Newley Single & Trying to Keep It togeather...needing Support/advice

YOU CAN DO THIS!
and you are better without him. I do not know him or you of course. However, it sounds to me like he was not showing you, his wife, and your little boy, his son....the respect you deserve. he was torn away by other things that maybe he needs to get out of his system.
You deserve better for yourself and your son - I was a single mom for about 7 years....it is a tough balancing act. One huge lesson learned for me is don't let any job take too much time away from that precious son of yours
Good luck with your job hunt, stay true to yourself and prayer is always helpful!
M.

Here is a website that might help you because it gives alot of insight into how men think. I receive her free emails and look forward to reading them every time. Its www.datingwithoutdrama.com but not just for those of us who are dating!

It sounds like he wants to party and do whatever he wants, whenever he wants--his family is not his priority. He's 27 and needs to grow up.

He left you because your apartment wasn't clean enough? That's not the real reason, give me a break, can't he come up with something better than that? You have to move on; sometimes we don't get the answers we need.

I would suggest talking to a counselor, so you can decide what you want to do from here on out. If he does want to get back together, how would you handle it? If you just graduated from school, your school probably has counselors that you can talk to, or they can do a referral to someone free or low-cost.

In the meantime, I would definitely pursue child support.

I think I would stop talking to him like nothing happened, otherwise all of what has happened will continue to happen.

Having a child together stretches any couple in uncomfortable, unpredictable ways. Having said that, both parties have to be committed to making it all work out. It sounds like your son's father is not committed to his roles as a partner to you and son to his father. I know that's gotta be a hard pill to swallow, b/c he doesn't sound like a mean guy, and you say he's always been truthful. Well, just b/c he's fundamentally a nice guy doesn't mean you should keep any hope for a reconciliation. He's told you in actions and in words, that you're on your own. I agree with the other posters who recommended counseling for you, and to rally a support group around yourself and your son. It's not your job to fix your boyfriend's problems, or to anticipate forgiving him if/when he comes around; you have to make choices that are in the best interest of you and your son.

Boy! Right now you have to do what's right for you and your son. I went through this a LONG time ago. I knew I wouldn't be getting back together with him, and for us, that was for the best. I went away to college, with my son and moved on. It was a very hard time. Keep your thoughts going in that direction, everything about you and your son--no thoughts about "what if X comes back." Do whatever you can to improve your situation. Get help where you can. I got help from my parents and his family, and I'm still so grateful!

It's a big job, but you can do it!!

G.

Given to their own devices, men don't want to grow up. When my first was born, my husband hung out with his friends a lot. However prior to kid #1, he would go out with the possibility of not coming home because of alcohol. (He is English, and would never consider drinking and driving.) The first time he used the "I may not be home if we're drinking" line, I let him know that this was not acceptable. What if I called him with an emergency and he couldn't come. Sorry. If I have to grow up, so does he. With the addition of kid #2, he understood how much work it was because he actually was involved more.

As far as the cleaning, I have a friend whose husband is totally anal about how clean the house is. They have 4 kids and I know she gets totally frustrated with his expectations. He does help out though. If he is going to have those sort of expectations, than he should help out and not go out.

Okay, I know he is out already, and I just want to caution you on the whole on/off relationship because of the instability it offers your son. And you did not mention if he is planning to still be involved in your son's life even though he is gone. My friend is going through a messy custody thing right now, so I know how all-encompassing that can be.

The biggest thing I see here, is the thing that most couples have to deal with once the kids arrive. That is--not forgetting that you are a couple once you have to take on the needs of a kid. It's classic--the woman focuses on the needs of the new baby and the man doesn't know where he fits in, so he goes off and finds his own thing to do. Sometimes it's just hanging out with the guys, playing incessantly on his computer, hiding in his workshop, having an affair or whatever. It isn't the woman's fault. It's a problem of logistics. Everyone has to do their job, and communication is key.

Sorry if I rambled. Hope some of it helps. Good luck. Take care of yourself and your son above all else.