Respect - Spokane,WA

Oh, I absolutely wouldn't be above pointedly telling her to set her sights on an UNmarried man at the party -- and point one out. If there aren't any single men there, I'd tell her that next time she should bring her own date and stop making eyes at the men who are already taken.

I'd also sit down with my husband, point blank tell him what you've noticed at the parties and directly ask him what the prescription was for. Tell him the secrecy is making you jump to all kinds of conclusions and only he can clear it up.

I've been in this situation before, I went right up to my guy, in front of the woman, and laid a big fat smooch right on his lips! Then I turned to her and smiled. She looked MAD!... but she turned and walked away, and we haven't heard from her since :)

You should go do him somewhere at the BBQ. He will forget all about her.

If I were you I'd take myself to the doctor and get myself checked out. You might find out what the prescription was for that way. Sorry but it all seems a bit sketchy to me.

Yikes- I'm not usually one for jumping to conclusions, but this doesn't sound right to me. You are absolutely right to have an exepectation that your husband won't check out other women, especially when you are around! I would let him know how much this bothers you and that you find it disrespectful. I would also mention something to your next hostess- casually ask if she will be there so that you can be prepared for the situation. If she's there, remind your husband BEFORE the party that his behavior is disrespectful and not okay.

You aren't being stupid at all....even if its just them being silly, its still really immature on both their parts. Furthermore, some women have no respect for the idea of marriage and even less respect for the wife of their object of desire. I have issues with women like this. I am by no means insecure or needing to "mark my territory" but some women are just skanky and love to hit on married men. And alot of men (though not all) just eat the attention up. And if the guy is just one of those friendly men, it can sometimes give the chicky poo the idea that they are interested too. I'd go even MORE ballistic if all of this is done in the presence of my children!!!

I would love to tell you to give him a dose of his own medicine (even though two wrongs don't make anything right) because men sometimes only get the idea when they are treated in the same manner.

I LOVE Michelle's idea! Not sure it would be doable, but I love the idea of it!

Just remember some women don't care if a man is married or not when they are on the prowl. It appears that there are some red flags going up that you need to be concerned about. Doesn't sound like hubby is giving you the true story and I'm not sure if you will get the true story from hubby if he hasn't been honest with you from the start. Not really sure why hubby would not tell you what the prescription was for and why he's hiding it, basically "bad news" pops immediately into my head. You can tell hubby that his actions and behavior have not been exactly trustworthy since New Years and straight out ask him what the prescription was and what it was for and if anything is going on with the woman. He may not answer truthfully but watch his body language and really listen to his response to get a better feel. Wishing you luck.
V.

He should have yelled out "I'm a happily married man!" at that last party. So next BBQ, if this starts up again, drape the diaper bag over his shoulder, hand the baby to him, then offer to get him a drink or a plate of food while he's minding his offspring. Laughingly tell the lady he's SO good with the kids and you are SO LUCKY you have such a great husband, and oh by the way "He's all mine!". If she's still hovering around him when you get back I suppose you could accidentally trip and spill the food/drink on her (I'm SO sorry) then offer her a baby wipe to clean up with. (Just kidding!) You could try distracting her up by sending single guys over to her to chat her up. If your husband knows flirting with this lady bothers you, he should be nice and tell her to move on himself. As for the prescription, as a wife and parent, I'd want to know what it was in the event one of the kids got into it. Also you are concerned with his health (and he should be about your health, too) and you should know what's going on. If he were knocked unconscious and paramedics were asking you if he were on any medication, It's not good if you can't tell them what it is.

It sounds like maybe you have some trust issues to begin with?? I don't think you're being stupid, I'd be super mad too, but the bigger picture looks like you're questioning the real situation since he won't tell you a. what meds he's on and b. what happened on new year's. That seems odd to me. Without that info I'd say, she's a floozy and your husband likes the attention but is not cheating on you. I'm not suggesting that he IS cheating on you, by any means, I just think you need to work out some more communication b/c you should know what happened at the party adn what medication he is on!!

Jeez, sounds to me like the two of you really need to talk about this. It also raises an eyebrow that a wife would not know what her husbands precription medications are. This is a MAJOR 'elephant on the couch' type issue, you both see it every day but neither of you mentions it's there. If you can approach him without anger, try to find a moment when no kids are around and tell him how you feel. ASK him how he feels about her. After having really tried to discuss it with him if he is still non-communicative, you will still have choices. You can talk to HER, you can relax and forget about it, you can examine what you would do if you found out he was with someone else, you can make a stink and not let him go to any functions you know she'll be attending....and the list goes on....but really try to show him how this makes you feel, maybe he'll surprise you. Good Luck!

"If you look for the good or bad in your fellow man, you will surely find it." Abe Lincoln.

I have "checked out" other women from time to time. I used "checked out" because you did. What I really did was just look at a pretty woman or a fat woman. When I have "checked out" an obease woman, I usually lean over and whisper to my wife, "Thank you very much for not looking like that" and give her a hug. My wife has only asked me about it (my looking) once or twice in our almost 37 years of marriage. I have always told her, "I never go out for hamburger when I've got filet mignon at home". I may tell her I'd like it if she wore her hair like that, or something similar. Or, "You'd make that dress look much better if you were wearing it."

I don't wear a wedding ring on my finger anymore. One of my sons asked my wife and I if we minded if he got married on our anniversary. I was truly honored. He now wears my wedding ring. My wife and I both know I wear my wedding ring in my mind. I have been trying to court and woo my lady for over 37 years. I can't imagine ever stopping.

My recommendation: go up to him, when you are in need of reassurance or when he is being harrassed, and give him a kiss, blow in his ear, and tell him you can hardly wait to get him home, or what ever your secret hint is. He'll probably drop his drink in surprise and take you home. ;-)

I would recommend reading the book, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands." Its written about 75% for women and 25% for men. Women either love it or hate it. Some will look for ANY answer that contains this title and tell you "NOT to read " it. (I've noticed they are from the "frigid" north.) Watch the movie, "Fireproof" and read its companion book "Love Dare".

Life is best spent courting and wooing your spouse and giving love and huggs to your kids. And one more thing . . .
"A model needs perfect lighting, professional makeup, and designer clothes to look as good as the average woman does, to the man who loves her."

I have a totally different outlook on this..... I, myself have "checked out" a good looking guy in front of my husband and my husband has "checked out" a good looking woman in front of me. If someone is nice looking, eye candy, it's just looking!! It does not mean anything more than that. Do I love my husband less? NO Do I care about my husband less? NO Do I want to jump this persons bones just by looking at him? NO NO NO!!! Will I ever think about this person again after "checking him out"? NO!

Your husband got a prescription but he won't tell you what it's for? Did you find a pill bottle or what? He told you he got one? Is he trying to make you jealous? You can call the doctor and ask them to send you a HIPAA privacy form for your husband to fill out giving them permission to discuss your husband's medical history, precscriptions, etc with you. Ask him to sign it. If he won't, then tell him you will be going to the doctor to get yourself tested since you don't know what he's been up to. Maybe he asked for some viagra or something...you never know, but he shouldn't be afraid to tell you what the Rx was for. After all, you ARE married.
My husband worked with a woman who he'd known before we were married and we were at a party once. She and I were friends, but she got a few drinks in her and sat on his lap and said, "Santa, I want a husband for Christmas." She didn't mean MY husband...she was just a little tipsy....a single mom struggling on her own. She was really apologetic after the booze wore off. I felt a little uncomfortable about it, but my husband didn't cause a scene by embarrassing her any further.
Now...at your bbq, if the same woman is flirting with your husband, she may not be able to hold her alcohol, she may just want to feel like someone is paying attention to her. Who knows? Your husband can be nice and still deflect her attentions.
You need to have a talk with your husband about it though.
My husband asked me and the children to get dressed up for dinner one night. He took us to a very, very nice restaurant. We were dressed so nicely, the hostess asked us what the occasion was.
We were just out for dinner.
We had a young waitress who was very pretty, but my husband could not take his eyes off her the entire time. We spoke to him and he didn't hear us. He couldn't even find his mouth with his fork he was staring at her so much. People were complimenting me on how I looked and what well behaved children we had and he heard none of it. It was as though we weren't even there.
Rude, rude, rude.
To be honest, I think my husband kept staring at her because he expected her to stare back at him....as if he was the hottest man in the room. As if surely, she wouldn't be able to take her eyes off of him either.
Whahhhhh for him.
He had the nerve to say, when we left, that she was rude to us and he would never take us there again.
I was fine with that after he acted like such and insecure jerk.
It was embarrassing.

You can't control what some other woman or women may do when they get around your husband, but he surely can control how he plays into it.
If he needs his ego stroked that badly, it has nothing to do with you.
My husband really expected women to fawn all over him and when they didn't, he'd get pissy and grouchy. Why? He had a perfectly lovely wife.
It's hard to say what's going on with your husband. They can have such fragile egos. But I would tell him you don't appreciate his attentions towards other women in front of you.
If he's insecure and so is that other woman, it's a recipe for disaster with you stuck in the middle feeling embarrassed.
Again, honestly, I would get a HIPAA form from the doctor and tell your husband he's going to sign it so that his prescriptions can't be kept secret from you. And, also, that gives you the right to call and have prescriptions refilled for him if he needs your help.
Feign concern if nothing else, but get to the bottom of the prescription thing.

Is he sleeping with you less? Is he sleeping with you more? By sleeping I mean sex.

This truly could be a case of ego stroking and your husband needing to feel desirable to other women in which case it's an insecurity issue. But, you still have to deal with the fact that his ego being "stroked" in front of you is hurtful and disrespectful. And he shouldn't do it.

I have a friend who threw a New Year's Eve party. I've known these people like family for many years. I was the only single woman there and her husband asked me to dance with him. So, I did. My friend had no problem with it whatsoever, but she had a couple of friends there who tried to turn it into something it wasn't. They were telling her to watch her back because I was after her man and she should be really pissed and her husband had no right to disrespect her like that. He and I were friends before they got married and we danced right in front of everyone so there was no sneakiness about it. For God's sake, I was the maid of honor at her wedding. I've taken care of her house and animals when they go out of town. I've never been after her man. That scenario is a little different, but my point is, things can be made out of something that isn't there.

You're not being stupid at all. However, your husband does have some explaining to do.

I wish you the best and will look for your other responses.

Hang in there.

Hi C.! I am the one that fervently discourages reading the book that 8kidsdad suggests. I think it's hilarious that he implies that people who don't like the book are "frigid" but truth be told......."Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" almost killed our vibrant sex life. Now, knowing that the advice in that book is so off base, things are back to wonderful normal with my hubby and I.

That book will teach you that you are responsible for your husband's wandering eye, when in reality.......he made a vow to you and he is responsible for keeping it. He has control over his actions and in this situation, he needs to apologize for continually ogling this woman in front of you and have no contact with her.

There is a woman that we know who constantly is hitting on my husband. He avoids her like the plague and NEVER talks to her unless I am engaged in the conversation. Now THAT is how a man should act!

Ask your hubby again, if you need to get checked for any STD because you don't buy the whole "athletes foot" thing.

The floozy woman's behavior is beyond annoying, but I 'd be more concerned about my husband's behavior. He keeps looking at her throughout the party? He denied what you saw and heard him say at the New Year's Eve party? He went to the doctor, got a prescription, and won't tell you what it is for? If you are married, he should have NO reason to hide any medical stuff from you. I would not have let that go so easily. Also, I would get myself checked for STDs because you never know. Still if you get a clean bill of health, I would quietly put my secret detective hat on. I don't think you are being respected. It sounds like you have good reason to be suspicious.