Are You OK with Strip Clubs?

Hi,
I know exactly what you mean. You feel this way because it is actually considered cheating. He is looking at other women how he should be looking at you. He is lusting after other women. I believe wholeheartedly that it lays the ground work for the actual act of cheating because it gives way to sin. You should not have to learn to deal with it.

I am not ok with them. It shows a lack of respect for women and women's lack of self respect. That said different people were brought up with different vaues and he may just view it from a social aspect. Lap dances should NOT be ok, would they be ok if some guy were grinding on you? Also my take is that morally challenged people generally hang put there so it can be a very dangerous place for a drunk man. Open communication is the best prevention let him know how you feel.

Here's my thing girl. Would it be appropriate for him to be have some woman naked on him any other time? No. Would it be ok for him to chill and look and conversate with a naked woman? No. So why is it ok now? Ask him if it is ok for a big fine man to hump on you butt booty naked. How would he feel if you just HAD to go chill with some other fine rock hard men every month. He wouldnt because its disrespectful. So why the hell does he think you should be cool with it? He's doing that chit because you are allowing it. Let him know whatever is good for the goose is good for the gander..... so if he can get some outside ATTENTION then so can you.

Well, first of all it is not OK and especially for married men and second to my knowledge there are still lap dances--per my niece who has been a stripper for 7 years and her sister who waits tables. I do not approve of what they do either.

Marriage is a man & woman (2) and when your husband bring this into your bedroom the becomes (3) results are never good. These behaviours often lead to very addictive passions that escalate.

Your a woman--you know what is right and what you need to do for your family.

NO you should NOT learn to be okay with your husband going to strip clubs! I have no idea if lap dances are still allowed, but YOU are the only woman he should EVER see stripping! He shouldn't even be looking at other women in the Playboy magazine. Sure, he's a grown man and makes his own decisions, but he has made some very unwise, immature decisions that are hurting you, his wife, who he is supposed to be faithful to. God's Word says that if a man even looks at a woman with lust, he has committed adultery (Matthew 5:28). I'll be praying for you, your husband, and your daughters. By the way, this behavior of his is teaching your daughters that stripping in clubs is okay, and they may find one day that this is an easy way to make money. Is your husband okay with that possibility? Does he want perverts looking at HIS daughters stripping?

Lap dances - yes, they are still allowed - they are the strippers bread and butter (so to speak) because the pole really doesn't bring in what $20 a song does with the private dances.

I don't know how you learn to be okay with it. I'd have a major problem with it too, and I'd never learn to be okay with it.

I have some strong religious convictions and know what the Bible says about this sort of thing (its adultry). So if you're not that convicted, then my advice might not be what you're looking for.

Here's my suggestion:
1) Strip night! - Get the girls to the grandparents or to a sleepover. You have him bring home the $$$ and you be ready with a few songs, a couple of thongs, and go for it. You take the money that he would have wasted outside of the family and use it to buy something fun - maybe even for him - like a boat, an autographed something or other, or a family vacation.
2) Stop the subscriptions and dump the movies! Your children see the mag when it comes in the mail. Even if they don't, they'll find them one day (they always do) and this sends the wrong message to young girls about sex, women, and really affects their self-esteem. Here's the second half of this proposal: make some movies of your own! Complete with corny plot and dress up! Surprise him with a script and set up the camcorder - just be sure these are locked away securely! Naturally, we'd all like for our children to never see certain things, but if I had to choose, I'd rather them find movies that he and I made (yes, therapy would be needed I realize) than those purchased from a XXX store. Here's why: the message sent would be "mom and dad have fun with sex" not "dad buys movies of other people having sex. he exploits young women. he has to look outside his marriage for fulfillment."
3) If the implementation of these things still leaves him wanting to look past his wife for satisfaction, then suggest some counseling - it might be an adiction issue

Things I wouldn't do:
1)nag - treat it like a challenge - make it fun - be those things for your man and he won't need to go anywhere else for them. Fight for your man - not with him!
2)withhold the nookie - never works and sex between husband and wife is not a commodity to be traded or a chip to bargain with - he belongs to you and you to him. Married people often fall into a rut. Sex can start to take a predictable pattern - break it up! Be coy, be dominant, be seductive, be girly, be sleezy. Enjoying sex one of the coolest gifts God gave us!
3) Get divorced - even if he doesn't receive these ideas well and continues these behaviors, these are not grounds for divorce (IMO). I'd pray, pray, pray for God to enter his heart and give him clarity on this issue. A devoted wife can save her husband through her devotion to him and through the Lord.

are you guys Christians?

there's a great ministry called

www.godsavemymarriage.com in FLA

they have a terrific book called

"The Man of Her Dreams, The Woman of His"

i can't say enough about it.

you can download it or order a hard copy.

It's sad that he is justifying this behavior when he has a loving wife and two precious girls.

I know our culture makes it seem not so evil, but the evidence is out there - it destroys families.

:(

i am so sorry you are going through this.

Due to the strong nature of the topic there’s an instinctual urge to respond to whether it’s ok for anyone to frequent a strip club, rather than respond to your specific situation and question. BUT what stands out is that your husband is blatantly ignoring your feelings.

Marriage IS compromise and that being said, he’s not doing it. Imagine the situation reversed and it was YOU doing something that bothered HIM. Would you ignore his feelings and wishes? Or would you listen to what he has to say and try to work it out so that both of you felt heard and respected? I’m assuming in that situation, you’d probably listen to him… It is OKAY to expect others (and esp. your husband) to treat you the way you’d treat them.

You need to have another talk with your husband, maybe show him what you posted and let him see that you are trying to understand his interest, and that now he also needs to try and understand why you’re uncomfortable with strip clubs.

That being said, in my own marriage, my husband and I often go out to strip clubs together (he’s allowed to go without me but prefers I go). I love to watch the stage shows and I pick out the girls my husband gets dances from.

One (but definitely not the only) way for you to understand his interest is to accompany him out one night. Of course you do have to be picky about what clubs you go to--Every club is different and there are plenty of scary clubs out there. I’d recommend Allstars in San Antonio or The Yellow Rose in Austin. They are both topless clubs, but at Allstar’s the girls wear pasties and it’s very laid-back.

You can also go to www.stripperweb.com and look at the forums for visitors. This is a site by and for strippers but there is some honest info for customers.

There are also a number of honest sex-positive books on the sex industry (see Lily Burana, Carol Leigh, Elisabeth Eaves, or Nina Hartley, to name a few).

Good luck and I hope ya’ll can compromise and find a mutual respect for each other.

I hope everyone is kind and understanding with their response. You are very young, but you have girls older than mine, so you could give ME parenting advice. It is sometimes the road we have walked and not our age. You are obviously bothered by your husband's visits to the strip clubs and honestly, shouldn't that be all that matters? Consider that. It obviously hurts you and perhaps this is the crux of the problem and NOT HOW ANYONE ELSE FEELS ABOUT IT. Sometimes in marriage, that should be enough. If it bothers you to the degree it does, then that might be all that should matter in your husband's agreement to give it up. Not in how the rest of us out here feel about it. I believe you have tried to discuss it with him, but perhaps if he understood how it hurt you and not that you just don't want him to go. Maybe write down all the reasons it makes you feel hurt or how you couldn't imagine your girls being taught that this is how women should treat their bodies. I can tell this is very stressful for you. I've been in your shoes and I'm the mother of two girls, so I understand. Good luck.

Dear C.,
WOW! There is a lot to be said about this topic. I am so grateful you wrote about what you are experiencing. Thank you for opening this topic up.
I am 44 years old, have a wonderful 9 year old boy. I was married 10 years and now divorced. As I read your summary, it reminded me of me. My ex-husband is an un-diagnosed sex addict. Throughout our marriage, I asked him not to go to the strip clubs he continued to do so. Hopefully your husband isn't giving you the line I got, which was "I like to look...at least you know about it....it's keeping me from having an affair....."
Our sex life was 'great.' He truly could not get enough with me; at least twice a week we made love; that was the minimum. I tried to 'go along' and watch the videos with him, etc. I did everything I thought possible to keep the marriage strong. I did not go to the club with him though. His need could not get met and continued to become more and more.
There are places he would go to (I found out by accident) that 'model women's underwear'. He went there. I toured the place myself, without his knowledge and became disgusted but still did not leave the marriage. These places have unidentifiable names--even on credit cards. A person can go into a room with a 'model' and masterbate as the woman strips. I'm sure more happens, but that is what they were willing to tell me when I toured it.
The straw that broke the camel's back was I learned, truly a miracle, that he was paying for prostitutes. When I filed for divorce (thank goodness I did not get an STD!), he finally admitted to being with 8 prostitutes (I'm certain there were more). Again, he could excuse his behavior by qualifying it; they were not emotional 'affairs' etc.
I don't know what to offer here for you. Please trust your gut. I don't know if you can email me back or not. Please stand in your truth for you and for your sweet girls. I pray that your husband will respect, honor and listen to you.
Best wishes.
L.

C.,

I think, as others do, that this is a matter of respect. You feel very strongly about this, and because it IS a moral topic you two should really strive to be on the same page about it. Have you had a heart-to-heart with him about this? Laid it all out there? Have you thought about WHY you feel this way? Have you explained that to him? It's a matter of him respecting you as a woman and as his wife, the person he promised to be faithful to until death parts you.

My personal feelings on this (which I thank God every day that my husband feels the same way) is that things like Playboy, XXX videos, etc, demean the value of sex and objectify women. It's a base pleasure that doesn't do anything to build people up, but only tears them down. It lowers respect for the women who do it (even though it's willingly) by the men who view it - and let's face it - everyone else, too. It does nothing to enhance the security of your marriage, because who wants to think that their husband is thinking of the stripper they saw last night instead of you while having sex? It also creates an unachievable standard for sex... that it has to be mind-blowing and earth-shattering every time, which we all know just doesn't happen.

In my opinion, sex is the ultimate form of affection between two married people. It would make me highly uncomfortable to have my husband having sexual experiences that include someone other than myself (which strippers and lap dances ARE sexual experiences, regardless of the fact that sex did not take place).

C., I can tell this makes you highly uncomfortable, and it should be something that should be discussed openly, without blame, but just an expression of how you feel and how hurt you are. If he insists on continuing this, I would seek counseling, even if he refuses to go. A counselor can help you find a resolution even without him present.

I wish you the best of luck!

First of all, your husband is not a great guy! Please don't get brainwashed! If your husband has any kind of respect for you,your children, and marriage he would not be going to strip clubs. You both have 2 daughters! Is he thinking about how they would feel if they found out Daddy is doing stuff he should not? Oh, and having the Playboy channel? Your husband is not a "BOY" (single), but a "Father" and most importantly, a "Married Father". DO NOT ASSUME THIS IS OK for his kind of behavior. DO NOT ASSUME that his free time alone at the strip clubs is acceptable. It is not!!! There is a good chance that the way your husband is acting, is very close to the kind of person your daughters are going to be with when they grow up. "Mommy did it, so why shouldn't I", "My Daddy did it, so it must be ok" thinking... Don't be naive. It is not ok. You do not have to accept it. Last but not least, YES, lap dances are still allowed...

If your marriage is CHRIST centered, your husband should feel so, so convicted because of where he is going. He should not be having any kind of desire what so ever to look at any other woman in that kind of fashion other than you, his wife!!! It is not okay and I believe that you should not learn how to be okay w/ it. Pray for your husband. Seek GOD for strength and comfort in this time of need because I believe that this is very serious and I can't even imagine how you feel everytime this takes place. I'll be praying for you and your marriage.
GOD BLESS,
Shameka A.

i know you have gotten a million responses to this, so the only is thing I have to add is : why is he lying about lap dances not being allowed? that is the most stupid thing I have ever hear. Why does he feel he needs to lie about what goes on there---what is HE hiding? If it hurts you, he should respect that and stop. He really doesn't NEED to go. This is probably just one issue in your relationship that is covering up some bigger problems....

C.,

I'm not married but I dated a guy, actually live with him, and he was going to the strip clubs. Four to six times a year is ONE time too many. He's married for heaven's sake. He shouldn't be going at all! Ask him if you can strip for him? If he says no, then he's not satisfied with what he has at home. You, as his wife, should be able to do or give him whatever the strippers are giving him. I can guarantee you he's doing more than looking. Believe me. I've been there. It happened to me...I found pictures my exboyfriend had taken of a stripper in a hotel room and she was posing in all types of positions. As a matter of fact, he was a regular at the strip club and they were regulars at the hotel.

I disagree with Anna. Stripper are interested in whatever they can get. If a man invites them to a night cap for a little extra dollars, they'll take it. My ex was even spending quality time with her. I also ran across pictures of her posing in front of his car, I guess, at the apartment where she lived. Pictures of the together. It was a hurtful thing. My stomach was in all types of knots.

I'm sure he is going to auto swap meets for a minute, then he's probably off with someone else. It may not necessarily be with one of the strippers but you can bet your bottom dollar he's not being 100% faithful to you. Why don't you try calling him when he goes to one of those swap meets or "other places" just to say hello and to see how things are going. I bet he'll be pissed. He may not yell and scream, but he's gonna wanna know why you're calling him and you've never called him before. Try it.

He's doing this because you're allowing it. You should leave the house and stay gone for hours on end. Go to happy hour at Boudreaux or maybe, go to Chilis, Benegins, somewhere. If he calls you and wants to know where you are and what you're doing, tell him you're just enjoying time away from hom and that you'll be doing it more often. It gives you time to let your hair down and thing. Then we'll see how mucn he 'loves' you.

My advice to you C., is to give him a taste of his own medicine.

I think your question, "How do I learn to be ok with it?" is totally off the mark. You don't HAVE to learn to be okay with it. If this makes you uncomfortable (which it should, in my opinion), then he needs to stop. If he won't stop for you then that tells you where his priorites lie. Either that, or it is much more of a problem for him than he admits to. Pornography in any shape or form is damaging to a marriage. It creates unrealistic fantasies and expectations of what sex should be like, what a woman's body should look like, and it's damaging to a woman's self-esteem. It hurts you, and you are his wife, the woman he professes to love more than any other in this world, yet he won't stop something that is hurting you? How is that loving? Partners make sacrifices for eachother because they love eachother. It's your job to put him first, and it's his job to put you first.

It sounds like you don't want to be ok with this. If you don't want to be ok with this, you don't have to be. He needs to respect your wishes and your feelings. It isn't about him and the strippers; it is about him caring enough about you to not put you through this.
My husband gets to go to the strip clubs only for batchler parties. Most of the time he chooses not to, but that is just him. I don't think that he is comfortable with it, mostly since he has a little girl. That was the turning point for him. I didn't have to point this out to him, but I'm guessing his father did. You might point this out to him. Those girls on stage have a daddy somewhere. Those girls are someone's baby girl. Also your husband is teaching his girls what a man should do. They will most likely marry their father, especially if he is by all other accounts a great man. Does he want his girls to marry a man that disrespects his baby girls' feelings like he is doing to you.
Now, IF you do want to be ok with it, I too suggest going with him. Or going by yourself or some girl friends. You can see for yourself what really goes on there. I have been with my DH before daughter came along.
It is ok to not be ok with this. It sounds like you have a great relationship. I would really talk to him about his. Make sure that he knows how you feel about his. He may not know. If he knows and still doesn't care, then there is a much bigger problem. It is not about the strip clubs, it is about your feelings.
Good luck.

I'm sorry you're going through this. First, I think a calm conversation with your husband is in order. If he's doing something that he KNOWS bothers you, he should stop. It's a respect thing. Second, I'd want to know why he's lying to you. Lap dances are allowed and they usually cost $20 each!

Me personally, I'm okay with strip clubs. My DH goes once in a blue moon and it's usually because he's attending a bachelor party. The other times he goes is usually with me. They have some of the BEST dinner deals. LOL If you're worried about your DH starting something with one of the strippers...don't. Strippers aren't interested in meeting Mr. Right or even Mr. Right Now. They're interested in making money.

Hi I just wrote a big long message, and lost it, so here is the much shortened version...your husband is a big fat liar! you would be amazed and discusted with what goes on in these clubs! you can go and see for yourself, just get a male to go with you, or wait in the parking lot for a guy and ask if you can go in with him just for a few minutes and you can see for yourself. women are allowed just not without a man, AND THAT rule is to protect the guys from having their wives show up and catch them in the act! write me, we'll talk all about it if you want!

I am a mother of 2 and have been with my husband for 12 yrs .Believe me when I tell you that its not you.I have been there and done that ...if you tell him sure its ok because you want to give him what he wants but you really dont want him to go then you need to say no! But be prepared for him to not be happy because you are changing things but if you say no and he still goes then it becomes a respect thing but if he truly cares about your feelings he will stop. Mens brains do not work the same way womans do you LITERALLY have to spell things out and say EXACTLY what you mean!!!!Or else you will live with regret! It will work out. Give and take.

C.,
This is something that you shouldn't have to accept. When your married or in any kind of relationship sometimes there are things that you give up doing to make the other person happy. My husband and I discussed this when we got married. He thought it was ok for him to go because he was just going to look. I let him know that it was very degrading to me and made me think that by him going to a place like that I wasn't doing something right that he felt he had to go and be turned on by someone else to get in the mood. At first he assured me that he was very turned on by me but just liked to watch them I told him that either way he looked at it this was how it made me feel and after a little more of a discussion about how it was degrading to me and how it upset me he agreed that it wasn't a place that he should go if we wanted to have a good marriage.
Your husband should respect not only your request but your feelings about this. If he is doing something that makes you feel degraded or less of a woman then he should stop doing it. Part of marriage is putting effort into making sure your spouse knows how much you love them and making them feel good and if this is something that doesn't make you feel good then he should stop. Because by you feeling this way effects you as a wife and mother. If it's something he can't give up then he needs to go to counseling for his addiction. Even if you decided to accept it the thoughts will always be there for you and will always bother you.
And lap dances are allowed. Mostly men pay extra for them and I've also heard that depending on the club you can pay for it to go a little further than a lap dance. Sometimes just short of having sex. I'm surprised that some of these places haven't been shut down. Nothing good can come from him going to these places. Good Luck!

I wouldn't be ok with it if it were my husband. I'm sorry you are dealing with this.

Maybe ask your husband how he would feel if you worked there, or if he thought it would be ok for his daughters to work there when they are older. And if the answer is no, why is it ok for him to be there?

You can't force your husband to do anything, but you can tell him how you feel when he goes. And maybe seek out advice from someone you both respect or a marriage counselor.

If you married him and accepted it then (and for nine years), you don't really have a leg to stand on. You can't marry him and then expect him to change. Whining about it won't help. You say that you have been happily married for nine years, so your marriage has thrived despite this one thing. Everybody has something about themselves that is less than desireable, but try to focus on the other wonderful things about him.

If you can't let it go, perhaps, you can get your own stripper pole, take some classes and offer a lap dance if he stays home.

Based on other responses:
1) Don't assume he's lying about whether lap dances are allowed. You should just call the club he goes to and ask.

2) Don't assume that you are "giving a lot" because you treat him like an adult and let him work on his car by himself and don't suffocate him with phone calls. He probably does the same thing for you.

3) It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of strip clubs. I think they are slimy, and I chose to marry a man that agrees. It is too late for you to make that choice.

NO! NO! NO! strip clubs are off limits. I don't even like my husband to go to hooters. the guys from work quit asking my husband to go with him. We had a discussion several years ago about this. I made it perfectly clear how I felt about it. He made his decision not to participate in these kinds of activities. He realized how bad it would hurt me and our marriage. He would rather have a HAPPY secure wife than a depressed nagging wife. I try to make his life comfortable. Marriage is a give and take. There are things I sacrifice for my husband and I am glad to do it for him.
Porn in any form is destructive to the marriage, family and society.
I hope I didn't offend you, that was not my intent.

This is a tough situation...the thing is, all pornography - whether on the web, in a magazine, or live in a strip club - is very dangerous. When you are married, you have committed to be with one person for the rest of your life. When you look at pornography (even together!), you are allowing someone else to enter your marriage. This is not healthy, and not morally sound. It starts to break down the oneness and unity of marriage. God has designed marriage so that one person completely meets the sexual needs of the other, and vice versa. Neither person should be looking for any kind of sexual satisfaction (even visually, without touching) outside of marriage; this is wrong. We should strive to communicate so that we can meet all the needs of the other person. I'm not saying that you're not meeting his needs; however, what it comes down to is he must stop looking at and lusting after other women (that includes the strip club, watching "movies", and Playboy). You might ask him what you can do for him sexually when he stops that behavior. Many people seem to think that pornography is "normal" for men; it is NOT normal and it is NOT right; it is sin, just like any other disobedience of God, and it will result in consequences, just like any sin. I hope that he will listen to your needs and that the situation improves...I will pray for you.

C., my advise is to sit down with your husband and not only tell him how it makes you feel, but ask him why he feels it's necessary to go to places like that. I do not agree with a married man going to strip clubs. It's fine when you're single; but as a married man, he has an obligation to you and to your children not to spend the family's money on his dirty escapades. He goes because you allow him too, so put your foot down and don't enable him to go. I don't know where he is going, but the guys I have talked to say that lap dances are STILL ALLOWED and ENCOURAGED by the dancers. This is how they make the bulk of their money. To find out for sure, find out where he is going and give the place a call.

You don't have to be OK with it. You may not be able to stop him from going. You know how to deal with him better than anyone else. I wouldn't nag. You either have to put your foot down with ultimatums (sp?) or you have to kindly reason with him when you're not emotional and can stay in control of yourself. You may have to reason him for a long time before he comes around. If you put your foot down, beware that he may become resentful. But, if it were me, I would put my foot down, get my pastor involved, pray HARD for God to change his mind for me, etc., reveal to him how harmful it is, explain to him how hurtful it is to me. It's emotional/visual adultery and will eventually lead to physical adultery. It is not good for him or for your sex life, no matter what anyone says. Fight for the sanctity of your marriage.

C.,
I am very sorry to hear how much this situations hurts.
My opinion is "no, lap dances are not o.k" and the fact that your husband still goes knowing that it hurts you so much, is selfish on his part. How can any man with children spend their money on lousy women that practicly sell their bodies for money.

No, you should not have to learn to deal with it.
How about you find yourself a hobby that he is not too crazy about and ask him to "deal with it". I bet he wouldnt be to happy about that.

A man and wife are to enjoy eachothers bodies and only eachother. It is a sin to even have a thught of another woman, therefore every time your husband is at a strip club he is sinning because you can just imagine, the thoughts that run through his head.

Im so sorry to be blunt and I hope none of this affends you in any way. Im just really sorry to hear you are going through this situation.
I hope you find a resolution to this matter. Take care and God Bless.

Well, some clubs may be different, but as far as I know, lap dances are allowed, the men just aren't allowed to touch. As far as things going on "behind the curtains", THAT is illegal (it's called prostitution!) and the girls will be fired if the boss finds out.
I'm with you - I don't like my husband going to these places. But I look at it this way - he's coming home to me. It still irks me, sure, but I trust my husband. He has his fantasies, and maybe things aren't wild enough for him sometimes, so he goes there to be a little crazy. Again - I don't like him looking at girls that are hotter than me, but he's still mine. As long as you know he's not cheating on you or getting close to it, let him go. You can't change him (and I don't think anyone should be asked to change) and getting upset about it only serves to upset you - it doesn't change anything about the situation.

C.,
Don't be naive. I have a friend that I went to school with that was a "dancer". Lap dances are still offered...the men just aren't allowed to touch without permission!
I, too, agree with you. I do not like the clubs and I am greatful that my fabulous new husband is a great Christian man and has no desire to attend them either. He has his free time as do I, but we are always together when it's time for bed. I will keep you both in my prayers. God bless you.
M.

Seriously, no I am not okay with strip clubs. Call me prude, but that is not a healthy hobby. I think you have been more than generous in allowing Playboy and Movies in your home. I would not. You not only need to stand up for what you need and beleive to be right, but also for your girls. I am sure you want them to grow up with a healthy self image and would only want the best for them in how men treat and respond to them. Lap dance or not... women are not respected nor honored in those places.

I use to think like you, but I went one day with an ex, and it is not as bad as you think. I didn't see anyone getting lap dances, but my friend was the DJ and he said they have them but the guy can't touch. This was an upscare type of place so I am not sure if all are like this. It was kind of funny to me. The women are all sizes, I mean ALL. And they are not all so good looking either. It was not what I expected. I expected it to be like on T.V. but it wasn't. Ask him if you can go with him one day and see what he says. If he doesn't want you to, question him on why. Good luck.

I really feel for you...As I have not had this situation, I can't offer you advice on this particular topic. However, I believe it is more of a respect thing. If my husband knew something bothered me as deeply as this bothers you, he would talk to me about it and do his best to make me happy. I would have an issue with it because its a matter of respect..for you and for other women. Sit down non-combatively and talk about this. Explain why it bothers you and ask him if there is anything you can do as a couple to help him see how much this upsets you. Good luck!!

No Absolutely not! Strip clubs are evil. When a husband or wife go to these places, that is very disrespectful to the other spouse. Do you children know? I hope not.
Perhaps you should talk to someone at your church, or get some counseling. I'm sorry to tell you this, but it does not sound like you've been happily married for 9 years.
I pray for you and wish you well.

C.,
I agree with most of the other responses. If it is something that you completely disagree with, then he should take your feelings into consideration. Another issue is the money! As far as I know, lap dances are still allowed in most clubs, however there is a 3 foot rule (that is not always abided by) and the men are not supposed to touch the women. However, there are VIP sections in these clubs that men can pay for sexual favors. Back to the money. Sometimes a cover charge is up to $25. Drinks are no less than $5 and a girl is not going to dance for someone unless they are being paid! A lap dance, depending upon how "classy" the club is, starts at about $20 and goes up from there.
Another way to view this is, could he be doing this in place of cheating? If he absolutely, positively has to see other women naked and pay for their attention, what happens if he stops going?
Maybe y'all can compromise and he only go for bachelor parties or if a client wants to go for work. Other than that, 6 times a year is too much in my opinion.
Also, if he insists on continuing to go, it may be childish to respond this way, but, every time he goes, you go to LaBare's (club for women on Richmond Avenue in Houston) and spend just as much money as he does and then see how he acts when the shoe is on the other foot!

I would never judge what people do in relationships, but I think things are only okay if both people in the relationship are fine with it. If one is not then that becomes a problem, and it sounds like its getting to be. I don't find a problem with the strip club, but more in that he is still doing something that bothers and hurts you. I couldn't imagine my husband doing the same. Just to throw it in there, I would feel the same way as you if my husband went to strip clubs(maybe more bothered by money blown there, then the woman,) and I am not the jealous type. He has playboy too, movies, internet, but I think the difference (in why that is okay w/ me n not a club) is that he is not interacting with an actual woman. If it hurts you why would you want to learn to be okay with it? I don't think you could even if you tried.

If your husband is such a great guy, why is he hurting you this way. The next time he wants to go to a strip club, ask to go with him. As far as I know, women are allowed in. As far as lap dances go, that's about as close to having sex as it gets. Why should he care if they're outlawed or not. Did he pay for lap dances before? I think you need to assert yourself and let him know how much he's hurting you.

Been there - then divorced. Now married to a guy who doesn't go to strip clubs unless it's unavoidable and I go too.

No, I'm not. I have been married for 14 years and would have died if my husband ever went to a strip club. I don't feel you should have to be O.K. wiht anything that hurts you. But I have to say one thing that may be an eye opener for him is YOU should take some "sexy" dance classes and ect., before telling your husband, then tell him your getting a job at a strip club.(you don't have to be serious about getting a job, unless you want to!) He should be O.K. with it, (b/c there is no touching?????)remember if its O.K. for him to see all the other women it should be O.K. for other men to watch you,RIGHT? If he has a problem with it then tell him you won't strip if he quits going, then by this time you'll be a dancer and you could buy a pole for your bedroom and then he can watch you instead. Good Luck, My heart breaks for you!

Okay, I admit to not having read all of the responses, but having read a few of them I had to respond. I think this really goes beyond the strip club thing. Is he doing something you are morally against? You aren't going to "learn to live with this" if you don't understand why he does this and what does he get out of it. I know that my husband goes to these places on occasion. I know because he tells me he is going - kind of like asking for permission, but not, you know. If I said no, I don't think he would, but I wouldn't without a good reason. I don't get upset about it, because I am not threatened by it. He does it more as hanging out with the guys, not as a need. I know others will not agree with me and that is okay.

I am okay with it, but I know others do not. If it is really that important to you for him to not go, then he needs to respect that and curtail it or cut it out completely. Does the Playboy really bother you and you feel it is a trade off with the strip clubs? I think there is more to this and you need to discuss all of it. Take a trip to the strip club if you need to. Although I have never been, my husband is pretty open about what goes on, lap dances, etc. I have been to the places with men stripping and I just don't get into it. My husband doesn't get in to all the things I like, but I do respect his views enough to not do stuff that really bothers him. And that I think it the key - we respect each other well enough to be mindful of the other and if it is really that important to our spouse - we follow their wishes - either way.

I hope you both work this out.

My hubby use to go and go to the bar until we met. I didnt have to ask him to stop. Doing anything that would involve other naked females isn't even a question to him because he loves me. And I just had my fourth kid. If he is so great i dont think he would continue to allow you to lose sleep over this issue. And you have daughters old enough to know what is going on. Don't send the wrong message to them about how to be treated. Im not saying strip clubs are all bad but if it hurts you and you cant get past it then he needs to quit.

C.,

The question is not wether strip clubs are ok, but wether it is ok for you and your husband. All marriages are different and different things work for different people. At this point it is not that he goes to them, it is that he goes knowing that is upsets you this much. I can not tell you what to do, but if it were me I would sit him down and talk to him. Explain why it makes you feel the way it does and ask him what he feels when he goes. See if you can come to an understanding. Talking with each other without judging and without yelling or fighting could be productive.

OMG, no woman is being honest to say that it's OK for her husband, or lover, to go to strip clubs one, twice, or more per year!! Then for you to have to argue about a lap dance ... I really do feel sorry for you. This whole situation/subject isn't at all about you or what's "acceptable" to you, it's about your husband's determination to make something OK that is extremely detrimental to your marriage AND your family, which ironically include two young GIRLS!! Would I put up with it?? Hell NO!! You, and only you, should be his lap dancer. Good luck to you, I'm very sorry you are having to experience this from your partner.

This is a tricky question, because in marriage we all have our own boundaries. 7-9 times a year sounds like it'd be too much for me to put up with, but thats me. My husband has been to them since we've been married, but less than 4 times in 5 years, and 3 times were due to a bachelor party and his lesbian sisters 21st birthday. Lap dances ARE still allowed, and how skanky the dance is depends on the club. My advice, go with him one day, if he doesn't want you too, there is a problem. also i think if he goes alone there is a problem too. these places are mostly about male bonding (as weird as that is)

If my husband went to a strip club I wouldn't let him in the house. There is only one thing on their mind when they are looking at another naked woman. It isn't okay in the Lord's eyes either; lusting over other women like that. Also, some do still have lap dances but it is beside the whole point anyway. ( my bro-in-law is on investigative side for DPS and has done undercover work in those places so we hear of this time and again). And despite what I read in one of the other responses, some of the girls are VERY interested in sex with the men. It happens all the time. It is a place full of drugs, sex, and trouble to say the least. Ask your husband this: "would it be okay for our daughters to grow up and marry a man who frequents strip clubs?" Would you want them to go through what I do?"
Good luck but I hope you have enough respect for yourself and your girls to put your foot down...............you deserve better treatment from him.Your girls deserve a much better role model. He needs to rethink what he is doing to them and you. Good luck!
B. Bell

Hi Sweetie, You are still young. I am 55 years old and I guarantee that if it was you frequenting male strip clubs he would have a problem with it. Or hey tell him that sure he can go if you can go with him. He is a married man and he should not be in strip clubs, I don't care if they "don't allow lap dances anymore", that is crossing the boundaries in a marriage. If he wants to see someone naked it should be you. I cannot tell you anyway that you could be "okay with it". It sounds like he is not giving you a choice, like it or not he is going to do it. That is wrong. I am sorry that this is happening to you. When I got married my brother-in-law was going to take my husband to a strip club and I told my husband that if that was where he was going to go than he needed to take his things with him because I was not going to tolerate it. He didn't go then or after. Blessings to you and I hope that all works out okay. Your husband should take your feelings into consideration after all it a marriage is about family and making decisions together. God Bless.

As so many others have said, it is not about YOU getting ok with it. It IS a matter of respect. AND yes as others have said lap dances do go on. I, personally, would put an end to it. I am sure he would not want you going to the male version of these clubs. Besides the lack of respect issue, it is darned expensive to go to these places. Good luck working this one out. If you go to church, do you think he would talk to the minister or counselor there?

I have a sister in law who used to be a stripper and I can tell you that it varies from club to club, but pretty much anything goes in a strip club. There is a whole lot more than just stripping going on. I have been married for 10 years and I can assure you there is no way my husband would step foot in a strip club because it is disrespectful to me. I would be VERY concerned that this is something that he wants to do and I think the next time he goes, you should ask to tag along so you can see exactly what is going on when he goes and what the place is like. If he doesn't have anything to hide he will allow you to come along with him at least once to put your mind at ease. But it does greatly concern me that he would not give up something so trivial and childish for the sake of his wife and his family. Why does he have this strong desire to go see naked, trashy, women dance around on a stage???? What exactly does he get out of it. I think you have a bigger issue here than you know.......Also, my best friends husband used to do this same thing and ended up leaving her for one of the strippers-so be careful!!!!!!

Hi C.,
I’m sorry that I’m just now responding and I know that you got a million responses to this question but I’m sadden by the cavalier attitude of others towards your feelings and I just want to encourage you not to let what other people allow in their marriage to discourage you from what you want in yours. You have a right to demand your husband, who has made vows to be faithful to you, to do just that and I would think that anyone, man or woman would feel the same way that you do if their spouse was not completely faithful. The reason you are uncomfortable with him visiting strip clubs is because in a way your husband is not being faithful to you by looking at and lusting after others. Who cares if you think he would physically leave you and your daughters for one of the strippers, he is mentally leaving you when he goes and fantasizes about have sex with them. Stay strong and don’t let anyone convince you that just because the average woman doesn’t have a prefect body; her husband now has the right to seek out and enjoy the bodies of women that do. If anything makes you feel insecure in your marriage, then you have the right to those feelings. If you have truly explained how this makes you feel to your husband and specifically asked him not to participate out of respect to you, your marriage, and your wedding vows, then I think being the GREAT man that he is, he will stop. Men thinking differently than we do, so you can’t assume he understands how you feel or that he truly appreciate the message that his involvement in this is sending to you and your daughters. Make sure to give him the opportunity to explain his needs to you and do your best to meet them, just as you expect him to do for you. I wish you the best and hope at this point that you husband has given up this damaging habit for your family’s sake. Feel free to contact me if you ever need additional support.

NO WAY AM I OK WITH STRIP CLUBS!!!! You should ask your husband what it is that he gets from "those places/those women" that he's not getting from you. Ask him if he would be ok with you doing the same thing if the situation were reversed. (I doubt he would be ok with you watching some half naked guy shaking his "junk" all in your face!) You should also ask him how he'd feel about your daughters' becoming strippers one day. I doubt he'd be too keen on that either. So, if he has issues with you watching it or you or your daughters' participating in something like that them why is he doing it!?!?!?!? I don't know where you stand when it comes to your faith, but I'm a God fearing woman(far from perfect though). I think that pornography/strip clubs are an UNHEALTHY addiction, and I think your husband needs prayer! I have yet to meet a woman who is really OK with her man going to a strip club to watch (and lust over) a woman who is not herself!
My heart goes out to you, and I feel that you have EVERY RIGHT to be hurt by what he is doing to you. I will keep you and your family in my prayers!!!!!

When it comes to strip clubs it doesn't matter how many other women are ok with or or how many are. What matters is how YOU feel about it. And you obviously have a big problem with it. It's clear that your husband has several freedoms and indulgences that you don't fight against and I commend you for that (you're hubby doesn't realize how rare that is in a wife obviously). But if your husband is the type of man you say he is, then he shouldn't argue this with you. It bothers you a lot and he should respect that. Even if you don't have a good reason for it bothering you. The fact of the matter is that it does bother you. So, he has to decide if this indulgence of his is more important that his relationship with you. Because this little issue can get big and grow between the two of you. Try explaining that you just don't feel comfortable with him going to these clubs no matter if lap dances are allowed or not (and most places still have lap dances - they're just in the vip section). And he should be responsible and respectful enough to stop these visits - if nothing than just to make you happy. Of course you may want to "reward" him if he actually does turn down an invitation and you'll want to be open to giving up something that may really bother him that you do. I really hope it works out well for you and you and your husband can continue to grow closer. Good luck!

Personally, I would put an end to it....lap dances DO still go on, among lots of other things that you don't even want to know. I'd nip this in the bud now!

Good luck!

The only naked body parts my fiance should be looking at are MINE. I save them for HIS EYES ONLY, therefore he should show me the same courtesy and not look at anyone else's. He wouldn't want me to go out looking at buff nearly-naked men who are clearly in better physical condition than he is, so it's not ok for him to do it either. I hope you can adopt the same attitude with your husband.

My husband did not go to strip clubs while we were dating and i told him up front how i felt. I also explained the Hooters restraunt situation to him. Its plain nasty and for women to be acting like that is so incredibly sad. Then when it didnt seem to be sinking in i told him i hope our daughters grow up to be strippers but first they can work at hooters. he no longer goes to hooters. i also told him those ladys are someones little girls. no playboys, no clubs, nothing. and i of course dont participate in girls nights out at the bars, no strip clubs for me, and i dont go to s** t** partys either. and yes i do belive that lap dances are allowed. best way to find out for sure is to call the place and ask them " how much does it cost for a lap dance"? its time for your hubby to grow up. Good luck.

Dear C.,

Ask your husband how he would feel if it was one of his two
beautiuful daughters up there dancing! Would he like knowing
that a bunch of perverts were gawking at his girls? I would
bet no. I agree with you - it would bother me alot. Luckily
my husband of 28 years doesn't do it but he respects how I feel about it. I would let him know again how horrible it
makes you feel, ask him the question above & then let him tell
the girls when they are older where he likes to go. If he's
any kind of a descent husband & father it will embarass him.
Pray alot!! Good luck!

C.

That is a personal decision and I think you need to have an open and honest talk with your husband. My husband also has guy time, car time, Playboy, "movies", etc. And then we have "us" time. We discussed it and it is just a guy thing. My husband goes (I would guess 4 times a year??). We have discussed and lap dances are off limits unless I am there. We do go together on occasion. In my relationship, it is ok for him to admire other women and go to strip clubs. It is also ok for me to admire other men and have "girls night out." We are married and committed to each other and understand that we have different interest in different things. Our relationship is open and understanding. No cheating is allowed. But saying another person is good looking is not cheating. He does all this and is married to me and comes home to me, so I am not worried. You and your husband need to come to terms on who is comfortable with what and compromise. We are married not dead, that is why it does not bother me. It is human nature to notice other people, good looking or not. If he is not cheating and coming home to you and honest about it, then why stress?

C.-You shouldn't have "learn to deal with it" or be okay with it. Marriage is about compromise, trust and ultimately respect for your partner. He should not make you feel like you need to just learn to deal with it in order for things to be okay between the two of you.
It sounds like he is selfish in taking all this time out for him-doing things that,in my opinion, are inappropriate for a husband and father of 2 girls to be doing. Have you asked him how he would feel if you did things like this(having your eye out for other men)? Have you asked him how he would feel if his daughters future boyfriends/husbands did this to them?
Let me ask you-do you want to watch these movies with him? Or does he make you feel like you have to? Is this how sex is initiated in your relationship? If so, there is a chance that he has an sexual addiction.
You relationship and it's happiness isn't based on one of you.

Hi C.-

Here's my opinion for what it's worth....

Strip clubs, Playboy, and adult movies are all about fantasy. For men it's usually an ego boost to think that these gorgeous women all want them. There's no emotional attachment and no actual sex. MOST OF THE TIME. There are some men who become addicted to it and it can start to negatively impact the rest of their lives but that's rare. As long as your not seeing a change in how he treats you and your daughters it's probably ok.

Now that being said, if you have made your feelings quite clear to him and he doesn't respect your feelings enough to give this up then I think that's another problem. My husband is very much against drinking alcohol. He had a friend die in a drunk driving accident in high school and as a result has never been one to drink and doesn't like to be around drinking at all. When we met I was a social drinker and once I learned how he felt about it he meant much more to me than the occasional margarita so I don't drink any more. My husband is wonderful and knows that he is in the minority and has always let me know that when I go out to ladies' night or out with a friend that it's ok if I have a drink or two (not that I need his permission, but I know he won't mind) but I have a lot of respect for his feelings on this issue and it's not worth it to me to possibly upset him.

So I think the bigger issue here is his lack of respect and concern for your feelings on the issue rather than whether or not it should be ok for him to go. I think you need to sit down and really explain to him how this makes you feel.

Good Luck,
K.

Hi C.,
Every wife has her own feeling about strip clubs. How everyone else feels doesn't really matter because you aren't okay with it. Frankly, that should be the only thing your husband needs to hear. It is never okay for a spouse to continue to do something that hurts the other. If its that upsetting to you, then he needs to stop. If it's a bachelor party or something like that, then maybe I would say to try to get passed it for that one night, for the sake of his friend's big night, but going "just because" is disrespectful & hurtful to you, and that's not okay!
I say draw the line & say no more strip clubs. Your marriage isn't just about meeting his needs & making him happy, it's about your happiness too & he needs to respect that.
Lap dances are still allowed. And by the way, do you really think the dancers are going to treat your husband the same if you are with him as they would when he's there alone? I don't think so.
I hope it gets worked out. Best of luck to you.

Hi, C.!

I don't want to offend you or make you feel bad or whatever, but your husband has a problem -- it sounds like he has a form of pornography addiction. And if he can't admit it, you're not going to get him to change. Please, I urge you to get on the internet and see what resources you can find for help with this, both for him and for yourself as the wife of an addict. It's not good for your marriage and it's certainly not good for your children -- I hate to think about one of them finding one of the magazines or movies in your house. I'm not one who believes that sex is "dirty", but I do believe that pornography pollutes the mind, heart and soul, and you do not want those precious children to be polluted. Anyway, honestly, for the sake of your marriage (because it clearly hurts you), your husband (because this is NOT good for anyone) and your children, this is a problem that needs to be dealt with. Just make sure you have a professional's help in knowing how.

HTH! I kinda rambled there, but I really care about you, your marriage and your family, and believe that this is one of the biggest destroyers of marriages and individuals around today. Let us know how things go!

-S.

Yes lap dances are still allowed and I've seen enough shows on this to know that some clubs have everything going on behind the scenes. This is not ok and I would put my foot down. That's what you do when you're single. He is now a married man and has no business in a strip club surrounded by naked women. Would he be ok with a man swinging his "stuff" right in front of your face? Probably not. This is wrong. By him telling you to deal with it, he's saying that the strip clubs are more important to him than his marriage and your feelings. If you don't put your foot down, it's only going to get worse. Stand up for yourself. Good luck to you.

Well first of all I want to say that I'm sorry your having to go through this. Yes, there is still lap dances going on in there , that & "OTHER" things too!! I use to know a girl that was a stripper & you wouldn't believe the stories she would tell me! My own hubby use to go , untill I put a stop to it or should I say my foot up his a**!! It was a complete waste of money. What I did was go to a strip club of my own where men strip & gave him a HUGE dose of his own medicine. He didn't like it & was jealous , so he finally understood how I felt. Anyways , sounds like you have been getting a lot of good advice. I hope everything works out for you.

Absolutely not. I am not okay w/ strip clubs. I don't stay home w/ my children and make the financial sacrifices a family has to make...and do without...so my husband could GIVE X amount of money to OTHER WOMEN. I think of it as not only cheating...but cheating his family out of money that could be put towards college, a family vacation, etc. Would he be equally as accepting for you to go to any club where men would be sitting by you, buying you drinks? The only difference is, you wouldn't even be spending money! This topic gets me to upset to even go further. I could not be married and have children w/ someone that could not stop such selfish indulgences at his family's expense. The expense being quality time & the money!!! You obviously give him his alone time. Working on cars takes money too...and time.

Hi C.,
Regardless if lap dances are allowed or not he has no business going to a strip club. He is married and should respect the fact that you do not like them. I'm sorry but I think he should be more considerate.

Good luck,
Elisa

Sounds like you need to go with him!! Sometimes we(women) have to allow men to have all the sexual adventures(with bounderies to monogamous relationships) that they need. It's easier to let him go to the clubs a few times a year then it is to have him go out and cheat. Men need their egos stroked, and sometimes it's more satisfaction to have their ego boosted by a stranger. To let them know they still got "IT"!

Me personally, I go! My man likes to see how I react to the femine sexuality. But I would be okay if he went alone. Because I know where he's sleeping and I know what I'm gonna get when he gets home.

American women have had their uproars over this for years. I think it's our wonderful society that inhibits our natural sexuality. Why do we allow society to dictate our lives so much.

I know that in the end you'll do what you think is best, but I hope that it makes you and your husband happy.

Good luck with your decision!

I used to strip when I was younger. I think for most men they enjoyed the power trip of being able to say "no, I don't want you" to women who would never look their way in normal circumstances. Basically, what goes on is this: Man sits down has a drink, attractive stripper approaches, Man has her join him or turns her down. He may have her strip or he may just want to talk. A lot of men just wanted to just drink and watch random breasts on the stage but not get personal attention (a stripper's nightmare). Most of the women were married or in relationships so they were not remotely interested in anything but the green coming out of the wallets. If you are a particularly strong-willed gal, maybe your husband needs the feeling of being able to control a woman. Why don't you ask him why he goes?

It's not about you learning to be okay with it. It's about him respecting you, his wife, the mother of his children and treating you like a partner. It's about give and take and when it comes to a marriage, you both have to sacrifice some things. It's important that you don't do things to intentionally hurt the other and if he doesn't repect that, he may not respect your relationship when he goes to these places. I agree with the other responses that more stuff goes on that your husband is admitting.I'm sorry you're having to go through this.

-A.

No, I am not ok with strip clubs...or pornography of any kind, including playboy. I feel this is a habit that is inappropriate and disrespectful of women. I would never tolerate that in a relationship and I don't think you should, either. If he really cared about you, he would respect your wishes and stop going. If not, get on with your life. Find a real man who doesn't need such things to get off. You deserve so much more.

I'm of the opinion that "sexual entertainment" should be done together as a couple. This way you are showing respect for each other. I would let him know that he is hurting you by doing this, which is not acceptable. This would be extremely selfish and mean of him if he were to continue to go knowing that it causes you pain.
Either you go with him to the bar or not at all.

I'm not okay with them but I have been with my husband and see how he is while there, so I wouldn't fuss if he wanted to go. There is a 3 foot law now in Houston/Harris that says the dancer can't get closer than 3ft to the patron but I haven't been in one in a long time to see if this is actually observed.

I wish you the best, without an ultimatum I don't know what else to suggest and that's a harsh one to follow through with.

Oh honey as far as I know lap dances are still allowed. But why don't u find out for yourself and go with him just tell him that u want to be with him so u guys can spend some time together & act like you're totally ok with it even if your not. I really don't think guys should be doing that when they are married not only is it a bad example for your girls but he should respect the fact that you are not ok with it. That's just my opinion if you are there with him I don't think he will act like he does when you are not there. If you don't want to do that the only thing that's left is just pray, pray and pray. Leave it all to God and he will take care of you & your girls.

yes they are still happpening and in some cases more happens now adays. I am happy that when my husband does go it is maybe only 2 times a year and it is ussually just for the good cheap food. I like going with him like the other lady says. It can help and you can know what does go on in there. I am also happy to know that my husband doesnt like lap dances cause he says why do I wanna get teased and left high and dry? He does like looking at other woman and that is fine and I much rather him look then touch. but you are right he is coming home to you and loving you so maybe instead of telling him not to go but instead limit how often and see if you can go with him sometimes.

Hi C., I feel for you. I know how hard it must be for you to learn about all the reviews you've read below. It sounds like you both need counseling, but he may not think so. Having you learn to accept it is not a solution to the problem. There is definitely a problem that needs to be corrected in order for your relationship to grow. His outings could be a big stumper to your relationship... sounds like it already is. Now, you not calling him in case of an emergency... is that coming from him or is that you giving him his space. If it's coming from him that's another HUGE problem in your relationship. If it's you giving him his space, you are much too generous, tolerant and patient in giving him all of his alone time. What alone time or outings do you get? There is definitely no respect in your relationship and I know it will be hard to trust him with his future outings if he agrees to change. I wish there was some magical answer to your problem, but the best advice I could give to you is to pray, pray, pray about it and go to marriage counseling. Best of luck to you! May the Lord bring you strength, courage and peace.

i don't know about the club he goes to but my guy does the same but as far i know Lap dances are still given. The extent of what a person is allowed to get away with may have been altered at the club he attends. I hated the idea of my guy going. it left me feeling like I wasn't enough to get him turned on alone. That he need someone strange woman teasing him sexually for him to want to be with me. I since then Have gone with him to the club at first i was uncomfortable with him going but I see how he behaves and have made a few friends of the club he goes to. I know what and with who is spending time with. I know it is hard to accept but No amount advice can sway your heart and in truth only you can choose weither not is ever going to be ok with you. I hope you can find peace with what ever choose to do. The only thing i will tell you guy in general will think and see the same things women see differently.try to see things from his point of view and let him know what your is down to the very last detail. Children make thing harder to pick things b/c like the saying goes a child changes everything. If you want to know if lapdances are availble at the club he goes to, then ask the club...

I used to hate the idea of my husband going to a strip club but had never been to one. have you been to one? Then on a night out with some friends we al decided to got o the strip club and I had had little to drink but decided why not. Once I saw what it was all about and trip to the not so nice ladies room and hearing the girls talking in there I realized that it is just like looking at the magazine and such. Also I got a lap dance I thought my husband wasn't going to wait until we got home. So my suggestion is see if he would want you to come so you can see how he acts there. I am told that it is more exciting for them to watch their wife get a lap dance. Since then my husband hasn't really wanted to go without me. And there is nothing wrong with spicing things up in the bedroom. I hope this helps a little bit.

I haven't seen this point yet in these responses - Where is YOUR night out??

If hubby gets to go out to car shows, enjoy his Playboy, AND go to strip clubs... what do YOU get to do alone?

Even if it is just to go watch a chick flik you've been dying to see, you should get a night out for every time he wants to go out. You need to take that night too - do scrapbooking, go to the theatre, whatever you like away from the house & family. If he can't grant you that freedom, you have a bigger problem than just strip clubs.

I agree with a lot of what other ladies have said and think you should put some of their advice to work, pronto. Above all, talk talk talk with your husband. You both need to understand this to get through it. Good luck.

let me help you out lap dancing is still going on out there and so is the back room dancing girl i went to a nude club with my husband 2 times just to see what all goes on and lap dancing is still going on if you have the money which it is cheap my advice for you is ask him if you can go with him sometime tell him you think it will turn you on and kick your sex life up a notch hell he will probably pay for you a lap dance just for you to see what goes on and if he says no then get a girlfriend and you too go one night and just sit back and watch what goes on where people go where they sit where the bathroom is where people go to and how long there gone behind half closed curtins just watch and have a few drinks like you are enjoying it but take a friend so you can chat with someone, i caught my husband in them alot when we first go married i came unglued i even went in after him one night i feel that if you are married you want to look at nakedness that is y you are married go to your wife dont pay to see and let some stranger feel on you nope not happening so the next 2 times i went just to keep up on what goes on and the last 2 times have been within the last 8 years we never go!!!!!!!!!!!!! hope this helps check out all of them cause there are completely nude clubs and then there are just topless clubs check out several of them around the area mostly if you know which one he goes to before you say anything to him

Hi C.,
I am pretty certain that lap dances are still allowed. Do you need alone time? Has he always needed alone time, or is it a recent thing? Has his behavior changed at all because he goes to a strip club? Does it change how he feels about you?
What does he get out of going to a strip club, other than an empty wallet. Are you allowed to blow that much cash on something frivolous. Maybe every time he goes to the club, you should go to the spa!
I know this is an unpopular opinion, but i really do not think strip clubs are a problem. Strippers are there to make money, not seduce anyone. Really it's just a waste of money to me, but perhaps you should ask your husband why he likes to go. I think you should definitely let him know it hurts your feelings, but i also think that does not take anything away from you. I do think you should demand some alone time at a spa or something you like to do that mirrors the cost of an outing to the strip club. I think one thing is cool in that he is being honest, and not lying about where he goes. If he was lying, that would be a whole other story.

Hi C.,
have you ever been in a strip club?? i did't think so well they all seem like a bunch of mindless girls wanting attention they are not near as good looking as the playboy bunnys are its just a guy thing ease your mind go in 1 in the day when the kids are gone sit at the have a drink and just watch you'll see how harmless it all is or go to a male stripe bar there really is no differance ,,,itsnothing to worry about or distroy a marrage over thats for sure
good luck L.

Dear C., I too am a 28 year old mom of 1. I have been married for 10 years and been with him for 11 years. My husband also likes to go to the strip clubs. It doesn't bother me at all. I think that it is natural for a man to want to see a woman. If he didn't look, I would be worried. I ask my husband to ask me first before he goes, so that I 1. know about it, and 2. so if I have something planed, he will know, and there wont be any fight. Do you ever glance at a hot guy walking down the street??? If you think about it, there isn't much difference. ( minus he has on cloths and she doesn't ) You know what he likes in bed and they don't. These are women, that for some reason have found that dancing is an easy way to make money. If you are secure in your sexuality, and like you said, ya ll have a great sex life, than I wouldn't worry about it. You didn't say anything, but have you ever gone with him???? Maby you could also try going on an amateur night and dance for him!!! ( go early and there wont be many people there) Hope this helps.

I don't care for them-havaen't heard that they have outlawed lap dances-I think biz would suffer if they did.

It depends on what clubs still allow 'lap dances'. As far as I know most clubs do. I've been to a few w/past b-friends & was surprised how things were run. The one's I went to, the customers were not allowed to touch the girls, any tips were laid on the 'stage' the girl was dancing on & then the girl would p/u the money herself. One club had a waitress take the money for any lap dances which the dancer would receive at the end of her shift. Any hanky panky going on would be cause for guys to get thrown out. The atmosphere in most of the clubs was very nice, inviting, happy to see us (as a couple), the girls paid attention to me as well. Yes I felt strange but I just smiled & thanked them. They're just after money/tips. That's how they make their tips. One of the clubs I went to, the girls werent' allowed to visit w/a guy unless he bought her an overpriced soda...$20 soda! or a private dance which was behind beaded curtains in the main area, there was no back room, so the girls could be kept watch over. The girls weren't allowed to walk around unless she had a cover/robe or mini-dress, skirt & definitly a top w/something that covers her behind on. They didn't just walk around naked. At least the ones I went to. Some clubs don't allow dancers to strip at all, they wear bikini tops & bottoms. Some are just topless & some go all the way nude. A lot of strip clubs are not really what you'd think they are. The more you protest about it, the more he's probably going to go. I suggest going to one w/your guy & see what it's all about. Yes there might be the seedy ones w/backroom goings on but a lot of them are nicer & well run & protect the dancers from customers. If you feel that he's drifting away from you then perhaps it's not a good relationship or perhaps he's just not ready for a steady relationship that doesn't constitute going to places like that. The man I ended up marrying doesn't goto places like that so at least I don't hafta worry w/that. Good luck.

Yes, lap dances are allowed and encouraged. Before I got pregnant my husband and I would go together to the clubs. You should try that, i never thought i would enjoy it but it is fun and spices up our life. The rules in our house now are that he can't go without me. Since i know what goes on there, i don't want him there by himself!

I know exactly what you are going through. I have been married for 17 years and when we were around 25-30 my husband did the same thing. I was so hurt that I could hardly breathe when I knew he was at a strip club. I questioned everything, about me, my body, my beauty, my value as a wife, why I could not be enough, etc. It really did almost split us apart because I could not understand why it was necessary for him to do this. Also, he had a large pornography collection that also hurt my feelings. I wonder if part of it was because we married so young that he felt like he had to have more variety. Now that we are 38, he doesn't go as a regular and has not for about 8 ish years. I am much more comfortable with myself and my marriage now that it has withheld the test of time so if occasionally he ends up at a gentlemens club for a birthday or a bachelor party, I really don't care. I will tell you one thing though. A couple of months ago we had a date night out and were hanging out with some younger co workers of his. They wanted to go to the strip club and wanted us to go with them. I was really excited to go so I could finally find out what all the magic was about. Girl, it is so fake and ridiculous there that I told my husband that he should have brought me there in the beginning so I would not have been threatened at all. I can't explain how stupid it is and how sad these ridiculous losers are for fawning over these very fake women. If anything, I would not be threatened by husband going, I would feel sorry for him for being such a loser for wanting to be a part of that. It is truly sad to see the men there and how they are so manipulated by the crafty actresses, spending their families hard earned dollars on nothing. I was utterly saddened and disgusted by the whole thing. Not by the women because they are only providing a service that people like your husband and mine paid dearly for! The whole thing is stupid and I hope that your husband, like mine, will grow up and grow out of it! And yes, at the club that I went to, lap dances are totally still in effect! Don't let him fool you about that.
I hope everyting works out for you guys. Please do not make it about you and that you are not enough. It is truly something wrong with him. Tell hime to take you to one so you can see for yourself. It will really open your eyes!

This has gotten so many responses, and I didn't read through every one, but I would like to add one thing that I did not see mentioned. I would ask your husband how he would feel if one of those girls up there was his daughter? Those girls are someone's 'little girl' and if he could change his perspective, maybe that would help him see how wrong and demoralizing this can be to women, as well as men. Before you do have that conversation, make sure you are in a place where the two of you can talk about this situation in a civilized manner. Then I would suggest that you both get to a counselor. If he won't go, then I would go alone, so you can learn to deal with the situation.

C.-

As far as I know- lap dances are VERY much still allowed. The bouncers may throw guys out for touching the girls, but lap dances do occur.

Once suggestion that I have- which I noticed another lady mentioned also, is to go with him one time to a strip club. I know the inital thought that you may have- but try it at least once. Go and see for yourself what it is that your husband is going there to see. It may make him uncomfortable enough to stop going....however, if he gets upset and tries to deter you from accompanying him, there may be a reason why he doesn't want you there. Just my opinion.....

I don't think this is something that you should learn to be ok with. I don't think its an issue of trust. Yes, I trust my husband. Going to strip clubs is one of the things I trust him NOT to do. I don't know exactly what I would do if my husband was going to strip clubs and told me I had to deal with it (honestly, I can't imagine my husband ever doing that), but I know I would certainly let him know that me just "dealing with it" wasn't going to happen...that it would never be OK with me.

sorry i'd tell him well then i'll start going to parties where they have male strippers. if he doesn't like it to bad. i've been married 17 yrs my sweety went to these places before we met but said it shows disrespect for me so he refused to go told the guys if my wife can't go then it's not for me. we are still best buds and love each other totally. by the way he now has dementia and i have lung cancer he lives with me till i die and i take care of him. good luck & GOD BLESS

Tell him you'd like to go with him next time he goes. You may not find it fun but at least you'd know exactly what goes on which would help to relieve some of the stress of "not-knowing".
What are you doing for yourself? Book clubs? Movies? Make sure that you too get some alone time and have a circle of friends that you spend time with...Take care

You got a lot of great advice! Make your husband understand that he shouldnt being doing this at all. And how you feel about it. Good Luck

Go with him. I was having this same problem and I went. I feel much better now. CB

This is not OKAY behavior!!!!! You do NOT need to find a way to be okay with him going to a strip club. He needs to stop disrespecting you and your daughters by going to a strip club!!!!!

Pose this scenario to him: in 10 more years what if your 2 daughters decided that instead of going to college, they would become strippers to have other men drool over them and shove dollar bills in their panties??? Would your husband be okay with that???

Let your husband know that you feel cheated on and that he IS cheating on you with his eyes!!! The two of you are married, and he should not be looking at any other naked women. It is one thing for the two of you to watch "movies" TOGETHER. That can lead to some pretty steamy stuff between the two of you in the bedroom. But let him know that it is unacceptable to you for him to be going to strip clubs.

I would never actually do this, but what if you tell him and go out as if you are going to see men strip and order your own magazine. I would be interested in his reaction.

When I would get upset with my husband for something I would want to talk about it. I would do all the talking and he would never say anything. Nothing at all so, I started telling him when he would ask me "what is wrong?" I started telling him "I did not want to talk about it" Then it became his idea to talk.

Do some reverse thinking. I would not divorce my husband, but I would take the kids and leave him if he was looking at any nude women at all.

Well, my husband used to like them and I would go with him. It was kind of fun, you get to see everything first hand and I am not sure about the lap dance thing. But when we would go, we would have fun with it and later I would tease him about it. When I first started going out with my hubby, everything bothered me...now I know he is mine and I sometimes go to male reviews, just to even things out...he teases me about it later too....The last time my husband went to a strip club with me that I know of, he got in a real big fight with this guy I knew and he really has not been back to one. With them it is all visual..good luck

I'm not OK with them. Is this something your husband did all along or just started? Would he like it if your daughters' husbands did that? It's good he's open with you about it, but I still don't think you should just roll over and play dead.

You know, this isn't even about the clubs. If you tell him that you hate it and it hurts you for him to go, then he should respect that. He should be willing to come up with some solution other than having you just "deal with it", like inviting you to join him or opting to do something else with his time. He's being inconsiderate and hurtful, and that's just not cool. It doesn't foster trust and security in a marriage to know that your feelings don't count. Besides, you are his life mate and his sexual partner. He should have no other partners if you aren't involved. That includes sharing naked pictures with friends and watching naked women dancing. He is making them partners in his sexual experience.

I remember telling my husband that sharing those photos with other guys via e-mail was saying to them, "This is what I like and what I'd like to have sex with." I asked him why he would include his fiends in something like that unless he wanted them to share in this sexual experience with him. It's natural to be attracted to other people and to even get turned on. He should always share that with you, though, unless he's gonna go it alone, if you know what I mean. (Even that should include you more than not.)

I enjoy certain things like that with my husband (ooh!), but we do it together. What purpose is served when he goes there alone? Ask him and demand an answer. In fact, arrange to go with him on his next trip out. See if he's okay with that. Was he doing this before you married?

Does he goes with his buddies, or is he going by himself to get the additional thrill he doesnt receive from his mags and videos?

Go with him! It can be an added excitement to your sexlife.

If you are still uncomfortable, then tell him so. Go with your girls to a "girls" clubs. I have never been to LaBare, so not even sure its still open. See how he feels.

Well C., then I think there is obviously something wrong with your husband or your relationship. Sorry if I'm so blunt but that's me. My husband in younger years was all that and more. When our relationship got from living together to marriage it all stopped. You need to learn to put your foot down and no matter what all he says or you say, "he comes home to me "! That doesn't matter,with 2 children and a wife who sits home and waits for him he should be there with all of you. My husband races and he is out on Wends. and Fridays with the boys but now that our youngest is old enough to be and go places with him. it keeps me more relaxed. Your husband has no business at a strip joint if he has you waiting for him, because I tell you what I for one would hate for my husband to be out a strip joint then come home to me and have sex thinking he is with or just being aroused by some other woman other than me. No, No ,.... I say no to strip joints, plus my husband enjoyed life to the fullest and I will not allow him to keep enjoying himself, if thats the kind of life he wants then he needs to be single......
Oh and don't let him fool you by saying lap dances aren't allowed, they still go on as long as they don't get caught. Oh and by the way I do alot of things with my husband like car races swap meets at the track. try being with him more and spending more time doing things he likes doing, I do . You'll see maybe there will be a change, hopefully. By the way I'm 49, today is my B-Day and I have been through alot with my husband but it's been worth the ride,

When I was with my ex, I let him go and I had no problem with it. He came home to me not the striper. Do you trust him? If you do then you should have no problem. Do you go out with girl friends? Let him go out. Its this man thing, its just looking. Why don't you go with him sometimes, I did with my ex.

Why do you hate that he goes to strip clubs? I think you have to know exactly what bothers you about it and then talk to him about it. If it's touching the girls or being touched by them, then tell him no touching. That's the rule with my husband and I: neither of us touch the opposite sex and they aren't allowed to touch us whenever we go anywhere alone. It's a simple rule that allows him to still go to strip clubs if he wants (which is rare). However, most places have a no touch rule...men are not allowed to touch the women at all. If the problem is looking at the women in various stages of undress try to realize that it is like looking at moving pictures in those Playboy magazines. If the problem is he goes out without you, then ask to go with him sometimes. I was suprised the first time I went at how many wives go with their husbands. I think the most important thing is to know why you get upset at him going.
Above all though if you ask him not to go and he doesn't respect you enough to stop, then you have a deeper problem than your husband visitng a strip club.

C.,

Ok Im probably gonna be in the minority on this one but going to strip clubs are noooo big deal! I can say that because I have worked in one for quite some time..no i wasnt a dancer but a bartender and waitress. Yes I chose to do that sort of work and no I found nothing morally wrong with what I did for a living, but I also wasnt the one taking off my clothes for money. Matter of fact I met my husband there. The thing that most ppl dont realize aside from the fact that there are girls there that strip down to just about nothing is it is a bar and most of my customers didnt come in for the girls on stage. You know I didnt understand why women would put there self in these situations (having to be dancers) but 99.9% of the girls there are not whores. They all have there stories for why they do what they do...many of them are single mothers with children to support (I know that its not the best rolemodel and mom can be but you do what you have to do)some of them are college students who have so many student loans that this is the only way that they will make enough to finish their education. Then I realized that they are real ppl just like me and you doing what they have to do to survive. Although I no longer work there I still visit quit often with or without my husband. You should go and see for yourself its not quite the nightmare you think it is! And like some one else said its all about the fantasy but moreso than not men just want to talk to someone and get an outsiders opinion on a situation. Yes these girls depend on lap dances to make most of their money but there not looking for a sugar daddy or anything to go on outside of these clubs. Alot of the girls are married or have boyfriends and they are ususally faithful to their men. But they have the body to make money and they are taking advantage of the situation. My husband goes all the time with out me but I trust him. Believe it or not alot of men like the atmosphere because it is very laid back and relaxed. And gentlemens clubs have rules about touching and what not so its not a complete free for all with anything goes. If a man tries something and is seen you can bet his butt will be bounced out of there! So dont fret next time tag along.....if you have never been to one then you have no right to judge someone for going. But if you go and you arent open minded enough to relax you wont enjoy it, then after that if you still dont like it you can tell him exactly what it is that you dont like.

C.,

This all depends on the type of strip club your husband is visiting. There are alot of clubs that still do lap dances, sit on laps while having drinks with the guys and there are alot of loop holes. Have you thought about asking him to take you with him to the places that he frequents? It may be that he likes to get attention from any other woman, not that he doesnt love you but that it makes him still feel attractive. If that makes sense. Men are visual by nature versus women that are driven by emotion.

Ask him how he would feel if your two daughters grew up to become strippers. Would he encourage them to persue it if there is nothing wrong with it? Does he not see how this is hurtful to his family. Would he like for his daughters to know that he went to srip clubs? How about his parents? If you have to hide an activity from someone you love then there is a red flag that THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH IT!

Wow I honestly think we are the same realtionship! My husband is a great guy, car guy, etc. Same thing. But I have never been ok with strip clubs. It really make me sick! I lose sleep and cause fights etc. I even alomst did not get married because he had a stripper at his bachelor party. I was so upset and still am. So my thing is I just finally went to Hardbodies for my sister party. I did not want to at all. I made myself go. But then I loved it. And then I realized that more goes on with Hardbodies then at gentlemens clubs. Those are so much more strict. So to make thing short go to Hardbodies yourself. Just make yourself. See how you feel about it for yourself. Then go home and think about it. And maybe just maybe you will losen up a little. As long as he does not make it another CAR thing!!! Then maybe it will not be a big deal. Not to say I am happy about it. But I am better about it. If he goes for a friends party or once in a while for then I am better about it. Just try!!

But on the other note if you still have an issue with it then it will be an ongoing fight. Trust me! It is something you feel strongly about and with him not agreeing or respecting that it is much more then about the strip club issue. That was my thing. That he could not respect me in what I felt. So it is something you really have to resolove between you two.

C., I know this may sound immature, but do to him what he does to you. Go out to the ladies bars and go get your Playgirls. I had to do this to my husband just so he would know what it feels like even though it was against everything I believed and killed me to do it. He may brush it off like it's OK at first, but inside it was reallyyyyyyyy bothering him. He ended up apologizing big time! Men think women should accept this behavior when in essense, it's not acceptable. I know you or someone else on here is saying that two wrongs don't make a right, but believe me, MEN don't know what you're feeling or going thru until they're put in that situation. Good luck....I'm concerned too, as you're raising daughters.

Hi C.
First of all, you shouldn't never feel like you have to learn to deal with anything you are not comfortable with. You are a married woman to a man who is also married. When you get married you make a vow to eachother to respect one another. My husband used to go to strip clubs before we started dating and after we got together it stopped....so he says :-). But I put my foot down and told him if he wants to see naked girls putting their stuff in his face I would be happy to accomendate him!! I should be the only woman he wants to see naked and dancing. I don't mind if he watches it on tv but live and in person. Oh No!! Its not going to happen. Just like if there is something he doesn't feel comfortable with me doing I wouldn't do it because I love and respect him and our marriage. And there is no lack of self esteem or jealousy here, I just feel when you are married there are boundaries you don't cross. And as far as no lap dances...Thats a crock of &*#@!! If you can't give up certain things for the person you love and married then you shouldn't have gotten married. I always tell my husband I'm the one that will take care of you when you are sick, times are hard, and when you are at your lowest...MEEEEEEEEE!!! So I think giving up strip clubs shouldn't be a big deal! Good Luck to you and God Bless!!

My husband went when his friend was having a bachelor party, but not more than a couple of times. I wouldn't feel comfortable with his going repeatedly. Some guys want to know that their virility is still working and enjoy being excited by other women. I would not like that either. I don't know if the lap dances have stopped, but I suspect that you can get anything you want if you know where to look. I wouldn't "learn to be ok with it". C.

I have not heard this and do not believe it to be true. I suggest you go with him to see how it really is, it is a very touchy place, and then make your decision. I would never let my husband ever step foot in one! It sounds like you give a lot, don't be afraid to say NO!

Hey C. your husband is lying to you. I was a dancer and table dances are allowed, how do you think strippers make their money? Table dances are 10.00 dollars during the day and 20.00 dollars at night. The girls are allowed tips on stage also but the table dance is how they make their money. If you go to the all nude club they do not give table dances cause they are not allowed to sit on men with out underwear on. I do know has a stripper those girls are married or have boyfriends. We look at the men that come in these clubs as stupid guys who are going to spend alot of money. They are dollar signs in our eyes and the girls are not attracted to these guys in the clubs. I personally do not allow my husband to go anymore now that I do not do that anymore. It does get crazy and the girls are rubbing their boobs all in the guys faces literally touching boobs in the face. Do not let your husband try to make you look like an idiot. He is not telling you the truth.Hope this helps, Bran

No, I hate strip clubs too. Tell him your going to see naked men dance for you with all of your girl friends.

Yes, as far as i know, lap dances are still allowed. And the woman who said women can't go in without a man, i don't think that is true. I used to know a lot of strippers and would go visit them at work back in my wild child days. It was a perfect place to get men to buy your drinks. You would not believe the things that i have seen happen right out in the open.

I wouldn't worry to much about it. Go with him. There is nothing wrong with a woman going into a strip club with her husband. It will spice up your own sex life. Maybe even get a lap dance of your own. You might actually realize that you like it. I hope this helps.

Why don't you approach him about going with him one time?
I know several couples that go together. As far as lap dances, I'm sure that's up to the individual club.

Have you ever asked to go with your husband to the strip club. There are alot of really nice clubs these days and alot of women go with their husbands. Try mentioning to him you would like to go with him and see what he thinks. I have been with my husband before because I was curious what goes on in the club. I think if you go with him you would feel more comfortable him attending or even you might want to continue to go with him.
As far as lap dances, I am not sure where you are from but I do beleive they are still allowed them just have to keep so many feet away.

I don't know what to say, but yeah, lap dances are still allowed and always will be! That's how they make their money! I wish you nothing but the best! Good luck and God bless!

No, it's not okay with me. It's also disrespectful for your husband to basically say, "learn to deal with it." What if you were going to a strip club for women or calling those nasty late night 1-900 numbers you see on TV in the late evenings. Could he just, "deal with it." At least you are coming home to him, right? I don't know what to tell you. If you were okay with it, that's one thing. He knows you don't like it and does it anyway. That is disrepectful. This is going to be a tough one to figure out but I hope you guys can come to a resolution you are both happy with. Good luck!

No, Im not ok with strip clubs. You shouldn't be either if you don't feel right about it. My husband wanted to try the clubs out too so I decided to go with him. As nervous and embarrassed as I felt I still went with him a couple of years ago. It was ok only when we go together. Let me tell you that BS he gave you about they dont allow lap dances they do and more depends where you go. I would just go with him and see it for myself. If you feel in you heart its not ok well guess what its. So best thing to do is always to communicate with one another.

You dont have to learn to be ok with it! What kinda of a great guy wants to go stare at other naked woman other than his wife. PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN. The Playboy thing is pretty ridculous to me if you ask me. Why would he feel the need to do all that if he is satifised, unless something happens you can probably count down to an "accid0netal" affair. I think you should seek counseling on this! It is not ok!

I am not ok with my husband going there. I am only ok with it if he is going to a friends bachelor party and that is not even a once a year thing.

go with him.... i did. I had never been until i met my honey.... wasnt too bad, but the lap dance thing.....depends on where you go. Look the one thing you are going to are going to have to learn is he can do anything anywhere if he wants to. your quotes aroud "alone" time....tells me you dont like it too much.
i dont like it either but we have to learn to trust your gut, but learn to trust your hubby as well.

In my eyes there is really no reason for him to be going 4-6 times a year (or more). But if he must, ask to go with him one night and see what he says. I worked in one for 3 years in Dallas so I know a little about how they work. Lap dances ARE allowed and I don't even know why they are called that. The all nude ones might say no lap dancing but not the topless ones. They do get much closer than just the lap. Unless there is a bachelor party, if my husband just went I would be furious. That is our money spent on someone eles's rent and bills. Do you see what he spends at these places? Sounds like he gets his cake and eats it too while you are at home with the kids.Plus, you still give it up when he gets home after he has been looking at all these other women AND he gets Playboy AND you watch the "movies" together. WOW, you are much stronger than me. If you ask him not to go any more and he gets mad, then I say something else is going on even if he goes there to talk to women its still not fair. I wouldn't want my husband talking to other women about me or my kids and it does happen.
I hate that you have to even deal with this but good luck.
Sounds like your husband has some growing up to do.
Let us know if you go with him one night. If you dont go with him, go with your girlfriends and see for yourself what it's all about. Make sure you find out which one he is going to.

I would be more worried if it was 4-6 times a week. As long as he googles at other women and comes home to have rattle the walls sex with you. So be it. Put on a thong and do a lap dance for him, he may not see the need to go "out"

I am ok with strip clubs but thats just me. Here is my question to u would you be ok with going to the strip club with him?? and if so would he let you?? If he makes a big scene about you going to the club with him then there might be a problem. But if the thought of you going with him excites him then there is nothing to worry about and if you do go you may find it fun and stimulating. As far as lap dances lol yes they still allow them it would be really hard for a club to hire girls if they couldn't make money on lap dances. If you feel that maybe he isn't lying and they may have banned lap dances go to the club by yourself or with a friend check the place out. I used to know a girl who had the same problem as you she used to follow her husband to the club and watch from the back lol. Don't blame her he was a jerk lol. So I hope this helped a little at least.