether, so you can go have a picnic somewhere, or catch a movie, or go out for ice cream, lunch etc.
even though mine are 5, our whole life and especially weekends are catered towards children. we don't have outside help, we juggle it all on our own, and daydream about years to come when kids will not be so dependent on us.
good luck

Try to remember what life was like when your daughter was 4 months old and you will probably recall that you had some similar feelings as you do now. It is just magnified because now you have two children to deal with instead of one. Things will get better. As far as when they will be in synch, well it just depends on the kids. My two started to get more in synch with their naps once my youngest was around one and only taking one nap a day. It sounds like you and your husband are really working together to take care of the kids and that is great. And you aren't neglecting one child to care for the other, children need to learn to entertain themselves at some point, and your daughter is defintatly old enough to start playing by herself while you take care of your son. She is also old enough to help you a little here and there to take care of your son (she can get you diapers, help you feed him if you give him bottles, etc.). It just seems like it will never end during this challenging time, but there is light at the end of the tunnel!

I think you could hopefully get your 3 year old to take her nap when Baby has his afternoon nap. You may need to gradually sneak naptime 10 minutes a day closer to baby's.
My son is 5 and we remind him that all the stuff he sees me do for Sissy I did for him plus EXTRA because he was a preemie. This seems to help any jealousy. Also, I try about 3 times a day to put my baby down and tell her so my son can hear " Not Now Baby! I have to help Brother/I have to make Brother's lunch etc."
If it's available in your area - get groceries delivered it saves a TON of time and I am positive the delivery fee is more than compensated compared to taking my 5 year old along and buying him the kiddie cereal and treats he begs for, not to mention the money I save on beer and cookies if Hubby comes along to "help." Your kids are too little for "activies" other than a nice walk or trip to the NEAREST park. Save the zoo, sports and beach for next year and save your sanity!

It's difficult enough to get some "me time" with one child, and it's more than doubly difficult with 2 kids...of course, I don't know first-hand, since we only have one -- she's 19 mos old. However, my good friend and neighbor grabs snippets of time for herself by arranging play dates with other parents w/toddlers. It can work out beautifully -- sometimes she has the other parent(s) and their toddler over, and the adults can talk/have coffee while the kids wear each other out in the backyard, playroom, what have you. Other times, she drops her toddler off and runs errands (or gets a haircut or mani/pedi, or goes to a movie) -- on her own for a couple hrs. Then, toddler child is happy, Daddy is home with little baby while baby takes a nap, and Mom has had a chance to recharge her own batteries a little. You and your husband can switch of re: who stays home and who goes out during the play date times, whether they occur at home or at someone else's.

Look up this website: FlyLady.net. In there you will find routines that will truly make your life so much easier. You will love it!
Good Luck!

Lucy B.

it will get easier. you have to give yourself some time before you can really settle in with a new baby added to the family, imo. my son was almost a year before i started feeling like this new life of ours was "normal". not to scare you, just be patient. the "normal" feeling will come back eventually. maybe you and hubby can team up and each take one of the kids for an activiy on the weekend, thereby assuring both get the attention they need and everyone's a little happier? just a thought. good luck and hang in there.

Hi A.,

I remember those days and it gets easier in a way. As they get older the running changes for other reasons. If you belong to a church or club meet with other parents try to have a meeting with them all about this. It's common for all parents to go threw this and we all get cranky and tired. If you could make arrangements with just one other couple and each of you trade weekends where you each take the kids all day so the parent can have a day date or rest.

To just have one day off every other weekend makes such a difference. It's harder for older parents to do this so couples your age even someone that works with you may want to try this. Your 3 year old could become mommy's little helper and actually help you with the baby.

We use to make easy meals on the weekends which do help, every Saturday night was Taco night and it was routine and the kids loved it. Of course your baby can't eat the Taco's but you could have him sitting with you all at the table so he gets use to routine. My husband and I have found that routine is what it's all about. You set it and the kids will follow.

Good Luck!

B. C

Hi there,
Go outside in the backyard, have a picnic, pitch a tent, play ball, enjoy the sounds of the birds, and relax, the dishes will always get done eventually. Good way for everyone to relax and enjoy nature and get out of the house. If you have a kiddie pool, that's great too or something for your oldest to catch bugs in. Doesn't cost much to just get away but have your house right there if you need something. No tv, just good ol fashioned fun! If you have no yard, go to a park. Good Luck.....mom of 6

Its tough having a toddler and a baby, I think what you described is my life to a tee... I have a 2 year old and a 5 month old. As I type this my eyes are completely glazed over and I know I should have gone to bed an hour ago, the weekend was so long and exhausting. I look forward to the weekend also thinking I will relax more and get to spend time with my husband, but it just doesn't happen. By Sunday night we are totally getting on each other's nerves, I actually look forward to him going to work.

I guess I don't have much advice on how to de-stress, I feel like this is just life with 2 young kids. They are both in very needy but different stages. I just think that it will get easier day by day. As your daughter gets older she will become less needy and actually more helpful. My daughter already tries to help with the baby, although she just makes things more difficult at this point. I think there is a world of difference between 3 and 4 though, I saw that in my nephew. Now I enjoy babysitting him because he helps with my 2 year old.

Thank you so much for posting this! I thought I was the only one feeling this way too! I have a 6 and a 1 year old, and I work from home part-time. I feel like I SHOULD be looking forward to the weekends, but in reality, they sometimes are more stressful with my husband home, just because I am used to my schedule during the week, I have my alone time when the babies are napping, and I am in control of the day.
It's frustrating to wake up and everyone's on a different schedule,and you don't know the plan for the day. One thing I found helpful is to have a plan before I go to bed for us all to go somewhere at a certain time - it's something to look forward to and the plan unites us as a husband and wife, and then we split up tasks in order to get everyone ready and out the door. Otherwise, its hard to explain what happens, but one of us will start doing something, and then the other doesn't know if they should start something or who is in charge of which kid, and the responsibilities of duties just gets so confused -- and guess who ends up handling everything? The mommy.

I also LOVE having time along with one child. I try to set a special mommy date with my older child every month at least. Although having time together all as a big family is rare enough -- and that's why it's so frustrating when it doesn't work out. I absolutely think it's because we put too much pressure on that rare "family" moment, and not enough on just enjoying it for what it is. I love the other posts and am so grateful for the advice!

Blessings,
N.

I also found a great resource for busy women online at www.MyLifeCompass.com/NicoleSteiman.
Women can connect together and encourage each other, choose a monthly action plan for the life area they are working on (I chose Life Balance of course!), and even connect with a professional coach. It has helped me slow down and enjoy the moments more!