New Kids in the Neighborhood.......I Have No Idea Where They Are Coming From

I would send them all home for a few days. I would have them call their parents and you speak with them and tell them what the rules are and that you can't do this everyday all day long. You cannot be expected to watch all these kids. When they are hungry, send them home if they want something more than ice water. If young kids are out wandering around the streets for long periods of time, several days in a row I would call CPS and ask what should be done.

Chat them up. Found out an address and phone #. Ask if their parents know where they are.

As for food and such. Water should be offered. Don't want kids passing out on you. I just buy some bulk paper cups to use. As for food, I understand where you are coming from, but it is hard to see them waiting outside day after day.

Maybe suggest that they bring a lunch from home?
Get some bulk packs of cheese crackers of offer
Offer 1 slice jelly sandwiches? get a loaf of bread that is really inexpensive, like from the Dollar Tree (again, low cost) it tastes just like what's in the regular grocery stores.

I think it's perfectly reasonable to say, "I'm glad to see you, Lauren and Billy, but you can't play here all day unless you bring your parents over and I meet them first. It's one of the rules here now. Can you go get your mom and bring her back here?"

The children are not as aware as you are of the need you have to know their families, have emergency information about them, and set some boundaries. So you have to be the one to take the initiative.

If some of these children were to bring a bag lunch, is that all right with you? Why would they bring a lunch? Is it because nobody's home at their house, or because they don't want to go back home and have to clean their rooms instead of play that afternoon? You could always say instead, "Noon to two o'clock is not play time here. That's the time you go home to have lunch." If you're offering cold water and bathroom privileges, you're doing well. You're not running a day care operation, nor do you wish to.

Evidently you have a good thing going as far as the neighborhood children are concerned! But you do need to protect *yourself* in case of accident (much less the work involved), and you do need to know who the children are! Maybe their parents are wondering how to find who you are.

I remember wandering my neighborhood as a child, playing where the most fun was. But I think the families all knew one another. My mother would have had a fit if she really didn't know where I was! And it was perfectly reasonable to hear the mama of the house say, "That's all the playing for now - time for you to go home."

honestly if the kids come to YOUR lawn to play, send them home or have them call their parents so you can talk to them and have them come meet you or so forth, i would NOT want kids in my house when i do not know their parents and have no way of getting ahold of them

Wow, sounds like you are a fun mom!

To be honest, I am so bossy and straightforward, I would invite all of these parents over and give them a hand out with my rules.

1. Children are allowed to come over on such and such days.. from the hours of such and such time to such and such time.

2. I do not have enough money to feed the neighborhood, so I can provide tap water. Have your children come with a water bottle and their name written on it. If they get hungry, I will send them home so they can eat food you have provided.

3. I can not be responsible for children under the age of...

4. If I feel like there are too many children here or I cannot control or accommodate, children, I may send them home. Please leave me your contact information so I can call and let you know your child is on their way back home. If I do not have your contact information, I cannot allow your child to play at my home.

5. All children will abide by my riles of behavior. If I do not feel the child is following these rules or respecting my rules, they will be sent home and not be welcomed back until I have spoken with the parent and child in person.

And then stick with these expectations and rules.

This is your home. If there are days you do not feel up to all of the kids, send them home or give them a heads up the day or week before.

Heck you could start a summer camp.. you have enough experience at this point.

Is there anyone in the city you can contact to host some sort of activities at the local park or school throughout the summer? I remember the book mobile, I recall teen camp counselors that on certain days were in the parks with arts and crafts.. Or brought some sports equipment..

The fire dept would open up the fire hydrant.. They need to be tested anyway..

Communication, straightforward.. will help everyone.
This could be a ton of fun and a great way to bring your community together. Just make sure these other parents are on board..

I'd suggest the following:

- Know your limits. Do some free writing or take a hot bath and just simmer by yourself for a few minutes. What can you do with a free heart? Where and around what specifics do you begin to feel that tightening sensation in the chest?

- Then begin to formulate *internal* boundaries. These are just for you, to be clear with yourself about what you are and aren't willing to do. So far I've heard from you:
*You cannot provide food for the kids (I know you would if you could)
*You are willing to provide a safe hang out spot with supervision during certain hours
*You are not comfortable providing space for kids whose parents you have not met and do not have contact info/an address for (reaaaaaally reasonable)

- Make the rules be known for all. Use your community organizing skills around this one. Kids who you've not met until know speak with, (ex.) "Hi there, I'm glad you've come over to introduce yourselves and play. If you'd like to hang out here (as long as that IS something that's okay with you...27 kids is a lot...) I'll need your parents to come over and meet me first. It's important that I'm able to be responsible and this is how I get to do that (or whatever).

- It's okay to say no, or to say yes but only in between the hours of X:00am to X:00pm, or to say yes on Thursdays but not Mondays, you get the jist. It's awesome these kids have you and each other. The way they will get to really have you is by you making sure you've set limits that protect you from burn out.

Biggest hugs.

Perhaps you can have an open house and send a note home with the kids to invite their parents. They might show up and you can meet them. If they don't come don't let the kids stay. Take your kids in the backyard or stay in the house when they show up.

Plus, if you know for a fact these kids are not getting fed all day you have a responsibility to turn them in to child welfare. They could show up at your house and interview the kids there and take them to a shelter if they felt it was needed.

Considering you are liable if a child gets hurt on your premises you should have a rule that no children are allowed to play in your yard if you are not present, period. And look into the local Boys and Girls Club, the only real necessary cost is the membership card, it's $36 for the year and they do there best to offer scholarships. The kids can go there all day for free, they have all kinds of activities for the kids to participate in, and here in CA they feed them lunch for free through a federal program during the summer. Get brochures or make a flyer, send them home with the kids, and let everyone know you cannot have children hanging out at your home as you've done previously so you are letting them know they need to step up and make plans, you don't HAVE to accept the children as your responsibility.

Unfortunately you created this situation, so you're the one who will have to undo it. If you worry about hurting someone's feelings, you are stuck. God bless.

Federal Way Boys and Girls Club Main
30815 8th Ave. S
Federal Way, WA 98003

Phone: ###-###-####
Ask to speak to the Director, Shelley

www.fw.positiveplace.org
http://fw.positiveplace.org/join.html

Start doing study camps and they will all go away.

What I really wanted to say, is since they are there and you can't feed them, nor should you, at least put a pitcher of cold water out for them.

It is both fortunate and unfortunate. They have some place safe to go and are relatively staying out of trouble, however at your expense.

Well, you will always be remembered.

Dang woman! That IS alot of kids. I guess you can start a rule - you don't feed anyone on the outside your house. The only people who are allowed in your house are those you have given birth to or those YOU (not your kids) have invited in. Those you can feed and provide snacks for. I'd be nervous about someone getting injured on your property. if it were me, I'd make the back yard and inside the house off limits to those whose parents you have not met.

If kids whom I (and my child) didn't know were in my yard, I would immediately call them over, get out my cell phone and say they needed to call their parents, tell their parents where they are, and then I would get on the line to let the parents know that Sally and Jimmy are in my yard because they are friends of my neighbor kid Billy, whom I know and whose family I know, but I don't know you (the parents) or the kids. I would then say, (actually I personally wouldn't but you could say) that I'm fine with the kids being there and playing but (1) I have to have the parents' name and contact numbers for right now, (2) the kids need to be picked up by a parent at time X tonight; and (3) I want the parents to come by and meet me before their kids come over again.

If you really do like having all these kids around, that's great, but frankly I think you need to consider liability -- as someone else noted, you are liable if a child is hurt on your property -- and the fact that a stranger may not be as understanding as an acquaintance if her child is hurt at your house; your neighbors and their kids know you and have for a while, but some stranger whose child gets hurt at your place may not hesitate to go after you if something happens.

I know -- it's not great to think that way; we want to assume the best of people; and so on. But honestly, 27 kids, many of them unknown to you, and you the only adult present? That's not an adult-to-kid ratio that would be acceptable in many schools and camps, depending on the kids' ages.

And doesn't this casual arrangement to come over and play for hours and hours and hours (including what sounds like meal hours) cramp your family's style when it comes to eating when you want, going out on a errand, just going out at all? What if you need to leave and the yard is full of kids and you can't reach every parent (and how long will it take to make 15 to 27 phone calls?!) Do you usually shoo off the kids when you need to say, "I have to go out with my kids now, you all have to leave, see you later"? Do they actually depart or is there a chance they're going to just stay on your property unsupervised, which is asking for trouble?

The situation sounds pretty untenable to me. Even if you meet everyone's parents -- it seems you are being taken advantage of as free babysitting and the word has spread to families you don't even know.

The best defense for standing your ground, as you put it, may be to be off your ground entirely -- if you are not there and your kids are not there, there's nothing for the kids to come to visit. I'd be very busy all summer long. And when home, if I were not up for having kids over, I'd tell them, "Sorry, we're busy right now and this isn't a play day at our house. Time to call your mom and dad to come walk you home." With a smile but firmly. You really do have a potentially tough summer on your hands if you don't lay down the law like this right now.

I wouldn't feed them either. But I would offer water just. I would also go outside and call them over. Tell the ones you know that they can continue to play while you talk with the ones you don't. Tell them that although they may know the kids in your neighborhood that you don't know them. Tell them you don't know their parents and don't feel right with them playing in your yard til you have met their parents. I say meet them because they could have lazy older siblings sitting around the house who could easily answer the phone and discuss things with you as if they were the parent. By meeting the parents you avoid that issue.

I don't think you need to feel responsible for any of these children. If they are hungry or thirsty, they can go home. We have a cul-de-sac full of kids and on nice days they are all outside all day long and none of the other moms feel responsible to feed all of them when it's lunchtime. We just bring our own kids inside for a few minutes so they can eat. Then they can go play again in the child swarm outside. Occasionally I treat the kids to a little juice or popsicle in the summer or hot chocolate in the winter after sledding, but it's not all the time.

I agree that you should have contact numbers for the parents. I'd go out and ask them all for their first and last names and phone numbers, just to be safe.

Wow! That is an amazing lot of kids! I remember we had a friendly neighborhood growing up and so many ended up in our yard! I think it was because my mother was so friendly and laid back-- sounds a lot like you! She also was a single mother and the kids sometimes would hang out even when we were not there-- and things would get broken like our basketball backboard and hoop. Mom ended up feeding one family of kids often because their mom was not the best mom and didn't leave them much food. It was a hardship for us at times because we scrimped to get by. Your situation certainly seems to be getting out of hand with strangers who don't know much better and are drawn to the fun and friendship. I think setting limits is so hard, but key here! I wouldn't count on cooperation from all the stranger parents just because it sounds like they are not even cognizant of where their kids are in the first place, but getting an introduction is a start. I would be clear about my hours and maybe limit the number of kiddos. You could even hang a flag up on the front door. We had a neighbor who hung up a red flag for nap times or "unavailable times" and we knew to not knock or disturb the family. But the green flag was a go! Maybe a code of this same sort could effectively communicate this to the children. I wish you much luck! How lucky these kids have been to have you. You do need limits so that you can be you and have some balance in your life. Take care and best to you!

I would have either a before dinner or after dinner time frame for school nights for kids to play... what ever works best for you.

On weekends do it how you want as far as time frames. For me by 8pm all kids were gone.

I would put a note on the door that states unless my kids are outside playing please don't knock and ask for them. That will stop the door bell ringing non-stop.

For the kids you don't know... I would send home a note with them that states your name and number and address and just tell the parents that you need to have their permission in order for their kids to be at your house for any amount of time. I'm sure they would understand... and I would want to know where my kids were at!

No what ever you do do not start feeding any of them! Not even one time or it will quickly become habit. If they are at your house when its a meal time send them all home. Tell them to go home and grab something to eat and at X time they are welcome to come back over if they want. That will remind them to go home and eat :)

Good luck! For many summers and weekend before my kids became old enough to go to the park to play by themselves we also were the neighborhood home, everyone came out of the wood work and showed up to play. I have always had a strict play outside rule. They were allowed to get a drink of water or use the bathroom as long as it wasn't a constant flow of kids.

I understand & am in the same boat. I tell them they can not come back until They can bring who ever takes care of them with them to meet me. It's not fun to have to straighten people out. However it saves a little sanity.

As far as summer goes, are you saying all the working parents are leaving their kids home alone all day, so they get bored and come over to your house!? I would assume the younger ones would have sitters, and maybe some of the older ones will be doing camps, swim lessons, etc.
As far as random kids showing up, I'd be ok with it, to an extent. I mean, how long do you actually stay out front, about an hour or so at a time? I know that's all I could handle, lol! I would just be very firm about NOT letting them play on your property unsupervised, say, ok it's been fun but it's time for you to go home now, we're going inside.
And keep your snacks and lunches inside or out back as well. I wouldn't want to feed the whole neighborhood either!