Hi moms!
I know this is kind of early to ask this question, but I am wondering what other families do in a situation where some of their children are gone on a holiday such as Christmas. My oldest two children will be gone this year and my youngest will be at home. In the past it was not to much of an issue to only have a few gifts for her on Christmas morning, and then have the rest when her brother and sister come home. I have a feeling that this year is going to be different and more difficult to do this, since she is getting older and can now read a calender and knows when things are supposed to happen. I was just wondering what other families have done that worked for them.
Thank you!
The way my family handles it is that its a regular Christmas Day, wherein any gifts from the people who will be there, and Santa, if she's still a believer, are opened on Christmas Day. The gifts for those not home, and from those not home are left under the tree. Once they get home, gifts are exchanged again.
M.
I have not been in this situation myself though I know moms who have. However you handle this, know that four-year-olds are surprisingly good at picking up on adults' tension. If you are stressed about the holidays, she will know (even if you don't say anything, and even if she doesn't say she knows something's up). If she has had past Christmases with her older siblings away, and it sounds like she has, that may be more normal to her than you realize. You may run a bigger risk of upset if kids at her preschool or day care (or in later years, at school) ask her things like, "Why wasn't your brother there on Christmas?" etc. But for now that's not too likely unless she talks a lot to other kids about what goes on at home. Make her feel the day with just you is very special -- mom and daughter time, when she doesn't have to share you with anyone. Play her favorite games she does't get to play often because you're busy with the older kids, or take her out for a great walk if it's one of our mild Christmases. But make sure she gets the message that you're delighted to have that time with her. I've known families where the divorced parents' sadness over some of the kids not being there marred the day for the kids who were at home, so that's something to try to avoid, painful though it is for you.
Hi T. - I would just do what feels right and stick to it - explain that this is how your family does it and it should be good enough - kids get used to what you do and it helps in how you explain it. You decide, then stick to it....or you can also ask her - explain the situation and what is happening with the other siblings, then let her decide what she wants to do - but be prepared if she changes her mind! Lay out all the options and tell her each scenario - waiting for presents to open with others, or open by herself....see which she prefers.
If the older kids would prefer that you all open presents together on a different day, then I'm sure your 4 year old will accept it...or, you could have a special Christmas just for your 4 year old, so she can open her stuff on that morning, but save the biggest and last present for when the other kids are there...When we have had to adjust our schedules, we just tell the kids ahead of time so they know what to expect - and sometimes make up stories to cover ourselves....regarding Santa Claus - tooth fairy, etc. The kids usually adapt just fine...they are just as excited on whatever day we celebrate.
As a 4 year old, if she believe in Santa, you can have Santa come visit Christmas Eve and leave all her presents under the tree, then let her choose one to open...then save the rest for the older kids' Christmas...that way she still has the excitement of Santa visiting - lay out cookies and milk, etc and then have a special breakfast she gets to choose....for a Mom and Dad and daughter Christmas...kids love decorating and the exciting things that go along with the holidays - not just the presents. You know your daughter best - so if you thin she would be better off opening with the older kids so she wouldn't feel left out, then just tell her your family Christmas is on a later date - but if you think she will be ok with the toys she opened previously to keep her entertained during the older kids' day, then have her open them early.....and in any case, make a big deal out of the fact that she gets TWO CHRISTMASES! How lucky is she!? Good luck with what you decide - keep us posted!
We have done it a few ways depending on how long my older daughter was gone. Because of the 2 ex spouses involved in our situation we found that the solstice was a nice evening to have a big family meal with all the kids and open gifts then for everyone. Then on Christmas eve is 1 gift a pair of new pajamas. I even send the pajamas with my daughter at her dads it helps her feel connected. And then in the morning is maybe a small gift and stockings. And a big breakfast.
We have also done it where we waited but like you my boys figured out a calendar and while I wanted everyone together it wasn't fair to them either so we went ahead last year because if we waited for my daughter it would have ben mid January
Have your family "Christmas" before the other kids go away. Have the "Santa Claus" stuff like you normally would for her on Christmas morning. If you do Santa for the other kids have their stuff waiting for them when they get back.
I come from a divorced home. This is something that I had to do my entire life! My parents did several things to try to make it work, but this is what seemed to work the best. Trust me, kids are pretty resiliant & they DO NOT mind having several days of Christmas.
Have a great Holiday Season.
When we are scattered in all directions at Christmas, we have a little family ritual. It works for us. I hope it works for you and your family. Take the kids shopping Purchase small candles to send with those who will not be at home. Little votive candles in decorative holders work well. Purchase a similar candle for your home. At a pre-planned, designated time on Christmas morning you light your home candle and those away light theirs. When the candles are lit, everyone, wherever they are, sings the family's favorite Christmas song.
Just a though... Let her decide. Tell her Santa will bring his presents on Christmas Eve, but does she want to open her other gifts on Christmas or wait for her siblings? Either way have a special family celebration when they get home, and maybe have an extra present for that day too.
I know a lot of kids can't wait. But my daughter would hav eall sorts of fun planning a special party for the family.
T.~
I know the problem from the other side of the coin, but I feel your pain through my husband. His wife left him before we met and we've been doing the holiday routine for over 10 years now. Two of the kids are grown and gone now, but the remaining child is disabled and we will get to spend holidays and summers with her forever. :)
Our children are 2 and 5 and we have a regular Christmas for them on Christmas day. Our schedule with my step-daughter is that one year, she's with us on Christmas day, and the next is after Christmas. Each visit is for about a week. She gets her gifts from us when she gets here and they get to be happy for her.
It's not an easy situation, but it's a good learning tool. Be sure to stress the reason for the season and the gift of being happy for another's joy. That may not be a magic pill, but with time and repetition, it's a good lesson.
Good luck.
~J.
