Single Parenting During the Holidays

I can tell you now, it's not presents they want. Sure, get them a few nice things, but what they really will want is TIME.

Take the time to make some traditions- new traditions.
Make a gingerbread house, bake and decorate cookies, have a Christmas Carol dance off, take cards to a retirement home, and take an afternoon and have a pajama party and watch the Polar Express with hot cocoa.

This is a great time to view it as an opportunity--- not an issue or problem.

There are groups for single parents, and i am sure there are others just like you. Church is always a good place to be also.Make a little plan for the 2 days. Go to a christmas eve service, ride around after to look at lights, then get a hot chocolate or go home and have hot choc. Or spend the c eve baking. Make up some care packages and go out christmas morning and find some homeless and give the food packs out. Be sure to include a can of drink. I work with a woman who buys for others with her kids. On christmas morning they go downtown to a park and give gifts of gloves and hats etc, to the homeless in the park. Then they go home and have breakfast. Their christmas is very small. Find a church with a christmas day service. Spread the day out with a gift every 2 hours opened by a different one, snack in between and play games. Spend christmas day baking. If money is no problem, find a restaurant and have dinner out at 12 or 1. Then plan wonderful sandwiches snacks for supper. Spend the day writing kind notes to each other and hiding them. Hide all of the gifts for the kids, write clues and take turns finding them. Visit a nursing home, the elderly are so lonely. Let your mind go. come up with some great ideas of your own. Good luck.

I also think you need to start your own traditions as a family. I remember last year someone asked on here what people's favorite traditions were, and there were tons of good ideas. If you need some help coming up with some, go to mamapedia.com (its a website from mamasource that has a compilation of all questions asked, from the whole country, and it is searchable.) type in Christmas traditions and you will get several search results. That way you can decide which ones are appropriate for how old your girls are. If they really are very young, I bet their unhappiness is more a reflection of your feelings and not their own. And they don't understand "compensating". So just enjoy Christmas with your girls. It will be as magical as you make it.

My father left us when I was 12 and my sister was 7. Holidays never felt any less than when our father was with us.3 of us were togather, we had our traditions, we had fun.Do not feel bad, sounds like your girls have a wonderful mother, that loves them very much:)It's Christmas time.....unto us a child was given to bring us Hope. Hope that everything is going to be just fine!!!!!!!!

This year is our third Christmas without daddy. We are not divorced but he has been deployed and now lives in another state, it's where the job is.
Being a single parent is hard but you need to start youe own traditions. MAybe invite another single mom from church to your house for Christmas dinner or organize a caroling party with neighbors.
Take your single neighbor kids out shopping for her while she takes your kids out for you.
YOu can bake breads and cookies for shut ins in the nursing homes and the homeless shelter. (My kids love this)
Start by having a Christmas Eve only dinner. We have shrimp cocktail and salmon. WE started this about 8 years ago and the kids now expect it.
Enjoy your Christmas with your children and be thankful and have fun. It is up to you, you do not need a man to complete your holidays.
Make it Merry and if you can't fake it until you feel it.

You have received some wonderful ideas. We aren't sure what kind of situations your children were involved with while your ex-husband was there. The kids may be very happy to have you alone at Christmas. Talk to them if they are old enough to tell you how they feel about what they may want to do. We may get snow again on Christmas so that may add another exciting event for them! If you can take them to a movie on Christmas Day that may be a special event. There are many new movies coming out around that time. We always have a special fish dinner on Christmas Eve which is very customary in many nationalities. Maybe check some of the customs of yours and see what you can create for a new tradition. Make sure they feel safe and loved on Christmas and have some fun....that will be what they remember. Merry Christmas!

Being together, having fun and being loving is the best you can do and your kids will know they are loved. Get them what you can and when they sleep put the gifts down from 'santa'. Come up with your very own celebration of Christmas-maybe letting them stay up really late for midnight mass. Or making some christmas candies together. Make the time worth it and if some things don't go as planned, oh well! Take them to see the christmas lights in the neighborhoods, play at the mall.

Have Christmas with your family too (your mom, dad, family), unless you think it'll take away from just you guys. You're not affecting your kids, just yourself. Lighten up and enjoy the time while you can.

Have the kids ever said anything or is it just that you feel that you are giving them less without a dad? My bet is that they are perfectly fine with it being the 3 of you and as others have mentioned, making new traditions and enjoying the day is more important than the gifts. There are times with the four of us, DH included, that Christmas seems small because we don't have extended family around, but honestly we have even more fun without the family drama for those years when its just us. So enjoy the time together. The great thing about being the 3 of you is that you can eat what you want,do what you want without relatives getting upset about breaking "traditions" or not having the sweet potatoes or whatever. You can just enjoy the holiday the way you want to... Happy Holidays and have fun!

Happiness is a state of mind. Quit putting on a "happy face" and start being happy. Enjoy your children and your life. No one else is responsible for your happiness. You are responsible for your own happiness. Get up every morning and thank God for all the blessings in your life...list every one of them in your prayers. When you start your day with a grateful heart, pretty soon you will truly feel blessed and you will be happy.

My daddy woke up every morning with a smile on his face and whistling a happy tune. He was the person who taught me that happiness is internal. It starts inside of you and you pass it on to your children. My daddy never said an unkind word to anyone. He passed his happiness on to everyone he met during a day with a smile or a kind word. Happiness is contagious. Find it inside yourself and pass it on to your children. My daddy enjoyed life. He could make popping a bowl of popcorn and watching a movie on TV a fun event. He could make cleaning the house up on Saturday morning something you wanted to be part of because it was fun. Everything in life was fun with daddy. Change your own attitude and outlook on life. Make your own happiness. He made every one of his children feel like they were the most important person in the world to him. He listened with every pore of his body to everything you said and he genuinely cared about people.

Try it today. Get up and thank God for your blessings. Put a smile on your face. Put on Christmas music and sing while you make breakfast and clean up your house. Really listen to your children when they talk to you. Pop a bowl of popcorn and watch a Christmas movie. Go outside and make snow angels in the snow. Ride a sled down a hill and come in when you get cold and make hot chocolate. Create happy memories for your children every day. Pretty soon you will realize that you are truly happy.

I think you need to see yourselves as a new family. I was raised by a single mother and some of the best Christmases I can remember with her were when I was very young. She and my father divorced when I was 4 years old. She wanted it to be a great family time too. My mom started new traditions. The week of Christmas she would come home from work and we would bake some kind of gift every night. One night sugar cookies, one night peanut brittle, one night fudge, etc. We would have everything baked by Christmas Eve and then we would package the baked goods in tins to give away to our neighbors. On Christmas Eve around 6:00 p.m. we would walk the neighborhood and give out our gifts to our closest neighbors. Then when we would get home, my mom would let us open one gift before we got ready for bed. Every Christmas Eve we would open our pajamas. They would be the prettiest Christmas pajamas you would ever see. The next morning we'd be up and all 3 of us would be in our pajamas and mama would take our pictures. Then we would eat a Christmas breakfast - grits, eggs, bacon, gravy, biscuits, jelly, o.j. Then while we were eating our breakfast, mama would bring our stockings and we got to open our gifts from our stockings. When we finished breakfast we went straight to the living room where someone was chosen to play Santa and hand out all the presents from under the tree. When all the presents were handed out, we opened them. I don't remember any of the Christmases I had when my parents were married and I don't remember many of my Christmases with my father being that special. My mom wanted us to know that we were it, we were the family. She started her new traditions and stuck with them year after year. You know to this day, I get a pair of pajamas on Christmas Eve. I'll tell you another thing, it didn't matter how tight money was, we always baked goods, had pajamas and at a wonderful Christmas breakfast. I'll never forget those times and have in fact, started those same traditions with my children. My advice would be to quit focusing on Christmases past and be happy to start new holiday traditions. So what if it isn't the same, it's suppose to be different. Good luck and I hope you and your family have a happy Christmas.

I agree with the advice to make new traditions. You dont' say how old your girls are, but there are so many good ideas for any age. Google it if you need to. The point is, make it something that you do NOW, that you did not do before the divorce, and that they do not do at their dad's. It will get easier. God bless.

I am sad to read this post, because the pain is still too familiar after 15 years. I always tried to build a family with whomever I could. Friends who weren't visiting home - temporarily displaced friends from work - etc. etc. One year when that plan wasn't working out at all, I made a very last minute trip to my dad's house. Literally I called him the day before Christmas eve and told him I was lonely. I feel for you, J.. I hope you can give yourself permission to not have the "perfect" family and still enjoy the season.

I agree with so many of the responses you've gotten so far. That being said, I was a single parent to a baby boy for a while(I've since remarried). My biggest thing was that kids, babies even, will pick up on how mommy feels. You guys already ARE a complete family, and tell yourself that! Just try to focus on the closeness and togetherness of the holiday, try to relaax and enjoy these times-they will go by so fast an be mere memories way too quickly! I know that for my son and I, we had a great time too when it was just he and I! It really allowed me to focus on just being there and enjoying the little things with just him! But, if you'd just like to fill your home for the holidays, try some other single moms, family members, anyone you know and enjoy having around! If not, just having you and your girls there is fine too! Hey, at least you don't have to worry about catering to any in-laws! I'm missing the days of single parenthood about now-my MIL has a million food intolerances(don't know why she's a size 16, though) and once waited until 330am, to scold my husband that she thought she heard us having sex in our own home(we were)!Ah, yes, holiday stress! Hey, I could always bring my 3 year old son to your house, I'm kinda wanting to not be here in a few days now!What you cooking? Seriously, I doubt it matters to your girls, they will always love their mommy, and xmas is fun for them any way you slice it! Relax and enjoy!