DS just turned 5 in May, and suddenly he wants to meet friends in the neighborhood and play at their houses. This afternoon when we got out of the car, he went two houses down and started playing with the son that lives there, then went into their backyard.
The other problem is, I don't know any of these people in my neighborhood. What are the "rules" of letting your kids go play somewhere else? Do you just make them come to your house? I am having trouble finding a good medium here.
Thanks everyone for all the advice! They aren't home today,but I will go introduce myself and my son, everyone has great ideas. Someone asked how long we have lived here, we'll we have been here for 8 years, and yes don't know most of our neighbors. I know all the ones that their homes are right next to mine, but none of them have kids. Also, I live in UT, in a very LDS neighborhood, we aren't LDS and I suspect that plays a part in it.
I just wanted to let you know we have lived in my neighborhood for almost 4 years and don't know awhole lot of people either. But just get to know the parents and have the kids play at both houses. I am hoping that when my son starts 1st grade this next year he will meet more kids in the neighborhood he can play with. I wish you good luck.
Yeah, I'd have a play date, so that you can spend time with the parents and get to know them. And then you do whatever you're comfortable with. Or you can even have a weekly playdate - a set time that you go to a house, or a playground or something fun so that you can get to know a lot of the moms and kids. Have fun!
There's no rule. You just do what you are comfortable with. My kids only play at the houses/yards of people I know and like. Other kids may play in our yard if their parents give permission and the kids keep our rules. My kids are 6 and 4. They don't run through the neighborhood unattended. They get scolded or sent back in the house for leaving my eyesight. When they play at a friend's house, I know they are only playing in the yard of that friend and not running around the neighborhood because I know the moms and their rules. An adult or older child (like 11 or 12) walks them home. They get in trouble for crossing any streets that an adult or trusted older child doesn't first ok for them to cross. When they want to play with a new neighbor, I go over there with them and get to know the parents while the kids play. When we are outside and there are other neighborhood kids out, they are naturally going to want to meet up and run around. So depending on what I have to do outside, I choose a landmark, like a specific tree, stop sign, fence, driveway, etc. and tell them where they are allowed to go so that I and/or another trusted parent can still see them. There are registered sex offenders within a mile of my house. I need to know where my kids are. I imagine that eventually I will be more comfortable with them being outside unattended, but I don't feel that way now so I don't do it. Maybe when they're teenagers.
Hi,
First, I would go over and introduce myself and ask them if they mind your son playing at their house. Then you will get a "feel" for them and have names and faces.
Next, set down firm rules with your son.
*Do not go in the house
*Come home to eat, drink or use the bathroom
*If you are offered anything you must come home and check with parent first
*Do not leave the yard to go somewhere else without coming home and asking parent first
*Set a time to be home and let him know what happens if he is late
Finally, if you see them outside always speak to them(even if it is a quick hello), maybe even plan a cookout.
my kids are 14 (special needs), 10 and 7. We live on a cul-de-sac with 7 houses. The kids across the street go to school with my 2 youngest. They are allowed to play in the front but are NOT allowed to go into anyone's homes or up to anyone's cars and must stay at the end of the cul-de-sac where our home is. Last year was the first year we allowed them to play with "friends". And either my husband or I would sit in the front yard the whole time they were out there with these kids. Now we allow them to play in the front with these kids but we check on them about every 5-10 minutes.
LDS is a religion, latter day saints. It's sort of like saying I live in a all baptist neighborhood.
It's great that you have that concern about him because some parents don't even care.Keep up the good work.
I had the same concern about my child who is 7. My husband and I went over all the rules about being at someone elses house such as, always ask us if she wants to eat something over a friends house, about going inside the house she must let us meet the kid and also the family, and let us know if any one ask any personal questions( about us or our household, Ect.). This is very to me. If this is to much just have them come over and have popsickles so you can be at ease.
I hope this helps.
How long have you lived there? Why haven't you met the neighbors? Does your son know the kids from school? Go over with your son, meet the friends' parents and stay to talk for a bit. I wouldn't send my kids to a strangers house either, but my neighbors aren't strangers.
Kindergarten was when our son first had independent playdates. My rules are that I at least meet the mom first. So, in your case, I could go down the street and introduce yourself to the parent that's home. Always good then to start off by finding out if it's even ok that your son stays to play and you can leave your phone number. If you have any doubts about leaving him (they open the door and there's a gun display on the wall, the mom shows up to the door with a beer in her hand, etc.), you can always be general at first and then say you're sorry that he came over; he didn't realize you had plans and leave with him.
My best memories as a kid are running off to friends' homes to play. I would definitely encourage it.
what is an LDS neighborhood?
Go meet the other mom. Arrange a playdate at the park or somehwere neutral so you can get to know each other. Then you will know if you are comfortable having your child at their house. In my neighborhood we mostly all attend the same church so that helps get to know them. Plus we started playgroups as early as age 3.
Go introduce yourself to the parents. I wouldnt let my kids go to anybodies house or backyard without knowing the parents. It doesnt mean you need to be friends with them yourself but knowing who your kids are with would be important in my book.
Meet the other parents. Get to know them. Get a glimpse of what their rules are for kids playing together. I did daycare so my kids had friends and playdates and things well before 5. My daughter was outgoing, gregarious and very social. We moved a lot for a period of time with my husband getting transferred and I've never seen a kid in my life come home from her first day at a new school wanting me to meet this mom or that mom so she could play with her friends. They either came to my house or she went to theirs, but having such a social little daughter, I had no choice but to meet other moms and make friends myself.
Once you meet the other parents, you can discuss the backyard thing, etc. Some places we lived, the backyard was safer than the front yard or the backyard was where all the toys were.
It's good for kids to play together and your son obviously isn't shy. With summer coming up, he's going to want to play with kids so maybe you and the other parents can trade off with the kids being at one house or the other.
Introduce yourself! You might find you have some really nice people around you.
Best wishes.
I think you need to start meeting other families. Maybe you could approach the boy's mother that your daughter played with the other day and invite her son over to your house to play for a while. Surely she'll reciprocate soon enough and maybe you can just get in a routine. I think it's not a problem to let her go play at others' homes, as long as you know them. So start there! It's never out of style to show up with a muffin basket or a plate of cookies and introduce yourself.
well i live in a culdesac with kids that live 2 houses away. there is no traffic, only the people who live on my culdesac (only 7 houses on my street) but, i do know their parents....so might be a little different. my daughter is almost 8 and still has the same rules as when she was 5-6 (when i started allowing her to play outside).... no playing in the road, no going in anyones house/backyard, stay where i can see you. if i step in the front yard and say "jaiden!" she better be able to hear me and i better be able to see her. even now, i literally walk out of my house in my front yard every 5-10 min when she is playing outside and check on her. most of the time the kids are running up and down and on my front porch or in my yard as well so i see her anyway. i say, maybe go introduce yourself to this kids parents if your son and him are going to start playing together. i dont know about you, but .. my instincts are usually dead on. even the parents i know a couple houses down, my daughter is not allowed to go inside & play or spend the night there.
Great question! My parents "rule-of-thumb" was that they needed to meet the other parents before I could play w/o them there. In this case, I would walk down with your son and spend some time chatting up the other mother. She may appreciate that as well- she may want to know who her son is playing with!
I remember my parents inviting a few families over for a BBQ so that they could get to know one another. It was always nice b/c we had a group of kids to play with and then those were families we were allowed to hang out with.
We didn't have playdates before age 5 and always had ground rules- call when you get there; (older) call before you go to sleep; if something doesn't feel right, call; remember that our "house rules" apply in other people's homes (PG-13 movies, foods allowed, up too late, etc).
Our rule has always been that they must play where we can see them. So this is usually in the front yard. I would try to meet the parents of the other kids before you let them in the house or backyard.
My son started playing between 4 and 5 with neighbors.
My rules for neighbors are:
1.If my kids want to play with a neighbor in their house or backyard I have to meet the parents first, and go or look inside their house. I need the parents phone number as well.
2. My kids have to ask and then tell me who they are are going play with, they cannot go to one house and then decide to go to another house.
3. Only 4 kids allowed in my backyard at one time, and before they go there they get the rules and if they don't follow the rules, they go home.
4. Only 1 friend at a time is allowed in the house to play inside. Any toys brought out during their play must be put away before they can go home.
5. I give my son a time(the twins are only 3) to be home and he must tell the parent and be home at that time, or he will be grounded from his friends for a week.
The only rule I ever had was that I had to know the family at least a little. I just don't want my kids exposed to things I would be uncomfortable with. I say just go down and meet your neighbors so you know them and so you have a comfort level talking with them if need be. I also, like to limit time at other people's houses to an hour or so. I have always been more comfortable with kids being at our house anyways and I wouldn't want my child to be that kid that never goes home. = )
Good luck!
M.,
I remember this stage of unknown SO well!! And it happens again if you move... ;) I suggest getting to know the kids AND their parents quick. Summer is upon you and it is hard to be a trapped kid in the house with (shocker!) MOM! ;) It is great to take turns with the other moms in the neighborhood... this could result in spectacular things for you! Like a sitter while you go grocery shopping or a date with the hubby! But I would definitely go meet and greet. If you feel uncomfortable there with the parents then I wouldn't let your son go play there.... but maybe invite the other child to come over to your place... see how that goes. Your mommy-gut-instincts will tell you what is best for YOUR child.
Have fun with this new adventure!!!
V.
Invite them over for a cook-out, that way you get to meet the parents, and you get to watch how they are with their kids and how the kids play together. You can also set up ground rules with the other parents... like when is the best time of day for visitors, what things the kids can or can't eat, and most importantly how discipline will be with eachothers children.
Friends are great, enjoy as many of them as you can!
