Teenagers...Boys In Particular

This sounds entirely NORMAL. I just went to a 'Parenting University' seminar series calleed 'Start Talking...Keep Talking" at our church in St Pete and one seminar was specifically on "Understanding the Teenage Brain". It was very interesting and eye-opening. They actually said research has revealed that a teenagers frontal brain starts to undergo restructuring and reorganization around age 11 and continues reorganizing and building new synapses, etc until age 25!!!! They explained (but did not justify) that is why they often seem lost, confused, dazed and have to be told the same thing 50 times! They said the key to keeping a child/teen from straying and turning to 'sex, drugs and rock & roll' is to create a connected relationship with parents AND at least one other outsider that has the same values as you that they can turn to (no matter what, there are some things they will probably never come to you for...), give resposibilities, provide discipline and stick to a set of values.... Of course no family can be perfect, and they didn't encourage that but rather said demostrating to your kids that you AREN'T perfect by apologizing to them openly whenever you have done something wrong, bad in front of them or set a poor example. They said the main key is to talk ALOT, whether they show interest, are too busy text messaging or listening to music...talk, ask them about their day, life, girlfriemd, friends, etc....they also said that you have to respect their feelings, interests, etc even though it may not be what you choose....they will respect you in the long run. They said the big thing is to remember that everything you do is to create a good person in the long run, not for the moment. Everything you mentioned are things they touched on and are normal, it's just how you respond as to whether they will turn a corner and connect with you better as time passes...don't expect it right away! Be there for him, tell him you love him no matter what choices and decisions he makes, be dissapointed when he lets you down, hopefully it will strike a cord and change the next decision. Be persistant and point him in the right direction... Try to be understanding to some quirks as his brain undergoes these changes both physically, socially and emotionally.....

Good luck and come to the next series.... Its at Pinellas Community Church. www.pinellaschurch.org The site is under some reconstruction. It sounds like you have a great kid, just some normal teenage annoyances! We are just entering these joyous years as my son turns 13 in October....

My mouth dropped as I read your request, only because I was thinking of writing the same thing this week, as I am at my wits end, also! All I want is peace and quiet, and not the chaos. We have a 14 year old son and a 15 month old baby, son.

I believe that our 14 year old son's issues run deeper. He, all in all, (considering most kids his age) is a good kid. He is on the honor roll and has been since starting school. He is good looking and is popular with the girls, not the boys. He is not athletic, which I think has hurt his self esteem in school. He has always been the center of attention until a year ago, when our 2nd son was born. He does some of the same things you mentioned about your son. We will tell him to turn something off, and he will act ignorant and say turn what off, he will be very over-bearing with the baby, and prevent him from touching anything or running around, because he does not want to chase after him, or he will take his toys away just so he will cry and I will yell at him, so that all the baby hears is us telling him to stop doing something, or to shut-up; because all he does is talk non-stop, or to give the baby his toys back etc. He also gets very angry and mostly talks with a nasty attitude in his voice over the most simple questions, like how was your day. He also acts very jealous about the baby..saying things like how come you spend more time with him and never did with me, he feels left out, like maybe your son does. However, He is very well mannered around other adults.
I think part of the problem is that his father undermines me in front of him, and when we argue, calls me names to the kids as if I wasn't standing there (this man has raised my son since he was 4, so he thinks this is his biological father)...My son has picked up on some of the behaviors his father does and now does the same thing. His father will tease him relentlessly, and I think that has become a problem, also, although he was only just joking and he knows it...yeah, right.

I don't know what goes on in your house, but you might want to look at the lives you and your husband have created in front of him. He might be acting out because of things that have happened at home when he was younger, either in both of your presence or when you were not around and is acting out his resentment. Our son is on vacation visiting his grandparents, and unfortunately, I wish it could be like this all the time..happy go lucky and quiet at home, where the baby does not hear the commotion and tension his brother brings into the house.

I hope that you gain the peace back in your house, because I know how desperatly we need it, too :) GOOD LUCK!

Sounds to me like he is wanting more attention then what he is getting. Especially from his Dad. Kids are known to do things to push their parents buttons to get attention. Even if it is bad attention. I have seven brothers and none of them behaved like you are describing. Maybe your husband should try doing some one on one time with your son doing men things. Even with eight of us kids Mom and Dad found time for each of us. If it was me I would explain to him that the music doesn't bother us, it is the fact that he is damaging his ears. If he continues to turn it up ignore it. When he finds out it doesn't bother you any more he will quit. By responding to him when he does things like that you are basically playing into his hands. I have given this advice to a couple other Moms and they said it worked great. Their sons are very happy and content now. They have one on one time with their Dad a couple times a week and the Moms took my advice and learned to play his video games and play them with their sons. Peace has been restored in both of their homes. Good Luck!

Well, I'm a single mom to two boys (ages 13 and 9) and I can say that I'm going through the same thing. My 13 year old constantly picks on his little brother. Everything his little brother does is wrong and all his little brother does is idolizes the bigger brother.
I also get the talking back to and the looks. I had a talk with him last week about this and how disrespectful he is being. I told him that from now on when he talks back to me it is going to be soap in the mouth. I wasn't taking it anymore. So far this week he's been really good, even offering to help around the house without asking. I know it won't last long so I'm enjoying it while it lasts.
My 13 year old also sees a psychiatrist and I'm going to be bringing this up today.

Hi K.,
LOL You have my symapthies and concern. Teenagers!!! At best they are so difficult.
However, I hear behaviors that while they are most likely normal for a particular type indicate a trend towards behavior that you don't want to strengthen.
Your Son sounds to me like a controller and he is learning to manipulate besides maybe a little passive agressive action thrown in for good measure. I feel that this can be the most irritating of personalities. My nephew has those trends and because of an accident and drugs in addition to his natural bent he is now bipolar.
I will tell you what I have finally gotten across to my Sister. You are the caretaker and guard of your own peace. There can be no minipulation or arguments w/o your side feedomg into it too.
I can understand about your concern for his hearing and there are most likely other dangers that you are trying to help him avoid. Here is something for you to consider. Be sure that he understands why you are trying to warn him against some things like the way loud ipod. Maybe even think about writing them down. Then ignore his outlandish bevavior aimed at irritating and controlling you & your Husband. (a word here ~ in behaviorial circles it is known that before a behavior gets better it will go through a period of being worse when they are doing their best to get you to repond.)
Worth a try!!!

S.

You're not the only household with this problem. Mine are 16 (girl) and 12 (boy). 16 - seems genuinely to like parents, does chores that make sense to her without being asked, but - territorial as anything. I'm going to try to sneak out to the store before she wakes up because the younger brother finished two food items she would regard as 'hers'. SHe has a point (he did know he finished off a favorite breakfast item of hers and her portion of some leftovers) but so does he (we were a bit low on groceries). Does the dynamic, if not the argument, sound familiar?

13 - a boy and his electronics. Computer. Ipod. Ipod does tend to be loud - not too bad, but enough so that his sister can hear it. It doesn't help that he's trying to screen out household noise and she's been deliberately training her hearing.

I'm working this one too. We're trying activities they like (I never thought I'd say this, but martial arts rule here). The other approach (from Fablisch/Mazer How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk) is to describe the problem and leave them to solve it. It also occurs to me to ask if you've checked his hearing. Maybe he really can't hear the music at a normal volume. Not hearing everything his brother says, or having to concentrate to understand (all for some '7 year old's drivel) could be putting him on edge for reasons that are legitimate, although he needs to cope more gracefully. Good luck!