ortunateHow Do You Plan This?

Updated on December 06, 2011
G.S. asks from Brooklyn, NY
12 answers

On Saturday, I took my son to a birth'd party at a small rented hall. There was plenty of food, drinks etc. There were lot's of balloons too. When the kids came, they were hitting each other with the balloon,s. I didn't like it to tell you the truth. Is it me or am I just getting too old? They brought a magician for an hour, which was very good, but after he left the kids started chasing each other and hitting again with the balloons. No parent got involved to stop the chaos, so I sat in my chair biting my nails and being nervous to death that someone was going to get hurt. I saw that what had started off as fun turned into angry little kids hitting one another. To make things worse, a little girl vomitted, my son slid across the vomit along with other kids. A glass door broke, and it was my qiue to leave. We had no cake, (don't care), didn't even say goodbye. In any event, my question is: Am I over reacating, am I just being too paranoid about kids acting the way they do, and parents not intervening? I thought parties were supposed to be more organised. I'd like some answers, since I'm new to this.

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So What Happened?

thank you moms. Unfortunately it wasn't someone I knew who was hosting the party. I usually am the first to intervene if I have to, but when the party's relatives tell you to sit down, they got a hold of it, there is not much one can do. As for the door. It was always jamming everytime it closed and in the end the glass broke, because someone tried to pry the door open.
This was also a 5 year old party. My son initially didn't want to go, I told him it would be the right thing to do, since it was a friend from school. I suppose I was wrong. He relies on his instinct. Oh, until the next one!

More Answers

M.D.

answers from Washington DC on

Eh, if they were hitting each other with bats I'd freak out - not balloons. Part of the fun of balloons is that you can hit without it hurting and it's fun. For kids. I wouldn't have freaked out over that. And it's a birthday party, what party ISN'T chaos?? If you figured out how to do it in a nice order and keep young kids sitting, please share your secrets!!

I certainly would have left when you did. It sounds like tihngs got out of control pretty quickly. When the fun turns to anger, and no one stops it, that's a problem. Someone gets sick and no one picks it up? Problem. Glass door breaks and the party isn't called at that point? Problem!!

I'm glad I wasn't there, I'd have been pissed when I left to say the least (but not about the balloons).

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M.T.

answers from New York on

I have been to parties like this too and usually what I do is control MY child. Usually I talk to her loud enough so other parents can hear what I am telling her and some of them follow suit. I think some paents now a days are waiting for someone else to make a stand and I personally have no problem being that parent. I am concered about my child and I will make sure that MY child acts apropriate and explain why certain things are not ok. I know that it is hard for her to watch other kids do it but even my two year old can tell when something is not right and she will walk away and do something else to stay out of trouble. I love that about her. so I guess just make sure that your child is not part of something that you are uncomfortable with and they will ecentually learn to stay away from things like that.

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L.E.

answers from Provo on

Sometimes parents are so busy talking to eachother that they don't pay close attention to the kids at parties. It can be helpful if another parent, even if it is a guest, tells the kids to settle down because it may remind the other parents of their responsibility. You may be overreacting about the balloons. I wasn't there to see it, but they are generally harmless and if someone gets hit too hard, they tend to run to their own mommies. But I think it was very wise of you to leave when your son slid in the vomit. What caused the glass door to break? That part is definitely unusual for a little kids' party.

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C.O.

answers from Washington DC on

No, you are not over reacting. It sounds like the parents didn't plan the party too well.

I get the balloon hitting thing - okay - it happens - once it starts getting out of control the kids need to be redirected to another activity.

You don't say how old the kids are/were. But I don't understand why you didn't stop it. Sorry - but that's me. Call me the Drill Sergeant - I would've stopped the madness...call me the party pooper - but seriously - when you saw no one else stepping up - why didn't you? It doesn't matter that it wasn't YOUR party - you saw something going wrong - it's OKAY to step up.

When we have parties - there are activities for the kids to do and a set time frame. This keeps the kids from running a-muck.

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J.F.

answers from Bloomington on

Once the balloon hitting got out of hand (being done in an angry way), I would have intervened and told them they needed to stop, and even removed the balloons. I can see how it got out of hand, probably every swat with the balloon wasn't with a balloon - maybe with a hand attached to a balloon.

I just hosted my daughter's 4th birthday and it was mostly cousins at the party. What I noticed is that I was SOOO busy running everything that I couldn't keep an eye on all the kids and I expected my brothers and SIL's to help maintain the craziness. Their standard of craziness is different than mine. I don't like kids running around like their heads are cut off, running over the toddlers. I step in a lot sooner than they do- but I was running the party. I heard all kinds of stories after everyone left from different parts of the family and from my friend who was there.

If I found myself at a wild party with my daughter, I would remind her of how we do things and remove her from a harmful situation if it looked like it was getting bad. The teacher in me would also put the kabosh on it for the other kids. If the other parents think it is ok for their kids to hit each other over the head with their hands (holding a balloon), then I'd just remove my kid.

I think you left at the right time. That sounds quite miserable. The puke on the floor would almost have been enough .....but a broken GLASS door!? Good for you for advocating for your child....getting out there. It will be interesting if you get a thank you card and what it says......

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G.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

Nope, sounds like a free for all. Kids need boundaries to feel safe and when they don't get them they can act like heathens. I would have had my child come sit down.

We don't do balloons anyway since I take all my CPR/First Sid classes with Firemen/Paramedics and doc's. They get to talking about the ones they couldn't save and the saddest ones are the little kids that got a piece of balloon in their mouth and suffocated to death. The paramedics can't get the piece out of their throat because every time they try to grab it and get it out it just stretches further into the airway and the child lays there and dies.

No way will I let the kiddo's play with balloons. So, it would have been a no brainer for me, they would have been sitting down.

I think you made a good choice, leaving sent the right message to the person hosting.

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A.C.

answers from Savannah on

How old were the kids? I say that because there is an age where balloons are appropriate for play (like, they know not to stick a balloon in their mouth or pieces in their throat). If they're old enough for that, then I wouldn't get upset about hitting someone with a balloon if they're all the same age/size (all 6 year olds? fine. a bunch of 6 year olds and they are hitting 2 year olds? I'm on the scene whether I'm the mom or not).
Did someone vomit and they ran into her as she's doing it, or did noone block the area while someone ran to get a mop? Different scenarios call for different responses. A glass door breaking----sheesh! That sounds like teenagers having a party with no parents home. Common sense is required, by hosts, party goers, and parents just watching. The reason parents attend younger parties is because the hosts may need help. I'm sure that glass doors don't break very easily (I've never seen one break, and I've bumped into plenty, grew up with my crazy little brother and his friends, and provided childcare for little boys, for years. Someone should have stepped in if it was getting that wild to HELP, not to be mean.
In October, my 5 year old had a Star Wars party. (OF COURSE he had balloons---ever since he was 2 he could have the mylar and at 3 he could have all kinds of balloons). I made little light sabers by quartering pool noodles and sticking them in a paper towel tube that was cut in half, then wrapping the tube in duct tape. Those were the party sabers, so that the children who didn't have "real" sabers didn't feel bad or left out, and "real" sabers were set in another room....all children had party sabers to fight with so noone got hurt. It's a noodle. Much like the balloon thing to me. They can be children, and have fun, and let out some energy, because it's a PARTY. But they were still supervised and as they entered and we were giving each child the sabers, we did give a couple reminders that we aren't trying to do anything but play fight, and to be careful with the little ones (the guests were 5-6 years old, but there were four 2-3 year old siblings as well). Of course they "should" beat each other a little with the sabers. But we also had active games to play (a blind folded relay race carrying cotton balls from one side to another that we named "use the force", pin the saber on the jedi, a jedi training obstacle course, yoda says, and in between these things lots of playing on their own in the backyard. There weren't any issues at all (except my son said "liar!" to a kid and the kid cried, and we had to take a pause to handle the situation). They also got to take out any NORMAL childish tendency to beat people when my husband made a surprise guest appearance in a Darth Vadar costume we rented. They beat the heck out of him and had him rolling around begging for mercy, but again....the light sabers were styrofoam noodles. So what. Have fun.
I think parents should remember that children have energy and should be able to blow off steam, that's the point of the party. BUT keeping this in mind, parents should also have some planned activities to allow the children to do that in a safe environment where noone gets hurt, or preferably noone vomits. And obviously if we had seen someone sick, we would grab "back up" from the parents and call a pause to the chaos, redirect them away from the vomit, while someone gets some cleaning supplies asap. Because it's not only dangerous, but gross. And I hope the little girl's mother was there to give her comfort while it all went down. (ha) I really have never seen kids vomiting and it being left there until I was about 18 or so. :P
If things get out of control and it's not your party, you can pull your own child aside and use it as a teaching experience: "Ok son, see how it went from being normal fun to acting kinda crazy? Stay away from this, this is NOT how we behave inside, and when too many kids act crazy, someone will get hurt or mad. Nothing good can happen when things get this way". Either other parents will go "Oh yeah" and calm their children, or you can then say "Oy, see---someone just slid in puke. That's gross". (ha!)

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K.J.

answers from New York on

Well, it seems the parents were overwhelmed with all the birthday planning had to deal with... that is why I go to the high school, and hire two childcare provider students, and offer to write a evaluation for their services for their class. They provide the hands, eyes, ears, and legs, when I need them, I hire two people per the party area size, if it is outdoors, I hire up to four, and assigneach worker a certain number of tables to handle, they are younger and more agile than me, and I explian the party rules to them to enforce... One of the workers stays near me for switch off duty... If my friend has a special needs child, I even offer them a "respite day," by giving them a "worker," to handle their child, so they can relax, and enjoy themselves... However, I do require the attending parents to corral their children, since they set their own social rules for their family. however, if their child is out of control, I will ask the attending parent to take their child out, until, they can maintain social decorum, so that EVERYONE can enjoy the party. My friends know me, so they know, I will not tolerate anti-social behavior. I think these parents did not have any activities to entertain the children, and as an attendee, I have "saved," parents from party meltdowns, but, taking over an child activity, which brought some organization, because just like you, they are new to it, too! My first party was a mess, but, the kids had fun, because the parents helped me! The puch bowl table fell, and splashed everywhere! Luckily we were outside! One of the parents ran to the store and got me a replacement punch bowl, at home, and another made cooler punch with packages of kool-aid! We rotated the party to avoid the spill area. I think you needed to relax, and if it got to hectic, you could have used those nails to assist the parents, since we all have to learn... It seems your son was partiicpating in the ruckus, since he fell on the vomitus, which any parent should have cleaned up! The inclusion of music would have gotten the energy level down, if "someone," had made a dancing area for the kids. Being a parent means you need to learn how to relax, because as humans we do not have a pouch to carry our "joeys or jocelyns," we all have to learn how to let go, with supportive, creative ways to assist, rather than sit back, and assess... sorry, but, when it comes to parent-kid events, most parents think that it limits their ability to keep control of even their own kids... I just switched a paradigm, but, showing you that there were other ways to handle the event occurrences, whether good or bad, but, your son was included, thought it might not have been what you expected... Maybe, next time you could contact the parent offering the party, and ask, if there is any assistance you could provide at the event for them... That would keep the nervousness down, and while you are helping, you will have some control over the "safety issues," while remembering, the event is suppose to be fun! Besides, when was the last time you got hit with a balloon? Maybe, you should give one of your son, and both of you take turns being silly, hitting each other, as you laugh, remembering that being a prent, isn't always SOOOO serious, it is a journey teaching your offspring, that they are loved, cherished, supported, and allowed to experience life with a nervous Mother, praying that his or her wings work for that first flight... It seems you have a good beginning, because your son, was able to enjoy himself, oblivious to the "emergencies," you saw... Next time, stay, and help... Allow him to see "life," by what is expected and accepted socially, sometimes life isn't perfect... And having the cake is the most important part FOR A CHILD, you might not of cared, but, from his young eyes, this was a definite moment to give your adversial words or tears... You could have waited... Sorry, Mommy, having a boy means there will be the need for bandages, and unexpected things... including vomitus, things in orifices, and damaged bones, muscles, and skin... But, hitting with balloons, isn't dangerous, until they were eating them... Then, we have an issue...

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M.P.

answers from Portland on

I think I would've intervened before it got so out of control but at the same time I understand it wasn't your party and if you didn't know the people giving the party that could've been awkward. I've experienced what Lynn E. described. When on parents notices and brings the misbehavior to the other parent's attention everyone jumps in to calm things down.

I think it was quite reasonable to leave when your son slid in the girl's vomit. I think it's always alright to leave when you're uncomfortable with what is going on. I would suggest that it's best to say good bye to the host as a matter of manners.

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E.S.

answers from New York on

I'm sorry to read what you experienced, because a party is meant to be fun, not out of control rage. You are not over reacting or paranoid. Other than the planned magician, that kept the children's attention for an hour, it sounds like the rest of the unorganized, unstructured party was an inevitable prescription for disaster, which IS what happened! You are not getting too old just because you expected the children to behave with good manners instead of bad manners. This is a perfect example of why proper etiquette must be taught at home to little children at a very early age. Parents are SUPPOSED to teach their children right from wrong. If they are not corrected now with guidance, what will they become as they grow up? It sounds obvious that the adults at this party were negligent in fulfilling their roles as concerned parents towards their own children's safety at this birthday party.

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S.P.

answers from New York on

I'm not sure why, but I've found that parents these days are afraid to discipline their kids. I don't get it. No one gets involved anymore. They're more into chatting with other moms than in making sure that their kids are behaving. My solution to that problem is to monitor the friendships closely and invite only those who you know are well behaved. I had a situation last year where a little girl was so overbearing that I simply decided not to invite her this year. This year I kept it to a minimum of 4 girls. This way the party is manageable.

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M.T.

answers from New York on

I can understand kids chasing and bopping with balloons, but if it was out of control, someone should have stepped in to restore order, either the party parents or the parents of any kids who were getting too wild, if those parents were there. Sounds like too many kids and too few activities. I'd say to be choosy about what parties your child accepts invitations to. If he says he doesn't want to go, reply with a no thank you to the party parent. A rented hall usually means a big crowd. Stick with venue parties that will have specific activities planned and staff to keep order.

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