Parenting Advise

Hi, M.,

I fit the profile of Katie's mother. I had my first child at 40 1/2 and my second at nearly 42. I am delighted to have been able to bear two fairly healthy children. (I wanted to bear kids in my 20s but didn''t meet a man serious about marrying me until my late 30s.) If I had had a choice, I would have preferred to have become a mother sooner. I think that I had more energy in my 20s. Nonetheless, I'd rather be tired with two kids than feel physically more energetic with no kids.

Good luck in deciding!

Lynne E

It is not quite the same, but I have two very close friends who were over fifty when their kids were teenagers. The kids are great--very successful and the parents are just now retiring in one case, still working in the other. I think it was exhausting for the mother in the former case, but she was very busy in a lot of things, including her sons' school so she wasn't exhausted by the kids but by her own choices. I don't think the other couple complain about exhaustion, but I will say, it is the father who has spent a great deal of time watching over the kids' performance while the mom works very hard running the family business and was a great support to the kids by softening the father's sometimes demanding ways. My husband and I served as guardians to the younger child in the latter case for the last two years of high school as the family is from Alaska and the boy wanted to live in California to play golf. He was a delight and his father and mother visited him as much as they could. He felt very privileged to have the opportunity and appreciates it still very much. He is in college studying golf management.
All this is to say, you can do it if you really want to and you will not feel old even if you are older than the other parents--we never feel as old as we are.
My kids graduated from college when i was 50. I was in my early 60s when we had Erich living with us. I applied the same principles of raising a teenager with Erich as i did with my own kids. We are who we are.
To me, the hard part might be that the kids will be 6 years apart, but that might be an asset rather than a liability.
Best wishes!

Well, I'll be 51 next month and my 4.5 year old daughter ACTS like a teenager...does that count? - LOL! I'm also pregnant with twins, due late March/early April....so I will be parenting two 10-year-olds at age 61. I'm sure there will be drawbacks, such as my energy level, but I feel there are also advantages, such as I'll be retired with a good pension and medical benefits in 4 years. There are pros and cons to being an older parent, but everyone's situation is different. Personally, I did not want my daughter to be an only child, and I really wanted another baby. I am looking forward to expanding our family.

There are a million... A million benefits. The level of maturity and serenity you have guides and protects that child ten fold. There's lots of books I read on strategies. I am raising an 11, 13, 15 y/o on my own and I love it. I observe their sense of style and personality instead of trying to "shape them up". I work with their strengths. Drawbacks? I see a lot of spoiling and lack of parental backbone. Also, energy level. that's it. I have been taking antioxidents. They are incredible for boosting your attitude and energy.

I'm 47 with a six year old and we're still talking about another baby. Our only hesitation is me carrying the baby (our first was premature and I've had a number of miscarriages). Raising another baby doesn't phase me in the least. I had 40 years by myself. Finding my husband at 39 and having a baby at 40 were the biggest blessings in my life. I find that that my daughter keeps me younger. I keep up because she deserves it. =-) If there is anything I worry about, it's being older and leaving my daughter without a sibling when her parents pass on.

Hello, im a 57.5 year old mom and raising a 3 year old nephew...yes im tired,not as fast as i use to be...but i love it. You go for it . God bless you and your family...

I am 52 and my younger child is 16. There are definite issues with energy that I experience. I think the concern that is most daunting will be finding the vigor to take on grandchildren. I don’t think this grandma is going to be near as much fun as the other younger grandmas.

Hi! I will be 62 when my girls are 10! I have two, 2 YO twin girls & I'm lovin' it. I wonder what my life would have been without the joy & energy that they fill my days with. Yes, I wonder what it's going to be like when I'm attending school events & sports with all of the younger moms and what it will be like with two fiesty teens when I could be reclining & relaxing & not dealing with the emotions & trying challenges my girls might be faced with at the time.....BUT....I've been blessed with having been able to raise two children when I was younger (now they are 29 & 26), then having time to myself as what you might call an empty nester....now I have my girls! I'll take days filled with challenges & smiles any day over not having children around every day. I know it's not going to be easy & I already have days where I just don't think I'm going to have the energy either mentally or physically, but I just don't let my mind go there. I enjoy the moments, take a rest or break when I need it & appreciate the fact that I've been blessed to have children this late in life. I will probably be amongst the fittest of older women because I have to be in shape to keep up with my girls & I will be so busy I won't have the time to look at myself & realize how old I am! I say.....GO FOR IT! Enjoy life at it's fullest!! Lot's of women are doing it!!

Hi M., I am 50 (soon to be 51) and have a 12 year old son and an 11 year old daughter. I always wanted more kids, so now i have 2 exchange students ages 17 and 16! I love it, I got married late so I have never known anything different.
there is alot of time where we can have kids, I think that the advantage for me was that I had more emotional maturity and patience when I did start a family and that has made me a better parent. I become tired sometimes(we all do) but have learned to take a little time for myself. Good luck with whatever you decide! J.

Every one has to do what works for them, but I had my 2nd and last child at the age of 40 (almost 41). It was the best thing we've ever done. He has brought so much joy to our lives and I am also content knowing that when his dad and I pass on, he and his brother will have each other, they won't be alone. Truthfully, I hadn't even thought of that, but a neighbor purposely got PG with her 2nd after her mom passed away---it was so painful for her and she felt like she couldn't have gotten through it without her sister there at her side. That sibling bond is pretty strong--and you know what? Holidays are more fun, birthdays are more fun, they have each other to play and share with. I would do it over in a heartbeat!!

You've had some really good responses and I want to just add one more. I had my first child at age 19 and my last(of 5)at age 43. My youngest is now 18 and I'm a very young 62. My teenage son and I have a terrific relationship, as I do with all of my children. I'm so lucky! I don't think mom's age has as much to do with it as mom's attitude. The main concern is mom's health and energy level when dealing with young ones. If your health is good, go for it. It's all about attitude and having young children when mom is over 45 is a wonderful way to help keep mom young and active. Most of my co-workers are younger than I and they can't believe I'm the age I am. I truly feel blessed to have had 3 children while in my twenties and then another 2 after the age of 38. I found no drawbacks to new babies later in life other than a decrease in energy level while chasing a toddler, but I still experience that now while playing with my grandkids. Best wishes on whatever you decide...Kids at any age are a true blessing.
N.

I am 47 with 8 children. My oldest is 27, and my youngest is 5. I will be well into my 60's when she graduates. As long as you keep yourself active, there should be no reason you would have to keep up with your child. I don't see maby drawbacks if any at all. They will keep you young and full of life.

J.

I think it's all in how you feel, not how old you are. My husband and I just had our first child 13 months ago and he (my husband) is 54. We are contemplating having another child. My husband looks and feels great, so I don't really think it's a big concern.
Best to you,
S.

I am 56, and had my now 9 year old daughter when i was 47. I have 2 older sons, who were 9 and 11 at the time of my daughter's birth. They have been immeasurably helpful, and Fiona has grown up with a very special relationship with both her brothers, particularly the younger, who has been a teenager most of her conscious life. Drawbacks? Mostly to do with stamina-it's hard, in my 50's, to keep up; recovery time from fatigue takes a lot longer. Fiona also was a very challenging child from a behavior standpoint between the ages of 2-4, and my husband and i were pretty desperate some times. And it's a bit bizarre to be old enough to easily be Fiona's grandmother. But that's really about the only drawback. Raising the teenager has been challenging in different ways, but i don't think that my age has had anything to do with that! Positives? Innumerable. I can't imagine life without Fiona. She reminds me daily of the joys of being a parent, and how important it is to have that relationship be recognized for the blessing it is. I so look forward to her teen years, when we will become even stronger friends.

Whatever you decide, I don't think your age should factor in.

I am 49 with a 4 1/2 year old - this is just how the universe gave us our daughter (we could not conceive and then she 'fell' at 5 months into outstretched arms as an emergency adoption). We did not have time to think about the ramifications of age or station, we just caught her and have never looked back.

I think I am a different parent than I would have been when I was younger. Not better nor worse, just different. I have much more life-wisdom, and probably less energy. But really, we hike and play and run and wrestle and hug. Just like I remember my parents doing (who were 25 and 26 when I was born). And if we can, we shall add a sibling because I think it would be nice to.

best of luck with your decision making

I would not even think twice about it. Why would women have eggs until age 50+ if it is not for reproductive pruposes? Good luck!

Hi M.:
The drawbacks,would of course be the heightened possibility of you or your baby having complications at birth.I wouldn't wait much longer,in making a decision. The added responsibility, or stress when you hit post-menapausal,could be a drawback.Some woman breeze right through this stage in their lives,some have a miserable experience.Its a toss up,as to who would drive who nuts first. lol. I personally believe,that alot depends on ones own lifestyle. If your healthy, energetic, matured and have the patience,then having one at this age could be quite benificial to your child.I have to agree with the mother,who mentioned,she allowed her children more room for growth,and shaping their own personalities,rather than concentrating on being this authority figure,who believes,it their duty to shape and conform their child's personality.At your present age M.,you have an advantage over younger mothers.You've been around longer,your wiser. You've learned by some of your life experiences,that worrying about the little things,(like what others think) simply don't matter.Stay healthy,and savy to the times,and establish a close relationship with your children,and you'll be wonderful. I wish you the very best. J.

I was 38 when I had my youngest. She is now 8 & my oldest is 15. If I were 40 today I would try every day with my husband to make a baby! Much luck & God Bless.

I don't have any experience myself, but I am the daughter of a mother who had two children late in life. She was 41 when she had me, and 42 when she had my brother. When I was younger, it used to bother me how she didn't get fussed up over nothing!! Now that I have my own two children, I cherish the wisdom that she has gathered through her experiences. Yes, she is older than other mom's, but she is also wiser in experience. As for energy level, I don't remember her not being able to keep up with us. Which should say something, because my brother and I are 15 months apart! Anyway, I thought you might be interested to hear from another point of view.