When Do You Do Xmas with Just Your Kids?

My son was always home Christmas Eve and Christmas Morning. He would leave to go w/ his dad after lunch (or not at all). My rule was that we traveled Christmas Eve but Christmas Day we stay home. If my son didn't go w/ his dad, we still stayed home. We do the same now that he is 19 and have a 4 yr old daughter.

My son hates that traveling so he actually prefered his dad not get him that day.

Since you SD alternates I would say that on years she is with you Christmas Eve and morning, you should split Christmas Eve between the grandparents and be home Christmas morning. On the years that she is home later in the day, do Christmas at home and either let the grandparents come to you or go see them the next day.

we do Christmas eve with my mom and sister his family won't change their day which is on christmas at noon and I am like you wanted to enjoy it here at my house with my hubby and kids so we now stay home on Christmas!

Christmas morning. Even if we have to go somewhere that day we will get up extra early and have Christmas just us as a family. That is the only rule I put in place once we had kids.

"...but when do you put your foot down?"

When baby is born!! Or when a family is "created" -- however that may be! Yes, this year lay the groundwork right there at the holiday get-togethers. Just say, "Well, we've really enjoyed these holidays with you these last few years, but just want to let you know that Santa emailed me yesterday and said that next year he's delivering the presents at OUR house, so we'll be staying home for that big event going forward!" Say it with a smile and a wink and then DO IT next year!!

You're a grown up with kids, so you just tell the rest of the family you can all make plans to see one another later on Christmas Day or on Christmas Eve, but you're spending the night and waking up at YOUR HOUSE. Trust me, as a child I was dragged all over the place and I never spent one Christmas in my own home. My parents DEEPLY regretted this as I got older, and I vowed if I ever had kids, we would be staying at home and people who wanted to see us could come to us! That's what we do, too! You just have to tell the family how it is and that you want your kids to have Christmas memories and traditions from their own home. If they don't like it and can't get it -it's their loss. Grandma and Grandpa of your SD can come over to your house on Christmas. They go all of their years doing Christmas at their place and their kids are grown now, so they can change it up! You just pretty much have to announce that that's the way it's going to be.

If I'm reading this right, you have her Christmas morning every other year right? So actually you CAN have this every other year IF you & your hubby set some boundaries...especially your husband.

Santa comes a day early in our family :)

The time is NOW! I can't believe that you do not spend it in your own house. Esp since it sounds like they live close enough to drive over later. I can see why his Mom would like it but she needs to realize that her son has his own family now and they are going to need to start traditions of their own. Put your foot down on this. You can even go over at noon but have your Christmas morning to yourselves. It is important.

I would just lay it out there: It occurred to you this year that you haven't had Christmas at your home in ages, so next year, that's your plan. Simple as that. We've had Christmas at home as long as we've had kids. It's just too complicated hiding gifts in the car and some years, things are just too big to hide in the car (for instance, we're giving our daughter an art desk this year). We've had to be honest with grandparents that it's too complicated having it away from home right now. Maybe when the kids are older and we're not doing Santa anymore.

Which leads to another idea: If you can't muster up the courage to flat-out say you want Christmas at your house next year, plan on buying a large Christmas gift of some sort that won't travel well by car. Then, you will NEED to have Christmas at your house.

Good luck!

You are right. You should have Christmas morning at home with just the three of you. You can go visiting later on during the day or the night before. If you don't get your daughter Christmas afternoon or Christmas eve then you obviously miss out on going visiting on Christmas. You will have to do the visiting a few days before, or a few days after or whatever works.

Don't feel bad about changing the way things have been. This is your life and your family. If grandparents get upset, oh well. Be sensitive, be caring, make arrangements to get together with them, but that doesn't mean you have to miss out on your Christmas morning at home.

When our children were young, we informed family that we will no longer be traveling for Christmas. We wanted to do Christmas in our own home so that our children will have strong family memories and traditions. They were all welcome to come visit us if they wanted, but we were not going anywhere. It was the best decision we could have made. We love our family traditions!

As soon as I had kids, we said Christmas at OUR house (we chose all day). We told my in-laws that you are welcome to come and watch the kids open presents in the morning, and we will be having christmas dinner that you are welcome to come to, but we are NOT leaving our house that day. I did when I was little and hated it. We were not going to be lugging gifts from house to house just so that they could watch us open them. Or are we lugging kids and their "stuff" and trying to figure out naps in other environments. Christmas (at least the part that they try to hijack) is for the kids, so let them enjoy it in their own house.

we rush lol. i do the same thing my parents did when my fathers mother was still alive. christmas eve is spent at my grandparents house (with all my aunts uncles and cousins) then christmas morning we get up and unwrap the gifts under the tree, then get dressed and spend the day at my parents house. its actually really relaxing because my dad (who is a great cook) does dinner and breakfast so its one of the few days a yr i dont have to cook. fortunatly even though my mom wants us there for christmas she knows that i want to have my own christmas traditions as well. she said one yr i may decide to come over latter and cook breakfast at my house. to which i firmly said "I don't think so! i wait all yr for that breakfast." (in fact my parents got a new stove this yr in septmeber and i tried to convince my dad to do a "practice run" of christmas breakfast just in case lol...no luck)

I only have my oldest son for half of christmas day so I put my foot down years ago. We go and see family christmas eve come home put milk and cookies out and we stay home christmas day. I hated having to run around to this person's house then this person's house never getting to stay home and play with my new things when I was little. We got to my mom's the day after christmas and we got to dh's family whenever both his mom and sister are off from work (they are both nurses) but for us Christmas is a day to stay home and enjoy the kids playing with their new things.

My son has grown up going back and forth between me and his father. It gets tricky.
My son ends up getting several "Christmases", but we always have time when it's just us at home opening our own gifts together. A kid can't be two places at once on a given day so we get creative.
We open our gifts and then load up to go visit other relatives and open gifts with them. It's just not possible for everyone in a child's life to be there for Christmas Eve or be there to see what Santa brought. It's just not realistic.
Talk to your husband about this. There is a way to have your own family traditions while enjoying the holidays with other family members too.

The main thing is to ENJOY the holidays!
Best wishes!

We used to sleep at my MILs, but with 2 kids it became too much. We go up for Xmas eve, do family presents then, and then travel home. xmas day is at our house. We were the last with kids to "back out" so our absence was really felt. One year of just MIL and the two single BILs was enough that the BILs put their foot down. Although she isn't happy about it, my MIL now knows either she goes somewhere else for xmas day, or she is alone.

At a certain point, traditions have to change.

Good luck.

Our situation is different in that we have 3 sets of family that we live 4+ hours from and we were sick of spending the holidays in the car. But, a few years ago my husband decided that on Christmas day proper, we would not be going anywhere. Christmas day is spent at our house so that the kids can wake up the the gifts Santa left them at their house and we can go to church with our immediate family etc. So then we trade off where we go visit for Thanksgiving. Every year we switch, one year it will be my family in C IL and the next year we go to IN and split our time between his Mom and his Dad's family (they are divorced but live within a couple hours of each other). Then whoever we didn't visit at Thanksgiving we visit the day after Christmas and we have our celebration with them. Sometimes we have to be a little flexible with those situations but no one has complained.

Yes, they get cranky about it as they only see the kids like once every 3 months or so and on one side they are the only grandkids and the other there is only one other grandchild besides my boys. But we just explained to them that our immediate family needs to be the priority now, and it's not that we don't love them or don't want to see them, but we can't spend every Christmas every year miserable driving in the car from one place to the next.

We started our own traditions our 1st Christmas together as a family. We do Christmas Eve with my parents exchange gifts, ect. Don't see his parents they live hours away. Wake up Christmas morning in our own home and open all our gifts and about 3 or 4 we meet with the extended family(grantparents, aunts, ect.) and exchange gifts and have our big dinner. When you have your own children thats your thing and the grandparents have to step aside. They had there turn doing it with there children.....good luck putting your foot down hun :)

we spend christamas eve at home just hanging out watching movies and spending time together then on christmas eve night when the kids are sleeping we put out the santa gifts and fill the stockings then go to bed and on christmas morning our kids wake us up and we open gifts and make breakfast and play most of the day and then we get ready to go to the grandparents house and we usually go there at 4pm so we have lots of time at home..we have dinner at the grandparents house and open gifts there and then we pack up and go home by like 7 and we have the rest of the night to play with toys and hang out together

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we spend christamas eve at home just hanging out watching movies and spending time together then on christmas eve night when the kids are sleeping we put out the santa gifts and fill the stockings then go to bed and on christmas morning our kids wake us up and we open gifts and make breakfast and play most of the day and then we get ready to go to the grandparents house and we usually go there at 4pm so we have lots of time at home..we have dinner at the grandparents house and open gifts there and then we pack up and go home by like 7 and we have the rest of the night to play with toys and hang out together

What's stopping you from putting your foot down now? When my kids were tiny we all went to my mom's house on Christmas Eve, spent the night & all day Christmas there. Granted, my husband worked rotating shifts & was almost always working so it wasn't that big of a deal. Since then we've moved out of state, though only a couple of hours away. We eventually had to just put our feet down also & say that Santa comes to our house, we wake up in our own beds, open presents & stockings, etc., then get dressed & drive over there. This year we will not be spending that night there either, there's just not enough room for all of us & it's uncomfortable. My family is not the least bit happy about it, but that's just the way it goes.

For the longest I went along with whatever they wanted because I thought it was the nice thing to do, but then I would complain either the whole way there, the whole way home, or sometimes both & eventually my husband got sick of hearing it & told me I really needed to stand up for myself. He said if I wasn't comfortable doing that then he'd be happy to do it for me, but he definitely isn't the most tactful when it comes to things like that.

I'm an adult & it's my holiday, too, so while I obviously want to see my whole family, I'm not going to allow myself to be upset or uncomfortable if there's anything I can do about it.

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What's stopping you from putting your foot down now? When my kids were tiny we all went to my mom's house on Christmas Eve, spent the night & all day Christmas there. Granted, my husband worked rotating shifts & was almost always working so it wasn't that big of a deal. Since then we've moved out of state, though only a couple of hours away. We eventually had to just put our feet down also & say that Santa comes to our house, we wake up in our own beds, open presents & stockings, etc., then get dressed & drive over there. This year we will not be spending that night there either, there's just not enough room for all of us & it's uncomfortable. My family is not the least bit happy about it, but that's just the way it goes.

For the longest I went along with whatever they wanted because I thought it was the nice thing to do, but then I would complain either the whole way there, the whole way home, or sometimes both & eventually my husband got sick of hearing it & told me I really needed to stand up for myself. He said if I wasn't comfortable doing that then he'd be happy to do it for me, but he definitely isn't the most tactful when it comes to things like that.

I'm an adult & it's my holiday, too, so while I obviously want to see my whole family, I'm not going to allow myself to be upset or uncomfortable if there's anything I can do about it.

Wow, I guess I'm pretty shocked that some families expect their grown children to come to their homes for Christmas morning. In my family we have always had all families stay at their own homes on Christmas morning, and either gather together as a family on X-Mas Eve, or X-Mas Day in the late afternoon.

Maybe you can just suggest to your family that next year they come over on X-Mas nite for dinner, so everyone can sleep in on X-Mas morning and the kids can enjoy waking up to Santa's gifts at their own house.

You could also take the kids to a Midnite Mass or other late nite service, thereby justifying the need to sleep in the next day.

(All of this just made sense to my family, since my grandparents lived in an assisted living apt when I was a kid, and they had 27 grandkids. Like to see THAT happen in the apt :)

Why can't you start the morning off at your house (even if it is crazy early), and then move on to Grandma's? If that doesn't work, then just tell Grandma that she can come to you or you will go to her the night before. This is YOUR family now, and it needs to be about your SD. We live 7 hours from family right now. We are headed to see them for 5 days this week, but told them that our son will be spending Christmas at his own house. They are more than welcome to come to us, but he needs to have a Christmas in his own home. Good luck!

When my stepsons were my only kids (meaning hubby and I hadn't had our own kids yet) I let the in-laws dictate the Christmas schedule.

When I had my own kids, I made the choice that Christmas Eve and Christmas Morning would always be spent as a family at OUR house!

We have an open invite for all our family to come to our house and celebrate, and we will gladly spend a few days either before or after Christmas with whomever wants us!

Easy!

You will just have to put your foot down. Hopefully your husband will be on board!I love my in laws, but my MIL still acts like all her adult children with their own families should be at her house first thing xmas morning to sit around her feet like little kids. Its very over dramatic there, and finally last year with our son's 2nd xmas I put my foot down. I nicely said that we want to start our own traditions with our kids and that xmas morning will be spent in OUR house. We get there when we get there. I was not going to be put on a time schedule either. I know they dont like it, but I dont care. I have had this same talk with sooo many of my friends. I dont get why this generation of parents expect us to not be our own families on the holidays with our kids. Good luck, its a big pain I know!

Hey there...
We had Christmas at my in-laws for 10 years. They live in FL, we live in Mo, so all of us, my husband and kids got tired of traveling and also we wanted to have our X-mas at home. At my in-laws, there are only adults, so they don't have the finesse to pretend about Santa and sweet details, so we didn't want the kids to lose that magic and fun about finding the next morning their presents. and be happy..We just did it, we let our families know, that we would spend X-mas at our house, and then we would go to our families' for New Year's Eve. That's all, OUR decision, no big explanations. People will say many different things and none of your relatives will agree with you..but, the important thing is what you want to do.
Merry Christmas!

We do Christmas Eve with my husbands family. Christmas morning at our house with just our family, then later make our way to my parents house for the rest of the day/night. (We used to do Christmas Eve till late at night, go to my parents and wake at my Christmas morning at my parents. We stopped this when my oldest daughter turned 3. I actually miss this because my family would stay up late and play board games.)

I couldn't tell from your post, but I would say if you don't have any other children right now, and until you have children and they are old enough to know about Santa Clause usually around 2-3 years old, I would just let SD stay at Grandma's. But after that, I think its fair to say you want your own time with your own family. (I wouldn't say this if you hadn't mentioned that SD lived with Grandma, they have a bond, so why not let it continue for a little longer.)