Routines for 7 and 2 Year Olds

How about sending the 7 year old outside to play. Routines always went out the window on weekends. Never had kids over to play on weekends. Weekends were and still are for family.

L.

Your 7 year old SHOULD be able to play on his own. He should NOT "need" a friend to keep him occupied.

Does he read?? I know my kids get lost in reading and love it...

Sorry - but this is life. If you don't want your kids running willy-nilly around the house? You need to plan better and get up with them. That means go to bed earlier so you get your beauty rest!! :) I have looked at your other questions and you seem to be lost or overwhelmed. What is it you expect?

What has happened, is that you can conditioned your children to ALWAYS be occupied and busy so they don't know HOW to operate ALONE. You need to change this. You need to cut back on the play dates. You need to allow your children to function ON THEIR OWN without friends around. They need to know what THEY like and how to control themselves.

My routine when my kids were young? Man - have me go back over a decade - man do I feel old!!!

We woke up and I had my boys play together - mine are 5 years apart though - and when I was fixing breakfast? They would come up to the kitchen and color or talk with me while it was going....

Then we took a walk with the dog around the block - exercise is important. We would also go over to the playground and get some energy out. You don't need warmer weather to have a fort in your living room or family room. Allow your kids to use their imaginations and navigate playtime without you scheduling every second of their day.

we MIGHT have a snack - all depended upon what was going on. We would watch TV or they would help me clean the house - we get a lot of pollen in the Spring - so we dust or wipe stuff down it seems daily - we would have lunch and then take a nap - yep - I would nap with them....

afternoons were different - library, play date, grocery shopping, etc. we loved putting puzzles together, coloring and LEGOs....my boys are now 15 and 13 and play independently and together. Since they are involved in sports - one will go play wall ball for LaCrosse and they might even play together or kick a soccer ball around...yes...we have an XBOX and they play that together too.

Really. Stop trying to keep your kids busy EVERY second of the day. Give them down time. Have them play by themselves. They have their own toys, yes?

Start with a calendar. Talk with your kids about what they like to do. Look at what YOU need to do. You CAN do this. I know it seems daunting but you CAN.

L. have you considered going back to work, or school? This isn't a dig on you, or your parenting, but honestly staying home with young kids is not for everyone. I think the only reason it worked for me is because I've always been comfortable spending a lot of time alone, and I was able to get out a few nights a week and a few hours on the weekend, leaving the kids home with daddy. It sounds like your husband does not give you that opportunity, which is so unfair. I get that he may work long hours during the the week but it's ridiculous that he spends all weekend "renovating" the basement. When is he parenting? Why can't he at least involve the older child in projects around the house? As much as I liked being a full time homemaker I would have gone batty if I never got a break from my kids!
Don't ask him to watch the kids, TELL him, I'm going to do xyz from 10 to 1 on Saturday, you're in charge.
YOU NEED A BREAK AND YOU DESERVE IT. GO.

I think your question is really, how do I find things to do with them so that I don't lose my mind?

Some moms really love those baby/toddler years. I'm a much bigger fan of the elementary school years. My boys are in first and third grade, and much easier for me to entertain. Still, the winter months are more of a challenge!

Right now, my 7 year old is watching tv, and my 9 year old is playing on the computer. I know I need to limit screen time, but we are going to be leaving the house pretty soon to go to a neighborhood and pick up canned goods for "Scouting for Food," the Cub/Boy Scouts annual food drive. So, from my perspective, it gets easier as they get more involved in things.

I'm pretty sure when my boys were younger I would turn on some cartoons and hand them bowls of dry cereal and milk in a sippy cup. I didn't do this everyday, just on Saturdays. I don't want to turn my kids into tv junkies, but I am a much happier mom if i have some time in the morning to just sip my coffee and not have to answer 100 questions.

L.,

I agree with Mamazita. You need to go back to work. It appears you are overwhelmed. This does NOT mean you are a failure. there are some people who aren't meant to stay at home.

I agree with Wild Woman. Your kids need to be able to play by themselves.

Your husband is NOT helping you with his kids. Look into hiring a teenager from the high school for over the summer.

May I recommend a book I love and have used as a nanny with mixed-age groups? Mary Ann Kohl's "Preschool Art" is a gem. You can look through the book in the days previous and have time to set up/gather materials so that when you do sit down to do artwork, it's ready to go. There are plenty of 'low-mess', open-ended activities. My son is nearly 9 and I'm still loathe to pass my copy of this book along.

I'd also encourage you to have the older child help you with morning routine items like getting out food for breakfast; have your toddler wipe the table.

You can also go out for a walk, even if it means bundling up.

Lastly, there's nothing wrong with telling them to 'go play'. I think parents spend a lot of time thinking they must be the entertainment coordinator for their children. It actually robs our kids of down time and self-led play. It's okay if they are 'bored' until they find something for themselves to do. In our home, if you are bored, you can help do chores. No one is allowed to complain about boredom if others are working. Kids need to be allowed to be bored. There is beauty in boredom if we allow our children to find their own solutions.

Hi L.,

I remembered your question from before. Not judging you but you've asked this about 8 times.

Do you think you might need some help? Or maybe you're experiencing depression? I would get your husband to give you a break. When people keep asking for the same help over and over, to me it sounds like your situation is not working for you. If you were my friend, I'd say get out of the house a night a week - with your husband, and one night for yourself (leave the kids with him and join a gym or take a class or just go shopping). Same with weekends. My husband did renovations on our houses and I still go out every Saturday morning. There is no reason you can't have a break. Good for you for joining 2 mommy and me groups during the week. But something away from the kids would be good for you.

I never worried about routines with kids. Personally I think that puts pressure on us to have to stick to something when kids prefer just doing what they feel like doing at home. They are busy in school and activities - downtime is just fine. Do your kids need the routines/structure or is it you?

Sometimes accepting we need help or need a change is the best thing. Some people don't enjoy being stay at home moms. My friend is like this. She found it to be torture. So she put her kids in daycare part time and worked or volunteered part time.

My kids just play. I take them outside to play. We do errands. We do the odd play date. Library visit. Sometimes we don't do any of that. Kids are fine. You've been given lots of ideas in your previous posts and I have too - so I won't repeat myself.

ETA: You don't sound needy. I think we've all been there. And some kids are less likely to go play on their own - I have both kinds. And when you have two same age, it is easier. A gap isn't the easiest. I hear you.
Once your little one gets a bit older I think she'll make more friends and arrange things more on her own, and it gets easier - the whole play date thing. And she'll find more interests and life gets busier. Just in a year or two you will find this.
Here's a couple of ideas. We did a trip to Home Depot once a weekend. We'd take kids, I'd get one of those fun carts, and we'd just stop on way home at a park for 20 minutes - and that was our family outing that day. Dad got to buy supplies, it was family time and if we got coffee too for the park - it was our mini date. I know .. but I made the most of errands. The other day on weekend we did a family walk if we were busy. Go someplace by car, got a coffee, and went for a stroll through a nice trail. We did that when our kids were little because it was exercise, got us out of house, change of scenery, and free. And it was only an hour or so.

I skimmed the other answers, so forgive me if I am repeating. My boys are 6.5 years apart, and I am a high school teacher so I have always been home with them during the summers. My husband works crazy-long hours, so I know how you feel.

The kids should be able to play independently, but I know you want more suggestions than that. At their ages, I found things to do that appealed to the oldest and figured the youngest would be happy anywhere. Two year olds are free most places, too. My kids have always loved museums (kid museums and art museums), so we hit every museum in the area every summer; we still do, and they are now 18 and 11. We also had picnics at parks, played putt-putt, went to feed fish at the lake, and often went out to lunch. It was good for me to get out, and the boys loved it, too.

If my oldest wanted to play with a friend, I could drop him off or stay and visit with the mom. I would reciprocate and invite the friend over the next week.

Naps were important for my two year old, so we planned our outings around nap time. During nap time I could have alone time with my older son, or I could have him play alone and I could read, nap, or accomplish chores. It was a lovely routine. We liked being home a lot of the time, but kept the same routine. I hope you settle into a routine that works for you.

Well, first of all I'd be working on them sleeping at least another hour. Why do you let them wake up so early? There isn't any reason if you stay at home with them. Does the older one have to be at school by 7/7:30am?

I wouldn't be doing that at all. I am so glad we didn't have that problem. All our grand kids we've been raising go to bed around 9 when they were that young. As the got a little older we let them stay up until 10. They go right to bed and they woke up on their own around 7/7?30am. On weekends they'd sleep in a bit more if they didn't have to get up to go anywhere.

So that's the first thing I'd fix.

Then you shouldn't have to be their entertainment. The 2 year old is old enough to play in their child proof room with no toys in their area that are for kids age 3 and below. If the kids share a room then of course you can't let the 2 year old in there to play without going in and supervising that. Choking on toys is so easy. But if the 2 year old only has toys for their age group then they should be able to play on their own for a while. Same with the older kiddo.

Can't they play outside? It's getting warmer so they should be able to go and run around.

During summer vacation from school we let the kids sleep in then we'd get up and eat breakfast when everyone was up. Kids would mostly go outside and play then come in for lunch. Naps from 1-4, sometime in that time frame...not a 3 hour nap unless the little one needed that long. The older kids would have quiet time with the lights low and curtains drawn. I'd sometimes sit down with them and have some down time too. We'd watch movies or cartoons. Sounds low and just quiet.

My point is that you don't have to be their entertainment and they should be playing on their own IN a safe environment.

With a 5 yr gap between kids, don't force the older to always HAVE to be with the 2 yr old.
They are in WAY different development stages and a lot of the time they are doing their own thing.
Allow the older to go on play dates with friends his own age at his friends house sometimes.
In a few years the younger can also go on playdates with kids HIS age.
Siblings are not joined at the hip - and they'll appreciate each other more if they aren't forced to be constant companions - they need breaks from each other.

ETA: Your older one should be able to color or draw on paper at the table while you prepare a meal. Baby can play in his room or playpen for a bit while you do things. No one said you had to be their personal play director. Kids needs to do things on their own without mom/dad always having a plan or project for them.

Original: You have the accept the fact that you are up early every day until they are grown and out the door. Many people want their children to "sleep in" but that is not the case with small children. There is nothing wrong with the time just you have to have your personal schedule that you follow and do your housework. These years are the lonely years as a mom as you are with your children more than any adults.

Do get with your hubby and work a time for you to have a break from the kids and things. Everybody needs time without kids or husband. Have a dinner with hubby without the kids. It's part of life that we all go through being a stay at home mom. You have to find your way. Don't come off so needy as people will not want you around. How far are you from NYC?

This, too, shall pass and they will both be in school.

the other S.

My kids have this exact same age difference. They are now 11 and 6. I assume you are just talking about the weekends because during the week your 7 year old is at school. Right? Encourage your 7 year old to make more friends and invite over kids he usually does not to see if he can make some friends who are not that busy on the weekends. At age 7 my son had a few best buddies who would take turns coming over on a weekend day...or he would go to their house. He also would go outside to play with all the neighborhood kids at this age. He was in soccer at this age and sometimes there was a game on Saturday morning. He was really into riding his bike and scooter. Kind of obsessed actually. Often the 2 year old and I were outside with him...the 2 year old on the tricycle or push car while he was zooming around the culdesac on his bike. He had made little mini jumps (like one or two inches tall!) out of plywood and loved "catching air". Another thing I would do on the weekend was take them to the indoor pool at the rec center. My son liked to invite a friend sometimes. Or I would invite another mom friend who also had a 2 year old. Sometimes I would kick soccer balls with the 7 year old in the culdesac. Or pitch to him while he batted. It all depended on how long the 2 year old would amuse herself. Or we would wash the car together. They both still love doing this with me! Another thing we liked to do was take the dog on a walk on a trail. My son would often ride his bike (dirt biking!). The 2 year old either went in the hiking backpack if I really wanted to walk. Or toddled around (and I went slow). Another thing we would do is go to the local skatepark first thing after breakfast. There were no teenagers there that early and my son could ride around and and practice his tricks. The two year old would toddle and explore or play on the playground next to it. There were weekend mornings where we were out all day...at a local cliff area outside where we could rock climb. Our kids would take turns also...the 2 year old's turn was just being in the kid harness and swinging...wee! Or at the local ski hill in the winter. One of us would ski with the 7 year old and the other one would hang out with the 2 year old and play in the snow. Or we would take them sledding...one of us sitting with the two year old on our lap. Most mornings we were not in the house much. Then we would come home for lunch and then it was nap time for the 2 year old. After the nap was over usually the kids played in the house...or sometimes the 7 year old was outside playing with friends or at a friend's house. PS - My daughter who is 6 now is in love with riding her bike, roller blading, and riding her razor scooter. I often walk the dog in the morning while she zooms along with me.

With the age difference, it's hard to do playdates. I found a couple of places the easiest:
the library, the mall and playlands attached to fast food places. That was it. Sometimes
in good weather the park worked (I made the rounds to all of the different parks w/i a 20min.
radius. During those cold months, stick to the mall, library and fast food playlands. In the
warmer months you can spread out to places like the parks, zoos, local fairs, Strawberry
festivals etc. Does your area have any kind of indoor planetarium or aquarium? What about local
theatres putting on kid shows? We did that a few times. They're easier w/the 2 yr old since
they tend to be "interactive". Look for puppet shows, toy stores that put on shows or let
the kids play with the toys, fairs. It's good to get our when you have little kids. Plan
short trips so you can get home for your 2 yr old to nap.

Updated

With the age difference, it's hard to do playdates. I found a couple of places the easiest:
the library, the mall and playlands attached to fast food places. That was it. Sometimes
in good weather the park worked (I made the rounds to all of the different parks w/i a 20min.
radius. During those cold months, stick to the mall, library and fast food playlands. In the
warmer months you can spread out to places like the parks, zoos, local fairs, Strawberry
festivals etc. Does your area have any kind of indoor planetarium or aquarium? What about local
theatres putting on kid shows? We did that a few times. They're easier w/the 2 yr old since
they tend to be "interactive". Look for puppet shows, toy stores that put on shows or let
the kids play with the toys, fairs. It's good to get our when you have little kids. Plan
short trips so you can get home for your 2 yr old to nap.