Kids Leaving the Nest

B.: My husband & I will soon be experiencing my only child (a son) leaving the nest. My heart aches for you and all of us. My sister & her husband are experiencing their first year with their only child a male going off to school. I don't have time to expound now but will be checking this thread in hopes of some very wise and older women giving sound counsel. God has carried me through everything and I know this is no exception; but this time of life changing and transitioning is so frightening to me. And my son is still even at home!!! He's a Junior in HS. So as I said I pray some Godly older women with perspective on this passage will chime in and I will be checking back on this thread.

My oldest son will be leaving this August. Because he is my only boy, I feel that I have this special bond with him and I really don't know how I'm going to let go. I've convinced him to go to a college that is only 2 hours away, so I think that will help. My whole life has revolved around his sports, and everything else has been put in the back burner. I've been critized for neglecting my daughters and husband because I always want to be where my son is. Just the thought of him not being around makes me sick to my stomach! I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one that feels like this!

I know I will be like you when my kids go off to college. Mine are spaced in such a way that for awhile at least, there will always be one here to keep me busy :)

I would say you really need to involve yourself in some sort of activity to help keep your mind off of it. Could you foster children? What about fostering animals? If you love helping children, become a CASA volunteer.
http://www.nationalcasa.org/ Maybe babysit in your home. Take some college classes, or get a part time job.

I would suggest making one weekend a month a big todo, that everyone comes home and spend some family time together. Invest some time in planning neat things to do, maybe that will help you have something to look forward to and it won't be as hard as not knowing when you will see them next.

Now if I can remember all this stuff in a few years! HA!

Good luck..

I feel for you. My daughter is a junior in college and I am only just now getting used to it. Thank goodness she is in town and I have an 11 year old son!!!
You sound like a wonderful person with lots of interests.
It will be okay-it just takes a little time.
Another thing I did was write in a journal to my daughter whenever I missed her. I've been keeping a journal for her since I found out I was pregnant 22 years ago! :-) I plan to give it to her some day-maybe when SHE has a baby!
Have fun with your grandkids...maybe some kind of volunteer work with kids.
I work with young children and that helps a lot!
D.

Dearest B. F.,
My only child left for the service last year. I am a widow, so
we were especially bonded. I didn't hear ANYTHING from anywhere or anyone for 23 days. I didn't think it was possible to have your heart ripped out of your chest, feel like your soul had died, and still be alive??? I never knew it was possible for a human being to hurt that bad. My HUSBAND'S death didn't even compare to the pain of greiving a child. I have always dated and I dropped everyone! All my best-friends, men, and family.(And...not to offend any other moms, but, one child at home doesn't replace another, as I had an older nephew and younger neice still with me that I raised) When I did speak to him - he was in the same shape as I had become - totally depressed zompbie. At first I did exactly as you are doing; I went to his base EVERY week-end to visit on base, spent tons of money in gas, hotels, food, dog boarding...it goes on...over compensating buying things from his branch as a "proud mom". Guess what...I hurt him with my feelings. I should have let him go and return a mature, driven adult. Instead...he got married, so he wouldn't have to be alone all the time when I eventually stopped coming soooo much. As someone else said, I should have let him grow up, make new friends, and appreciate me and MY moving on. He can't even tell his wife he loves her even though we always say it! What have I done....please don't follow my steps. I should have weaned this now man from mamma. I am not saying making all at one time...slowly stop going. Call and write weekly- set a day? I think you will find he will grow to be the independent person you want him to be, because God forbid, something happens to you today, he can either be set for a great life with an education and friends, or like you and I, sit around lost. What would you choose for him to feel, or become, in the long-run?
God bless you!

Honey...I can't imagine my child leaving the nest yet...my oldest is 3. However, I can see it from your son's side (even if he is happy coming home) he needs to stay at school. I went off to college at 17, I was a 7 hour drive from home so going home wasn't an option. The weekends on a college campus are the most fun. THAT is when you make friends...and I don't mean drunken partying...having all night movie marathons, eating pizza, going to some of the local hang outs to check out the opposite sex, football games, club meetings, etc etc etc...I hope he is living in the dorm, because there a so many people to meet and make friends with...later you end up making close friends with your fellow majors. It is having all the freedom of being an adult without the responsibilities. The next four years can be some of the best of his life and a place to make life long friends. Please honey, let him go, it may take him a little while to get in the groove, but he will and you will too...My mom said she cried the whole drive home from dropping me off at college and off and on for days afterward, my dad told me he cried half the way home and kept tearing up for days afterward...but they let me go, and for that I thank them...I am sending you a great big hug {{{{{hug}}}}}.

My feelings go out to you. My 18 year old is leaving for Navy boot camp this coming August. We have a very close bond with each other. This boy is a child that would rather be at home with us then out with his friends. He was dating a girl until she moved out of town with her mom and they also spent a lot of time at our house watching movies etc. And now he his going to Illinois. He will be in boot camp for 2 months then will have 3 1/2 months for futher training to became a Navy Corpman also in Illinois. The furhterest this child has been is to his Grandmothers for a week at a time once a year in New Mexico. I have become so depressed over his leaving. I am trying so hard to hide it and act like everything is okay, but when I think about it I have to fight the tears back. He will not get leave until he gets out of the special training for the corpman and that will be a total of 5 1/2 months with out seeing him. I know I have to let go and it helps still having my 13 year old at home. I hope in time that it will get easier for the both of us. I guess in a way we are in the same boat.... LOL.... I will keep you in my prayers and thoughts.

You have got to move on. This is so not fair to your sons. They need to adjust and get a life of their own. They don't need to come home on the weekends and babysit their mother. It sounds like you have many hobbies. Why don't you plan more activities on the weekend or do charity work to take up weekend time. You can still plan a weekend get together every 4-6 weeks. If your grandkids live near you, take them off your daughters hands. I'm sure she would love that.
Also, I'm a little confused. You said you still have a son at home. So what's the fuss about? Maybe you should foster kids. Remember, life is what you make it. You can choose to see the positive or just wallow in sadness.

Oh B., I feel for you! When my oldest left for college (a long ways away) I hardly ate anything for a week! I just needed to cling to God. And I thought I was ready - ha! I hated for people to ask me about it because I was so close to tears all the time. I can see that you are mourning the loss of both sons leaving so quickly since they are so close in age. It might help you, though, to remember why you brought them into the world and raised them. Was it so they could stay dependent on mama, or was it for them to be happy, productive adult people? If you cling to them, they will eventually come to resent you and avoid you. And obviously the get-them-from-college arrangement is not going to work next year! Now would be a good time to tell your son that he should call a friend for Friday night and see what's going on around campus for Saturday. Maybe you and your husband could use some of the gas money to go out on a nice date! It sounds like it's time to rediscover and delight in each other again as you begin a new season in your life. My baby is still only 11, so in about 5-6 years I may need your shoulder!
Blessings on you and your efforts to let go.

B.,

I thought I would go out of my mind when my only daughter moved away (with my grandchild whom I adored I might add). But you know what? I have found a whole new life. I spend time with my husband and we SURE enjoy always having a clean house...less laundry...and can pick up on a moment's notice to go/or do whatever WE want. Let your son go a bit...it takes awhile...but it is definitely worth it! The son you get back will be more appreciative of his time at home and you will find your bank account goes back up after awhile (you may have some unsettled debt if it is costing you 800 a month). Trust me...I thought I would go out of my mind...but I have such a wonderful and full life now...and my daughter? She has 4 kids now...and they LOVE coming to see Mamaw!!! I love having them too! You will reconnect with that wonderful husband and find the man you married to begin with again...trust me!

Dear B.,
Hello! I have 8 children living(some I inherited, but they are still mine)! Our youngest is 30, and it has worked out for me to let mine leave the nest! Let them come visit on their own strength and use their finances! They will appreciate you more! I am 57 and this works for me!
Our children are all such a joy since they learned life is worth spending time with their family! It sounds as if your children are close to you too! Give them time to figure how great you really are by letting them stay at school maybe every other week so as not to stretch your finances so much! Send each other pictures over the internet on the weeks they are not with you about what they missed at home with you! Always remind them you love them! Just don't let your husband work so much extra time, and enjoy his company more! As we get older, we don't know if we have a tomorrow or not, so enjoy each day with your spouse while you can!
LOL in JESUS,
Sheryl