Should I Call You Mommy?

Hi there...my mom remarried when I was 5, and I called my step-dad daddy. It never confused me, and even though my biological father couldn't stand my step-dad, he never made an issue of it. I don't think it's a problem for him to call you mommy.

I grew up with a step-mom and I myself am a step-mom now. My step-son is 10 but I have been in his life since he was 3. He asked me if he could call me mommy and i told him he could if that was what he wanted, but his mother found out and did not like it so he calls me by my first name, but when he is at our house he will call me mommy sometimes because he doesn't have to worry about his mom finding out.

I don't think you will confuse him. He will always know who his real mother is. As far as the confusion about going to mommies house we always told my step-son we were going to his other house and he understood that. (I think that also helps him to feel that our house is as much his home as his mother's is).

I think you should sit down with him and your fiance and discuss some of the options that you have and let your step-son decide so you are sure he is confortable with it. Hope this helps and good luck!

Hi M.! When my parents divorced and my dad remarried.....my mom was NANA to our kids and my dad's new wife was NANA BARBARA so as not to confuse the kids and they knew who we were referring to such as "We're going to Nana's house" or "We're going to Nana Barbara's house". So perhaps he could call you Mommy M. or Mommy M. Just some advice - have a safe and happy holiday season!! Deb

Hi M.! Well you have had some terrific responses all in the same order as mine will be. I too have had stepchildren young and older and when the kids are smaller it is easier for them to call you by what the feel comfortable with calling you and having adults who are behaving like adults and have only the best of interests of the child at heart. Letting the little guy know he is special because so many people love him. If you truly love your children then you should want everyone to love them because a child can never be loved too much. All of the people involved should want for the child(ren) to grow up happy ,healthy, secure, stable and well adjusted knowing that all the people in his life care about him and what he does. It is all about compromise! If you and the biological mother speak to one another and are civil then you should have no problem working with what the little guy is comfortable with. I know from experience that some mothers feel like the other female in the daddys life is wanting to take her place and that most times is so far from the truth. If you are busy worrying about that then maybe you are not being a caring parent. I have told girls time and time again that this issue is not about them it is about caring for the children. My sons had stepmothers and all I ever hoped was that they would treat my children descent. One of the very favorite one they had passed away a few years ago from a diabetic coma. They called her momma peg and we still take flowers to her grave very year. She was special and she had such a zest for life it was hard for all of us. Anyway in a stepparent family all anyone should ever be worried about is hoping they love your children not thinking they are going to take your place because love spreads. The more you give the more you get in return. Marriage is hard enough without having children already added but in saying that nothing that is worth having is ever easy to get and even harder to keep so discuss this short term issue about your stepson and get it resolved before dragging it into your marriage and whatever you do please do not fight or even argue in front of this little guy. Children take in so much more than anyone realizes and they learn quickly about feelings early on. Best of luck to you M.!

My parents were divorced when I was a baby and were both remarried when I was about 5. I lived with my mom and called my stepfather "Daddy Gary". As I grew older I referenced him as Gary since my dad was still a big part of my life. In fact I think I heard that my dad had something to do with the "Gary" being added after "Daddy" when I was little since he was bothered by me calling him Daddy. That's also probably why I always called my stepmother by her first name too...I am certain my mother would have NEVER allowed me to call her Mom. Sad, but my parents wants and needs came before me while I was an innocent child...

I would let your stepson call you whatever he wants. He obviously sees you as another mom to him and also knows who is biological mother is. Possibly talk to his mom and let her know so she doesn't reprimand him for doing it when she finds out...that would be really confusing and stressful to such a young child. Maybe Mommy M. will be a compromise with his mother.... There are LOTS of good step-parent books out there... 'Moms House/Dad's House', 'Caught in the Middle', 'Divorce Poison', 'Parents Are Forever' are a few I have read to make the best of my family now, as I am now a stepmom too! Keeping the kids happy and secure is what is most important. Best wishes and congrats.

My stepsons have always called me by my first name. I never wanted them to think that I was trying to replace their mother. Also, my parents divorced and were both remarried when I was 10. I call both of my stepparents by their first name (and always have). Even though my stepsons call me by my first name, they still have 100% respect for me.

I think it's great that he wants to call you Mommy. It would confuse him more if you don't let him call you Mommy and make him feel like he isn't loved or wanted. There is nothing wrong with a child having two Mom's. My neice and nephew grew up with a Step Mom. They called their Mom, Mom and called Vicci-Mom V. Now that the nephew has children he calls them both Grandma......
Talk to his mother and find out how she feels about it and if it's ok with her then let him call you Mommy M...My Mom had over half the kids in the neighborhood calling her Mom or Mother Piepkow.....
Nothing wrong with him calling you Mom or Mommy and it won't confuse him unless you make an issue of it. At age five he should understand that he has two Moms and for his sake I hope both Moms can get along.......

If you do go with a different name, I would suggest you be comfortable with any of your kids calling you the same thing. It could make him feel rejected if your kids call you one thing and he has to call you something else. You might look into other mom nicknames like Mimi, or Meme

i think its sort of disrespectful for a child to call an adult by their first name only. my kids even call their aunts and uncles, "AUNT SARAH", "UNCLE ROBERT", etc.

Maybe mama M., or something else endearing. this child will be LIKE your child, and you are a part of his life forever now, it should be respectful yet loving. I wish i had more ideas, but thats just my two-cents! :) happy holidays and congratulations!

Hi: I am a step-mom and the children called me by my first name. They know I care about them. Hope this helps, C.