First Nice Day, and We Have a Houseful of Kids here....need Advice

When it gets to the toy point, I would just state that playtime is over. And that's that. Son might not be happy with you but he'll live. On the food/pool point, yes - if these kids are over all the time and the parent's comment on what you give them, for anything have them go home and ask their mom! And thirdly, do try and initiate playdates with the other boys. If no one offers up, then maybe limit the time the other children are over.

When the neighbors children come over you should try and leave out the toy or games where all the children can get involved. For example: Break the Ice, Barrel of Monkies or chalk for outside this summer. As far as what you may or may not think the children are allowed to do you should chat with there Mothers and touch base a little. That way you will have an idea of whats ok and whats not.

Lynn,
You've gotten a ton of good advice so I'll just add that I only feed kids when they've asked to play with my kids or we've set up an actual playdate - anytime they are in front of my house and say they are hungry/thirsty, I say - your house is right there, go get something to eat. On the toy thing, I tell the older boys that they came over to play with Kyle and if they can't play this together we can find something else they can play. Like the others said, my rules are my rules. If you're at my house, follow them or you're free to go home. None of the kids have chosen to go home - they just need to know the rules. Good Luck!
LacyLyn

My first piece of advice is - those other boys are too old for your son - he needs some 4,5, & 6 year olds to play with. Secondly, we have a pool and I have figured out THE way to keep the kids from constantly asking to come in (which therefore means I have to be responsible for them!). I tell each child and my children tell them as well, that no child is allowed in the pool without their own parent watching them. So, if I am in the mood to have people over (sometimes I am sometimes not!), that is the answer they get. This can be use with the trampoline as well. It's not fair that the parent with the fun toys has to be responsible for all the kids. And believe me, a pool and a trampoline - HUGE liabilities if someone gets hurt!
Lastly, put a time limit on it....if you do come with a parent, we'll be having swim time from 1 -2:30 and that's it. I even pick a day once monthly during the summer where everyone is invited over (with their parents) from 12 - 2:30 - we each have a sack lunch and a little snack to share - it turns out to be a blast!
Sorry this was so long - but I sure hope it helps! K.

honey, been there, it is good to know where your kids are but i am with you. I am the type you have to bring mea note from home with what you and and can't do at someone elses house and a phone # so that the parent even knows they are there. also about the tramoline be careful if one gets hurt you can get sued. as for the kids just coming to play with his toys thin out the kids if they are not playing with him get them out of there.

Hi Lynn,
I have that a bit at my house too. I limit what the kids can play with if it seems that they are ignoring one child or another. Otherwise it is hard to force them to engage with each other and the age difference does make a difference at times.
About the questions, I would ask the parents all the questions at once on a phone conversation if you never see them. They say that it builds self esteem to have kids come to your house. But you do want so reciprocation. So I hope some parents do ask your son back to their house too.

First of all, I can't imagine sending my child over to anyone's house without asking permission! We were the house on our block that all the kids hung out at, so I've had some experience. If we felt that the kids were more interested in our toys than in spending time with us, those toys went up. Period. If they still wanted to play, great. If not, they found something else to do. As for the requests, I'd be calling the parents directly. If you send them home to ask and they come back with an answer, you don't really know that it IS the parent's answer you're getting! I know that you don't want to spend all day on the phone discussing grapes or pool time, but at least you'd know from a parent for certain! Good luck and I hope you and the kids have a great spring and summer.

Bless you! I had what I called the "Cool-aide" home, when my children were at home(I'm an empty-nester w/9grandchildren). You need to connect w/ the parents, let them know what you expect when their children visit your home. And only nurture those friendships (yours and your childs) that make you feel comfortable and be congenial to those who don't. Make a few simple house rules. And, try to think ahead on those days to have some structure to their visits when there are more than a one on one situation. Like plan to do crafts together, art, or guess the name of that song. Pool time should be limited to a certain day and limited time when you can have a volunteer parent or two to give undivided attention to swimmers! I went to the library(no internet at the time)and, found activities that related to what my children like to do and when their friends came over not all the time, but,atleast once in awhile we made my daughter's favorite no-bake cookies, I let each child have a part in making the cookies. Another time, I made homemade play dough, divded it up to give an equal portion. The fun came in with the food coloring, my son loves art, he and his friends played for hours mixing small amounts of food color and came up with about 16 different colors, then got the idea to use little pinches on a piece of wood to make a picture that they gave to me! And, I taught my kids that if they were to have company over they were to do the things with their guests that the guest would like to do. And, showed them how to share some of the things that they would like to do with their friends. I hope this helps. Good luck!

TAKE CHARGE. I never worry about being "liked" by others' kids. I treat all the kids as I do my own. If they are being inconsiderate or rude, I tell them so.

If they ask for a snack, I say "you had a snack here yesterday, go to your house and bring back juice boxes for everyone". That saves me from forking out food for the masses each day, and gives a hint to the other moms that they should be participating in the neighborhood gatherings.

I have even had a kid call home and ask his mom if all the kids could come to their house for lunch. We all need to share the burden. I have sent individual kids home if thye are out of control. "Jimmy, it's time for you to go". No apologies, no regrets. We don't need the negative influence.

If you don't want them using your kids for their toys, put the toys away, or shoo them outside. You are the boss in your home, and don't be intimidated by the kids or their parents. If the parents have an issue, they should have been talking to you beforehand anyway. Most moms I know are very thankful to me for having their kids over all the time, that they are eager to return the favor.

Just say "no" to rude behavior, kids and adults.

When the boys start to ignore your son, then it is time for them to leave. They are using him and he's not old enough to realize it. You just need to say something like "okay boys, I have a whole bunch to do and I need to start cleaning up. I'm going to have to ask you to go home now". When you little one complains, just send him out of the room and then explain later that you needed to get some things done. Period.

And yes, you need to send them to get permission for everything...first and foremost a phone number for each of these children that are frequenting your house. Every time they want to eat something, do something, or come in...you need to call their parent and in a chipper voice say:

Just wanted to let you know that so-and-so is at my house in case you need to get him for whatever reason.

Then if they want to eat something...call and ask if they can or send them if that's better with a note...you don't want to feed something to someone and have an allergic reaction at your house.

And yes, if they want to swim...then send them with a note to ask permission and to get a suit on.

After awhile they might start to call you first...even offer your number in case they need to call. I think it is rather irresponsible of a parent to let their children wonder aimlessly these days and go into someone's house that they don't even really know.

After a few calls and notes sent home maybe they will get the hint that you are a responsible mother and will start being a little more considerate of you and your child.

Hi,

Its a tough one... but I think sometimes when they come over you just have to say now is not a good time for us.. maybe we can get together another time. Or maybe you could talk to the other moms so that maybe your son could go over to THEIR house once in a while. He needs a change of scene too! And you need a break as well. If the other moms are not receptive to the idea, then you need to start cutting back on the visits from neighborhood kids and hopefully the moms will get hint. Now that its getting nice, try head out to the park and maybe you will meet moms with kids your son's age and you guys can take turns having playdates at each other's houses.

Good luck.
Aarti.

We love having the neighborhood kids over at our house! There is a core group that plays together all ages, and I just tell them 'no one is excluded and we are all kind at my house' I even hear the kids telling other kids that when they are outside playing and a squabble arises. There are squabbles and they either work it out or tell me. If I am told I talk to them, tell them what I expect and warn them then if it doesn't resolve I start sending people home for the day. I tell them "today is just not working out, and I know you don't want to talk to/ treat your friends that way so it's time to go." I always end it with "we will see you tomorrow" because they are welcome to come back. If someone is ignoring your son just say "Jim is talking to you Billy, don't you hear him." Sometimes they just need to hear the expectations. If a kid is just shooting hoops in my driveway while the others are playing a game or tag or jump rope. Who cares? They are not hurting anyone and kudos to them for being a leader and not a follower. As long as the kid doesn't say you can not play, I am okay with that.

The food: I always feed whoever is here at lunchtime. I do have them call their mom to make sure it is okay, sometimes the mom will say no, come home for lunch and sometimes they say it's fine. I make kool aid, or sometimes just put put a pitcher of water and a bunch of cups. It is hot and they need to stay hydrated. In the grand scheme knowing that they are safe and having fun is worth more to me than the $2.00 box of cheez-its.

I hope this helps, and at the end of the day your kids have had fun so what more can you ask for? Good Luck! I can't wait to see your follow up!

I had a similar situation in my old neigborhood;the older kids were over playing with my kid and his toys, and there was no other adult supervision or offer of it, even though some of those kids were still young. You have become the neighborhood babysitter! Lucky you! I was thrilled at first but then it became sometimes problematic. I even had one couple say they were going off to the grocery store and can we let our kids stay there; I said sure and they weren't back for hours! At that point I started feeling abused.
You should, a) set some limits and, b) talk to all the parents. You can call them individually and ask them any questions you have (yeah the snacking thing can get way out of hand) and also let them know that you would apprecitate some reciprocation, (hey let's take turn watching the kids when they're playing outside or whatever)and also that in some cases if the kids are too old that maybe they aren't here to really play with your kid.
The good thing is it's great to have an old school type group of neighborhood kids. Yes, there will be squabbles. The bad news is you may be the only parent who thinks supervision is necessary as long as there are some older kids around. SO you will have to do what is right for you, but set your limits. I found that the reason I was doing all the supervising was because the other parents were fine without it, but my kid was still quite little, and I think I had somewhat different parenting ideas as well. Good luck to you.

hehehe....
Lynn, when I first moved into my house, I had the same thing happen, the neighborhood kids would come over ALOT! Playing outside was the limit, until I met their parents. If the parents didn't come to me after a few times, I would go over and introduce myself, and say, "I just thought I'd introduce myself so that you knew that your kids were safe at my house." I guess I am a bit strange, but my kids aren't allowed to go to anyones house if I haven't met their parents. Too darn many weirdos out there. The trampoline is a huge safty issue. Remember that many people are 'suit happy' and if you haven't heard from the parents that it is ok for their child to jump, I sure would be leary of allowing it. Of course, that is just my two cents.

Lynn, depending on where we've lived and who our neighbors are I've had similar situations. My first suggestion would be to initiate some planned play dates with some of your son's friends who are the same age. Such as a friend from school who can over to play. If he has a friend over and one of the older neighbor children come over to play, state that your son can not play as he has so-and-so over right now. This will give your son an opportunity to pick his playmates and have time with another child who wants to be with him, giving him an opportunity to learn some of the social skills As for the food, I always kept freeze-pops on hand and that was the ONLY food I would offer to neighbor kids. They're cheap and perfect for a hot summer day. I allow them to eat as many as they want, within reason, and say that was all I had. I hope this helps. I know that being the house where everyone gathers is good so you know first-hand what's going on, but it doesn't come without headaches. ~L.

Hi Lynn, reading your request is so much my own story! We too,
are the house everyone wants to play at. my problem is that
my kids are 4, 7 and 9. the kids coming over are 10 -12 years
old. and they take over the trampoline and my kids sit out
and watch. It came down to me putting locks on fence gates
just so all the kids (sometimes 7 at a time) cant just come
in when they see my kids out there. I have never been approached or even met any of their parents. they stay here
until I ask them to leave. Never has a parent checked up on
them or asked me if it was ok. I find myself being the
one handing out snacks and drinks on a daily basis. Now that
the nice weather has finally come, I dread the rest of the summer because of this. I too, could use some advice. let me
know if you get any inspiring advice on how to handle this
situation! hope you get some!!! L. T.

I haven't dealt with this issue, but my sister did. She would put a big green circle in her window when kids could come play and big red circle if it was not okay. She would have kids ringing her doorbell at 8:00 am or worse just going in their backyard to play without her own kids! You can't always blame the kids, but you have to wonder about the parents. I hope you at least know the parents of these kids (my sister did). As for snacks and lunch I would either send the kids home or have them bring their own food, if this is a daily thing. I don't mind feeding other kids as long as I know I'm going to be feeding other kids & that it is okay with their moms. What if a kid has a food allergy? Let the kids know the rules of your home and don't be afraid to enforce them otherwise these kids will take over. Sounds like you have a pool, I don't - so I don't know how I would handle that. But as a mom letting my child at someone else's home I would want to know & give my permission if they are going in the pool. Good luck, sounds like you will be having a fun summer!

BEEN THERE!
Help your son cultivate friendships with boys his own age by setting up playdates with his classmates. Lay down the rules with guests. In my experience the disrespectful or wild boys found other places to hang out because my rules were too restricting.

Been there, done that. My children are now in middle school, but when they were younger, my house was the place. I, too, am a stay-at-home mom and I quickly figured out the battle between the working moms and the stay-at-home moms. They thought since I stayed at home, I wasn't busy and could watch their kids while they (so much more important) got there stuff done. I was taken advantage of badly. Those kids today, are not my kids friends, and still aren't all that nice to my kids. I would never try to "pick" my kids friends, but I did offer guidance. There was more than one occassion when I sent children home for their behavior (mainly towards my kids), or for breaking rules. As for the pool and trampoline, we have both in our neighborhood, and they are always a point of frustration. Some kids get invited, some don't. If my child does get invited, I make sure the mother is going to watch. I will not go "lifeguard" for her. If you have a pool, you have invited a huge liability into your yard and neighborhood, and you must be responsible. I can say with most certainty that most of your neighbors would prefer the pool NOT be there. I trust you have an umbrella insurance policy to cover all the yard toys. If not, you had better get one. We have one for our rainbow play system just to cover potential law suits. Good luck.

We have lived on the same block now for 10yrs. and my son is 12yrs old. Up until last summer, all of the kids on the block were boys. Now there are three girls too. They now range in age from 8yrs up to 17yrs. We live right in the middle of the block, and have the basketball hoop, so the kids have mostly always been in our yard as well. The first of Spring is always rough! We go through a definite transition from them not being together all winter (my son is home schooled), and there may be new kids as well, which will always change the dynamic. Over the years it has amazed me how I am the only parent who is out there giving any sort of supervision. We live on a street where the kids actually play IN the street. As they get older, they are used to it and the local traffic is aware of the kids out there. There has never been a "close call" with that, but I still feel the need to give some supervision! So I am the one to mediate the squabbles/poor sportsmanship/scraped knees/cliques forming etc. As well as the snack and activity issue that you are having. I have assumed that since they are in our yard (or our section of the street!) that our rules apply. Every spring, we have to lay them out again. Rules like the kind of language that is/is not permitted, subjects that are not allowed to be discussed etc. As well as the rule that everyone is included in whatever they are playing, as long as they WANT to be included. No excluding anyone. And yes, I would send them home each time you feel you need their parent's permission for something. You are not their babysitter... you have been given no authority over them, and you wouldn't know if they have other issues to be aware of. Plus, if they are constantly coming in the door to ask their mom for something, maybe that would give her a clue that she needs to come out and join in! If you do have relationships with the other moms, I would definitely suggest having a neighborhood pow-wow so you can all be on the same page with these issues, no matter whose house the kids are playing at. But I've never been shy about sending a kid home if they are unresponsive to my rules, or if they are disrespectful to me. We usually don't have issues with that now. But hang in there! When I would get sick of always having to be the one out there, I would have to remind myself that it's GOOD that they want to be at our house. I would rather know what they are doing/talking about/being influenced by, than not know. Good luck!!
J.