I Want to Be Called Mommy

Updated on December 15, 2007
M.W. asks from Belton, MO
14 answers

I am a mom of 18 month old twin boys and I also have a 3 and 1/2 year old step-son that lives with us full-time. My step son originally called me mommy, but would occassionally call me by my name. Then when I was babysitting their for a while he heard the other kids call me by my name and that is all he calls me now. Which that is fine because I want him to feel comfortable in what he chooses to call me, but that is not the problem. Now my boys are learning to talk and I now have one that does call me mama, but my other son calls me by my name because that is what he hears all the time from his older brother. When I talk to him I always make sure that I refer to myself as mommy hoping that he will start to call me mommy. However, this far it has not worked. Help!

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J.L.

answers from St. Louis on

You have no right to be called mommy. As a parent, you have no rights at all. The children should be in charge of the home and you should do as they say.

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C.Y.

answers from St. Louis on

don't worry...they are very young yet and male language statistically develops a little bit slower than female...they process a little differently...just continue to refer to yourself as mommy/mamma...have a little fun with it and laugh about it...if you make it more game-like they may do it more just for the attention...they should understand more fully by the time they r 2...i have had daycare in my home since my daughter was 1 and i also have step-children that call me by my name...she went through the phase and then she even called me chrissy-mommy for a long time...i just tell her she is silly and tickle her til she yells out mommy!

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T.M.

answers from Kansas City on

I do not understand why you expect a step-child to call you "mommy"? Have you discussed this with his mother? I remarried when my youngest son was 4 years old after dating his step-father for 2 years. It was not until my son was 6 years old that he started calling his step-father "dad" and it was his own decision and not one that was expected by his step-father. I think it is selfish on your part to expect that of someone elses biological child. As the child gets older and build a special bond with you then he may feel compelled to call you mom, but I would not force him by any means. I think if you expect that you are setting yourself up for heartbreak down the road.
My oldest son is 14 now and has had a new step-mom for 7 years now. Occasionally he calls her mom, but catches himself if he knows I am around. At first it caught me off guard, but in the big scheme of things I am greatful that he loves her enough, and she of him, that he would call her by such a title of prestige. Being called "mom" or "dad" by a step-child is a special honor and one that should not be forced.

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T.H.

answers from Joplin on

My sister-in-law has a daycare and they all call her by her name and she has 2 girls and they will call her by her name as well.. The girls do it so the daycare kids don't get confused and when they all come to my house they will still call her by her name and it blows me away but don't worry that is a phase they will go through give it time and you will see. Hope this helps.

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C.R.

answers from Tulsa on

All you can do is reinforce what you you want him to call you and be consistent. Don't respond to him when he just calls you by name and not Mommy.

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C.M.

answers from Kansas City on

First of all, this is NORMAL!!! I think they all go through this stage at one point in time or another. Remember that when the little ones first start to talk, they are learning what forms are correct as well as the words. My daughter is 2 1/2 and still sometimes calls me by my first name as well as her dad but not nearly as much now as when she was first learning to talk. My advice, with the 18 month olds, just give it some time and you will be Mommy. With the 3 year old, just keep loving him and he will figure it out too.

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K.C.

answers from Kansas City on

Can you get your 3.5 year old step-son to join in in teaching your twins the word "Mommy"? My brother is re-married. He had two kids with his previous wife who live with them all the time and one kid with his new wife. The oldest calls her step-mom Margaret, the middle calls his step mom "mar..mom" or mom..gret or whatever and her non-step daughter calls her mommy. It seems to work (she babysits too, and origionally she was determined that the two older ones would call her mommy...)
I understand your wish to be mommy. I hope you can get others behind you and they'll get used to it, it seems that it's pretty easy to get kids (especially the little ones) to call you what you want them to call you.

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B.P.

answers from St. Louis on

Tell your boys that your name is mama. Tell them that from now on, if they call you anything else, you have turned your ears off and cannot hear them. Ask if they understand. Once you've established the rule, you need to enforce it all the time, no exceptions.

Then, when they call you by your name IGNORE THEM! Completely ignore them, no eye contact, no "I can't hear you", nothing. Just keep about your business, walk away, don't give any indication that they said anything at all. You may see a tantrum or two, but it won't last long as long as you do not cave in! They will get very frustrated and the habit will be broken within days. Promise!

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W.R.

answers from Springfield on

If the mother is in the picture, then he shouldn't call you "Mommy". I am in a similar situation, and my children call their stepfather by his first name, and don't seem to be confused by their younger brother calling him Daddy. All of my children have called me by my first name at some point or another, as they hear everyone else call you that, it's quite normal. Just say "My name is Mommy" and go on about your business, it will pass. Just be assured that even my oldest son called me by my first name for a bit, and he had no other children around him to copy, it's just something they try. It's a bit confusing when everyone but them calls you something besides "Mommy".

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J.W.

answers from Kansas City on

M., Not sure what all to tell you just keep working with your son on calling you mommy eventually he will start calling you mommy I'm sure.I know it is troubling my son went through a phase where he called me by my first name but eventually he started calling me mom again.

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S.D.

answers from Kansas City on

girl why didnt you tell me? give it time they will call you mommy. they always repeat what they hear. you know that. take it from me they all call me mommy bit are calling dad by his name i think its hilarious, its becaUSE THEY HEAR ME SAY IT AND NOONE IS AREOUND TO CALL ME BY NAME.
MAC

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K.B.

answers from Kansas City on

My granddaughter calls me Mom some times (instead of Nana) because that's what she hears my daughter calling me. Just keep reinforcing the "mommy" and it will correct itself.

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J.

answers from Kansas City on

I had the same problem - my step-daughter was 8 when we married and I had a 2 year old. So sometimes the 8-year old would call me mommy and other times by my name. My daughter would then mimic her. It takes time, but also my husband helped. We started calling each other 'mommy' and 'daddy' when we were referencing each other in front of the kids. "And how is Mommy doing today?" "Does Mommy want some dessert too?" That was reinforcement. Eventually the 9-year old started calling me mommy too since she was the only one saying my name. And that says something because mother asked her not to!

Good luck!
J.

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A.P.

answers from Tulsa on

My daughter went through a phase of calling me by my first name when she was about 2. I thought it was the cutest thing!! I can think of a whole lot worse she could call me (and probably will when she's older lol)! Anyway, I never made a big deal out of it. I would still refer to myself as "mommy", but I would NEVER ignore her for calling me by name...after all, it is in fact my name. Don't worry and have a Merry Christmas

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