Wedding Etiquette (How to Let Someone down Easily?)

The Bride can either call or write him a note thanking him for his generous offer, but explain that they want him to be a guest.

They have an Officiant already lined up.

No reasons need to be given..

She should say "Oh, how sweet of you to offer. We already have the officiant but thank you for offering. "

*I typed this and then read that Gidget had almost the exact same wording.

She should have told him right there on the spot, but he caught her off guard. Just as he pushed himself on her, she has to push a little right back.

Hi John, Jeff and had some plans in place and we already had Joe scheduled to officiate our wedding. I should have told you earlier. Thank you so much for offering.

ASAP!

She needs to speak to him again and say, "Your offer took me by surprise. Thank you for offering, but we've already chosen an officiant."

Of course, she should first have confirmation from the person she does want that they can do it.

Thank you so much for your offer. As much as we would love to have you do it, we actually have someone already. We chose him because [insert reason here], but we hope you'll still come celebrate with us on our special day.

All you say is "sorry my Fiance and I already have someone to do that."
No one can bully their way into your wedding unless you let them.

What a rude guy insisting on doing this when it is not even his decision.

Micky - what would I say?

Ohh boy!! That is really nice of you! My fiance and I have already asked Father Paul to officiate our marriage. Thank you soo much!

If they are having a big ta-do and are having people speak or read passages - maybe they can offer him something to do.

That's really an interesting thing to read, that your friend didn't know what to say. Is she always such a pushover? What's going to happen when someone begs her to let his band play for the reception? Or a "friend" who loves to sing, crooning in the ceremony? Or MIL to be demanding her favorite flowers that your friend hates?

Time to get her backbone fitted perfectly so that she can more easily say no the FIRST time, rather than having to worry about it for days before finally picking up the phone to give the bad news.

"That's very kind of you to offer, but we have already asked ____________"

Hi Micky.
I am not sure I will give you the answer you probably want to hear.
Did your friend ask your opinion? I say this...as I am learning in my own life to offer advice when asked. In this way I try to respect the other person's strength as a person to lead his/her own life...does that make sense?

If she did ask...i would ask her first what is her opinion...and take it from there.

best of luck.
jilly

I think I would put it off on my betrothed . . . i.e., "oh gosh, I should have asked John first - he had his heart set on so-and-so and I'd really like to make John happy in this regard. I hope you will still plan on joining us - we'd love to see you on our special day!"

Your friend should get used to saying "Let me check with <name> and get back to you." My husband uses that line even when he knows I will agree. He just likes to have extra time to think about stuff.

Um, a simple "thanks, but we already have someone else set to officiate" would do the trick.

"Oh, that's so sweet of you to offer. Thank you so much, but we already have someone lined up."

I had someone offer to do the flowers for me at my wedding, but my BIL had already offered as his wedding gift to us. I just very nicely let her know that my future BIL would be doing the flowers for us, but I really appreciated her offering.

No hard feelings :-)

I would just tell them thanks, but someone else has already been selected. I would not give a reason, that just makes it more difficult and sounds like an excuse to me.

Thanks so much for the offer, but we have already taken care of that. We'd like you to just enjoy the wedding as our guest.

Momoftwo posted this, which is perfect: "Thank you so much for your offer. As much as we would love to have you do it, we actually have someone already. We chose him because [insert reason here], but we hope you'll still come celebrate with us on our special day."

I think your friend should say that, but I would add an apology for not speaking up earlier, because this person is probably thinking it's all arranged already and he's doing the ceremony.

"I'm so sorry that when you initially offered, I did not say that I needed to think about it and to consult with my fiancé first. I was just so surprised by your kind offer that in the moment, I didn't think to respond that we needed to talk about it."

I'd say: Thank you SO much for your offer to officiate, but [SO's name] and I REALLY have our hearts set on [guy they really want to officiate].

If he keeps pushing after that, then start getting more and more blunt/rude about it.

Did he say 'I will officiate'.
Or was it 'I would be happy to officiate.'
There is a difference.

Saying anything now would be awkward. The time to politely decline or put them in the 'backup' position would have been at the time of the conversation. To say anything now would be a snub.

At this point, unless she is getting married next week, I would give it sometime, and then go on with my plans. If the friend asks why they didn't get to officiate, she can claim forgetfulness because of the wedding planning insanity.

I agree with "Your offer took me by surprise but we had already planned to ask X because of his(her) long connection with our family" or any other reason that does not compare to this person's connection. (For practical purposes, it might make sense to actually ASK Officiant X to be sure he/she is available - it would be even worse if your friend turned down this offer, said someone else was doing it, and then that person wasn't there at the wedding. This "pushy" officiant will either be second choice (and know it) or see a third party officiating and know that he wasn't good enough.

Your friend should also consider whether this "pushy" person was expecting to be paid and therefore is trolling for work, or whether he planned to do it for free and thinks he's saving them money. She should have who she wants at the wedding, but she should have her ducks in a row and think of what to say if he presses the matter. But no way she should have a person she hadn't planned to ask - it will make her stressed out between now and the wedding day, and make her dread walking down the aisle to this officiant.

ETA: the person with the poor etiquette is this guy. He was kind enough to offer but he should have done so in a letter or an email so she didn't have to answer right away. And he certainly shouldn't have kept pushing.

Since her plans are still in the planning stage she should say she's not sure yet but she will take it into consideration after talking with her fiance about it.
She should ask who she had in mind first to see if they are available and then if they are not then she has this offer to fall back on.
I'm not sure if the offer to officiate is suppose to be his gift to them (he'd do it no charge?) or not.

Your friend should say: Georgr, I would love for you to officiate at my wedding, but Jack and I have already asked someone else. We do hope that you will help celebrate our big day".

It's her wedding and she and her fiancé should plan it they way they want.